By Any Other Name (11 page)

He got dressed in his room and checked his e-mail, which confirmed that Al had called the new shrink, Patricia, and Skye had an appointment every Tuesday and Wednesday from next week on. Skye sighed. It was something he had learned to depend on, the therapy. It had been rough doing only phone sessions with Al since he’d arrived. Maybe he should have been less interested in spending what would most likely be the rest of his life in therapy, but hell, it did help him. Without Dr. Al, he wouldn’t be half the person he was now.

Still in his thoughts, he walked out of his room and heard some music downstairs. Leaning over the loft railing, he saw Dru in the kitchen. The radio was louder than usual, probably because he seemed to like the song. Skye laughed under his breath and backed away enough to be able to see Dru and still stay somewhat hidden himself.

The blond was frying eggs and dancing to the song he was listening to. The low-riding jeans and white tank looked stunning against his tan and light hair. Lost in the song and the movement of his own body, swaying and waving the spatula in the air, Skye’s friend was beautiful. And then it hit him: he was thinking like that about someone. In a way that made him feel
something
. Like he wanted to maybe touch Dru and… and
hold him
.

He backed away even more, enough to end up sitting on the couch. Staring into nothing, Skye used his skills from years of therapy to first calm himself down and then think about it rationally. He had never found anyone attractive. Not women, not men. Nobody. Ever. Truth be told, he hadn’t really wanted anything to do with the giggly, stupid girls while still in school. He had hung out with Dru. Then, before he had even kissed anyone, he was taken away from Rowan Falls and…. And then in the Institute, a few weeks into his stay, while he was heavily medicated, one of the other patients, a crazy lady everyone called Miss Yvette, had come to his room and….

Luckily Tim had come in to check on him before she could do anything really bad, but he still felt violated and betrayed. He was supposed to be safe. It had set his progress back for months. When he was finally off enough meds to be able to go out of his room, he had heard that Miss Yvette had been moved to another floor of the Institution and was being kept under surveillance. He had to be given sleeping pills for a long time to be able to sleep for the night. He just couldn’t sleep knowing she was in the building.

After the episode with Yvette, Skye had been absolutely certain about two things: one, he never wanted to be that heavily medicated again, and two, women could be as abusive as men. It had been the same thing again, not being able to do anything but watch, out of it but still able to see and feel most of what was happening to him. It wasn’t about being drugged and tied up this time; it was being medicated enough not to be able to lift a limb to protect himself. And it had happened in a place where he was supposed to be really safe for the first time.

He wondered how much of a freak he actually was, being twenty-three and having never been aroused by another human being. Not after his teens, anyway. Back then… it was all hazy, he wasn’t sure what he had been doing or thinking. Normal teenage stuff—he remembered having wet dreams, anyway, just not the contents of his dreams, because he had shut out his sexuality as soon as that man laid his hand on him for the first time. It wasn’t supposed to be like that. He also knew his body could deceive him, betray him by making him hard when the right buttons were pushed, so to speak. And the man had known about those buttons—it had taken a few times for Skye to be so mentally broken that his body had given up on trying to do its job. That was when the beatings and being shackled in the corner had started.

None of this was about the man, though. This was about Skye feeling something he had never felt before. Seeing Dru dancing in the kitchen hadn’t made him hard or anything, it had just felt… warm. Like he wanted to be closer to the blond, like he had finally opened his eyes and seen someone lovely for the first time.

It wasn’t quite that simple. He could identify someone handsome or beautiful when he saw them. Like Kara—she was very beautiful in her own way, red hair and sparkling eyes and a nice smile. Her body was maybe fuller than what you saw on TV or pictures in the magazines, but her beauty was unique. It just didn’t make Skye feel things. Then there was Thom, who was also handsome, especially when he looked at Dru, and Skye could tell he was in some ways a very handsome man. But no, Skye didn’t want him either.

But he wanted Dru. Not… not quite like people usually wanted each other. Not sexually, at least not yet, not now. Besides, he’d never get between someone like Dru and his partner. They were so in love with each other it was almost painful to watch. Not because he was jealous of them but because he wanted to know how it felt to be in such a relationship. To be loved in such a way.

He could hide this, what he was thinking. Yes, that was what Skye would do. He’d stop himself from messing this up. He had Dru back in his life, and he would hold on to this, feeling secure in this house, and then one day when he was ready to live on his own, he would move. He’d still meet Dru occasionally; he’d not lose his friend. Especially not because he was fucking up Dru and Thom’s relationship. No.

Having decided, he got up and walked down the stairs. The smile Dru shot him over his shoulder made his heart stutter.

“Morning!” Dru said. It was obvious he was in a good mood.

“Morning. Did you already go for a run despite the weather?” Skye asked and sat down at the breakfast bar.

“Yeah, while you were doing your workout routine. Just a quick run around the path in the forest.” Dru smiled and leaned over to put some bread into the toaster.

“You went for a run and it’s raining cats and dogs? Seriously?”

“Oh yeah, I just came right back and got into a hot shower. Besides, the rain is quite warm, not freezing like you’d think.”

“If you say so. But what’s got you in such a good mood?” he asked, and Dru chuckled.

“The note. What else?”

Skye picked up the note from the island and smiled a bit.

Should be back after midday, just finishing up for the week. T.            

“That’s good news. I was thinking about maybe staying in my room a bit, chatting with Tim and reading. I want to give you two time to hang out just the two of you,” Skye said, and Dru turned to look at him with an expression he wasn’t sure how to read.

“Don’t you want to hang out with us?”

“I do, but I’ve been here for a couple of weeks now, and you haven’t had time for you. I don’t want to be the third wheel,” Skye said, and he wasn’t lying—he
had
just thought about putting a bit of distance between himself and the happy couple.

“You’re not a third wheel, Skye!” Dru said with passion that almost scared Skye a bit. And then his friend was suddenly right next to him and placing his hand, very slowly, on Skye’s shoulder. “You’re not a third wheel, you’re my best friend, Skye. And Thom likes you too. We still have our room where we’re alone every night, and we talk before we go to sleep. Even if you weren’t here, we’d be sitting in the living room, watching TV or movies like we do now. You’re not in the way.” Dru’s tone was so genuine Skye wanted to just believe him and lean back into the touch on his shoulder.

That was the thought that changed it for him: the fact that he was enjoying and welcoming Dru’s touch. It wasn’t supposed to be Dru.

“No, I think I need some privacy too, and I think you need it as well,” Skye said and leaned away from the touch he was suddenly craving.

“Okay… if you say so,” Dru murmured, and if Skye had been looking, he would’ve seen the hurt in the other man’s eyes.

They did like they had done every day so far: Dru worked, and Skye read somewhere in the house or took a nap on the couch next to where Dru was working.

“We’ll go to the mall on Monday if I feel okay, so you can make sure I look good for the first therapy session on Tuesday, okay?” Skye decided that he wanted to make Dru smile again.

“Okay, that would be great.” Dru smiled, and then, to Skye’s relief, they went on with their day like always.

Thom
came home as he had promised, a bit past midday. They all had lunch together and agreed on having pizza for dinner later, and then Skye went to his room to read. It was actually quite nice knowing there was life in the house and that he was safe while reading in his own quiet room.

After an hour or so, Skye got thirsty and wandered downstairs to find a soda. It appeared that they were out of his favorite kind, something Thom had introduced him to, and he sighed.

“What is it?” Thom asked from the couch where he had been watching some show, probably waiting for Dru to be done with something else so that they could watch a movie together.

“Out of soda.” Skye frowned and then looked at the little cup next to where he kept his meds. The cup had some money in it in case any of them needed something from the neighborhood shop or to pay for the takeout they so often ordered.

He could do that, couldn’t he? Go into the store alone? First hurdle to get over, something he’d have to learn eventually.

“Thom?” he asked quietly, making the older man get up from the couch and walk to him.

“What is it?” Thom asked more worriedly, stopping next to him, almost hovering while being careful not to touch Skye.

“Do you think,” Skye started and then poked at the cup with his index finger. “Could I go alone?”

“Are you sure? Only if you’re sure, Skye. I can go with you or for you, but if you want to do this, I’ll support you, and so will Dru.”

“I think… I’ll have to start somewhere. And I’ve been there a couple of times with Dru.” Skye sighed and reached for some bills to stick into his pocket.

“Okay. Okay… but if you feel bad at any point, get out of there, okay?” Thom said and smiled at him encouragingly.

Skye nodded and turned to go and pull his sneakers on. The weather was nice and clear now; the rain from the morning had subsided, and he didn’t take a jacket with him. His long-sleeved T-shirt would do.

He walked briskly toward the bridge beyond Kara’s house and over it, heading for the path that would lead to the corner of the shop beyond the wooded area. He walked behind some yards, surprising himself with the calmness he felt in the lovely, fragrant summer air. The rain had done wonders; it felt like the nature around him was somehow brighter, and it affected his mood. The fear faded for a moment, and he walked with a small smile on his lips and didn’t lose it even when he got to the store.

It was as close to a traditional mom-and-pop store as one could get in a new neighborhood like this. The lady behind the counter nodded at him, and he returned the smile directed at him. She knew him now, and she was one of Dru’s fans, one of the people who were almost instantly charmed by Skye’s charismatic friend.

Smiling, Skye walked to the back of the shop to pick up his soda, and once he got his six-pack, he turned to walk the other side of the shop to the cash register. Everything was fine. He felt calm and collected. Of course it was too good to last. His eyes swept over the shelves, and then his gaze landed on the tiny part of the shop where some common household tools were on display.

Locks, chains, hammers, bolt cutters…. And suddenly his world was spinning, his breathing coming in gasps as he crumpled to the floor, clutching his cans of soda to his chest like a lifeline. The shelves were tall—the lady in front hadn’t noticed him collapsing like that. That had to be a plus.

Images swam in his mind of close spaces, rattling chains, and he was sure he felt a distant echo of the collar around his neck squeezing the air out of him as he struggled against it in vain.

“Skye? Skye?!”

A small hand landed on his shoulder, and he flinched away from it, then realized it wasn’t the huge paw of the man that had hurt him. He tried to breathe, to think, to come back from the flashback, but he couldn’t. A small, desperate wail left his mouth, and suddenly there were arms around him. Someone warm and soft pressed against him, and to his utter surprise, even in the state he was in, he didn’t struggle away from the person.