Cade (16 page)

Phoenix absently rubbed at his arm. “Yes. He is grey and blond.”

“He is
you
,” Cade said ardently. “You share the same characteristics because you are one really. We talk about the
wolf
as if it is separate, but he is part of you now, and that’s what you have to accept. When Stephen starts to shift, you have to let your
wolf
come out. When you feel it, get down on the ground and picture him. Invite him in.”

“He’ll do the rest,” Gemma added gently. “Do you think you are ready?” Phoenix fidgeted nervously as he glanced at them. His gaze trained on Gemma, perhaps needing her soft reassurance.

“What if I do it wrong?”

She reached over and placed her hand lightly over his. “There isn’t any wrong in this. If you can't shift tonight, we try again tomorrow. That’s all. That’s the worst.”

No,
thought Cade,
that isn’t the worst
. The worst was if he didn’t survive the shift. The worst was if he fought too hard, and the
wolf
tore his body to pieces and took his life with it. Boy and wolf fighting each other for the same body—that would be the worst. Cade quashed that thought down, refusing to even imagine it. That kind of shit had no place here today. He ran his hands through his hair and cursed inwardly. Gemma reached over and placed a comforting hand on his arm. Cade stiffened as electricity shot through him at the touch, his
wolf
sitting up at attention.

“
That
is the worst.” She smiled reassuringly as if she knew what Cade was trying not to think about.

“Shall we do this?” Stephen asked and Cade nodded, not trusting himself to speak in that moment.

“When it starts to take hold, I’ll move back,” Cade said to Phoenix. “Gemma and I will shift right after you.”

Cade could hear the heavy drum of Phoenix’s heart as they stood waiting for Stephen to begin the shift. Cade’s own heart stuttered as Gemma reached behind him and slipped her hand between his as he held them clasped at his back. He gave it a quick squeeze and held on tightly, the need for her touch greater than anything he had ever known.

Stephen turned, revealing a back shaped and sculptured with muscles. The tattoo that covered his arm ran across the back of his shoulders and down his spine in a Celtic twine. Phoenix’s eyes were riveted on the impressive sight, his mouth parting slightly in wordless wonder. Cade was grateful for the momentary distraction the tattoo seemed to have caused the boy. Stephen removed the rest of his clothing, and when he was naked, he crouched down on the ground. He had one knee on the grass and the other up against his chest. He placed both hands on the ground, fingers splayed out, as if he were about to set off running.

Phoenix’s eyes were wide as he stared at Stephen. Would this work? Cade tried to tell himself that it didn’t matter. This boy meant nothing to him really. A week ago, they didn’t even know each other. But maybe it was the bond between them, because Cade felt as anxious as hell.

Stephen closed his eyes and after a second or so, his hands began to move—more like the bones beneath rippled lightly under the skin. The undulation spread up his wrist, up along his arm and shoulders, and down along his back. The tattoo moved as if it were alive and when he opened his eyes, they were gold and green, the pupil now oval-shaped. Phoenix gasped and stepped back.

“It’s okay.” Cade voice was deeper now. Watching Stephen shift was making his
wolf
claw at him, bringing him to the surface with a demand to be allowed to emerge. He tried to rein it in, but his own eyes were shifting and his shift was coming on abruptly. It had been too many days without shifting. He reached for Phoenix, but Phoenix pulled his arm away, shaking his head in terror as he watched Cade with frightened eyes. Stephen’s mouth and jaw had transformed so as to accommodate a full set of tiger teeth.

“He’s not
wolf
,” Phoenix cried as Stephen let out a deep growl. It echoed into the darkness of the empty night around them. Phoenix backed up.

Cade shift had begun and it was impossible to stop a shift once you had let it start.

Panic mingled with the need to shift and the need to protect the boy. Cade fought his
wolf
as he tried to push through the slightly open door inside his mind. Phoenix’s shift hadn't even started yet—his eyes weren’t shifting, his teeth hadn't begun to come down.

“It’s okay,” Cade panted. “He’s
tiger
.”

Stephen reeled back on half-bent legs that were a combination now of
tiger
and man. His body was somewhere in the middle of the shift, but he stood like a deformed creature.

“I can’t,” Phoenix shouted, shaking his head vehemently. “I can't. I'm not one of you.” He cast one last frightened glance at Stephen, and then turned and fled, stumbling in his haste to get away. There was nothing Cade could do to stop him—he was shifting fully now. His clothes tore under the change from man to
wolf
, shredding into pieces.

He fell to the ground and landed on paws.

Chapter Nineteen

Phoenix couldn’t run fast enough. He made it to the road, his chest tight, his legs aching and the itch inside his skin alive with a fury he had never imagined he could feel. He sprinted along the road, his feet pounding on the tarmac. He had to get away from them, away from those monsters and what they were turning into. He wasn’t one of them. He wasn’t like them.

How could they change like that? It was like something out of a horror film. His dad had been right. Always right. All along. They were unnatural. They didn’t belong in this world. No wonder his father had rejected him … because he had known. He had known what his son would become.

Unable to run anymore, he came to a halt somewhere down the road, panting and gasping for breath. He didn’t know where he was, and he didn’t care—he was away from them. He bent over, his hands resting on his knees as he tried to regain his breath. He stared into the darkness he had just come from, praying that deformed thing wouldn’t come running after him. He tried to push the images from his mind. That man—Stephen—how could he stand it? He wasn’t even
wolf
, he was a
tiger
. What did that even mean?

The itching bubbling under his skin was a reminder to Phoenix of what he was now, too, and what he was never going to escape.

He sank down onto the kerb and hugged himself, his eyes glued to the darkness, ready to run at the slightest sign of movement. He glanced the other way down the road—both ways, it didn’t matter which way he looked, were dark and hopeless. No one was looking for him and no one wanted him. It wasn’t meant to be this way, he thought, a sob tearing from him. It wasn’t meant to be this way at all. He started to cry in earnest now, huddling into a tight ball. He was so sorry. He didn’t mean any of it. He hadn’t meant to cause it. If he could just go back ... His head was bursting with the pressure of all the pain inside, what he had done to his family, what he had become? The itch still crawled under his skin, the images of what he had just witnessed.  He clasped his head in his hands, pushing away the thoughts. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t do any of it. His stomach lurched and he was sure he was going to vomit again. He swallowed hard, determined not to let it beat him. Slow, that was what Cade had said, wasn’t it? Slow and deep. Bringing to mind how he had shown him to, Phoenix took in deep lungfuls of air, breathing in deep and exhaling slowly.

When his body had calmed somewhat, he sat there rocking himself. The clip of claws on the road brought Phoenix’s head up sharply. A large wolf padded towards him slowly, eyes watchful as he approached. Phoenix just watched him—he knew it was Cade. The
wolf’s
fur was the same brown as his hair, the blue eyes that watched him familiar. Phoenix found himself spellbound by the animal’s beauty. He stopped just out of reach and surprisingly, Phoenix felt no fear at all, even though the wolf was big and, no doubt, dangerous. He realised that it wasn’t fear he had felt before as Stephen had shifted, either. It had been more what it meant for him. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I didn’t mean to run like that.”

The
wolf
titled his head to the side, listening, but made no sound in response. Phoenix swallowed hard and shuffled along the kerb to get a bit closer. He had the strangest urge to reach a hand out and touch the magnificent animal, but fought the impulse and tucked his hands down into his lap.

“I’m never going to be like you, am I? I won’t ever manage to shift like you have.” He scratched at his scalp, the itch moving with new irritation, but it didn’t disappear when he scratched, and he dug his nails in harder. “Does this ever stop?” The itch moved and he followed, scratching as it went. “How do you stand this?” he said, gritting his teeth while scratching his arm. The
wolf
made no sound, just stood there quietly, watching and listening. Maybe it was normal to them. Maybe they just got on with it? But it wasn’t normal to him, and maybe it never would be. Maybe he would forever be the outcast on both sides—
Human
and
Other
. He should have died with his mother. The thought brought new tears to his eyes and another sob tore from his throat.  He pushed down all the pain, refusing to give in to it. He had no right to mourn. He had no right to cry. Like his father had told him, it should have been him. As he stared at Cade, he knew that he was just another person he was going to disappoint at some point.

He wished he could go home. He closed his eyes, images of his brother and sister flooding his mind. Did they miss him? Did they care he was gone? What had his dad told them about him? Maybe they were all glad he was gone. When he opened his eyes again, Cade hadn't moved. Phoenix blinked and dug his fingers into his forearms until the itch was replaced by pain. “I'm so stupid,” he whispered. “I can't do anything.”

Phoenix had nowhere to go and no one who wanted him. He had nothing. He had ruined everything. But as he stared at Cade and Cade stared back, he realised he had not turned him out, hadn’t left him to his own fate or to die in the forest. Even now, he had come after him and was waiting patiently. Phoenix stood up and wiped away his stupid tears abruptly. He didn’t touch Cade as he walked past him. He didn’t say anything, just marched down the street, his feet moving faster with each step until he was running again. He ran all the way back to the house, paying no heed to Gemma or Stephen as they emerged from the side of the house, fully shifted to
tigers
. He ignored them both and raced into the house, slamming the door to his room shut, he threw himself down onto the bed and screamed into the pillow.

Cade swore at himself as he stood outside the back room with the closed door staring at him. Why had he been so stupid? Of course the boy would run. He was fucking afraid. What had they expected? Now he was hiding in the room and probably scared out of his wits, and it was all their fault because they hadn’t prepared him for it. Here you go, watch Stephen turn himself inside out and then you can do the same.
Idiots
. Cade knew that if he had been in the boy’s shoes, he would have run, too.

Cade knocked on the door lightly, then a little louder when he got no answer. “Phoenix,” he called out. Nothing. He sighed and hung his head, hands on his lean hips. He couldn’t blame him for not wanting to speak to him or see him. He was just thankful that Phoenix hadn't bolted the other way. “Phoenix, please open the door. I'm sorry.” He was sorry, truly, and what surprised him most of all was the fear that he had felt when Phoenix had run. He had raced after him the moment his shift was complete, catching up to him in minutes. He had hung back, though, and waited. He hadn’t wanted to scare him off any more than he already had. It had been such a relief when Phoenix had finally given up and sat down on the kerb.

  Cade tried the door handle, but the door was locked. “Please, Phoenix,” he begged. “Come on. Open the door.” He crouched down and peered through the keyhole, but the key was in the lock on the other side and he could see nothing. Sighing, he got back to his feet and closed his eyes, resting his forehead against the hard wood. Phoenix was in there, his presence a comforting warmth on Cade’s skin. He was thankful to their bond for that. He didn’t want to leave him, he didn’t want to go back downstairs, but Phoenix wasn’t going to answer. And there was nothing he could do about it. “I’m sorry,” he whispered once more before reluctantly turning away to head back downstairs.

Gemma was standing in the hallway at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for him. Stephen had gone out into the forest to run and enjoy a hunt. Cade was sure it would be hours before they saw him again. He watched Gemma as he walked down the stairs.

“Still nothing?” she asked as he reached the bottom.

He shook his head and sighed. “I fucked up.” He sat down on one of the steps, and Gemma touched him gently on the shoulder.

“No, you didn’t. He’s just afraid, that’s all. We’ll show him it’s okay.”

“What if we can't?”

“What if we can?”

Cade buried his face in his hands and just breathed. It was all he could do.

“He’ll come out when he is ready. He’ll shift when he is ready, too. He’s made it this far,” Gemma said.

“He has the burn, though,” Cade said, thinking about the scratching he was doing at the kerb.

“There's nothing we can do about that, either. You can't make him shift unless you want to go back up there and drag him from his room. You’re just going to have to let him deal with this on his own.”

“It’s fucking hard.” He worried about how far Phoenix would dig. How much damage could he do to himself? There was so much self-hate the boy had for himself—it tore at Cade’s heart.

Gemma knelt down in front of him, resting her knees on the edge of the bottom step and forcing Cade to part his legs to make room for her. She wasn’t helping the matter. Her words were all true, and she was right that he couldn’t do anything, but with her kneeling between his legs right now, he really couldn’t think. She had the ability to turn his mind to mush.

“I know you're right,” he said. “I …” He struggled to find the words, but with her so close, it was hard to think at all. The fight inside his mind between his feelings for Gemma and everything happening with Phoenix was almost more than he could cope with. “It’ll be fine,” he finally said. “I know.”

Gemma smiled. “Yes, it will. He will, and so will you.” She pushed herself up to him. “You’ve got this,” she said, and went to place a kiss on his cheek. Without even thinking about it, Cade turned his head and caught her mouth with his before she realised what was happening. He hadn't meant to, hadn’t planned it. But now that he had, there was absolutely no way to stop it—he had no control. He swallowed her shocked little gasp and revelled in the way she moaned into his mouth.

His hands went to her waist and he rose with her, turning her and pushing her up against the wall. His body pinned her there while his hands came up to cup her face, their mouths locked together as he kissed her with bruising force. Opening her mouth to him, her response was ardent. Her lips were soft under the firmness of his. He couldn’t seem to get enough of her. Like the kiss they had shared a few nights back, there was a hunger inside him that just couldn’t be sated. He needed more. He deepened the kiss, pouring all the pent-up desire, all the longing into it. Need surged through him, straight to his groin. He wedged a knee between her legs, forcing them apart. He could feel her heat through his jeans, hear her gasp as he pressed a muscular thigh intimately against her. She moaned into his mouth, her hips undulating and her nails digging into his shoulders.

Breathing raggedly, he tore his mouth from hers, trying to get a grip on his sanity. “This is wrong,” he groaned against her mouth, then growled deep in his throat when she slid her hands under his shirt and raked her nails down his strong back, all thoughts of stopping dissipating. He pressed against her harder, hoping to alleviate the ache in his groin, then nipped along the edge of her jaw, down to the sensitive curve between her neck and shoulder. He bit down and she cried out, her nails sinking deeper into his back.

“Cade,” she moaned breathlessly.

Fuck, he had to stop. But even as the thought crossed his mind, he was sliding her top down and exposing more of her silky skin. He nipped and kissed his way down, the soft swell of her breasts against his hard chest doing crazy things to him. The need to be inside her was unbearable. Sliding a hand under one of her thighs, he lifted her leg and hooked it around his waist, loving the little sounds she made as he thrust his hips forward and ground against her very core. He groaned as he pressed closer, her small gasps of pleasure driving him wild. He cursed the clothing between them that kept him from burying himself deep inside her. He ran his tongue along her shoulder, up her neck, his hands slipping just under her breasts, his knuckles pressing into the luscious firmness.  Just one pull, one rip and her top would be off. He fisted the material, unable to think of any good reason in that moment not to do it. His
wolf
was urging him to take what was theirs—this was right. Gemma was his. His erection ached in his jeans.
Take, take … she’s yours
.

“Cade, yes.” Gemma’s breathless whisper brought with it the edges of rationality. His head snapped back up, his breath heavy as he tried to get himself under control once more. When he looked down into her face, her eyes were gold, and he knew his had gone
wolf
on him, too. Her
tiger
was there, waiting for his possession, just as his wolf was desperate to possess. As if having realised his intention, Gemma pushed closer, her fingers tightening on his back. “Don’t, Cade. Don’t stop,” she moaned.

His head fell back, a growl tearing from him, so deep and so feral that it surprised even him. Slamming his fist into the wall, he swore violently.

“I’m sorry,” he said and pushed away from her.

“Please,” she whimpered, grabbing his arm and trying to keep him there. “Don’t, Cade.” She held on as he moved away from her, her fingers slipping down his skin as she tried to stop him backing away.

“I’m sorry.”

It was so damn hard to move away from her, so hard it felt that his heart was being ripped from his chest with every step he took back. Gemma grasped onto him until the very last moment, her hand eventually falling limply to her side, her chest rising and falling rapidly in time to the crazy rhythm of her heart—and his.