Burned (8 page)

I looked at him. The food on my plate remained untouched.

I realized how little I’d known about him. How little I’d asked.

‘Where is your dad now?’

‘He died a few years ago. Cirrhosis, which was a surprise to no one given that his longest relationship was with the contents of a whisky bottle.’

‘And your mum?’

‘She’s safe. And happy. She met someone.’ His voice softened and I felt something squeeze inside me.

I wondered how he’d handled it so well.

He added a chunk of fresh bread to his plate but I shook my head when he offered me the same.

‘No, thanks.’

‘You need carbs.’

‘I’m not hungry.’ What he’d told me had taken away my appetite. ‘You never told me any of this.’

‘It was history by the time I met you.’

But it explained why he’d always seemed so strong and self-reliant. He’d had to be.

We took the plates back to bed and finished the food and the champagne.

I looked at my phone and realized it was 2 a.m. ‘It’s late. I should go.’

‘Stay the night.’ His tone was rough and I looked at him, sorely tempted.

Hayley wasn’t home. She’d texted me earlier to say she was staying at Nico’s for the weekend. Also that she was borrowing my favourite shoes because she was accompanying him to some smart lawyer do.

There was no reason to go and plenty of reasons to stay. Like the way Hunter was looking at me and the slow, seductive brush of his fingers over my arm. My skin was super sensitive, my insides melting.

It wasn’t as if we’d exactly denied ourselves. There was no reason to feel this desperate, but still I was desperate.

I’d always thought my willpower was pretty good. I could resist chocolate and biscuits, but it turned out I couldn’t resist Hunter.

He was my weakness.

‘I don’t have anything with me.’

‘I have everything you’re likely to need.’

That was what worried me.

I pushed that thought aside and slid out of bed. Then I picked up the plates and took them to the kitchen, telling myself that it was fine to stay. That I could cope with it. That my emotions were under control.

If you want to justify something, it’s pretty much always possible if you work hard at it. But the only real justification as far as I was concerned was that I wanted to.

I was having the best time of my life.

Why not?

CHAPTER NINE

‘Coffee?’

I woke to find sun streaming through the windows and Hunter standing next to me, a towel knotted around his hips, his hair wet from the shower.

Groaning, I sat up and pushed my hair away from my face. ‘You were up early.’

‘It’s ten o’clock.’ He handed me the coffee. ‘Not that early.’

‘Ten? You’re kidding.’ I reached for my phone, saw that he was telling the truth and felt heat rise in my cheeks. ‘I was tired.’

‘I think I might know the reason for that.’ His tone was a soft masculine purr that made me want to ditch the coffee and drag him back into bed.

My muscles ached in places they hadn’t ached for ages. Thanks to him, I was aware of every part of my body.

I sipped my coffee and then put it down on the table next to the bed, feeling suddenly awkward. After last time, I was determined not to do anything that could be defined as clinging. ‘I should get going. I expect you have plans.’

‘My plans include you.’

I probably should have played it very cool and made some excuse about needing to be at home, but as I opened my mouth to speak, I turned my head and the words jammed in my throat. The towel had slipped slightly, revealing even more of the hard, honed abs and the powerful muscles of his chest and arms.

I told myself that any woman who would be able to walk away from that needed therapy.

‘What did you have in mind?’

He gave a slow smile and I smiled, too, because it was obvious how we were going to spend the weekend.

I reached out and tugged at the towel, but he was already coming down on top of me, pulling the covers back, exposing me.

I slept naked, so there wasn’t much chance of hiding, not that I wanted to.

Sunshine fell across the bed, spotlighting my body and his. He lowered his head, plundering my lips and then moving lower. He took his time, driving me mad, tormenting me with every skilled flick of his tongue. He didn’t just know how to kiss my mouth; he knew how to kiss all of me and he employed those skills with devastating effect on my breasts and then lower to the damp, swollen heart of me. The pleasure spread through me in hot waves and he teased and tormented me until I was writhing on the bed and then he locked his hands on my hips and forced me to lie still while he took his time and explored me with merciless skill. My body was his playground and by the time he pulled me under him I was almost sobbing with desperation.

He paused for a moment, looking down at me, and then he sank into me, driving deep into the heart of me with unleashed hunger. If he’d held back last time, he certainly didn’t this time. My hands moved to his shoulders and I felt the ripple of muscle under my fingers, felt the hard strength of him as he pulled back and then drove deep, My hands slid lower and closed over the hard bulge of his biceps. His eyes held mine and he lowered his forehead to mine and then kissed me, biting at my lips, nibbling and driving me crazy while all the time his body possessed mine.

I was consumed by sensation and so was he. Excitement spiralled around us, drawing us closer, spinning a web that locked us together.

He dominated me, drove into me with a relentless perfect rhythm until we both hit the same peak at the same time and exploded together in an overload of pleasure.

The wildness of it shocked me and I think it shocked him a bit, too, because he rolled onto his back and folded me into his arms and held me there until both of us could breathe properly again.

‘Why didn’t you stay in Hollywood?’ I lay there filled with questions, wanting to uncover every secret, every hidden corner of him that I didn’t already know.

‘I enjoy coaching. Hollywood was a means to an end. I earned enough to be able to buy this place.’

‘And a cool car.’

‘That, too.’

I asked him again about Thailand. He asked me about everything I’d been doing. We had a huge gap in our history and we filled it in together, learning, discovering. We were filling in the blanks. Joining the dots.

We lay in bed, made love and talked. We talked about things we’d never talked about when we were together the first time. I didn’t even check my phone, because I was absorbed and time wasn’t relevant.

We spent the whole weekend in bed.

He rang for takeout food and walked downstairs to the door to collect it, but apart from that we didn’t leave his apartment.

The hunger in him matched mine.

I might have missed the fact it was Sunday night had a text not come through from Hayley. ‘I forgot to buy batteries but as I haven’t heard from you, I guess you don’t need them. :)’

I was about to switch my phone off when another text came. ‘Be careful.’

I knew she wasn’t talking about the sex. She was talking about my heart.

And I realized I’d put myself at risk again. ‘Just sex’ didn’t mean spending an entire weekend with a guy, talking about every subject under the sun. It wasn’t getting to know him and wanting to know all the small things. But that was how I felt with Hunter. I wanted to know every corner of him. I wasn’t interested in superficial; I wanted depth.

I just couldn’t help myself around him. I couldn’t stop myself falling.

Hunter was watching me, sensing the change. ‘Are you all right, Ninja?’

The endearment cracked me wide open and I realized in a rush of panic that I’d been kidding myself. This wasn’t just sex. With Hunter it never had been and it probably never could be.

I’d thought that if our relationship was just about sex, I couldn’t be hurt but when my heart was involved? That was different. That made me vulnerable.

I wouldn’t allow it to happen to me again.

I had to protect myself.

‘I have to go.’ I shot out of bed without looking at him and rummaged for my clothes. ‘Hayley is at home.’

‘She’s not a kid.’ His voice was soft. ‘She doesn’t need a babysitter.’

And I realized then that there was no point in being anything but honest, so I turned, clutching my shirt against me.

‘I can’t do this, Hunter. I thought I could, but I can’t.’

He was very still. ‘Which bit can’t you do?’

Love
, I thought silently.
I
can’t do love.
Not when it was one-sided. Not when all the feelings were mine.

‘This. Us. It’s going to make our working relationship awkward. People are already noticing and talking about us.’

‘Let them talk.’

‘It isn’t a good idea to sleep with the boss.’

‘I’m the boss and it seems like a good idea to me.’

Whatever I said, he countered, pressing closer and closer to the truth, but I’d learned my lesson. This time around, my feelings were my problem, not his. I wasn’t going to dump them all over him again, as I had the first time.

‘Well, I’m the employee and it’s awkward for me. This has been fun, but it was a one-time thing. Just the weekend. From tomorrow we’re back to being how we were.’

‘And how were we?’

‘Colleagues. I don’t want to be intimate.’ But I realized that we’d never been anything but intimate, and with that admission came the unpalatable realization that I was probably going to have to leave my job because I was never, ever going to feel normal around this man. I wasn’t capable of feeling indifferent. ‘Just colleagues.’

He gave me a long steady look. ‘Are you sure that’s what you want?’

‘I’m sure.’ I made for the door before he could see through the lies. Last time I’d smothered him in my feelings. This time I was going to spare him that. ‘I’ll see you at work tomorrow.’

* * *

I limped through the next few weeks, pretending I was fine. Every minute was torture. I gritted my teeth and counted down the hours until the weekend, when I didn’t have to see him.

Three weeks after I’d done the ‘let’s be colleagues’ speech, I was lying in bed with the duvet over my head pretending to be asleep when I heard my sister open the door.

Hayley wasn’t fooled. We’d shared a room growing up, so she always knew when I was asleep and when I was faking.

I felt the bed dip as she sat down.

‘I have coffee, an untouched packet of chocolate biscuits or a glass of wine. You pick.’

I didn’t answer. I hoped she’d go away, but of course, this was my sister, so there was no hope of that. Instead the duvet was tugged from my fingers and she wriggled into the bed and snuggled under the covers with me.

‘Do you want to talk about it?’

I would have thought the duvet over my head would have answered that question, but Hayley wasn’t easy to deflect. ‘I’m fine.’

‘Right. Because not eating, sleeping or laughing is totally you, as is spending an entire Saturday in bed.’

I wanted to say something flippant but my throat was clogged with misery. I hadn’t allowed myself to cry, but suddenly I was crying and my sister was holding me and she was muttering ‘Shh’ and ‘I’m going to kill the bastard’ as she stroked my hair.

‘Not his fault. My fault for loving the wrong man.’ I choked out the words but it didn’t stop her listing all the dire methods of torture she had in mind for Hunter Black.

‘You’re crazy about him. You always have been.’

And suddenly I was telling her everything. How it had been at work, about that weekend, all of it. ‘When I’m with him, I can be myself. I never feel as if I’m being judged. He likes me the way I am. He doesn’t want me to join a book group or learn to bake cupcakes. He doesn’t care that I have a flat chest or that I like practising my kicks while we’re talking.’ I scrubbed my face with my hand and sat upright. My head throbbed from crying. ‘And he makes me laugh.’

My sister looked at my swollen face and raised her eyebrows. ‘You’re not laughing now.’

‘That’s not his fault.’

‘Have you told him how you feel?’

‘After last time?’ I grabbed a tissue and blew my nose. ‘No way.’

‘Maybe he feels the same way you do.’

‘No. For him it was just about fun and sex. That’s how I wanted it to be, too!’ I shredded the tissue. ‘I’m going to have to leave my job.’

‘You love working there!’

‘Not anymore. It’s too hard. Too awkward and I don’t want to embarrass him a second time. I’m going to look for something else. And I know that makes me pathetic, but—’

‘It doesn’t make you pathetic.’ Her phone beeped to indicate a text but she ignored it. ‘You need to leave this bed and come out with us tonight.

I managed a smile. ‘Just because I can’t get my own sex life sorted out, doesn’t mean I want to ruin yours. Go. Nico is texting you.’ I gave her a push. ‘Go and have fun. You can borrow my shoes if you like. I don’t need them.’

I couldn’t imagine ever wanting to go out again.

She slid out of the bed and paused in the doorway. ‘I still think you should tell Hunter how you feel.’

‘This time around, it’s my problem. I’ll handle it.’

But handling it drained me.

Every time I saw him approaching, I dived for cover and I stayed later and later to avoid leaving at the same time as him, but he left late, too, because he was the boss.

I stopped going to staff nights out, then decided not going made it look as if I was avoiding him, so I went and pretended to have fun on the dance floor. I concentrated so hard on ‘having fun’ I almost sprained my ankle.

Proving I was fine was exhausting. My smile muscles were getting a more rigorous workout than my abs or my thighs.

And then finally I heard I had an interview at a fitness club closer to home.

I should have been thrilled. Provided I didn’t mess up the interview, this nightmare would be over. And then I realized taking this job would mean I wouldn’t see Hunter again. He really would be out of my life.

And that was the biggest nightmare of all.

‘What are you doing for your birthday, Rosie?’ Caroline stuffed her bag into the locker and pulled out her water bottle.

‘I’m having a quiet night.’ I was going to hide under the duvet and hope that when I woke up a year older, I’d be cured of the way I was feeling.

But my sister was having none of it.

‘You are not spending another Saturday night in bed watching TV. That’s not happening. I’ve planned you a surprise party.’

‘I really don’t—’

‘Shut up and get dressed in something warm. Wear that gorgeous coat you bought last winter. The short, sexy black one that makes you look like a Russian princess.’ She was checking her phone. ‘We need to go. Cab’s outside.’

For my sister’s sake I washed my hair and dragged on my clothes. The black coat was a perfect contrast to my white face. I felt like crap and I looked like crap. I knew I needed to snap out of it. I was no fun to be with. And it was no one’s fault but my own. I’d played with fire. I’d been burned. Again.

Hayley bundled me into the cab and handed the driver our destination on a piece of paper so I couldn’t see.

‘Don’t you think you’re taking this a bit far? I’ve lived in London all my life. I’ll know where we’re going.’

‘No, you won’t.’ She pulled a scarf out of her bag and tied it around my eyes while I protested.

‘Oh for...’ I thought it was overkill. ‘You’ll smudge my makeup.’

‘I want it to be a surprise.’

‘The surprise is going to be me looking as if I’m dressed for Halloween. Who is coming, anyway?’

‘Our friends.’ It was a suspiciously vague answer and I was starting to feel exhausted when she tugged off the scarf.

‘We’re here.’

And in spite of everything, I smiled, because we were right next to the London Eye, my favourite place.

‘You booked a night flight? That’s perfect.’ I could see our friends gathered waiting and I felt a warmth spread through me. It was the closest I’d come to feeling happy since I’d broken it off with Hunter.

I still had my sister. I still had friends. I’d got over him before. I’d get over him again.

I could learn to live without breath-stealing excitement. I could afford extra batteries.

We tumbled out of the cab and our friends swarmed around us. I was handed lots of interesting parcels and bags that my sister took away and tucked in a larger bag she’d brought with her.

‘You can have them later.’

‘What’s wrong with now? I can open them during the flight.’