By His Rules (17 page)

wriggled until his thin frame was pressed against the

length of Keaton’s body, his head on Keaton’s shoulder.

He tipped his face up so that his lips were inches from

Keaton’s. Then he leaned in, closed his eyes, and kissed

Keaton.

The kiss was soft, brief, and chaste, but the contact

jolted Keaton, and for an instant all he could think to do

was pull Aiden against him and kiss him all night.

Instead he wound an arm around the boy, cradling

him, and brushed his lips against his forehead. “Rest,”

he repeated.

Aiden stroked Keaton’s chest through his shirt. “I

should do something for you.”

Keaton caught his hand gently, lacing his fingers

through Aiden’s. “Not right now,” Keaton said, rubbing

Aiden’s knuckles with his thumb.

Aiden’s voice became very small. “Why don’t you

want me? Am I really that bad now?”

“That bad?” Keaton repeated, confused.

“That ugly.” Aiden’s voice broke. He swiped his

free hand over his eyes.

“God no,” Keaton said, brushing the hair back from

Aiden’s forehead. “You’re so beautiful, Aiden.”

“Then why don’t you want me? I’m clean, if that’s

what you’re worried about.”

“It’s not.” Keaton paused. “Do you want me?”

Aiden nodded.

“Do you really want me, or do you just feel you

owe me something? That I expect something from you?”

Aiden met his eyes. “I really want you.”

Aiden met his eyes. “I really want you.”

Keaton swallowed. He pulled Aiden closer, tucked

the boy’s head under his chin. “I want you too,” he said

softly. “But I think you need time to heal.”

“I’m fine,” Aiden insisted. “You can check if you

want. Really.”

Keaton winced. “I don’t just mean physically.”

Aiden pulled away from Keaton. “Why does

everyone think there’s something wrong with me?” he

demanded. “I’m not fucking scarred for life. I knew what

I was doing with Scott. Nothing happened that I didn’t

ask for!”

“What do you mean when you say ‘ask for’? You

actually requested he do what he did to you? Or you feel

you deserved it?”

Aiden looked down. “I don’t know,” he muttered.

“I said he could do whatever he wanted, and I’d take it. I

said he could train me.”

“But when you told him no, that night… ”

“He fucking did it anyway.” Aiden’s voice was full

of bitter hurt and confusion. “But he had a right to. It was

part of the agreement.”

“Look at me.” Keaton waited until he did. “Did

you safe word?”

“I… ”

“Did you safe word?”

Aiden swallowed. “Yes.”

“Then he had absolutely no right to continue. None.

Do you understand me?”

Aiden closed his eyes. “But he… ”

“Look at me.”

Aiden opened his eyes. “I shouldn’t have been so…

I was fighting him. On purpose. Usually I liked that kind

of stuff. You know? Where I’d fight and he’d get pissed?”

“Did you want to have sex that night? Did you want

him to hit you?”

“No. But I… I told him that I liked knowing he

would, even if I didn’t want him to.”

“Did you like it that night?”

Aiden was silent for a moment. “No.”

“That’s why you safe worded. And that’s why Scott

should have stopped.”

Aiden tried to roll away, but Keaton held on to him.

“Leave me alone,” Aiden snapped.

“Not a chance.” Keaton moved the pillows and

stretched out alongside Aiden, spooning the boy against

him. “We’re not going to do anything tonight but sleep,”

he said. “You need it.”

“You don’t know what I need,” Aiden muttered.

But he didn’t resist anymore, and he nestled a little bit

closer to Keaton.

Keaton stroked his back until Aiden’s breathing

evened out. “I think I have a pretty good idea,” he

whispered to the sleeping boy.

A wonderful smell filled the house when Aiden

woke the next morning. He listened for a moment to the

clink of dishes in the kitchen, the running water. He was

surprised the smell of food didn’t make him sick. His

stomach muscles felt less tight than usual. His head

didn’t hurt. He didn’t have the sense of having just come

out of a nightmare.

He shut his eyes as the details of last night came

back to him with alarming clarity. His refusal to drink

the shake… the broken glass… what he’d revealed to

Keaton about his relationship with Scott. He sighed,

wondering if there was any way he could slip out the

window, climb down the side of the house on a sheet

rope, and escape.

Except he didn’t want to escape. If Keaton was

going to punish him for last night—and Aiden couldn’t

imagine that Keaton wouldn’t—Aiden would take what

he had coming. Because he felt safer in this house, with

this man, than he could remember feeling in a long time.

He got up, got dressed, and went downstairs.

Keaton had two enormous waffles stacked on a plate,

and was removing a third from the waffle iron.

“That smells amazing,” Aiden said.

Keaton turned and grinned at him. “My secret

every-other-Saturday-morning indulgence.”

“What’s in them? They smell like—”

“Banana and chopped pecans.”

“Wow.”

“You hungry?”

“Sort of,” Aiden admitted. He watched Keaton,

waiting for him to make some comment about last night.

Keaton nudged one of the waffles onto a smaller

plate and handed it to Aiden.

“Butter and syrup are on the table.”

“You’re trying to make me fat,” Aiden accused with

a weak laugh.

“It’ll take more than a waffle to put some flesh on

those ribs.”

Aiden tensed, remembering Scott’s comments about

his body.
“What am I supposed to do with this?”
Scott had

asked, trailing his nails down Aiden’s chest.
“I don’t even

want to fuck you, you scrawny whore…”

“Aiden?” Keaton was watching him. “You all

right?”

Aiden tried to smile. “Fine.”

He was struggling to find a way to apologize for

the previous night when Keaton shocked him by saying,

“I’m sorry about last night.”

“What are you sorry for?” Aiden asked,

incredulous. “I’m the one who was awful.”

“I’m sorry I tried to force you to drink that shake

when you weren’t feeling well.”

Aiden drizzled syrup on his waffle. “I was a shit. I

shouldn’t have thrown the glass.”

“No. But you were angry and stressed, and you had

a right to be. I don’t mean to be so pushy. I just worry

about you.”

“Why?” Aiden was genuinely curious.

Keaton turned off the waffle iron, wiped his hands

on a dish towel, and leaned against the counter. “I guess

because you don’t seem to worry enough about

yourself.”

“Oh.” Aiden took a bite of his waffle. It tasted good,

and the warmth of it was pleasant in his stomach.

“And because I like you.”

Aiden nearly inhaled his waffle. Calm down, he

told himself. He didn’t say he loved you. He didn’t say

he wanted to marry you. He doesn’t even want to fuck

you. “Why? You don’t even know me.”

“It’s very plain that you’re intelligent and talented,

that you’ve got a lot of potential.”

Darkness crept over Aiden. Scott had thought he

had potential too. The potential to suck cock, lick boots,

and spread his legs on command.

He forced himself to eat almost half the waffle. It

tasted good, but his stomach was already churning after

a couple of bites.

“Do you have plans to do any more theater in the

area?” Keaton asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“The community college does a couple of plays in

the spring. I know you said the other night you wanted

to move to a city where you could find work as an actor.

But if you’re still around this spring, that might be an

option.”

“Yeah. It’s kind of hard to figure out what to do

next. I mean, I’m not moving anywhere until I’ve saved

some money. Which means I need a job. Fast.” Aiden

took another bite of his waffle. “I’ve been thinking about

graduate school,” he admitted, staring at his plate. He

wondered if Keaton felt the same way about going to

grad school for theater as Scott.

“Really? An MFA program?”

“Does that sound stupid?”

“Why would it sound stupid?”

Aiden shrugged. “Scott said it was a waste of time.

But it’s not like I’d lose any money if I got into a good

program. They’d pay my tuition and a stipend.”

Keaton sat at the table and started to cut his own

waffle. “That sounds great. What programs are you

looking at?”

“Um, UC Irvine and Case Western. And maybe

State. That’s where I did my undergrad. I’d really like to

go to Case.”

“What do you like about it?”

“They have a partnership with the Cleveland

Playhouse, so MFA students get to work with a

professional theater. And I kind of like Cleveland. I’ve

been there a couple of times. I don’t think it’s as bad as

everyone says.”

“It has a—
unique
charm.” Keaton grinned. “I’ve got

a friend who teaches at Cleveland State, which is pretty

near Case. They’ve been trying to hire a new art faculty

member. He keeps pestering me to apply.”

“Are you going to?” Aiden asked.

Keaton shrugged. “I don’t know. My gut usually

tells me when it’s time for a change, and it’s been

nagging me for a few months now. I’ll at least finish out

my year here.”

“Would it be hard to sell the house?”

“I rent, actually. I’ve got a very cool landlady, who

lets me do things like paint the guest room strange

colors.”

“Yeah.” Aiden looked at the floor.

“So are you applying to schools this year?”

“I don’t know. I started some applications, but… ”

“But?”

“But maybe it is a waste of time. I mean, I don’t

even have the money for application fees right now. And

the deadlines are coming up, and I just—I don’t feel—

ready.”

Keaton nodded. “I see.”

“I’d have to audition too. I might audition for Case

in person, since it’s not that far away. Then send video

auditions to the other schools. I just haven’t spent much

time working on monologues lately.”

“You’ve got time.”

“Maybe.” Aiden didn’t want to talk about this

anymore. “I’m going out for a while,” he said. “Thanks

for breakfast.” The temptation was to bolt, but he figured

after last night the least he could do was wash his plate.

He went to the sink and looked for a trash can where he

could throw the rest of his waffle. Keaton got up and

stepped close to him. Aiden could feel the other man’s

heat, smell his shampoo. He shivered, dying for their

bodies to brush against one another, not sure he could

survive if they did.

“I’ll take that if you’re not going to eat it.” Keaton

reached over and snagged the waffle from Aiden’s plate,

grazing Aiden’s hand as he did. Aiden nearly dropped

the plate. How was this man—so calm, so kind, so

bookish—so electrifyingly
hot
?

“It may ruin my figure, but that’s a risk I’m willing

to take.”

“Nothing could ruin your figure,” Aiden said

before he could stop himself. He blushed, feeling

Keaton’s gaze on him as he put his plate in the

dishwasher. “I mean—you look good.”

He hurried from the room before he could

embarrass himself further. He spent the afternoon at the

library, looking at job classifieds on the computer. There

were a couple of hotel desk jobs he could apply for—

night shift, both of them.
Why not? I’m not doing much

sleeping
. The idea of being a desk clerk sounded

unfathomably boring.

He briefly pulled up his application to Irvine on the

computer. All he had left to do for that one was his

personal statement. He groaned silently. He didn’t even

want to think about that right now.

He left the library, discouraged. He stopped by

Hera’s, but she wasn’t home, so he sat down on her stoop

and tried to appreciate that the sun was shining on such

a chilly afternoon. He realized the best part of his day by

far had been talking to Keaton over waffles. Keaton

made it easy to talk, though Aiden still worried about

revealing too much.

He has his own life. He doesn’t want to spend his free time