Burn My Soul Part 1 (13 page)

I love my home and can't imagine living anywhere other than by the Nile river here in Egypt. Although, on this particular day, everything I see is now colorless. I hate everyone and everything about this place with a passion.

I walk ever so slowly down the avenue with my baby son Pishkini's hand enclosed trustingly in mine. I'm trying to avoid the inevitable, my mind spinning out of control with rejected options.

Pishkini is my only child and born out of pure love. He is my blessing from the Gods. Pishkini is an exquisite angel of five years of age. He is every ounce of joy in my life. My world revolves around him. His name means brave and strong one. The God Ra-Amun sent his name to me in a dream.

I look down to watch him. My heart floods with an all consuming love for my baby. Pishkini has beautiful blond curls just like my own mother did before she just disappeared suddenly shortly after his birth. His skin is lightly tanned from our adventures outdoors with Queen Tiy, my best friend and her son Thutmose.

Tiy used to be my best friend until she looked me straight in the face and said not a word about what her husband, the Pharaoh Amenhotep III has done.

Amenhotep III is in a jealous rage over my baby being the blessed one of the Gods, has given the most horrendous order we've ever received. Well, I refuse to do it and know I will win one way or another in the end.

You see, I have begun to hate my life. I am the high priestess of the Order of Ra-Amun and my husband Senefru is the high priest. We are responsible for sacrificing children and their innocent virginal blood to the Gods to appease them.

Yet, I know for a fact that the Gods have only grown angrier and angrier with the sacrifices. My order thinks I am insane for refusing to participate in them and that I haven't for some time. They don't dare touch me being the only one who speaks to Ra-Amun, the God of all creation. I have expressed his anger with the order but, they refuse to listen to me. They're more afraid of a mortal Pharaoh than of the Gods. Their mistake.

Back to the present moment and my sweet Pishkini....His bluish grey eyes are mesmerizing as he looks up at me with such innocence, tremendous love and complete trust in his eyes.

"I love you Mama."

"Oh sweetie pie, I love you too."

As we continue to walk along the avenue, my baby boy chats away happily. We both enjoy our long walk immensely then turn and continue down a long, hot, dusty, and seldom used path.

For my baby boy, it's just another fun adventure. For me, it's the end of my life as I know it. The path we're on leads straight behind the palace of Pharaoh Amenhotep III and his Queen Tiy. It leads straight to the horrific Temple of Luxor, a place I have come to hate with such passion that I've fantasized about destroying it, even prayed for it nightly to the Gods.

Tears begin to fall from my panicked eyes as I look around for Tiy when we near the palace. I plan to plead with her. I ask a servant to fetch her but, he comes back and tells me, Amenhotep says that she is sleeping. I now imagine escaping with my baby in my arms, desperate to save his life at any cost to my own, so deep is my incredible love for my only child.

I feel the sun ruthlessly beating against our uncovered heads. I know it's our most powerful God, Ra-Amun pouring his anger and wrath down upon me for not stopping this tremendous blasphemy. The knowledge of his anger terrifies me, right down to my soul. I fear Ra-Amun way more than the jealous Pharaoh. I know in a second what I must do as we reach the end of our path.

I stop and lift my son in my arms and whisper, "No baby, we're not going to see daddy today. We're going on a fun little trip. The Gods want us to. Ok?" He just smiles at me and nods his head happily that yes it's more than ok with him.

I frantically move my head, looking all around me, and turn in circles as adrenaline floods my veins like wildfire. My heart beats out a tempo of pure fear and defiance.

I hear you Ra-Amun. If this is your wish, please help me escape and save my precious innocent baby's life, I beg of you. I refuse to let them hurt him!
I beg and pray to my God silently.

Holding my sweet baby boy tightly, I make my arms become steel bands to keep my sweet angel close to my heart. I imagine accusing eyes all over staring at me as I flee for my son's life.

I only make it approximately ten yards away, when my hair is nearly ripped out of my head. Someone yanks my head backward so hard, I fear my spine or neck will snap in two. The move immediately stops my forward motion.

I fall backward with such force and just barely manage to curl my body around my screaming frightened baby to keep him from any harm. I scream in anger at my attacker and in fear of the Ra-Amun's wrath. I scream for help from the Gods and my fellow Egyptian people but, they just walk right on by and ignore me and my sweet son.

It's commonplace as women have no rights in this time, they are glorified slaves. Our husbands can and do whatever they want with us and our children. No one will ever interfere unless with the Pharaoh or Queen's order.

The unforgiving ground tears at my skin hungrily. My head is once again jerked backward and I see....Oh God, it's Senefru!

His face is twisted in malicious anger, his eyes shine with a sadistic pleasure. He's absolutely terrifying!

"Senefru, please let us go, you know this is wrong, it's blasphemy! I won't do what you want me to! You can do the right thing and let us go, you'll never have to see us again!" I plead with him.

"The God Ra-Amun is angered at the thought of this act you want to commit, I'm shocked you can't feel his anger!" I yell, begging for my baby and myself to be spared the atrocious deed he wants to commit.

His face remains severely sadistic and malevolent. His emotions are cold heartedly shut down.

"Harekini, you
will
carry the boy to the altar and leave him there! You may stand beside him if you so wish to smile at him, keep him calm, and give him a beautiful last memory of his brave and loving mother at his side. But, you will do this! You
will not
dishonor me or our Pharaoh!" He spits out the words in a chilling tone.

In that split second, I can see that our beautiful son, to him, has become nothing more than a pile of meat to coldly dispose of. Even our baby's screams of fear and loud sobs do not affect him in any way.

"All I can promise you Harekini is to make it as quick and painless." Senefru says with such cold disregard that it chills my very soul. No shame nor remorse can be seen in his eyes or his soul. I strengthen my resolve for my last final escape attempt and I damn well intend to take it and to hell with the order and my husband!

I shake my head defiantly side to side as one still trying to get him to see reason and to understand. Ra-Amun
has
spoken to me and is very angry with Senefru and the order for this act they're determined to commit.

Before I can utter even one word in defiance, I scream in tremendous agony as he grabs a large handful of my hair and drags my body across the ground back to the steps of the temple.

I still refuse to release the iron grip on the innocent baby boy in my arms, praying to Ra-Amun to please help me somehow.

I refuse to acknowledge the pain Senefru is causing physically and mentally. I refuse to give him the satisfaction of my crying out only to have it fall upon deaf ears.

My sweet baby boy needs me now. I start singing Pishkini's favorite beautiful lullaby to him, knowing it's the last one I will ever sing. I sing to comfort him in the only way left to me as I repeatedly kiss the top of his head nestled under my chin.

As Senefru continues to drag me only by the large chunk of my long hair, it rips right off along with a great deal of scalp tissue. I don't cry out, only try to scoot away from him and struggle against him with all the strength I have left deep inside.

Senefru is like a robot. He just grabs another large chunk of my hair and continues to pull us up the steps one at a time.

I silently pray for the Gods to intervene on our behalf. I'm afraid the Gods even while angry, are condemning me and my sweet innocent baby to this atrocious act.

I continue to sing my lullaby to my son, kissing his sweet soft forehead each time I inhale to sing another verse.

If Senefru says anything to me, I don't hear him. I have turned deaf ears to him, to everyone, except my baby boy.

Pishkini is still crying quietly and clutching me, his only lifeline left in this world and I'm already failing him in this regard. I hear Pishkini screaming at his daddy to let go of his mama. He has always been closer to me than to Senefru since we share the same gift from the Gods of speaking to them.

Halfway up the temple steps, the last chunk of my hair and scalp rips loose. My blood is pouring out of my head, onto my white robe and my baby boy's blond curls. It's my blood on his beautiful curls that cements my decision.

I silently ask the Gods to forgive me and my decision, telling them I accept the consequences of my actions to come.

Senefru has a brief moment of pure shock as he stares at the blood pouring onto our son's head. Then it's gone from his eyes just as fast. He cold heartedly picks us both up in his arms and continues up the remaining steps.

While Senefru carries us, I struggle like hell against him still holding Pishkini tightly to my breast.

My sweet baby wraps his arms tightly around my neck, wraps his tiny legs around my slim waist as tightly as he can while cuddling his head to my breast. I continue to sing, ignoring the word and everyone in it except for my baby boy in arms that have become unforgiving steel bars.

At the top of the temple, Senefru carries us both to the altar. My son has become almost catatonic, locking his gaze within mine.

My heart shatters and I know he understands entirely too much at his very young age of what will soon be his fate. I know just how intelligent he is for one so young. The Gods themselves blessed him with this gift.

I see the incredible intelligence, understanding, and acceptance in his eyes. My own feel swollen from all the tears I've shed. My baby has wiped them all away only to leave room for more to fall.

He whimpers when we reach the altar. I tell him to only look into my eyes, nowhere else. Fear paralyzes his small body. I can see the fear so clearly in his eyes and I immediately put every ounce of love I feel for him and let it shine in mine, so all he sees is his mama's love for him.

I only take my eyes from his for a moment, pulling his face into my chest so he can't see the immediate anger overwhelming me. I glare maliciously at the priests and priestess present who dared to take a step toward the three of us.

Senefru gently sets me on my feet, battered and bloody. The blood still pours from my head like a torrent of tears the Gods are shedding on our behalf.

I can see my fellow priestesses and priests are taken aback when they sense the pure intense hatred I have for them all.

The priests and priestesses present do not misunderstand the look of pure hate and evil emanating from Harekini and her eyes when she looks at them. They are so caught up in their selfish righteousness, they don't understand why she is against the order.

Those present dare to approach me, trying to take Pishkini from my arms. In response, I growl, my voice becomes low and very deep. Sounding as if a demon straight from Hell itself has taken over my body.

Senefru himself growls just as deeply at them all. He yells at them all to stay back and leave his wife be. That he will grant me this final wish.

Finally, they all move way back and out of the way. The confusion and fear is plain on their faces when a manic laugh escapes me. Even Senefru looks at me with a bit of fear.

I keep my final escape plan for Pishkini and myself from outwardly showing upon my face. Instead I allow the cold hatred for them all to remain and even fester in my soul. I'm not afraid, I know my God, Ra-Amun will avenge my baby and I.

I only let go of the hatred twisting my face when I lovingly look upon my beautiful and innocent son. He will forever be my blessed angel from the Gods here on earth.

I give Pishkini my whole heart to keep with him and comfort him in the afterlife. I hug him even more tightly to my heart one last time. I kiss his face all over as a torrential rain falls from my own eyes.

I take my time and linger as I kiss his soft downy head not covered in my blood. My very soul shatters into a million fragments. I know there is no other way out of this situation since the Gods have refused to intervene on our behalf.

I again ask the Gods silently to please forgive me for not finding a better way out of this. I ask for their understanding and forgiveness. I tell Ra-Amun specifically that I fully accept the consequences for the act I'm about to commit in the name of a mother's deep eternal love for her only child.

Senefru reaches out his arms with the intent of pulling my baby boy from mine. I snarl at him with extreme primal savagery. It's enough to make him jump back several feet away from me and from whatever he sees in my eyes and on my face.

Senefru is suddenly fearful as his beautiful kind wife turns into a wild savage animal about to attack. Her snarl booms and resonates around the temple and surrounding area as well. So much so, he now believes her snarl comes from the Gods themselves but, it's too late to stop now. Amenhotep will have him murdered if he does not complete the act.

"I will do it myself, you cursed, black hearted bastard! I
will...
not...
leave my baby's side! Do you understand me,
husband
!" I growl again, shocked to hear my own voice coming out incredibly low and masculine as it resonates all around me. It almost feels as if Ra-Amun understands how my mind has shattered and is speaking himself through me.

Senefru knows right then and there, he's dead forever more to his beloved wife. He further knows she'll never speak to or even look in his direction ever again. He sighs deeply then nods to his wife in understanding and great respect.

He immediately puts his hands up, palms toward the others when they once again try to approach his wife and young son, thinking to restrain her. It only sets off his anger even more.