Burn for You (8 page)

“Sad?”

“Because you’re not with anyone?”

“No.” She loved her mother. She did. She really, really did. But sometimes…“Does it make
you
sad?”

“To be honest, yes. Yes, it does.”

She didn’t really want to hear why, but with no sound other than the scraping of her scoop against the cutting board and the soft swish of grains falling into the bag, the silence was growing awkward.

It seemed Loretta expected some sort of response.

“Why on earth would it make you sad?” Victoria finally asked.

“I worry about you, honey. I want you to be happy and have someone to share your life with. Like your brothers.”

“You do realize I’m the youngest, right? That this is all progressing in the natural order? First Donnie got married, then Vince, then Alex. Now Tony. You shouldn’t be worrying about me until you recover from this wedding.”

“But Tony and Camille have been together
forever
.”

“So?”

“So, they should’ve been married years ago. Which means my baby girl should be settled now too.”

Victoria set the scoop down. Who in the hell was this woman? “This is highly 1950’s of you, Mother. Really. I expected more from an educated woman. And a card carrying feminist at that.”

“Vicki, you misunderstand. I’m not anxious for you to enter into the institution of marriage. I’m anxious for you to experience a long-term adult relationship.”

“I’ve had adult relationships…” Sort of. Not really.

She’d just never been that interested in toying with a man’s emotions. It seemed pointless to get involved when she’d never felt for anyone the way she felt for Graham.

“But nothing long term,” her mother argued. “I’ve never even met anyone you’ve been involved with.”

Except for Graham, who’d been Tony’s best friend since forever and was practically an honorary member of the family. Her mother had definitely met
him
. But then it didn’t really count since her mother didn’t know about their occasional flings.

Graham had never been interested in putting labels on their relationship, which had left her with nothing to
announce
to her family and friends. They all knew she and Graham spent a lot of time together but assumed they were just friends, and when Graham had done nothing to correct that notion, neither had she. In fact, no one really knew, except for Camille. Maybe Tony since Camille told him everything, but Tony would keep it quiet, because Graham was his best friend, and to discuss his best friend with his little sister would no doubt be awkward.

And Tony didn’t do awkward.

“Really? You’ve never met any of my many beaus?” Victoria asked lightly, pulling together the cheesecloth and spinning the bag of grains until she had enough twisted cloth to tie a knot at the top. “I just can’t imagine why not.”

“Victoria.” Pulling out the full-first-name, her mother glared at her. “Sarcasm does not become you.”

Victoria didn’t respond, but instead concentrated on lowering the grains into the large stainless steel brew pot. She let herself get lost in the details. Checking the water temperature, dunking the bag like a tea bag to release more flavor, setting her timer for the seeping. Her mother didn’t understand why Victoria was so enthralled with the beer-making process, but it was this right here. The details. The difficulty. The tasks engaged her brain fully and left no room for unpleasant memories to sneak in. And it took forever. A long drawn out process that served as a sort of meditation for Victoria.

And in this case, a reason not to talk to her mother.

“My concern comes from a place of caring. You know that, right?”

Satisfied that the beer could seep without her help for a moment, she sighed and turned back to her mother. “I know, Mom.”

“Good.”

For all her mother’s faults, she really did care about her children, wanted the best for them, and as frustrating as Victoria found her at times, she knew she was blessed.

“And you know that all I want is for you to be happy, right?”

“Of course. But Mom I
am
happy.”

“Not as happy as you’d be if you shared your life with someone.”

Staying stubbornly silent, Victoria clenched her teeth until her jaw ached.

Why did everyone think it was impossible to be single and happy? Did she want to be with someone? Sure, of course she did. Specifically, Graham. But did that mean she was a puddle of unhappiness without him? Hell no. She had a life, a fulfilling career, a loving family.

This idea that her life was nothing but a big gaping hole, waiting to be filled by a man—it was insulting.

“I think I know why you’ve never introduced me to anyone you’ve been with.”

Victoria raised her eyebrows. “You do?”

“I do. And I’ve been wanting to tell you for ages, but I didn’t know how to bring it up.”

Of course her mother would’ve figured out the truth—about her unending crush on Graham. The woman was a psychologist after all. As observant as they came.

It was a relief really, the idea of having it all out in the open.

“I should’ve known you would guess, Mom.”

“I just wish you’d confided in me yourself. But I’m willing to put all of that in the past. And to show you that you have nothing but my support, I’ve planned a little something.”

Victoria’s stomach went into a free-fall. “Mom, what did you do?”

“Nothing. Nothing. Just planned a little dinner party. That’s all.”

“And you invited Graham?”

“No. Heavens no. Why would I invite Graham? I thought it should be intimate. Just your father and I. And you. And my friend Susan’s daughter. Cassidy.”

“Cassidy?”

“Yes, you will love her, Vicki. She’s finishing medical school—I’ve always said you could go to medical school and be a doctor if only you—”

“I’m sorry…” It was the buzzing in her ears. The rushing sound of heightening blood pressure that must’ve caused her to misunderstand her mother. That was the only explanation. “Are you…are you trying to fix me up with a woman?”

“I don’t know why you have to act so surprised, Vicki. Is it so hard to believe that I would be supportive?”

Unable to stay still, Victoria paced the length of her tiny galley kitchen. “This is unbelievable.” She would laugh about this someday. Surely, she would.

But someday was not today.

“This is un-freaking-believable.”

“What? Did I do something wrong?”

“Did you do something wrong?” Victoria stopped pacing and threw her hands up in exasperation. “Not only are you trying to set me up with a woman, but you’ve arranged for me to be on a double-date. With my parents! What are you trying to do? Win the awkward Olympics? If so, bravo. Perfect tens from all judges.”

“I don’t see what the big deal is. I thought you’d be more comfortable with people you knew there.”

“Well, I’d be more
comfortable
if Cassidy had a penis, but even then I wouldn’t want my parents there!”

“Are you already in a relationship? Because I can call it off—”

“Mom, I’m not gay!”

“Vicki,” she said patiently. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay.”

“I know that!” She leaned over her kitchen table, gripping the edge as if it were her last hold on sanity. “And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being twenty-eight and single.”

“So you’d rather be alone for the rest of your life than admit you’re gay?”

“Aaaghhh! You’re not listening to me, Mother. I’m not gay.”

“But…”

“But what?”

“But your hair…”

“Is short. So what? I also played softball in college. And joined the army. And went to work in a predominately male field. Are those the puzzle pieces you put together? Is that how you decided I must be a lesbian?” She couldn’t recall a time she’d been angrier. And it wasn’t because her mother thought she was gay. It was because her mother understood her so little. For all the talking and feeling-sharing Loretta had encouraged and wheedled out of her children, she sure hadn’t listened.

“Do you even know me?” Victoria asked, unable to mask the hurt in her voice.

“Darling…” Her mother’s brown eyes glistened. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Just the opposite in fact.” She swallowed and looked away from Victoria. “I only wanted you to know that I love and accept you, no matter what.”

Victoria’s throat burned. “Apparently, that’s not true.”

Her mother’s gaze snapped back to hers. “What do you mean?”

“If you loved and accepted me, you’d stop trying to pair me up with anything that walks upright and has a heartbeat.” She didn’t let her mother’s wounded expression stop her from saying what clearly needed to be said. “If you love me, you’ll accept that I’m single. That I’m okay with being single. And that while I’d welcome a relationship if the right person came along, I have no interest in making my life into a husband-hunt.”

“You’re right.” Her mother’s voice was little more than a sandpapery whisper. “I’m sorry, honey. I shouldn’t have assumed…shouldn’t have interfered.” She sniffed, clearly holding back tears. “You are perfect just the way you are. I never meant to imply otherwise.”

Great. Now Victoria was the bad guy. The hot-tempered daughter who’d hurt her mother’s feelings and made her cry. Sighing, Victoria closed the distance between them and gave her mother a hug. “I know you love me.”

“Vicki, you have no idea how much I love you.” Her mother squeezed her tighter. “I love you so much that I want you to have everything. Absolutely everything that life and love have to offer.”

“I know.” Victoria leaned back and smiled at her mother. “I hope you’re better at reading your patients than you are your daughter.”

Loretta snorted and waved a hand. “Oh, goodness. I never would’ve dared to sexually identify for one of my patients. I’d think you’d have realized by now, I’m a much better psychologist than mother.”

“That’s not true. You’re a wonderful mother.” And she was. Sure, she’d been totally wrong about this, but in her own misguided way her mother had wanted to show her that there was nothing she could do or be that would stop her from loving Victoria. It was an unconditional—if sometimes suffocating and overbearing—love, and not everyone had that.

And if she was being completely honest, Victoria didn’t always make it easy. She could stand to be a little more open with her mother. Maybe she should tell her about Graham. Extend an olive branch and see what she thought of Victoria’s chances of snagging his attention.

“Mom, there is someone…”

Her mother opened her mouth but closed it immediately. Probably for the best as she was recently prone to putting her foot right in that wide-open mouth.

“I really like him, but—”

The security intercom to Victoria’s apartment buzzed.

“Hang on,” she said, taking it as a sign from above that perhaps she shouldn’t tell her mother about Graham.

Knowing that Camille would be stopping by to finalize the wedding reception seating chart, Victoria buzzed her in. “Come on up,” she said into the speaker.

She opened the door to her apartment and left it slightly ajar for Camille before returning to the kitchen.

Her mother leaned over the beer brewing on the stove, her nose scrunched up in disgust. “I hope it tastes better than it smells.”

“It will,” Victoria answered, mildly amused.

Her mother raised her gaze to Victoria’s face, smiling. “You were saying? There is someone…”

Victoria sighed. “Yes, there’s someone. He—”

“Graham!” Her mother’s face lit up like a one-point-twenty-one gigawatt bulb.

“How did you—”

“Mrs. Russo.” At the sound of Graham’s happy greeting, Victoria whipped her head around. “I didn’t know you’d be here today.” He strode into the kitchen, tossed a newspaper on the table and wrapped Victoria’s mother in a giant bear hug. “You’re looking lovely as always.” He winked at Loretta. “How is it that I’m going bald and you look younger every day?”

Her mother shoved at Graham’s shoulder, both of them shameless flirts. “Oh, stop. You’re not balding.”

And he wasn’t. He was looking better than ever in dark jeans that rode low on his slim hips and a forest green t-shirt that complemented his dark blonde hair and blue eyes.

Victoria waited for the full-body flush that usually followed Graham’s appearance in her life, but it was strangely absent today. A confirmation that she was still ticked at him for assuming she couldn’t possibly have a date for the wedding.

Yeah, that irked.

Graham didn’t think she could attract a man. And her mother didn’t think she was attracted to men.

It was enough to make her want to order a large deep-dish pizza. After they left of course. She sure as shit wasn’t sharing it.

“What are you doing here, Graham? I thought your knee hurt too much to run?”

He’d tweaked his knee pulling Tayshaun out of the daycare center yesterday but appeared to be walking fine today. Victoria suspected he’d just been hoping to have a week’s reprieve from running with her.

Graham pulled his charming gaze away from her mother and raised his eyebrows at her. “Have you seen the
Tribune
today?”

“No. I don’t get the paper. Why?”

“Well, that’s why I’m here.” He reached for the newspaper he’d dropped on the kitchen table and flipped it over so the front page was up. “Figured you’d want a copy of your own.”

Victoria peered down at the table and her heart stopped. “What in the hell is this?”

Chapter 7

Taking up prime real estate on the front page of the
Chicago Tribune
was a picture of Jason Meadows holding Victoria outside of the hospital. It was a newsman’s dream of a photo. One of those pictures that captured a moment of pure, honest, unedited human emotion.

She remembered that moment. Vividly. It was the moment when an awkward hug suddenly became the most comfortable, right, and needed thing in the world. She hadn’t been able to see Jason’s face at the time as she’d been resting her head on his shoulder, but with the miracle of a telephoto lens, she was now able to see what he’d looked like when her tears had finally fallen.

Not entirely conscious of what she was doing, Victoria reached out and traced his face with her finger, as if she could smooth out his furrowed brow and the frown lines bracketing his mouth. His eyes were squinted in the photo and he looked pained. Could seeing her upset have brought that look to his face? Or was he just squinting against the sun?