By Proxy (29 page)

She plopped down on the loveseat across from him, anxious to get this conversation over with so she could get rid of Erik and have time to clear her mind and sort her thoughts before writing her e-mail to Sam.

She put her coffee cup on the table and faced him squarely. “So?”

“Pappa told us you’re going to Chicago.” His blue eyes, so similar to hers in shape and color, held hers seriously.

She wouldn’t be cowered. “Maybe. If that’s what it takes.”

“For Sam,” he confirmed.

She tilted her head to the side, eyeballing him, then nodded curtly, feeling huffy.

He breathed in deeply about to speak, but Jenny decided she had had enough. “You know what, Erik? I get it. I’m the little Lindstrom sister and you think I have no business chasing after a man in Chicago. And you’re afraid I’m going to get my heart broken and good. So I am sure you drew the short straw and the boys sent you over or whatever. But, it’s
my
life.
Mine
. And while I appreciate the protective thing you three have going here—”

“Wanted to wish you luck, Jen.”

Jenny stopped short and stared at her brother with her mouth open. This was the last thing she expected to hear. “You what?”

“I just wanted to come by and wish you luck with everything.”

Tears filled her eyes as she looked at Erik’s face, so open and genuine, and she realized how much it meant to her to have his support, his blessing. She bit her cheek to keep from crying and barely whispered the word, “Luck?”

“You used to have a lot of heart, Jen. That first time the boys came to get you up in Great Falls? I know you told them to go to hell forty ways from Friday. I also know the second time they went up to get you, you had to come home because of Mamma. You had no choice. But I wasn’t with them, Jen. Neither time. Wasn’t with them, because I knew you had to come home, but I still hated it.

“Gardiner isn’t for everyone. Isn’t for you and it might surprise you to know that it isn’t for me, either. Pappa, Nils and Lars, they love the park. They’d go on in there every day and wander around whether they got paid for it or not. And, aww, I love the park, Jen. You know I do. But, it’s not everything for me. It’s not what I want. It’s not enough. Maybe we both got scared of leaving, you and me. I don’t know.

“But, I know I got woke up watching you, Jen. All that heart suddenly came back to you and I got to thinking…well, I think
Sam
woke you up. I think that’s what happened. You know how I feel about being tied down. It’s not for me, that’s for sure. But I’m happy for you.

“So, I just wanted to wish you luck, Jenny-girl. You’re my family and I’m sorry to see you go far away, but I sure do understand.” He stood up, placing Casey on the floor, cocked his head to the side and gave her a stern look. “And one last thing. You got your heart back. Good. Now don’t get it broken,
lillesøster
.”

Jenny launched herself across the room into her brother’s arms, resting her head on his shoulder and loving the sturdy strength of him so close to her. When she leaned back, Erik swiped at his eyes and cleared his throat.

“Got to go to work.”

Jenny nodded. “Thanks for this, Erik.”

He nodded back and headed for the door, then turned before he twisted the knob to leave. “Heya, Jen? Wherever you end up? Let me know. Might be looking for a fresh start, too.”

“Wherever I am, Erik, there will always be room for you
. Elsker deg
.”
Love you.

“Elsker deg også,
Jen
,
” he whispered in Norwegian, holding her eyes before closing the door behind him.

***

With her father and Erik on her side, Jenny knew Nils and Lars would come around. She smiled to herself, wondering what Erik wanted for his life, wondering how long he had felt quietly dissatisfied with Gardiner, as she had.
What a lot of wasted time.
She wished they had been able to share their feelings and find strength in one another’s longing for more than Gardiner had to offer.

She sighed, and Erik’s words replayed in her head, “All that heart suddenly come back to you and I got to thinking…well, I think
Sam
woke you up.”
Sam woke me up.
She knew that Erik, who was generally so wary of love, was right. The part of her that found love, the part of her that knew the mesmerizing sweetness of passion, the part of her that finally found the courage to leave Gardiner—that part of her was asleep until she met him, until loving him and being loved by him awakened her.

She clasped her hands together and closed her eyes, her heart overwhelmed with gratitude and joy to know love’s transforming power in her life.
Now please don’t let me be too late. Please don’t let him have moved on. Please, please let us still have a chance to be together.

She settled on the loveseat, typed in her e-mail address and password and felt tingles of nervous energy in her belly. She was about to open a second browser to search for airline tickets when she noticed an e-mail from Ingrid in her inbox, sent six hours ago. Surprised and curious, she decided to read Ingrid’s e-mail before buying her tickets.

Dear Jenny,

Merry Christmas to my best friend. I am guessing you had a traditional Svenska Christmas Eve with your dad and the boys and I imagine you reading this the day after Christmas. How was Bozeman? Did your crazy, weird uncle try to kiss you under the mistletoe again? I hope you had your running shoes on!

Kristian had a message from Sam that mentioned you two had an intense weekend together. Kristian says that it’s not our place to get involved, and I think he’d be mad I was writing to you. (Then again, he knows me so well, part of me wonders if that’s why he forwarded Sam’s message to me in the first place.) We don’t know exactly what happened between you two and I don’t even know if you want to see him.

But, I know you, Jenny-girl. You’ve never given your heart away. I am wondering if you gave it to Sam. Based on what he told us, I am thinking you did. And on that suspicion, I need to tell you something:

Sam’s in Great Falls. He’s spending the rest of Christmas week and New Year’s there at the Triple Peak Lodge. Kristian’s grandparents used to own it. It’s somewhere between Great Falls and Choteau. He heads back to Chicago on New Year’s Day.

What you do with this information is up to you. If whatever was between you two is over, I guess you delete this e-mail and get on with your life. If it’s not, stop reading, get off your ass, and drive north, girl.

Here’s what I know, Jen…being away from Kris is awful. Being apart has made me realize how precious a gift it is when we are together. Don’t let this slip away if it’s the real deal.
I
can’t be with the man I love. But, there is no good reason
you
can’t.

Drive safely.

We love you,

Ingrid, Kristian and Baby S.

Chapter 12

Sam stared at the roaring fire, sitting on the edge of an easy chair, his elbows on his knees and his hands folded out in front of him. The warmth from the blaze in the massive lobby fireplace was comforting on his cold hands. He had arrived at the Triple Peak the day before yesterday, and as the days went on, he was certain he was finally on the right path for his life. Being back in Montana after the cacophony of Chicago was soothing and exciting at once, and as Sam strenuously considered a permanent move to the state he had always loved, his heart felt lighter than it had in weeks.

His job interview at Davis Financial this evening had gone predictably well. Sam knew his education and experience overqualified him for the open position, but surprisingly, they wanted to venture into some really interesting, quantitative, cutting-edge solutions and were willing to give him some latitude in hiring talent for his own team and rolling out the program at his own pace and discretion. It would have been another five or six years before MTA would have offered him anything close, and even then his ideas would have been bogged down in the bureaucracy of a large company. No, there weren’t going to be many posh client dinners in downtown Chicago, but his subtle understanding of the office culture—mostly based on watching a mass exodus of people at 5:01 p.m. while he was still being interviewed in a glass conference room—indicated quitting time was quitting time, and the employees of Davis were encouraged to get home to their families in lieu of late nights at the office. It was exactly what Sam was looking for. They asked him for an answer by January 2, and Sam was ninety percent sure of his answer.

The outstanding ten percent rested on Jenny’s unaware shoulders. He planned to go see her tomorrow, and he hoped and prayed that her heart would still be open to him. But he would be lying if he said he wasn’t worried. He was. She hadn’t reached out to him in any way since she had run out of the courthouse in tears. He wasn’t certain she would welcome him back into her life.

That’s okay
.
As long as there’s even the slightest sliver of hope, I will take the job in Great Falls and I will court her properly, driving down to Gardiner every weekend until she softens. I will do anything to have her in my life. I love her.

He had taken a walk around Great Falls after his interview, trying to see the city through new eyes. It wasn’t a bad little city: shopping areas and restaurants, big stores, small boutiques and the university. He meandered through the unfamiliar paths of the university, dusting the snow off a bench to sit for a few minutes and imagine Jenny going to school here. He had visited Kristian once in his senior year, meeting Ingrid at the time, but it was a short weekend that had included a visit up in Choteau, so he didn’t have vivid memories of the campus.

He began his walk back to his hotel, passing a store called Montana Sapphire. As he walked by, the brilliant gold of the setting sun bounced off something in the window so brightly it blinded Sam for a moment in his walk. He backed up and took a look in the window, noting the offender was a light blue gem cut into a star shape, mounted on a platinum band. He stared at it for a while, knowing full and well his unexpected impulse to buy it was ridiculous. He didn’t even know if she would speak to him and he was looking at engagement rings?
Keep moving, Sam.

He walked down two more blocks before turning around and walking back briskly and entering the store.

“The light blue ring in the window?” he asked, gesturing to it.

“Oh, yes. The North Star model. It’s not a sapphire, sir. It’s a star-cut diamond. Unusual, right? For a special lady. It has eighty-six facets, and this particular ring is one-point-five carats and has a color rating of H. Do you want me to price it for you, sir?”

He ended up buying it. Truth be told, he’d been sold by the words “North Star” and couldn’t seem to leave the store without it. He didn’t have a finger to put it on yet but he hoped maybe one day—someday—once Jenny had forgiven him, he might have the chance to give it to her.

Back at the hotel, he had stuffed the small box in his suitcase, feeling foolish and determined to return the expensive ring to the store tomorrow. He didn’t even know where the impulse to make such an impractical purchase had come from.
An expensive ring for no good reason. Ridiculous, Sam.

It’s just that life felt so
possible
in the last day or two. Leaving Chicago. Moving to Great Falls. The hope that he could win Jenny back and have her in his life.
Possible.

The fire was warm against his skin so he leaned back into the comfortable softness of the easy chair, closing his eyes, enjoying the din of conversation in the lobby of the lodge, the smell of the crackling fire, the soft classical music being piped into the room.

He heard her voice before he saw her. “Oh! Are you staying here too?”

This was his mind playing a trick on him, just as it had at those nightclubs in Chicago when his eyes had seen Jenny in every blonde woman he beheld. He kept his eyes closed. It wasn’t her voice. It was merely another woman whose voice sounded like her.

“Sam?”

His eyes flew open at the sound of his name and he jolted forward like he had been shocked. This wasn’t a trick. It was her, standing before him.

Jenny.

A massive lump formed in his throat and his face crumpled with emotion, seeing her beautiful face in front of him. He leaned forward in embarrassment to cover his face with hands for a moment, then he ran them back through his hair, standing up on wobbly legs, still not totally sure she was real.

“Jen?”

Her wide blue eyes were bright with tears. She nodded at him, unable to speak.

He grabbed her arms and pulled her to him roughly, closing his arms around her, his fingers curling into fists with handfuls of her sweater. He rested his cheek against her head, working his jaw, feeling a tear slip from his eye and trail down his face into her hair. He felt her arms around his back, and closed his eyes. After weeks of aching longing, he was holding her.

Say something! Say something, Sam!

But the lump in his throat wouldn’t allow it.

Anyhow, words would have just been in the way.

***

Jenny closed her eyes, resting her cheek against his chest, hearing the frantic thumping of his heart and the ragged unevenness of his breathing. His arms were around her so tightly she couldn’t even lean back to look at him. He had looked at her almost like she was an apparition, like it was impossible for her to suddenly appear before him. His face had crumpled and he had covered it to hide his tears, so overcome by her sudden appearance.

In that moment Jenny knew she would never willingly live another day of her life away from Sam. Almost losing him once was enough to prove to her that—like father, like daughter—she would follow him to China, she would follow him to hell, she would rather die than be without him. It didn’t matter
where
she was, as long as she was with him.

He finally leaned back, and she could see the wetness around his eyes and on his cheeks.
His beautiful eyes, his beloved face.
He held her face with a stark intensity in his eyes that almost frightened her. He must have seen her swallow nervously, because he tilted his head to the side and his face softened, searching her eyes, then dipping his head to kiss her.