By Way of the Rose (27 page)

John came home from work that evening to find Sarah gone. So he wandered down towards Mrs. Jenkins’ room. “Hey, is Sarah here?”

“No, she went out riding with Mr. Adkins.” She smiled slyly.

John's nostrils flared as he clutched his jaw. “When did they leave?”

“Around noon. Right after lunch.”

“But it's after four now.”

“Yes, they must be having a grand time.” She smiled again. She seemed to rather enjoy telling him this.

“Thank you, Mrs. Jenkins.” John walked away. He knew Sarah wasn't doing anything wrong, but he was angry anyway. What was wrong with him? Why should she not go for rides with men, especially since he'd never divulged his feelings for her, it was perfectly honorable. But he couldn't help feeling cheated. Just as he settled himself in his chair to stew over the matter, he heard them driving up. He watched as Mr. Adkins helped Sarah from the carriage. “Thank you for a wonderful afternoon, Mr. Adkins.” John heard her say.

“You're most welcome, Miss DuVal. I'm looking forward to tomorrow.”

John became furious.
Tomorrow? What did he mean tomorrow? Surely she's not serious about him!

“Yes.” Sarah smiled. “See you then.” He watched as she pulled her hand from his and walked toward the house.
So, she is going to see him again!
He felt his heart drop.

“Have a nice ride?” John questioned her as she walked through the door.

“It was all right, I guess.” Sarah replied carelessly as she took her bonnet off.

John had made up his mind not to overreact. Not to show bitterness. It was hard. “You
guess
it was all right?”

“Well, it was better than sitting in here all day.”

“Yes, I suppose.”

“Well, we'd better get ready for dinner,” Sarah finally said.

“You go on. I'm eating dinner in my room tonight.”

“Oh, then I will too.”

“Don't let me stop you. You go on.”

“I'd rather spend some time with you.”

“No, there's a world of people out there and it's bigger than me. You need to go see it.” John Smirked.

Sarah felt the coldness of his remarks. She also felt the bitterness and it cut her to the core. “Fine. If that's what you wish. Good night.”

Sarah dressed and went down to the dining room alone. She sat between Mrs. Jenkins and Miss Ruby. Tad smiled warmly at her but she looked away. Sarah didn't like herself much when she treated Tad this way, but she couldn't help herself. Tad was so beautiful, so proper and stylish, and she had been with John learning all these things while she, Sarah, suffered with Nathan. For the first time in her life, Sarah felt what it was like to hate someone out of pure spite. The green eyed monster would rear its ugly head every time Tad was near or even mentioned in conversation.

After dinner Tad sat down in the parlor and played the piano. Mr. Tyson had made sure she had every privilege of a well brought-up young lady. She was very learned in books, manners and style.

“Doesn't she play beautifully?” Mrs. Jenkins smiled at Sarah.

“Yes, she's quite accomplished.”
Is there anything she can't do?
Sarah rolled her eyes. She got up and went to her room tired and cross. She'd had to sit there for almost an hour while Tad performed for everyone. Her cheeks hurt from the fake smile she'd plastered on her face. She couldn't wait to be alone.

“Sarah.” She heard the soft voice of Tad behind her.

“Yes?” She turned.

“Can I talk with you a while?”

“I'm very tired... can it wait until morning?”

“I've just got up the nerve to say something and I'd like to say it now if you'll please hear me out.”

“Very well, then.” They went into Sarah's room to talk. “Have a seat.” Sarah pulled out a chair. Tad sat down and looked into Sarah eyes. Tad's glare made her uncomfortable.

“Why don't you like me?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I know you don't like me and I want to know why,” Tad demanded.

“Why do you need a reason?”

“Because I haven't done anything to you and you treat me like second skimmings. What have I done to you?”

“Does it always bother you this badly when folks don't like you? Haven't you ever been disliked?”

“Yes I have... but you're John's sister and he means a lot to me. I was hoping we could be friends.”

“That isn't possible.”

“Why? Because I'm Negro?”

“No... what a silly thing for you to say to me.”

“I can't think of anything I've done that was so awful except that you must hate Negro people. Am I stepping out of my place? I suppose you think I should be serving you dinner instead of eating it at the same table as you. Is that it?”

“You stop labeling me as something I'm not!” Sarah's temper flared.

“Well you tell me what's wrong or that label is going to stick!”

“You want to know what's wrong? Well, I'll tell you what's wrong. While you've sat up here being taught the piano and being loved by my brother, I was being beat and kicked around. While I longed to just see John for even a second you had him for years. I hate you! I hate that you took my place while I was suffering. I hate that he lavished the love on you that should have been mine! Should I go on or is this enough for you? No, I don't hate you because you're Negro... I hate you because you had what was mine!” Sarah angrily slapped herself on the chest. “You took John!”

“It's not my fault that your family was torn apart. It's not my fault that John had to stay away. You don't understand anything. You think you're the only one who's been hurt and abused? Oh no... you're not the only one. I found a little joy, yes but it's not up to you to begrudge me that.”

“Please just leave... I'm tired. Believe it or not, everyone doesn't have to like you.”

“I'm sorry you feel this way... we could have been great friends.”

“Whatever you say. Have a good night.” Sarah stomped to the door and held it open. Tad left and Sarah sat alone for a while. John's distance toward her nagged at her.
Maybe I should go say goodnight to him.
She started out her door when she saw candle light at the far end of the hall. She crouched back into her doorway. Tad passed by carrying a tray of some sort.
What was she up to tipping around at night? What was the tray for?
Sarah decided to follow and watch. Tad walked downstairs quietly. The candle which sat on the tray let Sarah clearly see the contents, bandages and alcohol among other first aid essentials.
What was she doing with all that? Was someone hurt?
Sarah quietly tiptoed down the dark stairs, when suddenly the door to the parlor opened and Doug stepped out. “Where are ya off to at this hour of the night?” He gave her a puzzled look.

“I was just wondering where Tad was going. I saw her pass with bandages and such. Is someone hurt?”

“No. Everything is fine. I guess she's merely puttin’ it away. Here, it's dark on these stairs. I'll walk ya back to your room.”

“Thank you, but I can make it fine. Good night.” She quickly made her way back to her room.

Sarah put on her thinnest night dress. The night was so warm she threw all the covers back from the bed, leaving only the sheet. No matter how hot it was, she had to have some sort of cover over her. It gave her a sense of security. She drifted off to sleep still wondering why Tad would wait until the middle of the night to put away anything.

By the next morning John seemed in better spirits and they went out to have breakfast together at the little Cafe down the road before he went off to work. Here they could talk without dozens of ears listening to their every word.

“So, you have anything planned for this afternoon?” he asked her.

“Yes, as a matter of fact I do.”

“Really? What?”

“Mr. Atkins is taking me to see some man walking across The Upper Falls on a tightrope.”

“Another date with Mr. Atkins?” John sneered before taking a drink of coffee. “You two are becoming close, huh?” he coughed.

“No. I really wish I could get out of it, but I said yes before I even thought about it. I wanted to see the man walk the falls, but I really don't want Mr. Atkins coming around anymore.”

“You should tell him so, then.”

“Oh well, he's an enjoyable companion, anyway. I won't let it get out of hand.”

“I hope not.” John clipped the words. “Well, I'll see you this afternoon.” He stood quickly.

“Fine.” Sarah felt the distance forming between them more and more every day. What was she doing wrong? She loved John so, and to feel this wall growing between them made her heart ache. She didn't know what to say or do. She thought that living here would bring them closer together, but it seemed to be tearing them apart. She couldn't get it out of her mind that he was ashamed of her. Had she done something very wrong? She was just not wise in the ways of etiquette like Tad was. She knew the first night at dinner she'd made a fool of herself when John said he wanted to show her off. Show off what? An ignorant girl from Tennessee? Or maybe he just felt she was inferior because she was an Indian. Maybe that's why he'd refused to bring her before. The more she felt him pulling away, the more it made sense to her what Nathan had said..."He just feels like he has to be nice to you. I don't!”

Sarah didn't feel much like going anywhere when Mr. Atkins came around to take her to The Upper Falls show. But she'd promised and she did want to see it. Maybe it would make her feel better to get out.

John could think of nothing all day but Sarah and Mr. Atkins. The more he thought of them the more he could think of nothing else. He slipped out of work and went to the falls. A rope was rigged from one side to the other while crowds of onlookers waited for the show to start. John looked for Sarah. He didn't see her anywhere. He walked around looking at every face. Finally, he recognized her bonnet and then saw Mr. Atkins standing there beside her. He saw him bend over talking in her ear as he pointed up toward the falls to where the man was climbing the pole. As the daredevil began walking the rope John noticed Sarah grab Mr. Atkins’ arm and hold onto him. The man smiled and coiled his long, lanky, arm around her. John's blood boiled as he pushed through the crowd toward them. The onlookers gasped loudly when the man began to totter on the rope almost losing his footing. Sarah, fearing that she was going to see him fall to his death, buried her face in Mr. Atkins’ chest. To John's jealous eyes came a vision of Sarah and Mr. Atkins in what he saw as a passionate embrace.
This would never do!
John could not let this continue, he had to make it stop! He could not bear it! He charged toward them and grabbed Sarah from the man's arms.

“Come home now,” he demanded. His nostrils flared and his anger soared.

“John!” She looked shocked. “What are you doing here?”

“I'm taking you home!”

“Home? Oh, no! I want to see! Don't you want to see if he makes it across?”

“No! This is a revolting show... if he does fall you don't need to see it.”

Mr. Atkins looked shocked, but he said nothing. John pulled her through the crowd towards his buggy.

“John, everyone wants to see this. There's little children out there watching. Why can't I? You're being foolish. What's the real problem here?”

“I don't want you entertaining that man anymore. To think you didn't have any better sense than to let him put his arm around you! He should have known better even if you didn't!”

“What do you mean?” Sarah asked.

John pushed her into the buggy and got in beside her. His jaw was clenched.

Sarah looked down at the road as they drove. “What is wrong with what I did?” She wiped away a tear.

John knew there was nothing wrong with it, but he couldn't tell her how he felt. “Nothing. You didn't do anything wrong, it was Mr. Atkins.”

“Then why are you so angry with me?”

“I'm not angry with you,” he clipped off the words as he drove, yet never taking his eyes off the road to look at her. “You shouldn't get too friendly with him.”

“Why? Is he a horrible man? When I told you about this at breakfast you didn't say anything. Why didn't you tell me about him then?”

“I have my reasons. Just be quiet now.”

Sarah crossed her arms and didn't say another thing. When they got to the house, John dropped her off. “I've got to get back to work now. See you tonight.” Sarah didn't say anything. She just nodded her head and went into the house.

Sarah slammed the door and rushed past the parlor where Doug sat reading the paper, then hurried up the staircase and into her room, where she threw herself down on her bed and cried. This was turning into a nightmare! She wished she'd never come here. At least at home she could imagine that John loved and cared for her. Here his anger and bitterness was too plain. John was nothing like the idol she'd imagined all these years. Through her cries she heard three light taps on her door. “Who's there?” she called.

“It's Doug.”

Sarah went to her mirror to see how bad she looked. Her face was puffy. Her eyes, red and swollen. “Just a minute.” She called back as she tried to make herself look presentable. “Hello there.” Sarah smiled at Doug. “What brings you around this evening?”

“I just thought I'd check on ya. Have ya been crying? Did that Atkins do somethin’ to ya?”

“No. I'm fine.”

“Ya
have
been crying. What's happened?” Doug stepped closer to Sarah. “What did he do to ya?”

“It's John. He got mad and came to the falls and just grabbed me and brought me home.” She cried. “He hates me!”

Doug wrapped her in his arms. “Shush, there. John doesn't hate ya, that I know for sure. Whatever he did today he thought it was best for ya. There, there. Don't cry anymore. He pulled her closer.” Sarah felt Doug's lips on her forehead and she pushed away from him.

“W— what are you doing?”

“I'm sorry.” He looked stunned. “I— I didn't mean to offend ya. I don't know what came over me!”

“Thank you for your concern, but I think you'd better leave now.”

“I understand. I'm truly sorry.” He left. Sarah sat down on her bed and waited for John. That evening when he got home, she went to his room. She was going to have it out once and for all! If he really was ashamed of her, if she was causing him trouble, then she could go elsewhere! There were jobs to be had, she was sure. “John, we need to talk.” From the severity on her face he must have known that he had gone too far today. The scene at the falls was the last straw. His anger was too much for her.