Burnout (NYPD Blue & Gold) (14 page)

The expression of concern etched into his features touched Cassie’s heart. She reached up to stroke his cheek. “I’m fine, and I know you would never hurt me.” She smiled, thanking her body for being so wet, or she might not have been able to accommodate him.

He let out a fierce sound from the back of his throat, his body tensing. “Jesus, do you have any idea what you do to me?” His body shuddered as he found a slow, steady rhythm, rocking into her, branding her from the inside out.

Cassie writhed and strained against Mike’s hips, trying to pull him in deeper, unable to get close enough. Uttering a throaty groan, she locked her legs around the backs of his thighs, angling her hips to take more of him. He pumped harder, his breath ragged.

Mike teased her nipples between his rough fingers until she wanted to scream from the shivers of delight his hands elicited. She arched her back and neck, pressing her nipples more firmly into his hands. He squeezed her breasts, then fastened his mouth to that erogenous zone beneath her ear and sucked.

Their hips slapped together, and Cassie heard herself gasping. Her heart raced, but she couldn’t tell if the pounding against her chest was from her or Mike. Pressed together so tightly, joined so intimately, their bodies might as well have been one.

As their skin grew slick with perspiration, the smell of sex intensified. Sex. Spice. Lilacs.

Beneath her hands, thick, powerful muscles bunched and flexed. Sweat covered Mike’s handsome face, the scar on his forehead glowing a ghostly white.

“God, Cassie.” He slid one hand beneath her back, the other through her hair, holding her head firmly as he breathed into her mouth. “Look at me, baby. I want to see you come, watch you scream.”

As the first pulse lit deep in her belly, Cassie did as he commanded.

“Let it go. I wanna feel you come around me, squeezing me.”

As he gently bit her lower lip, sucking it into his mouth, the next full-blown wave struck her core like a shaft of lightning. Even with Mike’s weight on top of her, she bucked off the bed as the most mind-blowing orgasm rocked her world. The last thing she heard was a throaty, endless scream. Hers.

“Oh, yeah. That’s it, baby.” His breath was hot on her neck as he yelled her name again and again before driving inside her with one last powerful thrust.

Cassie clung to him as they gasped for air, hearts pounding. More tiny white lights exploded, shimmering in the blackness behind her closed lids.

Never like this before. Not ever.

After several minutes, Mike raised his head and studied her from darkened blue eyes. He kissed her first on her lips, her nose, her forehead, then eased to his side, pulling her with him.

His skin was hot and damp beneath her cheek. Perspiration covered them both. His clean, spicy scent mingled with the muskiness of their sex. She ran her fingers over the ridges of his abdomen, feeling and watching his stomach rise and fall beneath her hand.

Mike grasped her fingers, and when he kissed them the unexpected gesture touched Cassie’s heart. After making love, most of the men she’d been with turned away and snored themselves to sleep. When Mike failed to do just that, she realized she might have found the kind of man she’d always dreamed of.

A man she thought she’d never find.

He skimmed his hand over her back in lazy circles. “That was amazing. But I definitely need food before we dig into those other condoms. I hope you know how to cook.”

Cassie laughed. “I’ll see what I can do.” ’Cause she sure as hell wanted the man to keep his strength up. When she began to rise from the bed, Mike’s arms tightened around her.

“I thought you wanted food.” She gave him a questioning look.

“I do, but it can wait.” He pulled her head back to his chest and let out what sounded like a contented sigh.

Cassie smiled, thinking she could definitely get used to this.

Don’t go there. I don’t have a clue how he feels about me. And I haven’t told him the truth yet.

Mike’s eyes were closed. The look on his face was peaceful, content even, and she hoped she had something to do with that. The urge to ask him questions, talk about things couples normally discussed, welled inside her like a stream about to overflow its banks. What she ought to do was tell him everything, but a remnant of fear held her back.

What if he didn’t understand? What if he didn’t want her? This was a beautiful moment, and the last thing she wanted was to ruin it. They needed more time to get to know each other better. Timing was everything.

“Why do I have the feeling you’re about to interrogate me?” Mike’s eyes remained closed, but his voice held a note of humor.

Cassie twirled her fingers in his chest hair. “Because you have excellent cop instincts.”

“How would
you
know?” He slanted her a cynical look.

“I watch a lot of TV. Half the shows these days are about cops.” She leaned down to kiss him, but when he tried to cup the back of her head to deepen the kiss, she twisted away.

Mike exhaled loudly through his mouth. “Okay, lady.” He stuffed another pillow under his head. “What’s on your mind?” The look on his face was one of a man about to be tortured.

“Don’t be such a baby.” She poked his rock-solid bicep. “I only want to ask you a couple of things.”

Mike tugged on her hair. “So when
you
have a question nothing gets in your way, but when
I
want answers it’s a one-way street.”

“That about covers it. I like being a woman of mystery.” Surely waiting until morning to confide her secret couldn’t hurt.

“I give up.” Mike sank deeper into the pillow. “What’s your first question, detective?”

Cassie nearly choked at his unintentional direct hit. “You’re from New York City, so how did you wind up in Hopewell Springs?”

Mike turned onto his side and began gently stroking the curve of her waist. “My parents used to take me and my sister and brothers camping here when we were kids. I keep telling them they should move up here, but they won’t leave the city and the tavern.”

“And you decided to move here out of the blue?”

His hand stilled. “Pretty much.”

“There’s more to it, isn’t there?” Cassie reached out to trace the white scar on his forehead with her fingertip. The ridge was longer than she’d first thought, extending into his hairline a good two inches. Whatever injury he’d endured must have been horrific, and her heart went out to him.

In his eyes she glimpsed the same pain she’d seen the other night after the robbery when they’d spoken on her back porch about making choices. About making mistakes.

He took a deep breath and stared blankly at the wall over her shoulder. Cassie wondered what he was really seeing, what he was reliving.

“You think you made a mistake once,” Cassie said, and when she touched his cheek his jaw tensed.

Mike shut his eyes, his forehead creasing with deep furrows. The only sound in the bedroom came from the curtains billowing against the windows. Cassie was sure he’d closed down on her. Then he laced his fingers with hers, squeezing them tightly.

“It happened six years ago.” His throat worked as he swallowed. “I was a night-shift supervisor in the South Bronx. All units were tied up, so I covered a domestic call. I should have waited for backup, but there wasn’t any close enough. A neighbor heard a woman screaming, but when I got to the apartment I didn’t hear a thing. No screaming. No TV. No kids, no nothing. I knocked and identified myself. A woman answered the door. She lied, said everything was fine. I didn’t see it that way.”

Mike took a ragged breath.

“She’d been crying. Her makeup was a mess. Her cheek was red and swollen. The floor behind her was littered with broken furniture and smashed lamps. I called again for backup, but there still wasn’t any available. I tried to get her to let me in. She refused. Said she was alone and she’d fallen down and broken things.” Mike shook his head. “She was either protecting the bastard, or he’d threatened her. Or both. I worked on her for a few minutes, and she started to give in. She was about to let me inside. That’s when I saw a shadow coming at her. I lunged into the apartment and pushed her to the floor. When I turned around, my skull exploded. I was distracted that night, and it never should have happened.”

He let go of her hand and pressed his fingers to his forehead, rubbing his scar, as if reliving the pain of his injury. Tiny lines fanned at the corners of his mouth.

Cassie rested her hand on his chest. Her throat constricted as she tried to imagine what he must have gone through. Alone, injured, unconscious. “What did he hit you with?”

“A baseball bat. Put me in a coma for a month. When I woke up, the doctors told me they’d about written me off. Too much swelling of the brain.”

Cassie knew there had to be more. “What happened to the man and woman at the apartment?”

Mike took a deep breath. “The guy killed his wife. Stabbed her with a kitchen knife thirty times. Probably because she let me inside the apartment, although I’ll never know for sure.”

“What happened to the husband?”

“Shot himself in the head. With my gun.” His eyes hardened to blue ice. “I should have waited. Should have waited for the damned backup.”

“No.” Cassie sat up. “It was a choice. You said so yourself, we can’t Monday morning quarterback. You almost died trying to save that woman. You’re a good cop. If it hadn’t happened to you that night, it would have happened some other night to someone else. When a person has that kind of violence in him, that kind of evil, it comes out sooner or later. You made the best decision you could at the time.” She cupped the side of his face in her hand. “You
know
that.”

Cassie gazed into Mike’s troubled blue eyes, watching the emotional battle warring inside him as if it had happened only yesterday. The events he’d described suddenly struck a chord. The NYPD was a huge department, but she had a vague recollection of the incident from news broadcasts and an internal departmental notification. Gray might even have mentioned it.

“I should have waited,” he repeated hoarsely.

“Maybe. Maybe not.” Cassie gently stroked his face. “But that woman would still be dead, I guarantee it. Maybe not because you tried to help her, but because she was late getting his dinner on the table. Or because the house wasn’t cleaned to his satisfaction, or a hundred other things that might have set him off. You know it’s true.”

“Maybe.” Mike paused. “But I didn’t have my head on straight that day.”

“You said you were distracted. What about?”

“Something that happened earlier in the day.” He pulled her hand from his face and kissed her fingers. “It’s in the past.”

“Doesn’t seem like it is. Seems like it still weighs heavily on you.” Cassie wasn’t encouraged by Mike’s closed-down expression. “Last night you made me feel a whole lot better about the decisions I made at the Nest during the robbery. Let me help you this time. I’m a good listener.”

He gave her a weak smile. “Tonight wasn’t supposed to be about me unloading on you.”

“I don’t mind.” Despite wanting to make love to Mike all night, if talking was what he needed, she’d do it without question.

He tugged her down for a kiss, but she recognized it for what it was. Avoidance. It was his way of changing the subject, but she wouldn’t let him and pulled away. “Men like you have a habit of erecting solid walls around themselves and not letting anyone help them.”

Mike’s lips quirked. “Men like me?”

“The kind others rely on. The kind who spend their whole lives helping others, so when they’re in need of assistance, they don’t know how to reach for it or how to accept it when it’s given freely.” Deep worry lines creased Mike’s forehead, and Cassie knew she was hitting close to home. “It can’t be easy when you’re a born leader, respected and admired by your men and the townspeople. Everyone looks up to you, depends on you to be strong for them. That kind of man would never wear his heart or his emotions on his sleeve, and it would be hard for him to admit his own pain or fears. That takes another type of strength and courage.”

For several long moments, Mike said nothing. Then he frowned. “Last night you said I should have been a shrink, but, baby, you take the cake.”

“Yeah, well, good thing you have a thick skull or else—” Her voice cracked, and she blinked back the welling tears. The thought of Mike dying, of him not being here with her…

With the pad of his thumb, he wiped away the tear tumbling down her cheek. He eased her back to the mattress and gave her the softest, most tender kiss. She understood this was his way of dealing with the pain, and she’d give any part of her body or soul to ease his torment.

The irony of the moment was far from lost. No maybes about it, she was definitely falling in love.

With a cop.

Chapter Thirteen

Mike leaned back on the pillows he’d propped against the iron headboard. The smell of melting cheese and something spicy drifted into the bedroom, and downstairs a pot banged from whatever Cassie was cooking in the kitchen.

Beside the bed, Raven lay curled up on the rug. When Cassie had gone downstairs, Mike couldn’t take the dog’s whining and pawing at the door, so he’d let her in the room. At least for a little while, until he ate and replenished his strength for round two of the most mind-blowing sex a guy could ever wish for.

Jesus H. Christ.

Cassie had more energy than a triathlete. Making love to her had been goddamn life-altering, and he couldn’t wait to do it again. Well into the morning, if she’d let him. He’d be dragging his ass tomorrow during the picnic, but it would be worth it.

He glanced at the small alarm clock on the bedside table next to him. Midnight. No wonder he was starving, he hadn’t eaten since lunch. He clasped his hands behind his head and breathed in the flowery scent that followed Cassie everywhere. He’d never be able to think of flowers the same way again. Not after inhaling the scent of lilacs while she’d ripped his shirt apart and practically jumped his bones in her kitchen.

He chuckled, and Raven raised her sleek black head to stare at him.

“Your mama sure is a handful,” he said to the dog.
And one incredible woman.

He ran his hand over his scar. Until Cassie, he’d never told anyone about that night, except for whatever facts he could remember for the police report. He’d never talked about how it ate him up inside. Not to his buddies, not to the department shrink, and not to his family. No one.

Despite having a severe case of cop-itis when they’d first met, Cassie had an innate, compassionate understanding of his job. It was part of the special package that was Cassie. Beautiful. Sexy. Intelligent and intuitive beyond words. She’d dragged things out of him no one else could. Except for his history with Elaine. That disgraceful part of his life he’d sooner take to his grave. Talking about it would reopen a deep gash that would probably never stop bleeding.

He eased his head deeper into the pillow and stared at the ceiling. As for the domestic call he’d botched, the pain would never completely go away, he knew that. But maybe he could get to the point where it didn’t kick the shit out of him every day. Before now he hadn’t cared, preferring to live with the misery he felt he deserved. Now he had a reason to care.

Cassie.

So much for never getting close to a woman again. Cassie’s so damn close, she’s crawled under my skin and begun chipping away at that worthless muscle inside my chest.

He wanted her in his life. Problem was he couldn’t do it without owning up to the past. Without forgiving himself. Until then, he’d never be able to move on with his life or let anyone else into it. He had to learn to trust again. To put Elaine behind him.

Now, if he could only get Cassie to trust
him
. Whatever secrets she had, his gut told him they couldn’t be as bad as she thought.

Soft footsteps sounded on the stairs, and Cassie breezed into the room carrying a large tray loaded with dishes, silverware, two frosty bottles of beer, and a brown paper bag. Something flat, brown, and crusty sat on the plates. The smells of hot, spicy meat and warm cheese intensified.

She set the tray on the table next to her side of the bed. The purple silk, mid-thigh robe she’d put on gaped open, revealing the lush curves of her full breasts. Breasts that filled Mike’s hands as if they were made for him. Only him.

The thought had him scowling at the idea of another man touching her. He still didn’t know if she was married or hiding out from some psycho boyfriend.

“C’mon, Raven. Tonight, he’s all mine.” She winked at Mike and waited while Raven rose and trotted reluctantly into the hallway. After Cassie closed the door, the dog let out a mournful whine. “You know that dog is in love with you, don’t you? She liked you before I did.” Cassie sat on the bed and scooted close to him.

Mike reached inside her robe to cup her breast and rub his thumb over her nipple. “So now you like me?”

She closed her eyes and let out a little moan. “Well, maybe a little.”

Her skin was warm, soft beneath his rough fingers. He slid his arm to her back, drawing her down for a kiss. When their tongues touched, his cock instantly responded beneath the sheet.

“Aren’t you hungry?” she asked against his lips.

“Uh-huh.” He nodded and groped for her other breast.

“Then let’s eat. I’m hungry, too.” She pulled away and grabbed a plate from the tray on the table, then handed it to him.

With a groan, Mike leaned back against the headboard. The sheet covering his lower body tented over his stiff-as-a-board cock. The smells of whatever Cassie had concocted refocused his attention. “What is it?” He picked up the flattened sandwich-like thing from the plate.

“A panini.” She handed him a cold beer. “Salami, arugula, smoked Gouda and parmesan cheeses, all melted and pressed together on sourdough bread.”

Mike’s mouth watered. Might be flat, but it sure smelled good. He set the beer on the table next to him and shoved the sandwich into his mouth. He bit off a good chunk, and the soft bread, gooey cheese, and spicy salami hit his taste buds.

On top of everything else, the woman can cook anything.

He polished off the rest of the panini in three bites.

“Like it?” Cassie asked between chews.

“It was great.” Mike took a slug of his beer. “But your chili has a special place in my heart.”

“Aw, that’s so sweet, you big lug.” A bright smile lit Cassie’s face, and he felt a distinct tugging on his heart.

He watched her take another bite of her sandwich. “Now for
my
questions.”

Her mouth stilled in mid-chew. When she swallowed, her face tensed and her eyes took on a guarded look.

“Oh, no.” Mike shook his head, laughing. “I just spilled my guts, so you don’t get to freeze up on me.”

“Okay.” A saucy grin split her face as she laid the rest of the sandwich on the table and snuggled next to him.

Mike turned on his side so they were chest to chest. “I’ll start off easy.” He covered them both with the sheet and draped his leg possessively over her hip. “Where are you from?”

“New Jersey.”

No hesitation. Good.

“What did you do for a living before you came here?”

“Tended bar.”

Again, no hesitation, and she’d looked him straight in the eye.

“The way you cook, why were you tending bar?” Mike asked.

Cassie twisted her lips. She was either deep in thought or concocting a lie.

“The right opportunity never presented itself,” she said finally.

“What made you come up here to Hopewell Springs?”

“I needed a change.” She lowered her gaze to his chest. “A big one.”

“Why the change?” Mike looped a lock of her thick, shiny hair around his finger, marveling at its silkiness.

“My old job was…” she paused, and the creamy skin over her nose furrowed adorably, “…in a way, killing me.”

He arched a brow. “That’s a pretty harsh description of bartending.”

“I guess it was more the people I worked for than anything else. People like them always showed up wherever I’d get a job.” Cassie’s crystalline green eyes were shrouded with what looked to Mike like sadness. Disappointment, maybe.

He studied her lovely face and touched his fingers to her cheek. “What kind of people?”

She lowered her voice, but her tone was laced with anger. “The kind that use others for their own personal gain until there’s nothing left but an empty, wasted shell.”

A dark suspicion gnawed in Mike’s gut. He gripped Cassie’s chin lightly in his fingers. “Did someone hurt you?” When she didn’t answer right away, fear, then rage, grew in his chest.

“No, but I got tired of seeing it happen to others, so I ran away.” A shy, tentative smile crept to her lips, and Mike let go of her chin.

“What about your family? Are your parents still alive? And what about those brothers you said trained you to be such a practical joker?”

She skimmed her hand over his chest, warming it everywhere she touched. “My parents are still alive, and I have three older brothers, no sisters. I see one of my brothers regularly, but the others are usually away. We’re all pretty close, and I miss them terribly.”

When she sighed and got a faraway look in her eyes, he knew she was being honest. She really did love her family. “Do your parents work?”

“No.” Cassie sat up and pulled the sheet down to uncover his abdomen. “They’re retired.” She traced the ridges and contours of his stomach with the tips of her fingers, making his cock come to life beneath the sheet.

Mike cleared his throat. “What do your brothers do?”

“Enough questions.” Cassie climbed on top of him and kissed him, grinding her hips against his straining erection.

Blood surged through him, centering in his balls.

Interrogation over. Good call.

She slid her fingers down his side, over his hips, and grasped his erection in her hand. His cock bucked like a bronco.

“You know…” She leaned over and ran her tongue up his neck to nibble on his chin. “What kind of a hostess would I be if I didn’t serve dessert?” She got off him to grab something from the tray.

“Dessert?” Mike croaked. “Now?” The only thing on his mind was burying himself deep inside her for the rest of the night.

A sultry, sexy smile tilted her lips as she slid her hand into the brown paper bag. “Yes, dessert.” Cassie pulled out a tall red and white can and a dark brown plastic squeeze bottle.

“Whipped cream and chocolate syrup?” Mike chuckled. “Where’s the ice cream?” He peered around her shoulder to search the tray.

“There is none.”

“Then what—?” He narrowed his eyes. “Oh, no.”

Cassie nodded emphatically, grinning. “Oh,
yes
.” She set the containers on the mattress and yanked back the sheet. The fabric billowed as she tossed it over the foot rail, leaving Mike’s entire lower body exposed.

“Christ.” He fell backward onto the pillows. “What the hell have I gotten myself into?” Then he laughed so hard the bed shook.

Cassie rose onto her knees, untied her robe and tossed that, too, over the foot rail. With a devilish glint in her eyes, she thumbed the cap off the syrup and proceeded to drizzle it over his erection. Mike hissed as the liquid chocolate hit the head of his stiff shaft. When some of it trickled down to his balls, he jerked his hips off the mattress.

“Holy shit.” He flung his forearm over his eyes, gritting his teeth. When Cassie giggled, he pulled his arm from his face in time to see her pick up the can of whipped cream and shake it. Her breasts jiggled with every shake, and with every shake Mike’s cock grew so hard it throbbed. She flipped the cap off the nozzle and sprayed a generous amount of whipped cream up and down and across every sensitized inch of his chocolate-drenched erection.

He sucked in a sharp breath. “You
are
trying to kill me.”

“Hardly.” She paused to survey her work, then added another squirt of cream onto each of his balls. Cassie licked her lips, then tossed the can onto the floor where it landed with a
thump
. She leaned down and gave his cock a full swipe with her tongue from the base all the way to the tip.

Mike growled and gripped the bars of the headboard. His gaze was riveted to the sight of Cassie lapping at him, licking, stripping him clean of the chocolate syrup and whipped cream. The feel of her hot mouth and tongue had him bucking against her face. As her head moved up and down over him, she moaned, a deep, throaty sound that was nearly his undoing. His dick was so charged and ready, it felt like sparks were shooting out of his head. Both heads. He gripped the bed’s rail so tightly his fingers cramped.

“Mmmmm.” Cassie slid lower to lick his balls and didn’t stop until they, too, were spotless and hard as bowling balls. “Yummy,” she said with her lips against his ultra-sensitive skin.

“Jesus, let me get inside you.” Mike couldn’t stand it any longer and released the bars of the headboard.

“I’m not done yet.” A streak of chocolate glistened on her upper lip, and she swiped it with her tongue and swallowed. Then she grasped his cock and took him fully inside her mouth.

Mike gripped the sheets and thrust his hips upward, rocking into her mouth. “Cassie, stop.” Heat built around his balls. His breathing became labored. “Can’t. Hold. Out. Much. Longer.”

She didn’t stop. Didn’t slow. Her mouth slid up and down, faster and faster, sucking, drawing him deeper inside her hot mouth.

He let go of the sheets to grab the rungs of the headboard again. He bucked harder and hissed in air through clenched teeth. Lightning bolts exploded from his cock as he shot everything he had into her mouth. He shouted out her name again and again as she sucked him dry. His heart slammed against the inside of his rib cage.

Unbelievable.

After a few moments, he cracked open his lids to see Cassie straddling his thighs, smiling. Mike grabbed her arms and pulled her down, pressing her head to his chest.

“Well, Chef Cassie,” he managed to say, still finding it difficult to breathe. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to think of dessert quite the same way again.”

“I certainly hope not.” She snuggled against him, resting her head on his chest. “As a chef, I take great pride in satisfying my customers.”

“You definitely accomplished that. And then some.” While he waited for his body to calm down, literally, and for his breathing to return to normal, Mike threaded his fingers through Cassie’s hair, loving the way it shimmered in the light. He closed his eyes, completely content.

Some time later, he woke to the feel of Cassie draped over his chest. Beneath his hand, her back rose and fell with every breath. He inhaled deeply, loving her flowery scent. As he watched the moon through the window against a backdrop of dark sky, he lazily caressed Cassie’s back. He could get used to this. And then it hit him.