Burned 2 (7 page)

“Artificial favor kind,” Dad said oh-so-seriously.

“Since when did you even know there is such thing as artificial flavor?” I was genuinely curious. Dad didn’t know a thing about food. That was Mom’s department.

“Since…”Dad paused. He looked pined away but he quickly covered it with a weak smile. “Well, I had some time to read some books…”

“Mom’s cooking books?” I assumed he meant the couples of books Mom put in the kitchen.

“Yeah, now that I have some time on my hand, I wanted to help her with more housework. She’s been dealing a lot…” Dad stopped talking and looked away.

My heart sunk at the reminder of that heavy rock of illness placed on our family. One minute everything seemed to be normal and the next second I realized that there could be an end to this family table lunch-Dad could be missing…forever. It was just not fair. Why would this happen? Dad had been the kindest person I ever knew. Even when he was the one who got ill, he still tried his best to take care of Mom and me. We were all fighting so hard, not accepting the misfortune that was crashing down on us. I had wanted to quit school and help around the house but Dad rejected, saying I had a bright future and shouldn’t be staying. He just didn’t know how bleak and pointless I felt about the future if he wouldn’t be there.  “Oh…” Shit, I had been zooming out with tears holding in my eyes. I quickly blinked them down. The last thing I wanted my Dad to see was me crying.

“Back to the subject, cookie jar,” Dad cleared his throat. “This boy you brought with you…”

“Yeah?” I was nervous again. I didn’t know why. I brought Ethan with me to make my Dad happy. I was afraid that Dad didn’t like him.

“I don’t like him,” Dad dropped the words.

“What…” I felt the floor started to crack and the earth was going to swallow me down to its very core.

“I don’t know how to put this, Dana,” Dad just sighed. “I just don’t see
that guy has his heart for you. He is not very genuine, even at a young age.”

“What do you mean?” I asked carefully. Shit, Dad really didn’t like Ethan. He even addressed him as “
that guy” instead of his name. I knew Ethan and I were far from lovey-dovey. But he kept asking me out and invited me to meet his parents. It must mean something?

“Do you know why I always knew where you hid the cookie jars?” Dad’s tone was softened but he wasn’t going to drop this conversation.

“Why?” I didn’t know why he mentioned it now. I really didn’t care how he found them. I cared more about why he didn’t like Ethan. I glanced at Ethan for a millisecond. He seemed to be having fun chatting with Mom. He was handsome as always with the afternoon sunlight shining on his golden hair. My heart raced at the very sight. Why would anyone not like him?

“I was reading your face, searching your eyes,” Dad explained. “Every time I was close to the jars, it was all written on your face. Then all I had to do was following your eyes,” he smiled proudly. “I have been rea
ding people since I got in the special forces. I am seldom wrong. This guy is hiding something. Trust me, Cookie Jar.”

“Dad, I always trust you,” I looked down at my shoes. My insides were fighting. I was so conflicted. I brought Ethan here to make Dad happy. But Dad wasn’t happy. I should just get Ethan out of the house and break up with him, right?
As simple as that.

Except that I couldn’t. And I didn’t want to.

“He can’t protect you,” Dad’s tone was all concerned and heavy. I was not a little girl who always fell down the stairs anymore. And what year was it now? I was in college and working hard. I didn’t need anyone to worry about me.

“I can take care of myself, Dad,” before I realized it, I was giving him the
frowny-face. When I looked at him, disappointment was written all over his face. “Give me some time to think about it, Okay, Dad?” I didn’t know what I was doing. I was still shocked that Dad didn’t like Ethan. I kept thinking I chose to go out with Ethan because it was the right thing to do and it would make everyone happy. And now my father had objected him but I wasn’t ready to let Ethan go.  Ah, that just made me hate myself. I felt like I had betrayed Dad somehow. Worse, I felt like I had wronged Ethan, too. Why did I have to make this boyfriend thing so real? Now even the pain in my chest felt real and heavy.

Dad sighed and shook his head. He patted my shoulder gently. I was surprised that he didn’t get mad. Usually, Dad wouldn’t take “no” or the sort for an answer. “You are my daughter. You do what is best, okay?”

I looked down at my shoes again. I was burning a hole into my toes. Was that Dad’s way to say that he trust me? Or he was giving me time to break up with Ethan? Was there any chance that I could be with Ethan even my family objected it?

No! No way! How could I even think about that? I started to search for a boyfriend because of my family. I would be
a horrible daughter if I let Dad down.

But Ethan…I did a quick glance at him again. Instantly I met his eyes-those green eyes as dreamy as the spring forest-I was that captivated deer again, as lost as ever. Then he smiled at me, giving me warmth th
rough the distance. He was at my home and I felt like home as our eyes met. Ah, my feelings weren’t making any sense now.

“Dana?” Dad’s voice almost knocked me off balance.

“Yes, Dad?” I looked at him with wide eye, like I was just waking up from a dream. My father was looking at me, eyes full of concern. I wished I was a fairy and had a magic wand to ease away all his worries. But now I was just a clueless girl, playing with a relationship-now it’s back fired.

Dad said nothing and started heading toward the table. I followed him.

“Hahaha,” Mom’s laughter filled the dining room. “Is that how it went? I can’t believe that!”

“Believe what?” I hurried a step and worried that Ethan said something stupid.
But really? Ethan went to law school. I was most likely the stupid one.

“That’s a secret between Jane and me,” Ethan winked at me. And my mom was blushing! He’s already
addressing her on a first name basis. What the heck!

“Making new friends, Jane?” Dad had to join the fun and pretend to be jealous.

“Oh, he’s just a nice kid, darling,” my Mom pressed her hand on her chest, face still red.

“Now I know where you got this cutest apple face from,” Ethan smirked at me.

“You…” I was so embarrassed, I was sure my face was red too. “I thought you were supposed to be a gentleman, Ethan?”

“He is a gentleman, Dana,” Mom flashed a youthful smile at me. I didn’t know if I should be happy or embarrassed by what was happening here. They were both teasing me!

“Okay, sorry, Mom. I am taking this gentleman for a walk,” I went toward Ethan and grabbed him by his wavy blonde hair, pulling him up the chair.

“Ouch, ouch.
That’s not how a lady should treat a gentleman!” Ethan got up instantly, following my lead.

“Can it!” I was so mad I didn’t look at him.

When I looked back, both Mom and Dad were laughing hysterically. Oh, what should I do with them!

Chapter
9

Once I was out of the house, I walked straight toward the beach, ignoring Ethan. The beach was only about a ten-minute walk away. I could hear the ocean wave louder and louder and I needed that right now. I just wanted the sound of
the ocean to fill up the chaotic space in my head.

“Dana, wait,” Ethan caught up
with me. “You want to go to the beach that bad, huh?”

“Yeah,” I said quietly, putting my hands into my jean pocket. I really didn’t want to talk right now.

“Hmm,” Ethan nodded at me and looked ahead. He didn’t say anything more. He just walked with me. I had my hands in the pocket so he couldn’t hold my hand if he wanted to. Well, he could, but he didn’t try. Silence stretched between us. I wondered if he knew something was wrong or if he cared at all. After all, I pushed him to come to this trip with me. If Blake didn’t help talking him into it, Ethan might not even be here.

We crossed the road and pass through a small hotel. The beach with shiny golden sand
was revealed to us. I took off my shoes and walked on the soft surface. Ethan chuckled as he watched and took off his shoes too. When we stood up, we made eye contact. I saw the ocean reflected in his green eyes, showing a mysterious depth. “What are you thinking?” I heard myself asking. Oh no, I just asked him one of the top 10 most annoying questions listed on that online dating guide. Why did I even ask anyway? I was the one who were thinking my brain to explosion.

“You,” Ethan answered without hesitation. He was pointing at me and the corners of his mouth lifted up.

“Yeah right.” He must be teasing me. But I couldn’t help but smile.

“I was thinking how much I like your family,” Ethan set his shoes on the ground and took my hand-now that it was out of my pockets.

“You were?” I looked at him, surprised by both his words and his hand. When would I ever get used to this electrified feeling every freaking time Ethan touched me?

“Yeah,” Ethan’s tone was genuine. “Your family is so…warm,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “I mean, being at your house is just very comfortable. Just this, simple, honest life near the beach…”

“Simple?” I studied Ethan’s face. Even in the shadow of sickness, Ethan still found warmth in my home. I wondered what things were like from his perspective.

“When I was little, I always wanted to know what a life would be like to live in a wooden house like your
family’s,” Ethan said as we walked along the beach. “A small house, just enough to get the days by, earning everything I need by doing whatever I want to do.  No politics, no arguments, no big expectations. No business meetings with unwanted guests in the living room, and just gather with friends and loved ones under a small roof, with cookies,” he beamed at me, as if he was talking about his biggest dream. He had never told me his thoughts about life before. I always thought he was arrogant with his looks, wealth and power. I never thought he would give a thought on others outside of his circle.

“So you are a prince who dreams of a commoner’s life?” I teased as I leaned closer to him until our arms touched. He was solid and warm. If he was just a boy next door, would this relationship be easier? Would Dad actually like him?

“Well, a prince can only dream,” Ethan shrugged, sighing, like he was hopeless or something.

“Oh, come on, people dream to be like you,” I nuzzle him.

“Really? If you can live my life, in exchange of the one you are having now, every second of it, will you?” Ethan looked at me with those sharp green eyes.

“Hmm,” I looked up at the blue sky. I wasn’t sure. If I had Ethan’s life, my parents and friends wouldn’t be the same. I might not grow up near the beach. I might not be fascinated by history.
And my Dad...

“Seriously?
You are hesitating? I thought you would scream YES,” Ethan shook me out of my thoughts.

“Why? I don’t know you that well. And if your life doesn’t have cookies as good as my Mom’s, then forget it,” I made him a funny face.

Ethan didn’t seem to get my joke. He looked into my eyes, searching. His expression was elusive. I couldn’t tell if he was smiling or just dazed.

“What?”

“You are incredible, you know that, Dana?” He leaned in closer. His eyes traced to my lips. My gosh, I felt like he touched me just by looking at wherever his eyes went-and it was a gentle, attentive touch. It’s like he was feeling me, really feeling me.

“You mean incredibly silly, right?” I looked away. I couldn’t hold his gaze. For the better, I let go of Ethan’s hand all together and started collecting sea shells.

“Sometimes you are ‘incredibly silly’,” Ethan mused, looking at the sand with me, oblivious to my retreat. “But that part made you incredible, too.” He had shifted his attention to the sea shells but his tone was fixated all the same.

I shook my head. He must be sweet talking with that law-school mouth. I didn’t even know where this conversation began that I got such a compliment.

“Here,” Ethan took my hand and placed something in my palm. “Do you like this one?” I looked at the sea shell in my hand. It was white with smooth surface with the shape of a half moon.

“It looks like a half
moon,” I mumbled.

“It also looks like a smile,” Ethan pointed at the sea shell and pointed at me. “So smile!”

For whatever reason, it was like his words had magic. I found myself smiling. I felt happy for a second, like what a girl supposed to feel when she was out on a romantic beach date with someone she liked.

“That’s the smile,” Ethan warped his arms around me, holding me closer. “That’s what I want to see…”he gaze met mine and I saw him grinning. Gently he caressed my cheek. “Whenever you smile, I am blinded. You are all I can see…” He brushed away a stray of hair from my face. I wanted to say something but I was speechless. I wondered if he knew that he was all I could see, too.

“Can I have a little attention please?” A loud announcement came from about 10 feet away. The announcer was holding the microphone on the small stage near us. I guess they were having a beach show. “We are changing the program a bit this afternoon,” the announcer said cheerfully. “We are playing some spicy cha-cha tango stuff! So make sure you join us and dance!”

What? As soon as I heard the word “dance” I wanted to sprint like deer in the middle of the traffic. The music started to play and people started to enter the dance floor in front of the stage. Slowly, I turned the other way, carefully separate myself from Ethan’s embrace and ready to escape.

Too late. Ethan already caught my wrist. “Where are you going? Can I have a dance with you?” He looked so excited. Darn, I hated to disappoint him.

“Err,” I tried to find an excuse. Sure, I took some ballet classes. But I couldn’t dance in public. Whenever I tired, my bones and limes started falling apart like a broken doll. I wasn’t going to embarrass myself and drag Ethan with me.

“Come on, one dance,” Ethan pleaded. “You can Karate kick people, this would be a piece of cake.” I bet he could see I was shying away and tried to cheer me to dance.

“That’s different. We were in a life threatening situation. I can’t dance with others around,” I tried to explain. I felt vulnerable exposing my weakness. I hadn’t back away from anything, for better or worse, all these time I dated Ethan. But this dance thing was my Achilles' heel. I just couldn’t do it.

“Well, this is different too,” Ethan’s tone was tender. He took my hand gently and the heat from his palm transferred to mine. He wrapped his arm around me, holding my waist and pulling me closer. “This time, I am with you,” his whisper was soft and assuring. “This will be a dance of the two of us.”

“A dance of the two of us…” I repeated after him. He gave me an assuring smile and I found myself stepping toward the dance floor with him. The way he was holding me gave me a sense of encouragement I never had before. Yes, maybe I could do this. Because I am no longer alone, dancing by myself. Now I had a boyfriend and we would dance together.