Calamity Jayne Rides Again (22 page)

I nodded. The old guy had a good idea. With all the extra time I was giving Frankie in the stakeout department, I really could
use the help. "I suppose you could take a few pictures for me," I said.

He slapped his thigh. "Well, go fetch the camera for us, girl," he urged, "and give us a crash course in digital photography."

I went into the back room and got the camera, then gave them a quick overview of the basics. "You'll have a few seconds to
look at each pic before it's saved automatically," I told them. "If you want to look at your shots, turn the camera on and
press review. The delete button is here. You really shouldn't need to use the menu if all you're doing is pointing, shooting,
reviewing, and saving or deleting," I explained.

"Looks simple enough," Joe said. "Smile!" He pushed the button, and a second later the flash followed. "Why, looky here, Hannah,
there's Tressa! She doesn't look too happy, does she?"

"She looks like she needs some Tucks medicated pads," Gram said. They both laughed. I shook my head.

"I'll get your burgers," I said.

"Here." Kari brought up two beef burgers on foam plates with a dill spear and chips on the side. "I heard the conversation.
What can I get for you, Rick?" she added.

"I'll have the same," he replied, "but hold the onions." He looked at me. "I'm a considerate kind of guy."

"That's nice. I'm having the belly burner," I told him.

The door opened, and another customer stood in the doorway. In fact, he took up the entire doorway. I stared as he entered
the ice cream place and took a seat by my grammy.

"Manny!" I said, still not believing what I was seeing.

"Hey, Barbie," he said. He leaned forward and acknowledged Townsend. "Yo, Rick the Dick," he growled.

"What on earth are you doing here?" I asked.

"Manny's here to meet somebody."

I frowned, thinking that Uncle Frank would be rather upset if Manny starting bringing a certain clientele into his shop. "I
see," I said, imagining his face as he walked into an Emporium full of biker types.

"Yo, you two wanna move to a table?" Manny asked.

To my total surprise, he addressed the question to my grandma and Joe.

"You're here to meet
them
?" I asked.

Joe nodded. "Let's move over to that table in the corner, Manny," he suggested. I noticed Manny helped my grammy off her stool
and picked up her meal to carry it for her.

"What would you like, Manny?" Joe asked. "It's on me."

"Manny's not very hungry," he said. "Just bring three burgers, fries, and a tall diet cola, and Manny's good to go."

I nodded, still stunned by the fact that Manny, the biker I'd bailed out of jail several months earlier and who had been in
the lock-up at the fair police station, was having burgers with my grandmother and her friend.

I imagined Townsend was even less enthusiastic about his granddad rubbing elbows with a guy who sported some pretty graphic
tattoos and referred to him as Rick the Dick. I braved a look at Townsend. His constipated look confirmed my hunch.

"What is that all about?" Kari asked.

"I think it's called old-timer's," I said, attempting to explain away the unexplainable. I scurried away to fill the giant
biker's order before he started chanting, "Fee, fi,fo,fum."

CHAPTER 18

Kari and I pulled a long shift at the Emporium. It was close to six and the mid-supper rush when Uncle Frank returned to relieve
us.

"Where's Aunt Reggie?" I asked, certain that both had been scheduled to close that night.

"She's got a headache," Uncle Frank said, but I noticed he was wincing.

"Is she all right?" I asked. Aunt Reggie was never one prone to physical ailments.

"She'll live," Uncle Frank said. The impression was, the same could not be said of him.

"I'll hang around for a while," I told him.

He shrugged. "I think Taylor was planning to come over from the mini-freeze and help out," he said. "But you can help out
through the supper rush."

Kari excused herself, planning to hit the campgrounds to wash the burger smell off before she met Brian. I watched her leave
and wondered how our relationship would change after she was married. I suspected Brian would frown on girls' night out. At
least with this particular girl. Over the years, Kari's friendship with me had landed her in more than a few dicey situations,
and I had a hard time picturing Brian Davenport advocating a continuing supporting role for his wife as Calamity's sidekick.

By seven-thirty, Taylor still hadn't shown up, but the dinner crowd had been served, so Uncle Frank assured me he could handle
the remaining customers and herded me out the door. I told myself I was going to bed early that night, since I still had to
work from two to five watching the emporium, so I decided to head for the trailer, take a few twists in the shower, and go
to bed.

I was tired enough that I opted to catch the campground shuttle rather than hoof it up the hill, feeling no shame at all in
wimping out. I climbed onto the trolley and sank into a bench in the front, taking in the sights and sounds of the fair as
we pulled out. Tiny tots squealed and pointed at the cotton candy stand. An old couple shared a funnel cake on a bench in
the shade. A mother of triplets struggled to push a triple stroller over the rough grass. Rick Townsend embraced my sister,
Taylor, at the corner of the pizza-by-the-slice booth.

I jerked my head to the side as the trolley lumbered by. As we moved past, I slowly got to my feet and walked down the narrow
center aisle of the trolley, keeping pace with the hugging couple until I got to the back of the transport. I hung over the
back rail and watched their hug go on longer than my grammy used the bathroom facilities after ordering and consuming the
Mexican sampler at the South of the Border Restaurant on the square back home. When the twosome was out of sight, I removed
my fingers from the rail (this almost required surgical tools) and plopped down into a seat.

We'd traveled through the entire campground and were ready to head back down to the fairgrounds when the driver turned and
looked at me. "You miss your stop, young lady?" he called to me. I shook my head.

"No," I answered, "but I may have missed the boat."

I settled back in my seat for the return trip to the fairgrounds, one part of me hoping the cozy couple had disengaged by
the time we made another pass, but the rowdy cowgirl in me was primed for a catfight. How could the reptilian cad go from
sweet-talkin' me at noon to striking a romance cover-model pose with my little sister at dinnertime?

Upon our return, the couple was nowhere to be seen. What to do? What to do? I finally resorted to an activity that always
consoles me when I'm feeling down.

"Drop me off near the Steer, driver," I told him, thinking there had to be a nice, fat, born and slaughtered in Iowa, medium-well
T-bone steak with my name on it browning on the Steer Grill. Add a baked potato with butter and sour cream, a side salad,
and Texas Toast, and by the time I was finished, the stomach discomfort I'd suffer would override any pain I'd experienced
seeing my sister and the guy I lusted after in each other's arms. Well, it was a start. There was always cotton candy, taffy,
caramel apples, and funnel cakes, too.

I thanked the driver, who put his fingers to his Deere hat and bade me a rather somber farewell.

I stepped down and decided before I put any more food in, I'd better make some room, so I headed back to the horse barns to
use the facilities. I'd just stepped out into the narrow alley behind the barns (I can never visit the horse barns without
taking one walk-through) when I was grabbed from behind.

"Your uncle give any more thought to retirement?" a voice I now recognized asked. Well, halfway recognized. I still couldn't
distinguish between Tai or Chai, but I knew it was a Li.

I pivoted. Sure enough, the two brothers stood there,

eerie duplicates down to their blue jeans and black T-shirts with Asian symbols. "I don't know what Uncle Frank's plans are,
guys," I said. "He doesn't discuss stuff like that with me."

"But you did relay the benefits of early retirement. Right?" one brother asked.

I shuffled my feet, not too proud to admit that I was more than a little nervous about being in a deserted alley behind the
horse barns and near the Dumpsters with two rather volatile personalities who hadn't seemed to take a shine to me.

"Uncle Frank knows all the ins and outs relating to retirement. After all, his sister-in-law is a CPA. I'm sure he'll know
best when he's ready to make the leap. Personally, I think the idea of Uncle Frank retiring scares the heck out of my Aunt
Reggie." I snorted, thinking I'd try to keep it light. Easy. Non-confrontational. Especially considering it was two against
one, and last week I'd finished a mystery where the murderer stuffed the murder vic in a Dumpster outside a construction site.
I sure didn't want the authorities having to make up a grid at the local landfill to figure out where to start picking through
the garbage to find my body. That's really gross.

"I'm disappointed. Aren't you, Chai?" Tai said. Okay, so now I knew which was which. Tai was on the left. "I thought you'd
be more helpful in convincing your uncle to sell."

"Maybe she could disappear like her cousin did," Chai suggested. "If family members start disappearing, that might make Frank
realize what's important in life."

"Disappear?" The quaver in my voice was more pronounced than Grammy's limp when she wanted sympathy. "I don't think that would
work with Uncle Frank. Aunt Reggie says his middle name is Contrary. It's really Joseph, but you get the idea."

"Word has it you don't think your cousin's behind the stunts targeting your uncle and you aim to prove it," Tai (the Li on
the left) said. "How's that workin' out for you? You makin' any progress?"

"I have come up with a few suspects with both motive and opportunity," I said, thinking the two standing right in front of
me were at the top of my list.

"You've been spending time with a representative of the law enforcement community, too, I hear. You been supplying him information
on this case? Maybe giving him your short list of suspects?" Tai pressed.

I shrugged and started to back up, taking no shame in a strategic retreat. "We've discussed the case in general terms," I
conceded.

"Did the Li name come up?"

Shoot. Why
hadn't
I mentioned the troublemaking twins to the trooper? Or even Townsend? Or Uncle Frank? Or Frankie?

"Uh, yeah, your names came up in the conversation," I lied, thinking that, if they thought I'd given their names to the cops,
they might be less likely to do me any bodily harm. "After all, your behavior has been a little extreme."

"Extreme? You'd be extreme, too, if you had to suck in the fumes from the shitter two weeks a year for fifteen years," Chai
growled, clearly not the diplomat of the two.

"That's not my Uncle Frank's fault," I told them. "He doesn't have anything to do with where they place concession stands—or
restrooms, for that matter."

"People who are handed opportunities on a platter can't understand how those who have to work like dogs feel when they are
continually disenfranchised," Tai said. "It's very painful to watch," he added. Chai cracked his knuckles.

"It's very painful," Tai went on, and I felt like I'd had one too many strawberry daiquiris and was suffering double vision.
The two Li boys took up positions on either side of me.

"We could send her on a short vacation for the rest of the fair," Chai—or was it Tai?—suggested. Now that they'd changed positions,
I wasn't sure who was who.

"That's kidnapping!" I told them.

"That's an unpleasant name," one of the twins told me.

"I could use a vacation," I conceded. "Where did you have in mind? I've always wanted to go to Scotland. I have ancestors
who came from Scotland. I think I may even have a connection to William Wallace. You know— Mel Gibson played him in
Braveheart
. Excellent movie, but disturbing. I mean, that drawing and quartering thing? Ugh." I looked at their dazed expressions and
realized I was in full babble. I do that when I'm nervous. Or feeling threatened. Or both. "Or, you could send me to Arizona.
I have relatives all over out there, and it's been a while since we got together. My dad's sister, my Aunt Kay, lives in Flagstaff.
It's up by the Grand Canyon. Have you ever visited the Grand Canyon? It's awesome. From what I've seen of it. I couldn't seem
to get the image of Thelma and Louise driving off the rim out of my head. Have you seen that movie?
Thelma and Louise
? It's disturbing, too."

"Would you shut up?" the brothers shouted in stereo.

"Okay, so set me up at Motel Six," I said. "Pay Per View and a vending machine down the hall is all I need."

I noticed I was no longer the focus of the Li brothers' attention. Their gazes drifted down the alley to a point near the
back entrance to the horse barn.

"Who's that?" one brother asked.

The other brother shook his head. "I've never seen him before. Jesus, he's a mountain."

I expelled my breath in a noisy gust that made the brothers look back at me. "And he's my mountain," I

said, knowing of only one ultra-large person who could elicit the reaction these two small-time thugs were showcasing.

"Yo, Barbie doll! You need a hand?" Manny's greeting was as welcome and beautiful to my ears as "Yes, we have those in a size
nine."

The brothers gave me an uncertain look. "You know him?" they asked.

I nodded, and put up two crossed fingers. "We're like this," I said, and was rewarded when the twins' Adam's apples bobbed
in time.

"Yo, Barbie. What's the deal? You cool?"

I managed to slide out from between the brothers grim and jogged toward Manny, grabbing hold of one massive arm and clinging
for dear life when I reached him. "Uh, actually, I think those two might have been thinking of detaining me unlawfully," I
told him. "Then again, maybe they just like to play gang bangers."

Manny walked toward the pair, and I continued to cling to him. (Okay, so there are times when the clingy female persona is
appropriate. This just happened to be one of those times.)

"You got business with Barbie, here?" Manny asked. The Li brothers' eyes grew bigger than my eyes do when I see my credit
card balance each month.

"Barbie?" the Li boys asked.

Manny nodded toward me. "Blondie. You got business with her?"

Have I mentioned yet that Manny is a man of few words, and that he always refers to himself in the third person? I admit it
struck me as a little weird at first, too, but, hey, you don't walk up to a guy who makes Governor "Ahnold" in his prime look
like Danny DeVito, and tell him he talks funny.

"We were just havin' us a conversation," the twin I took to be Tai said. "Like you said, conductin' business."

Manny took a couple more steps toward the twins. "Your business is concluded," he said. "Permanently," he added, crossing
his arms so the tattoos displaying such warm titles as hellraiser and dragonslayer, complete with black and purple dragon,
and another tattoo I'd never been able to make out, took on epic proportions.

The Li brothers looked at each other. "You can't be everywhere, my friend," Chai said. (Or was that Tai? Oh, who cares? You
get the point.)

"Then maybe Manny'd better kick your asses now," the biker said, and I flinched at his matter-of-fact response. Probably the
two brothers sensed this signaled trouble, because they looked at each other, then backed away.

"You remember what we said," they told me. "Retirement can be a beautiful thing."

"So can chewing your food as opposed to sipping it through a straw," Manny said. "Remember
that
."

Hands balled into fists at their sides, the Li boys turned and fled, giving Manny one last look before they disappeared around
the far corner of the barn.

"Barbie attracts trouble like horse shit attracts flies," Manny observed.

"All sh—manure attracts flies,"I said, still shaking but not wanting Manny to know. As if my fingernails taking up permanent
residency in his arm wasn't a giveaway.

"Thanks, Manny," I told him. "You know, I really think those two could be the culprits. They clearly don't want me continuing
my little investigation and conducting any more stakeouts. Since Frankie and I set up our surveillance, the two haven't been
able to proceed with their next move."

Manny looked down at me and gently removed my hands from his arm. "You think a little person like you could stop those two
from their mischief?" he asked. "Where you livin', Barbie? In your Fantasy Dream House?"

I looked at Manny and wondered how he knew about Barbie's Dream House, and whether he knew about the cool pink convertible
she drove, the RV, and Barbie's stable, complete with Palomino horse (of course) with real synthetic-hair mane and tail so
you could groom it. Barbie toys are the best. I remember the Christmas Taylor got the Barbie Primp and Polish Styling Head.
She spent hours with her Barbie head, making it up red-carpet glamorous. Then, I'd sneak in and add my own special touches,
and her Barbie Primp and Polish would end up looking like Barbie Pimp and Polish. Ah, memories.