California Dream (17 page)

In his own subtle way, he was telling her he wanted her back, and Lee suppressed the urge to hug him for it. She knew her emotions were out of control these days, which she supposed was natural when she lost the love of her life and regained her father all in the space of a few days. And now, someone whose reception she had been unsure of was welcoming her back.

Her smile was less forced now. “Funny you mention that,” she said. “I came in here looking for a job.”

He shrugged. “I might as well take you back. I won’t have to train you.”

“Thank you, Mr. Eggers.” Her words were mild and she only squeezed his forearm instead of enveloping him in a bear hug, but she was sure he saw the relief in her eyes.

Debbie was shocked to see her, as Lee had not yet called any of her friends to let them know she was back in town. She was happy Lee was there, but sad that her fairytale life had ended and that Roddy was now in her past.

Lee’s life became monotonous all over again, but it was a different kind of monotony than she had faced in Beverly Hills. There was no color in her life now, and nothing to liven up her nights, so she welcomed the monotony. She wasn’t ready to get out in the world and live a real life filled with people again. Just having a place to go every day and set tasks to perform were enough.

Debbie invited Lee to get out and have fun, but Lee found that she now preferred to spend time with her father. It was better to solve the issues of her past than to deal with the issues of her present, and it really was balm for her soul to repair her one solid familial relationship.

She realized that the view was different from her father’s perspective. Once they were able to talk about everything, she realized he had never blamed her for her mother’s actions. He had simply loved her mother a great deal, and she broke his heart when she left. Lee looked a lot like her mother, and as time passed, her father began to avoid her, uncomfortable with the memories she evoked. Things had really only started to go south when she hit her teens, though, and her father had no idea how to react to her. His emotional distance made her resentful, which only compounded their issues, and over time their relationship all but died. By then, both of them had accepted they would never be close, but it had hurt him when Lee left without a word.

Lee’s forgiveness was instantaneous, though she knew she would have behaved differently under the circumstances. If she had Roddy’s baby, she would lavish all her love on the child once he was gone. Lee was wise enough to know that everyone reacted to grief in a different way, and acknowledged the part she had played in her relationship with her father. It was never too late, and they were becoming close now.

At the moment, her father was her rock. Without him there, she might have caved and called Roddy because she missed him so much. She missed hearing his Maserati pulling into the driveway every day, and missed the long, slow, burning looks she and Roddy shared when they were out in public. She missed the caresses they had shared when they were alone, and just being able to talk and laugh with him.

She wondered more than once whether she had made the right decision when she left. Sometimes she thought she should have stayed and tried to talk about the things he said to her. Roddy hadn’t been himself that day, and he was under a lot of strain. She knew that didn’t excuse his accusations, just because he had caught her playing the guitar. Besides, if he really meant those things, talking about it would have solved nothing.

The biggest clue of all was that he did not call. If he hadn’t meant the things he said, he would certainly have contacted her by now. Lee also remembered he had never told her he loved her and never promised her a tomorrow. From all reports, he was happier being on his own again, and she would be better off just forgetting him.

Chapter seventeen

Roddy O’Neill didn’t seem to have a care in the world. Eddie knew him, though, and knew Roddy’s new lifestyle just wasn’t natural. It might have been five years ago, but Eddie had been there when Roddy made the transition, and knew Roddy wasn’t really interested in resuming his old ways. In the past few years, Roddy had become much more serious about his life and his music, and far more selective about his women. The moment Lee left, though, all bets were off.

The morning after their fight, Roddy had called and said, “She’s not back.”

“I’ll find her,” Eddie promised.

And so he had, but apparently too late. After trying everyone Lee had ever made an acquaintance with in LA, he checked the train and bus stations and the airport, and using his charm and influence, found out she had gone back to Minneapolis on the other half of her ticket. She was safely back in her dull little library again.

Roddy must have said something that cut deep, Eddie mused with a shake of his head. It had been obvious how much Lee loved his best friend, even if he was too stupid to see. She had to have been deeply hurt to leave everything behind the way she did. Eddie knew Roddy had earned his bad boy reputation, but he was different with Lee, and it was disappointing to everyone who knew Roddy that she was gone.

After she left, Roddy turned to music for solace. Eddie was afraid he would shut down and quit working again with Lee out of the picture, but he had done the exact opposite. He worked himself so hard, his mother even started to worry. He worked the band so hard they threatened mutiny.

There was one small group of people who benefited from Roddy’s heartbreak, though. The record company executives reaped huge profits from his hard work and had even begun to insinuate that Roddy should start to plan another world tour. His new heartrending songs about lost love and emotional destruction were his best work yet. Coupled with his earlier songs about happiness and contentment, the disk would jerk listeners’ hearts every which way and leave them wanting more. The record company smelled a hit, and was almost rubbing its hands together with glee.

It made Eddie feel sick. Such mercenary behavior was not rock and roll! It was just cold-blooded business. Roddy’s label wanted to milk him for blood when he was at his lowest, and Eddie feared it might make Roddy collapse into some of his old, unhealthy habits if they weren’t stopped.

Roddy was more than a little drunk when Eddie voiced his concerns.

“Change record labels?” he bellowed. “Are you crazy?”

“Are you blind? These guys are not the same ones who signed you,” Eddie reasoned. “They harassed you when we weren’t putting out music fast enough, and now they’re trying to use your emotional state to sell records. It’s not right.”

Roddy’s bleary stare was cynical. “We’re making money, too.”

Eddie then said something he never thought he would say. “Don’t we have enough money? We’re already rich. I want us to stay, and we’re not going to last more than a couple more albums if this keeps up.”

“Bull,” Roddy countered obstinately. “I’m fine. I just feel like working hard right now.”

“We can afford to slow down a little,” Eddie argued. “Our last disk is still going strong. We’re not some plastic top-forty band that relies on getting a new song out every six weeks so nobody forgets who they are. We’re serious rock and rollers who already have a few classics out there from years ago. We don’t need to have a new disk in stores in six months.”

There was cold, hard steel in Roddy’s eyes. “You seem to have forgotten whose band this really is.”

Eddie just shut up so he wouldn’t pop Roddy in the nose. He was obviously too drunk and messed up to know what he was saying. If he fired Eddie, it wouldn’t be the first time. Eddie knew they would make up by the end of the week. He didn’t have to worry about employment, in any event. He could have a new set-up by sunrise if he wanted, but he rather enjoyed playing with Roddy O’Neill. He and Roddy worked quite well together, and Roddy needed him, even if he was being too stubborn to realize it. The best thing would be to leave Roddy alone to ponder his words and then bring it up again later when he was sober.

That moment never came. Roddy was sober during the daytime while he worked his ass off on the new album, but the minute they wrapped for the day, he cracked open a bottle of something and made a beeline for the nearest party. There, he sat in a corner and let all the women his nasty attitude didn’t repel hover around and get their picture taken with him.

Eddie followed Roddy around to keep an eye on things. That Roddy was going to crack soon seemed obvious. Eddie vowed to be there when it happened so he could get him back together. Naturally, this meant that both Roddy and Eddie now appeared at every hot party being thrown, and the trade magazines went crazy with wild stories of their imagined escapades. Anyone who heard the real story would probably have been bored stiff.

“PARTY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN!” one headline proclaimed. Under it was a story about how Eddie and Roddy had grown tired of the quiet existence they had been living and now, both single once again, they were living it up in the thick of Hollywood night life. Their photos were snapped almost constantly. It had been ages since the two of them got wasted at parties together and no photographer wanted to miss his shot.

Eddie made use of the girls, and Roddy emptied the bottles. Once he got good and drunk, he always tired of the adoring women, insulted them until they had no choice but to leave him alone, and then staggered home in the early dawn hours.



Roddy no longer enjoyed going home. It was there that he couldn’t ignore the pain in his heart, or the way Lee’s ghost had invaded every inch of the place. His house was huge and empty without her. Though he no longer wanted to be there, it seemed to be the only place where he could get away from both Eddie and the hordes of photographers at the same time.

His house was definitely haunted now. In the kitchen, he saw visions of Lee across the table, laughing with him while they ate. His game room assailed him with images of her bent over the pool table, attempting shots she could never make. His bedroom was strictly off-limits now. There was no way he could deal with the memories that lived there.

He wasn’t safe outside, either. By the pool, he could hear Lee’s laughter ringing across the water, see her lounging on one of the deck chairs, and almost feel her hot breath on his neck.

He felt like the worst kind of heel there was. Lee had loved him, and he wasn’t so self-absorbed that it had come as a surprise when she threw the words in his face. It hadn’t been enough to make him treat her right, though. It wasn’t enough to make him follow his heart instead of his stupid ego. He had been arrogant enough to think he didn’t have to offer her more than a roof over her head and a whirling social life because he was a rock star. Rock stars didn’t have to make promises, or keep them if they hadn’t signed anything. Why offer more to Lee when he was already giving her more than she had when they met?

By now, he hated himself for his selfish attitude. Lee was always honest, and he used it against her. She hadn’t loved her job, or her home, and she didn’t really have a family. What did she have to lose by coming to live in a nice, big mansion in Beverly Hills and being allowed to shop every day? In hindsight, he realized that a more established, secure woman with a strong father figure and some set goals would have demanded more from him. He had always known it, he supposed, and used it against her, and now he was the loser.

Lee wasn’t coming back. If he crawled all the way to Minneapolis on his hands and knees and begged her forgiveness, it still could not erase all the things he said to her, and it wouldn’t make up for all the times he had treated her like she was less than him. She would probably punch him again, just like he deserved, and slam the door in his face.

It was just like life to hand him the one woman who was right for him, and then take her away just as he was realizing how necessary she had become. He knew fate wasn’t at fault, though. The blame was all his for ignoring his mother and everyone else who gave a damn about him and not listening when they told him he had to offer something more to Lee.

He wasn’t so delusional he hadn’t realized she wasn’t completely happy, but rather than offering her a secure future, he had gone out to buy her another present. Now, he was stuck with a piece of real estate he didn’t need, and the realization that it wasn’t what Lee really wanted from him at all.

He ignored the way his heart screamed in agony as he trudged up the stairs and down the hall to the room he had been so happy to share with her. He hadn’t crossed the threshold since the night he chased her away. Slowly, so as not to rouse any sleeping ghosts, he pushed the door open and went in.

The room was tidy, as Rosa was not afraid of Lee’s ghost. The bed was made, the carpet bore signs of a recent vacuuming, and the mirrors boasted not a single speck of dust. Roddy left boot prints in the carpet as he made his way over to the closet and opened the door.

His eyes soaked in every detail when he turned on the light. His side of the closet was almost a dull monotony of black and faded blue, but Lee’s side was a riot of color. Of its own volition, his hand reached out to touch her things. The leather jacket he touched felt soft enough to melt under his fingers. He spotted an outfit she had worn to a western premiere with him and smiled at the memory. Next, he recognized a purple suede dress she had worn to a party. He knew he would never forget the yellow dress of tight leather and fluttering feathers she had worn their first night out on the town together. There were so many outfits in such varied colors, it made his head spin. He frowned at the ice-blue sequined gown she had intended to wear to an awards show with him. It had gone unworn because the ceremony occurred after she left. But his undoing was her slightly beat-up acid-green biker jacket, the garment that had told him she was different from the first moment he laid eyes on her.

He remembered removing it from her the first time, tossing it negligently on the floor as he urgently went after her other clothes. He recalled the way she had hid her body from him in it while she hunted for her tee-shirt. He remembered it was the last thing he saw as the door closed behind her when it came time for him to leave. The jacket was such a vital part of his memories of Lee, he couldn’t imagine her being without it.

Someday, Roddy knew, someone sane was going to come into his house and make him get rid of all of her things. He vowed the jacket was the one thing he wouldn’t let them take away. He decided he would be buried with it.

He plucked the jacket off its hanger and brought it up to his face to inhale its scent. It smelled so much like Lee, he knew it would be a sacrilege if another woman even touched it. Feeling suddenly old, broken, and tired, he sank down to the floor beneath her row of brightly-colored clothes. Slow, hot tears splattered on the jacket as Roddy finally allowed himself to properly mourn her loss, and the pace at which he’d been driving himself collapsed him into sleep.



Eddie gritted his teeth and shook his head when he found Roddy in the closet several hours later. It was obvious Roddy had finally cracked, and now Eddie was angry with Lee. What could Roddy possibly have done to be reduced to
this?

Roddy’s red eyes flew open, and he was obviously upset he had been found in such a state. Eddie knew he would bear the brunt of it.

“What are you doing here?” he asked with a glare.

Eddie ignored the question and asked one of his own. “Why don’t you just go get her back?”

Roddy slowly swung his gaze over to meet Eddie’s. “Because she won’t come back. I screwed up, Eddie, and she doesn’t want to be here anymore. I’ve got nothing she wants.”

Eddie was sure that wasn’t true, but it was obvious Roddy believed it.

“I’m just going to work my way through this,” Roddy went on, “and if I stay out of this closet and sleep in a different room until I sell this place, I’ll be fine.”

“Okay, great. What do you say we get out of the closet right now?” Eddie suggested. “It’s kind of depressing in here.”

As he grimly helped his best friend to his rather unsteady feet, Eddie had a somber thought. It was time to take matters into his own hands.

Chapter eighteen

Lee wiped her brow with the back of her hand. After lugging six huge reference volumes across the library from the Research & Cataloging Department, she was hot and sticky, and somewhat exhausted. She put the books in a pile while she caught her breath and then folded her feet delicately under herself as she sank down to the floor to shelve them. Her straight black skirt rode up on her thighs somewhat, but since there was no one around and she would be getting back up in a few seconds, she left it alone.

She pulled one of the heavy books into her lap and shoved it onto the shelf with a grunt. Rubbing her shoulder, she reached for the next book. Something across the room caught her eye as she did so, but it couldn’t possibly be what she thought, so she shook her head and got back to the task at hand. As she reached for the third volume, she saw it again, only this time it wasn’t on the other side of the room.

Lee dropped the book and shifted her line of vision directly to a pair of beat-up snakeskin boots.

Roddy!
her mind screamed. He had come back for her. He didn’t mean the things he said and he was going to take her away again and…but wait. It wasn’t Roddy.

Before she even got past the boots she knew it wasn’t him. The stance was all wrong; arrogance without true confidence. Her eyes traveled slowly upward, over thighs bulging under worn denim, the expanse of chest covered by a lewd tee-shirt, and up to the handsome face and riot of dark hair.