Burger Wuss (15 page)

“Anthony,” said my mother. She took a deep breath, and let it all out. Her cheeks inflated when she sighed. “We heard about Diana.”

I felt a quick sense of panic. “Heard what about her?”

“That she . . . Anthony, you know.”

“How she . . . ,” said my father. He waved his hand in the air.

My mother consulted her pad. “Someone named Turner? At a party?”

“She . . . ,” said my father. He waved his hand more.

My mother said, “There was chemistry between them?”

I stood up. “Who told you?”

“That doesn’t matter, Anthony,” said my mother, putting out her arms. “Oh, my little baby. I hate to see you hurt inside.”

“It does matter.”

“Anthony,” said my father, rising to his feet. “There’s nothing as bad as losing a woman you love.”

My mother said, “I think it’s about time for a family hug.”

“Who told you about this?” I demanded. My mother and father were intertwining, holding out their arms to me. My mother tried to take me by the upper arm.

“Don’t touch me! Stop!” I shook them off.

“Anthony,” said my mother, “you can’t let it bother you just because Diana fooled around with some jerk.”

“This is none of —”

“Mrs. Gravitz told us, honey. I guess she overheard some things.”

My father said, “By God, Anthony, I know how it is to lose a good woman.” For a minute, he just sucked on his teeth. He shook his head. “Anthony, if she left you, she just wasn’t worthy of you.”

“That’s not true,” I said. “That’s just not true.”

“We thought she was pretty special, too,” said my mother, nodding. “But sometimes you can be wrong about a person.”

“You’ll get over this sooner than you expect,” said my father. “This is what the teenage years are all about. It may seem like a disaster right now. But Anthony, remember: There are always other fish in the sea.”

“Thanks, Pop. That sounds like a great dating option.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I’ll just fill the car with brine and cruise.”

“There’s no need to be sarcastic with your father.”

“This is none of your business.”

“Stop fighting us,” said my mother, smoothing the hairs on my arm with her hand. “Let the grieving process start.”

“It sounds like Diana was a little fast for you,” said my father. “It’s too bad, because I liked that girl. I liked that girl a whole heap of a lot.”

I pulled my arm away. “This is none of your business!”

“Come on, Anthony,” said my mother. “Let’s make a cup of cocoa and some cookies together. It will be just like old times.”

“It’s the — it’s — it’s the middle of the summer!” I spluttered. “I will not have any cocoa! This is none of your —!”

I ran out the door.

I hated him. Turner. I hated him for all the shame. I hated him for what people thought. What people knew. I
hated him because he’d taken her away. I walked through the ’burbs. It looked like rain. I walked all the way to the car park where we’d had our picnic.

I started the walk up and down. I walked in circles. I walked through the levels. I saw the rain start in the air shaft. I saw it speckle the pavement on the top level. It made the tarmac smell hot and dusty.

I walked until late in the night. The rain was quiet, as if healing. I went to a phone. I dialed a number. It was Burger Queen.

“Hello,” I said. “This is a friend.” Through the phone, I heard the rattle of trays. In a voice low and strange, I said, “I have some information about your troll.”

I
hid behind a tree. I was not close to the fire.

There were three stumps around me. All of them were big with moss. My knee pressed into one of them. The moss was cool and wet. I worried about what might be slithering there. Bugs love to live in moss.

The tree was a beech. My fingers curled around it. They kept me steady. I was squatting. No one could see me.

Shunt and I had finished our secret errand. Everything was in place. Tonight was the night. The Plan would bear fruit. Stage three. Everything was perfect. When we had finished preparing, Shunt had gone and joined the party. I had to wait. We wanted to throw people off the scent by arriving separately.

Music came from the top of Party Hill. People were shouting at each other and laughing. I didn’t recognize the music. It had a lush guitar sound. It wasn’t bad. Somewhere up there, there was a keg, maybe two. I
could see the flames of the bonfire. Quick, dark shapes threw themselves around the fire, between the tangle of boughs.

Below, I could see the pond reflecting the black outline of the forest. Above, I could see the hills that started a few miles north, rising to the mountains in the next state. There was a dim, sick haze where the strip malls lay.

It had been about fifteen minutes. Time for me to go up.

I walked casually up the path.

The party was in full swing. People were sitting on logs. People were sloshing beer around in cups. Turner manned the keg. A few guys and a girl stood next to the CD player, pointing to different CDs, bickering. They couldn’t agree on what to play. I recognized almost everyone from O’Dermott’s. Jenn and Rick were by the fire, both with beers. They waved. I saw Stacey, Turner’s girlfriend, standing to one side of them, looking out of place.

I went over to them. A plan about Stacey was forming itself in my head. I thought it was important to impress her.

“Hey, guys,” I said, to Rick and Jenn.

“Hi, Anthony.”

“Hey.”

There was a silence. We looked at each other expectantly. We had run out of things to say.

“So,” Rick tried. “I brought my brother along tonight.”

“Good. Great.”

“I thought it might be fun for him.”

We looked around for Rick’s brother. We finally saw
him near two kissing couples. Their backs were brushing him. He was standing with both hands over his face, trembling.

“Oh,” said Rick, without much enthusiasm. “There he is over there.”

There was another awkward silence. I worried that Stacey was listening. We stood and looked at the fire. It had been made of lots of broken boughs, the remains of a go-cart, and charcoal.

“That’s a big fire,” I said, not knowing what else to say. Jenn and Rick were in their own little love-continent.

“They started it with gasoline,” said Jenn.

“There was a big old explosion.”

“I thought they were going to take out some owls.”

“It looked like something from hell.”

Jenn raised her finger. “Smokey the Bear says,” and they both recited in furry voices, “‘Only you can prevent forest fires.’”

From there they moved on to, “Give a hoot! Don’t pollute!” and for a little bit we made up our own. “Don’t leave a log! Just curb your dog!” “Please, boys and girls. Don’t bite our squirrels.” “Psychos and townies! Don’t bury Brownies!” and so on.

I happened to glance at Stacey. She was smiling.

“Sorry for listening in,” she said.

“Uh, no,” I said, smiling widely, trying to think up something to say. “No, that’s, well, fine.”

We all stared at the fire. The burning go-cart had been steered by means of a cable.

“Where’s Turner?” I asked Stacey, knowing the
answer. “Oh, over there near the keg. Didn’t he introduce you to anyone?”

She shook her head. “Nope. He figured I could meet people myself.”

“I just cannot believe he left you alone,” I said, shaking my head. “That’s a damn shame. I certainly wouldn’t have.”

Rick cleared his throat to one side of me.

Stacey smiled a secret smile at me.

Okay,
I thought.
I am on the way to paying Turner back. This would be the icing on the cake. Above and beyond the Plan. An extra bonus. So keep up the charm.

“Your hair always looks so complicated,” I said.

“Is that a nice thing to say?”

“How do you make hair that complicated?”

“It takes a while.”

“Do you use rivets?”

She looked at me like I was insane. Rick and Jenn excused themselves.

Rick said, “Niffer and I are going over to get some more beer.” He pointed at Jenn when he said “Niffer.”

“We really want to drink,” said Jenn.

“We’re going for twerped.”

They walked off arm-in-arm, giggling. I could tell they were giggling about the fact I was flirting with Stacey.

“They’re so cute,” I said.

“Eeuw,” she said.

“You should have met them before the lobotomies.”

She laughed a little. “You’re not really normal, are you?” she said.

I hesitated. “How would you like me to answer that question?”

“You’re working too hard,” she said. “Just try and be like normal.”

“What will happen if I’m normal enough?” I raised my eyebrows.

“See? That’s sleazy. Try again. Like try asking me where I’m from.”

I asked her. She said Chester. This was going swimmingly. She asked where I was from. I said Billingston.

“Now talk about the towns,” she said. “Billingston’s pretty nice.”

“Yeah,” I said, shrugging. “It’s okay. It’s kind of boring.”

“Chester’s wicked boring.”

“More boring than Billingston?”

“Chester’s farther from the city.”

“Yeah,” I said. “But you have the mall.”

“See?” she said, patting me on the shoulder. “Now we’re having like this completely normal conversation.”

“Can I stop for a question?”

“Yeah. Shoot.”

“Is Turner going to strip the skin off my body for talking to you?”

“There you go off the like — you’re off the deep end again. And I don’t care what Turner does.”

“I do. He can hurt a person.”

“Look, can I talk to you? Completely serious?” She glanced at Turner. He was in a T-shirt, still dishing out the beer.

“Sure. I mean — sure.”

“Really. No jokes.”

“No jokes.”

“I know you’re Turner’s friend, but you know he can be a real jerk?”

I nodded in deep understanding. “It must be difficult for you, Stacey.”

“I said lay off it. Here’s the thing: I heard some rumor earlier tonight.”

“What’s that?”

“I heard he’d made it or at least fooled around with some burger bitch. That true?”

I felt myself blushing. “There was — who do you — I mean —”

“It’s true, isn’t it? Some party last month? She held the pickle, held the lettuce?”

“Well . . . that’s . . . that’s a Burger Queen slogan,” I corrected.

“Look. You may be his friend, but I deserve to know.”

I nodded. I pressed my hands together, palm to palm. “Yeah,” I said. “He fooled around with someone.”

Stacey twisted up her mouth. She looked around the ring of fire. People were standing. People were slipping. People were slumped near each other. A few were dancing. Turner was shouting at the music people. He had musical suggestions.

“Okay,” said Stacey. “Which one of them? Tell me which one.”

“None of them here.”

“Come on. Point her out to me.”

“She’s not here. I’m telling you.”

“You think I’m gonna believe that?”

“It’s the truth. Turner was so mean to her afterward she quit.”

“Quit completely?”

“Yeah. She was completely . . .” I didn’t have anything else to say. I didn’t want to tell Stacey that the burger bitch had been my girlfriend. I didn’t want her to know Turner had taken Diana away from me. I didn’t want to look like a loser.

She searched my face, waiting.

I pointed at the air, where the music was. “Meatloaf,” I said. “The
Bat Out of Hell
album. I bet it’s been a really long time since that last echoed through these woods.”

“Unfortunately not,” she said, crossing her arms and throwing herself back against a tree. “It’s Turner’s favorite.”

He was coming over. He had a big, uneven grin on his face. I stepped back from her. She noticed him coming. She straightened up. She touched her hair.

“Got to go,” I said.

Turner tossed back some beer. He filled his cheeks with it. His cheeks grew and shrank as he squirted the beer in and out of his teeth. He tossed his plastic cup into the woods. There was an arc of yellow beer behind it, shining in the firelight.

He was beside us. “Talking to Little Miss Wussy?” he said.

“He’s more interesting than you,” she said, touching her clothes to make sure they hung right.

“Interesting isn’t everything. Could I have this dance, lady?”

I backed out. Some guys in untucked plaid ran past me. Turner and Stacey were clasping hands. I went to talk to Shunt.

He was perched on a log like a gargoyle.

“Shunt,” I said.

“So far, so good.”

“Any time now,” I said.

He grinned. “They won’t know what hit ’em.”

I wanted to talk more about the Plan, but we couldn’t. Some girls came over. We had to shoot the breeze. The girls ate hotdogs they’d burned on the fire. Turner and Stacey were dancing. Jenn and Rick were playing finger games and drinking as fast as they could. People ran into each other. Guys and girls made out in the dirt. Rick’s brother wandered among them gently. He surveyed each of their faces like an alien trying to understand lilies. Their faces were streaked. He watched their hands scrape through each other’s hair. The guys had to stop and shift their pants. Shunt was talking to the girls about O’Dermott’s meat suppliers. He took the hotdogs out of the girls’ hands and made the hotdogs into toys. The hotdogs snorted and squealed and kissed one another.