Cado (15 page)

“What the fuck is this?” I croaked. “Where the fuck am I?”

I again rushed back into the narrow hallway, but this time I collapsed to my knees. I was too human to handle any of what I’d just seen. I curled into myself and sobbed. I hated myself for the weakness. I hated myself because a part of me was rejoicing in what I’d seen. I didn’t relish torturing anyone, not even my foster father. At least I shouldn’t. Sure, I’d been the one to kill him, but I figured the rest would get sorted out after his demise, and not by me. All of it was made worse now that I remembered who and what I really was. What I’d done was unnatural…wrong.

“It did get sorted out. By me.” Lucian stood in front of me in only dress pants, bare feet, his chiseled chest gleaming with a fine sheen of sweat. The blue in his eyes glowed brightly before they bled to obsidian. They sparkled at me—inhuman eyes in an inhumanly beautiful face. Black as the midnight wings spread out behind him, flexing as if they could breath for the first time in a long while.

“I—I can’t be here.” I brought a shaking hand up to my chest. Realization dawned on me. “This is my own personal Hell, isn’t it?”

Lucian smiled, his white perfect teeth flashing at me from behind perfect lips. I should have seen it long before he’d forced me to remember. He really was perfect—too perfect. Inhuman. He’d said he wasn’t human but of course I hadn’t believed him. How could I have? “Tell me why I’m here.”

He tilted his head as he studied me. “I think you already know.”

“Am I being punished for all I’ve done? Have you already collected my soul? Are you going to torture me for running?”

“Is that what you think? You think this place is for you to suffer?” Lucian threw his head back and laughed, the deep rumble caused me to shiver with dread and pleasure intermingled.

“Then why?” I rasped.

“I wanted you to see what has become of him. The man who hurt your sister. Here, behind each door in this endless hallway, he experiences unspeakable agony every second of every moment of every day. He is the one being punished…by you. You are his tormentor. I merely wanted you to see what I’ve done for you. His Hell is very special, unique in its making. His mind is scattered, ripped into a billion pieces, each experiencing its own brand of torture.”

I bent over and retched. “Endless suffering forever?”

“Yes.”

“And it’s my face that he sees with each scenario?” My heart picked up speed and my gut fluttered with some indefinable emotion.

“Yes.”

“And what about my foster mother? She did nothing. She knew and yet she didn’t stop it. Where is she?” I’d killed her right along with my foster father years ago. The hate I held for her was different than him. She’d known what kind of monster he was and still she had remained passive. Sometimes I used to wonder who was worse between the two of them.

One side of Lucian’s mouth curled up. “Do you wish to see where she is?”

“Yes.” I paused, my emotions churning. “But first, I want to see what’s behind more of these doors.” I didn’t know what was happening. I’d been appalled by what I’d seen before. What I was feeling wasn’t normal for anyone, let alone an angel. Maybe it was already too late for me. I’d never been one for torture, or at least that’s what I’d told myself over and over again. And yet—yet now that I knew what I was seeing—yeah, I wanted to see more. I hated my foster father more than I could ever put into words. He’d been the reason I’d begun down the dark path I traversed daily. He’d not only ruined Evie’s life, but in a way, mine. He’d stolen everything from me. Everything. Apparently even my divine light, or he’d forced me to taint it. There was no level of torture too great for him. I wanted to look into his eyes one more time before he died…again…and again…endlessly.

“Come,” Lucian said. “Which door will you choose this time? Third time’s the charm.”

I reached for the knob on the third door I’d chosen…and bulked.
What am I doing? This isn’t who I am. I don’t enjoy torture. And if I’m beginning to like the idea of it, I need to stop before it’s too late.
I shook my head slowly as I retracted my shaking hand. “I can’t do it,” I murmured. “I just can’t do it.”

Lucian’s long elegant index finger slipped under my chin and tipped my face up towards him. His long lashes dipped low over his eyes leaving him to peer out at me from behind the golden fringe. “Don’t you want to see more of what I’ve done for you? Everything here is a labor of love.”

I jerked away from him. “Love? I don’t think you understand what that word means. And I don’t understand any of this. How long has he been here? And why—why me? Why won’t you let me go even after all this time?”

“Yes, there is much that you don’t understand—that you’ve forgotten.”

“Forgotten? No, I’ve remembered. I’ve remembered it all.”

Lucian smiled sadly. “No. You haven’t. Not yet. I wish I had more time. I didn’t want to rush you—to push all of this on you the way I’ve been forced to.” His jaw muscles twitched and his teeth ground together. “I’ve heard whisperings—rumors. Things were tampered with…” His voice trailed off as his eyes took on a faraway look to them, as if he was no longer standing next to me at all. “But no matter,” he said with sudden cheer. “I will win in the end.”

Lucian’s wings grew bigger, and if possible, blacker. They seemed to leach all light from around them, slowly submerging us into darkness. But that wasn’t right, it wasn’t just darkness seeping in around us in the normal sense. It was something different, something more. As if the absence of light was an absence of everything…a hole in reality itself. I struggled to remain calm, focusing on Lucian and the need for answers.

“Why me?” I’d asked it before and he hadn’t responded. Maybe this time would be different. It was as if he’d been lying in wait at that church for me. He’d planned on seducing me from the beginning. It was as if his obsession had begun long before I even knew he existed. But why? I felt like I should know, but I didn’t.

His wings wrapped around me, pulling me into him. “Because you are the reason for everything I do. You made me what I am.”

Lucian’s strong arms slipped around me, holding me tight. My face pressed into his bare chest just as the last of the light disappeared from around us. It felt like we were falling, plummeting through empty space with no idea when and if we’d ever land. I opened my mouth to scream but nothing came out.

It was as if we fell forever and in the end I lost all sense of time, space, and maybe even who I was.

Warm lips, soft and yet firm, gently pressed against each of my closed eyelids before moving over my face just as slowly and reverently. “Open those beautiful eyes, my Karma. It’s time to truly open them to all you’ve forgotten.”

I stretched like a kitten in the sun, luxuriating in Lucian’s heat. He was pressed into my side, his hard muscles bending my body into supplication. I was made to fit into his arms, and I never wanted to leave them. His face, his perfectly sculpted, fiercely handsome face was the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes. A moment before the confusion set in, I relished the contentment the sight brought me.

“Ah,” he murmured. “Those beautiful eyes that mask such a complex soul—I’ve missed feeling those eyes gazing upon me when you first awaken.”

Everything that had happened to me recently came flooding back, my confusion, at least to do with my memories, cleared. For an instant, I hated remembering. Remembering meant I couldn’t stay where I was within Lucian’s dark embrace.

Lucian’s lips pressed against mine, his tongue swiping for entrance, which of course I instinctually granted, even knowing that I shouldn’t. His taste, so addictive, was something I knew I could never—would never get enough of. All questions of how to escape him, where I’d end up—were seared from my brain by the fire that he ignited within me. The consequences of what surely was to come didn’t matter. All that mattered was feeling Lucian—feeling him without any kind of restraint. I wanted him to fuck me, not gently, but to brand me. I wanted to feel him long after he was done with me. I wanted to know that he’d owned my body like no one else before or after him ever could. It was an impulse that came over me every lifetime, and one that always resulted in my downfall. I just couldn’t stay away from Lucian because deep down, I didn’t want to.

“Please don’t wait,” I demanded with a level of desperation that I didn’t know possible. My words were sucked into his mouth and down his throat, where a deep chuckle resonated in response.

Not a stitch of clothing was between us suddenly, and Lucian parted my legs roughly. He only hesitated a moment before sliding into me. He met no resistance since I was beyond ready for him. I scored my nails down his back and then paused with frustration. If I was going to do this thing—this thing that I knew would change everything—I wanted to go into it with eyes wide open. I wouldn’t lie to myself about what Lucian was—at least not anymore. I wanted him to share everything with me…no holding back. “Your wings—I want to see them. I want to see them while you fuck me.”

Lucian stilled within me, rising up on his arms. His dark eyes sparked with luminescent blue light, sharpening the lines on his chiseled face. His majestic wings unfurled and reached for the sky. I danced my fingertips over the downy softness just as he rocked into me. I cried out with pleasure, yanking on his wings. I bent them towards me, wanting them to wrap around me. Lucian pulled out of me, rolling me over onto all fours. He slammed into me from behind as he brought his wings around the front of me. They raised me up as if cradling me. I pressed into them and moaned.

Lucian’s wings were so soft, they tickled, caressed—loved me with as much fervor as Lucian himself. It was almost as if they worked on their own, but with him—a partner in his conquest of my body. I burned, I wanted—I needed. He answered all of my yearnings and stoked more I didn’t even know possible. I could have died in that moment; perfectly content in the bliss he brought me. Never before had sex been so carnal, so raw, so—so much more than the physical, and yet so steeped in it. It was as if the act of sex with Lucian was remaking my very being—every molecule of me exploding in euphoria to be remade by his hands and body as they worshipped me.

Nothing mattered but Lucian, nothing would ever matter but him ever again.

“I always knew it would be this way with you. I’ve waited so long.” Lucian’s deep voice rumbled against the sensitive skin of my neck.

“So long?” I snuggled into his warm embrace, inhaling his sweet scent. “We’ve been together before, Lucian. Many, many times.”

He kissed the top of my head, the smile evident in his voice. “It’s never been like that before. You’ve changed. Your soul—our bond—it’s different now.”

Startled, I sat up, my hands on Lucian’s chest. I gazed down into his azure eyes. “I have no idea which way is up anymore, if I ever did.” I cupped his face, beseeching him with my eyes. “You need to explain everything to me. I can’t go on like this. I need to know—please.” I wanted to hate him. I knew I never could. I decided to allow myself a small reprieve from my torment. I would enjoy my afterglow, and when it faded, I would run again.