Burn for You (40 page)

But seeing the evidence of his injuries wasn’t the worst part. It was the stillness that unnerved her. He was like a statue. Nick was right. He was in no state for surprises.

Still standing just outside the curtain, she said his name softly. “Jason?”

At the sound of her voice, the statue came to life, and he pressed the heel of his good hand into his sternum and rubbed, as if he was trying to ease a sharp pain in his chest.

She took one step inside the curtain. “Jason.”

He didn’t look at her. Instead, he continued to press his hand into his chest and closed his eyes.

Afraid to move, she stayed on the periphery of the room. “Jason, honey, I’m right here.”

He wept.

It started with a shaking of his shoulders and then the soft, ragged breath sounds of his sobs until his whole body shook in anguish.

Victoria’s heart broke. She wanted to go to him. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and hold him tight, but something stopped her. Something about the way he’d not yet acknowledged her warned her not to make any sudden moves.

He laid back on the gurney, putting one knee up and covering his face with his bandaged arm. “Talk to me, Victoria.” His voice was so hoarse it sounded as if it would be painful to speak. “If insanity means I can hear your voice, I’ll take it. I’ll take it.” Tears streamed from his tightly closed eyes. “Toria,” he whispered. “Please, talk to me.”

“Jason…” Words failed her as tears raced down her cheeks. Nothing could be more painful than seeing him so devastated.

“I love you, Victoria.” He moved his bandaged arm above his head on the pillow, uncovering his face while he made his confession to the ceiling. “I wanted to tell you so many times. It’s so stupid, but I thought if I said it, I’d lose you.”

Unable to stay away, she dropped to her knees next to his gurney, but he didn’t spare her a glance, too caught up in his supplication to her ghost.

“But this is so much worse,” he whispered. “Tell me you knew it anyway. Tell me you knew I loved you. Please…”

“Jason, you can tell me now. I’m here, Jase. I’m right here.” She rose up and leaned over the bed, nuzzling her wet cheek against his. At her touch, his entire body went rigid.

“I’m okay,” she whispered in his ear. “I wasn’t in the ambulance when it blew up. I’m all right.”

He’d stopped breathing, and she withdrew just enough to see his face. Frantically, his blue eyes searched hers and his left hand came up to touch her cheek. “Is this real?” he asked, his voice breaking.

Placing her hand over his and holding it to her face, she smiled through her tears. “Yes, it’s very real. I’m here. And I love you.”

“Oh, my God.” He pulled her onto the gurney with him, hugging her close. “I love you,” he said with what was left of his voice. “I love you so much.”

He kissed her then, with his injured hand in her hair and their legs tangled together on the hospital bed. Neither of them could catch their breath between the kissing and the crying. It was the clumsiest, messiest, most awkward kiss of her life.

It was also the most perfect.

Noses touching, he smoothed her hair back with his bandaged hand. “It’s a miracle. You’re my miracle.”

“That’s funny,” she said. “Because I thought you were mine.”

Epilogue

Eleven months and some-odd days later…

Wait. What did two pink stripes mean again? Victoria grabbed the instructions with trembling hands.

Pregnant.

She put her hand to her stomach—a stomach that hadn’t been real happy with her lately. A baby was growing inside there. Jason’s baby.

Pure happiness welled up inside, bringing tears to her eyes. He would make such an amazing father.

In the time they’d been together, Victoria’s family had foisted themselves on Jason with a persistence that at turns amused and overwhelmed him. He was brought into the fold and doted on by her mother, respected by her father and brothers, and adored by her nieces and nephews.

That’s how she knew he’d make a wonderful dad.

Initially, he’d been noticeably uncomfortable around the gaggle of kids present at every family gathering. But one Sunday, she’d found him patiently teaching her eight-year-old nephew how to play chess in her parents’ living room. Some of the older kids gathered around, and he explained how each piece moved and showed them a few opening moves. He gained a loyal following after that and created a chess monster in her nephew—her nephew who hated sports and, until discovering chess, had few things that made him proud and excited.

“Eight’s kind of young to learn chess, isn’t it?” Victoria had asked. “But he picked up so fast.”

Jason shrugged. “Luke taught me when I was eight.”

“And was he as patient as you were just then?”

He smiled. “Yeah, he was great.”

Maybe when she told him the news, she’d do it with a chess set. A gift for him and their future chess player.

She just hoped he didn’t freak out.

They weren’t married. Had never even really seriously discussed marriage either. The beginning of their relationship had been so delicate—a game of one step forward, two steps back, Jason retreating each time she’d tried to take their relationship to the next level—that it made her leery of bringing up the m-word.

After the incident at Northwestern though, he’d been all in. Or at least he appeared to be. Within months, they’d moved in together.

It had been a practical, financially driven decision though. No romantic overtures. No discussion of how moving in was an increased commitment. And even though things seemed wonderful, and Jason appeared happy with the arrangement, there’d still been no talk of marriage.

Victoria was beginning to wonder if he didn’t have some more interior work to do before he’d feel ready to take that step.

And now they didn’t have time to wait, and it wasn’t entirely because of the baby. She’d happily have their baby, married or not. But selfishly, she wanted Jason to want to marry her before he knew about the baby. She wanted his commitment, his heart, his promise for tomorrow, all to herself. For at least a few minutes anyway before she shared it with their baby.

So, why hadn’t he asked? Was it a deep-seated fear of rejection? Did he think there was a chance that she’d say no?

Victoria loved Preston, but his mother? Not so much. The damage that woman had done to Jason made Victoria feel a bit unhinged sometimes.

Maybe it was time to take matters into her own hands. If Jason wasn’t asking because he thought she’d say no, then she’d just have to do the asking herself.

And that was fine. She’d never cared much for society’s gender roles anyway.

* * *

Jason checked his watch again.

“Do you have somewhere else to be tonight?” Victoria teased.

“No, of course not. I would never schedule something else on date night. That would be against the rules.”

“Good,” she said.

Their relationship had a new set of rules now. They’d thrown out the first set—well, all except for rule number five. Shut up and kiss me was just good sense and the only rule in their first set worth keeping.

Always making time for a weekly date night was rule number one in the new world order, and it was a very important one. With the schedules they worked, it was sometimes hard to carve out quality time together. But now that Jason was senior enough in the department to make a bid for day shift, he sincerely hoped that would be changing.

Nothing meant more to him than the time he spent with Victoria.

She leaned forward over the table. “Is that the suit you wore to Tony and Camille’s wedding?”

He smiled. “Yes. You’re just now noticing? I wore the tie you gave me, too.”

“You look nice,” she said, smiling.

“So do you.” A pale compliment, but he’d never been great with words. She looked beautiful, just like she always did. Tonight, she wore a sleeveless white silk blouse that showed off her tanned and toned arms with gray slacks. To add a touch of her signature uniqueness, she’d added a colorful butterfly pendant necklace.

“You’re not eating your dessert,” Jason observed. “You feeling okay?”

“Yeah,” Victoria said, pushing her plate toward him. “It’s just a little too chocolatey, I think.”

“Too chocolatey? Since when is there a dessert too chocolatey for my Toria?”

He pulled the chocolate cake toward him and took a bite. Another huge change since Victoria had entered his world. He’d learned to appreciate dessert again. Watching the pleasure she took in baked goods gave him new memories, new associations, and erased the negative ones his mother had created all those years ago.

Now, when he thought of chocolate cake, he thought of the night Victoria had found creative ways to eat it off him, or the time she’d baked in their kitchen and he’d caught her sneaking frosting. He’d kissed it off her lips, tasting it for the first time in decades and remembering that chocolate was fucking delicious.

“My stomach’s actually not feeling great at the moment. What if we left and took a walk on the lake?”

“You’re not feeling well?” Jason put his fork down, concerned to note that she did look a little pale. “Should we go home?”

“No, no. I don’t want to go home, but a walk sounds nice.”

“Uh…” Jason checked his watch again. “Sure, just…um…let me finish your cake. Wouldn’t want it to go to waste. Starving kids the world over and all that.”

Victoria raised her eyebrows. “Two desserts tonight, Jase? I really am a terrible influence on you.”

“No, you’re not,” he said seriously. Victoria’s influence had made him a changed man. A better man. Someone who saw butterflies instead of moths, someone who saw hope instead of fear, someone who looked forward to a bright future instead of running from a dark past.

Someone who was ready to take a huge leap of faith.

If only the goddamn string quartet would get here.

“Look,” Victoria said. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about tonight.”

The nervous quiver in her voice set his body on high alert.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yes, it’s just something I’ve been thinking about. I was going to talk to you about it more privately, on a walk maybe, but I don’t think I can wait.”

“What is it, sweetheart?”

“I’ve been thinking…this…” She gestured to him and then back to herself. “This is really great, right? We’re really good together, don’t you think?”

“I do.”

“And you’re happy, aren’t you? I make you happy?”

A tension grew in his abdomen. He knew where this was going. “Victoria, don’t.”

“Don’t what? I just think it’s time to have a conversation about our future.”

“I’d really rather not discuss this right now.” He searched the restaurant frantically.

“Why not?”

“Everything was going just perfectly. Please, don’t ruin this.”

“Don’t ruin this? How can talking about our future ruin our relationship?”

The members of the quartet finally appeared by their table. At the first notes, Victoria turned to them. “I’m sorry, gentlemen. This isn’t a good time.”

“It’s a great time, guys. Perfect timing. Let’s hear it.” He waved his hand like a conductor.

“Jason, what’s the matter with you? Are you really that scared that I’m going to bring up the topic of marr—”

“Rule number five!” He stood and leaned over the table to kiss her, probably dunking his crotch in chocolate cake, but he didn’t care. She would not beat him to the punch on this one. She’d always been the first to put herself out there in their relationship. The first to say
I love you
, the first to give her heart freely. She would not be the first to propose marriage.

Holding her chin, he kissed her deeply while the quartet played the opening chords of the song he’d requested.

She smiled against his lips, and he ended the kiss, knowing she’d figured it out. “Is this what I think is?”

“Well, if you think it’s an orchestral version of the late, great Marvin Gaye’s
Let’s Get It On
, then yes, it’s what you think it is.”

She touched his cheek. “Jase…”

He came around the table and got down on one knee in front of her. “I wasn’t worried you were going to ruin our relationship with talk of the future. I was worried you were going to ruin my proposal.”

He reached into his pocket for the ring he’d saved for almost a year to buy, and she inhaled quickly, pressing trembling fingers to her lips. Gently, he took her left hand in his. “Victoria Loretta Sophia Russo. My Toria.” He cleared his throat and finished on a whisper. “Will you marry me?”

She slid out of her chair and to her knees, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him. The restaurant patrons clapped and cheered. Such a public display normally wasn’t his style, but he had a lot to make up for when it came to Victoria, and he’d wanted tonight to be one for the storybooks.

He helped her back into her chair. “Did you even want to see the ring?” he asked, teasing.

“Oh, of course! Sorry, I was more excited about getting you than I was the ring.”

“Well, I hope you know you’ve had me—my love and my future—for a while now.” He grinned. “The ring is new though.”

She laughed, and he slid it on her finger. Tears welled in her eyes when she saw what he’d picked. A platinum band encrusted with tiny diamonds and a cluster of diamonds in the middle, arranged in the setting of a butterfly.

“It’s beautiful,” she whispered.

Growing uncomfortable with the attention from the other diners, Jason returned to his seat and signaled for the check.

Victoria glanced at his hand, fidgeting with his napkin and said, “How about that walk?”

He paid the bill and they walked out into the cool September night. He put his suit jacket over her shoulders and with his arm around her, steered them toward the lake. The Italian restaurant he’d chosen was in a far north suburb with a pier that went out to Lake Michigan. He’d picked it because he knew how Victoria loved her views of the lake. Though it wasn’t nearly as impressive in the dark.

Looking out at the vast horizon, with his Toria—his miracle—snug against his side, listening to the gentle waves tease against the shore, he knew he couldn’t be any happier. Any more fulfilled.