Called Up (5 page)

The irony of it all was supremely satisfying. The very thing Peggy had hoped would put Fitz in her place actually ended up putting Nate squarely in Fitz’s corner. That moment after the shed was the first civil conversation she and Nate had ever had. The first time in seven months of knowing about each other and walking the same halls that he’d done anything other than glance in her direction before looking away. But he’d come to find her after the shed to make sure she was okay. She’d said she’d be fine if he could keep it from ever seeing the light of day, and he’d somehow buried it deep enough that Fitz had never heard anyone so much as hint at it.

Until toda—

She jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder and whirled around to see Deke. She wasn’t big on being touched by anyone other than the kids. And Dorie, oddly enough. Dorie was a hugger. It had put Fitz off completely at first, but she’d kind of gotten used to it by now.

“Jesus, Fitz,” Deke muttered. “You want to tell me what that was all about?”

“No.”

She’d never wanted anyone to know it had even happened,
especially
not Deke. For reasons that changed over time but were as equally important now as they were back then. No way she was about to share the details now.

She went to the passenger side door and grabbed the handle. “Can we just go home?” She knew he was glaring at her, but she refused to look at him, instead staring out her window once she’d climbed inside.

The drive back to Lola’s was silent and excruciatingly long. She didn’t care. She didn’t have heart-to-hearts on a regular basis with
anyone
, and she wasn’t about to start now. But when they pulled up to the house and she moved to open the door, he reached out and put his hand on her leg to stop her. Before she could fully register it was there, she felt something stir inside her. Being She Of So Little Experience—and also She Who Had Just Recently Been Reminded How A Once Upon A Time Deke-Crush Had Led To Disastrous Consequences—she just stared at it. But her breath caught and the rush from that almost-kiss flew through her.

She pulled her leg away. Pulled her whole self away.

After everything that had happened earlier she felt raw. Exposed. Flayed and still bleeding. Just like that, this thing she’d kept so carefully contained was suddenly back out in the open again. The idea of going from cool and capable Fitz Hawkins back to poor little Angelica Wade was terrifying.

“You’ve gotta know,” he said, “I’m not letting this go.”

No, he wouldn’t. He might be the most happy-go-lucky guy in the world, but when he cared for someone it ran deep. She closed her eyes, trying not to cry as long-ago emotions rose up to the surface. Doing everything she could to hide it, she attempted to brush it off with a brisk, “Oh, perfect. So now what, you go all protective on me?”

She was too emotional. Not only didn’t she pull it off, it backfired completely.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Deke actually sounded kind of pissed off.

Unusual for him, but much easier for Fitz to deal with. Unlike him, she got angry regularly. She just didn’t tell anyone she did. “It means I don’t want your
pity
, okay? It was a long time ago. I’m over it.”

“
Pity?
” he asked. He’d gone straight to DEFCON five. Or one. Whatever the bad one was.

It was an entirely new side of him. Fitz watched with fascination as his hands gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles went white and his breathing turned shallow. “You think I
pity
you?”

“I think you’re looking for something to fix,” she snapped, maybe getting a little too up in his face.

“I’m not trying to
fix
anything.” His whole body shifted toward her. “I can’t fix something if I don’t know what’s broken.”

“I’m not
broken
.” She jabbed his shoulder. “That’s the whole point!”

“I didn’t say
you
were broken, for Christ’s sake.” He grabbed her hand. “Stop putting words in my mouth.”

Pulling back again, she reached for the door handle with her other hand. “Whatever. You don’t need to treat me like your little sister. Nate does that well enough on his own.”

Deke gave a harsh laugh and, looking down, muttered, “Like my sister. Right.”

Which made her realize he was staring down at where his hand grasped her wrist.

The hair on the back of her neck stood up as his head came up and he stared at her. A coil of heat unfurled in her belly and began to work its way down.

And then his hand was cupping her head and he was pulling her to him and his lips were on hers and...

Oh.

Oh,
God
.

Before she could think twice, she straightened up and leaned into him. All those unreliable emotions had her opening her mouth to his. She had every intention of putting a stop to it—she needed to
think
for a minute, damn it—but instead found herself threading her fingers through his hair. Through those tendrils that curled under right there at the back of his neck. She wanted to nuzzle her way into the crook of his shoulder just to have all that softness wash over her.

He cradled her head, tilting it back just so. She opened her eyes and looked into his and...

No.

She wrenched herself away, putting distance between them as she shrank back against the door. Her chest heaved as she gasped in air; her hand shook when she raised it to her lips.

“Oh,” she whispered. “My God.”

She reached behind her and opened the door, then jumped out before he could say a word.

Chapter Seven

Deke watched as she ran up to Lola’s front walk. He felt the sting as he slammed his hands down on the steering wheel.

“Fuck!”

What the hell had possessed him? And, yes, he’d been possessed, unable to stop himself from pulling her to him, so desperate and raw that in hindsight he wasn’t sure it could even be called a kiss.

God
damn
it.

He should have said something about earlier. Apologized for whatever it was that had passed between them over the boys’ bath and told her he’d figure it out and it wouldn’t happen again. But now...

No.
Hell
, no.

Apologies, followed by denial. Put it behind them and move the fuck on.

“
Fuck!
”
he shouted again to no one in particular, before putting the truck into gear and heading home.

It wasn’t even so much the kiss, although that in itself was more than enough. What was truly getting to him was that something had happened to her, in high school it seemed, and he had no idea what it was. He had no idea it had even happened. How the hell had he missed it? They’d barely spent a day apart from each other in years, for Christ’s sake.

Deke jabbed the button to close the garage door behind him and pulled the Deacon’s truck alongside his Jeep. Times like these, he was glad he lived in a converted warehouse with an entire floor to himself, with only one neighbor—Jason—on the floor above him, and a basement that was half garage and half basketball court. He turned up the music loud, changed into a pair of basketball shorts and grabbed a ball, thinking about Fitz the whole time.

It sure as hell went beyond her goddamned nickname, which, incidentally, he’d hated from the day she’d gotten it. It had been in the early days of the Iowa Dream ridiculousness—late March, probably, since they’d just taken the State title. They’d done one of those morning radio shows up in Ames, and came back to find a commotion at school. In reality, it had probably been only a few kids, but in Deke’s memory, almost everyone in the school was lining the hallways, the tribe turning on its weakest link, building nothing into something in the way of high school kids everywhere.

And there was Fitz, her only offense being that she was the bastard child of Patrick Hawkins, throwing her shoulders back in defiance even as tears streamed down her face. As if she hadn’t already been through enough. Before he could so much as step forward, though, Lola was already there and pretty much telling everyone else off. But the nickname was there for good.

Well, whatever. As Fitz had said tonight, she was “fine” with it. As vivid as that day was in his memory, it was apparently just a blip on her radar, whereas this other thing Jules had brought up was a whole battleship being blown sky high.

Jesus. What
was
it?

About a hundred free throws later, the only conclusion Deke had come to was that he needed to talk to Nate. He didn’t give a shit if it was two in the morning. He shut down the lights on the court and headed up to his loft as he dialed the phone. When Nate picked up, sleepily muttering, “Deke, what the
...
?” Deke immediately launched into, “You want to tell me what happened to Fitz back in high school and why Jules would feel the need to apologize for it?”

“Are they okay?” Nate snapped, fully awake now.

“Define
okay
.”

“Fuck,” Nate muttered. “What happened?”

After Deke gave the short and not-so-sweet rundown, Nate said, “So, yeah, I guess that puts you in need-to-know territory.”

“Well,
yeah
,” Deke echoed back. “Considering I love each of them as much as I love my own sister, I would sincerely fucking hope I’m in need-to-know territory.” Jesus. He went over to his bar and poured a shot of Jack.

“You remember when we found out about Fitz?” Nate asked.

Deke sat down on his couch, glass in hand. He put his feet up on the slab of concrete that served as his coffee table, and let his head fall back as his eyes closed. “You mean the day you found out she was your sister?”

That was way before the nickname. The second or third day of school. Deke, Wash and Nate had been walking down the hall after Phys. Ed. when, as one, they’d come to a sudden stop at the sight of Mama Gin standing in the hallway with the principal. Her lips were trembling and there were tears in her eyes. “Yeah. I remember.”

The tornado had happened in July, but because Fitz’s father had been going by the name of Patrick Wade when he died, not Patrick Hawkins, it had taken a month or so for all the pieces to be put together.

“Not my shining moment,” Nate said.

Not any of theirs.

The whispers had already begun before the school day was over. Overnight, Fitz went from “Who’s the cute new girl?” to “Nate and Jules’s father left them for
her
?”

Being all of sixteen years old, figuring out what to say to the best friend who’d just found out his dad had gone and started a new family wasn’t exactly in Deke’s wheelhouse. Especially because he actually had a bit of a crush on Fitz after seeing her at the Jensens’ farmhouse over the course of that summer. Deke liked to think that if he’d been older and wiser, her being Nate’s sister wouldn’t have rattled him quite as much. But back then, he’d let himself get caught up in other things. Let the rest of his life crowd her out of his mind because her considerable baggage was more than his teenage self could handle. He hadn’t just taken the easy route, he’d made a beeline for it and never looked back.

But the guilt Nate still carried was clearly much worse. Nate had never been outright mean during those months—he’d never even gone as far as Jules had, outwardly making his feelings known. But he hadn’t done anything to stop the teasing and taunting. Had never so much as told Jules to have Jeremiah tone it down.

“Maybe if I’d done something earlier,” Nate said, “they would’ve let it all go and just left her alone.”

They
being Peggy and Jeremiah and Lyle Butler and Co., Deke assumed.

Goddammit.

Deke loved Inspiration; it was his own personal Mayberry. Sure there’d been times when folks hadn’t exactly been on their best behavior, the treatment of Fitz being an obvious low point. But it wasn’t like Fitz had been moping around for all this time. Deke had put those days behind him, and he’d always figured her smile meant she had, too. It was almost too painful to think about that not being the truth she lived every day.

“Tell me the rest,” Deke said.

“It was maybe a few weeks after the nickname,” Nate answered. “I was in the locker room after practice and I heard one of the guys say something about the equipment shed.”

Right. Where Lyle and his friends hung out, usually drinking and smoking whatever they’d been able to score. Not fully Deke’s crowd, but close enough, as Jules had ever-so-helpfully pointed out. He leaned forward and squeezed his eyes shut even though he already had a sense of what was coming.

“There were three of them. Butler and his boys,” Nate said. “They were pushing her around, telling her no one wanted her there. Pretty much saying it would have been best if she died the day her parents did.” A pause, and then... “Trying to get their hands on her and hold her down.”

Deke sucked in a deep breath. His eyes stung. “She said they didn’t...”

“No,” Nate answered, knowing exactly where Deke was going. “She was fighting them off. By the time I got to them, they were, well... Pissed.” Except then a smile came into his voice, and there was flat-out pride as he added, “She did some damage. Enough for me to see, even though they were all mostly covered in mud.”

Nate paused and took a breath so ragged Deke could hear it over the phone. “They did it because of me, Deke. In
my
name. My own freaking girlfriend told them I wanted Fitz to know her place. I mean, Fitz handled it. She totally took them on. But it made me realize what my uncle had been trying to tell me all along. I could hate my dad all I wanted, but ignoring Fitz only made it worse. It wasn’t her fault. And...” His voice trailed off again for a minute. “She was utterly alone.”

Which, ironically, was what Jules had also said. Even more ironic since, yes, Nate’s family hadn’t just taken Fitz in, they’d claimed her officially, with Mama Gin adopting Fitz by the start of the next school year and making sure she shared their last name. But it had still taken a while for Jules and Ella to come around.

It begged the question, “Jeremiah...?”

“No,” Nate answered. “He wasn’t part of the shed thing. I don’t think he even had a clue until after it happened. I mean, I have to believe we would have known if he was
that
bad.”

Yeah, Deke had to agree. He’d spent many a holiday sharing a table with both of them and it had never been anything but polite. Even earlier tonight, Fitz hadn’t seemed particularly upset by anything Jeremiah had done. Not the way she’d reacted when Jules said...

Oh
shit
.

Shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit
.

With a sinking heart, Deke asked, “What exactly did Peggy do?” Because, yes, that’s who Nate had been dating back then. Deke had often wondered why he’d broken it off with her so suddenly and without any explanation to any of them.

There was a long pause before Nate answered, “She’s the one who sent Fitz out to the shed.”

The air went out of Deke’s lungs.

What?

Suddenly unable to sit still, Deke jumped to his feet and ran his hand through his hair. He started pacing. “How did I not know this?”

Nate didn’t even sound defensive. “Fitz made me seal that promise in blood.”

Finding himself at the windows overlooking the river, Deke let his head fall against the glass. “I can’t unknow it.”

“I know,” Nate said, his voice full of true regret. “I’m so damned sorry. I think that’s why Fitz wanted to keep it quiet.”

Which, yes, was her right. Absolutely. If she needed the insulation around herself, then more power to her. But...

Wait. That wasn’t what Nate had said. With extreme wariness, Deke asked, “What’s why?”

Nate hesitated for a few seconds before answering, “Look, she knows how much Inspiration means to you.”

“Me?”

Yes, he loved his town. But it wasn’t like he didn’t know there was a dark side.

And
, said the little angel on his shoulder,
he really did think she’d put it behind her.

What a fucking idiot you are
, the little devil on the other shoulder chimed in.

Maybe he was in denial. Maybe she woke up dreading every day. It was clearly something he needed to be more attuned to. For now, though, he wouldn’t dwell on the fact that Fitz had never clued him in,
couldn’t
let himself even contemplate that his being with Peggy may have hurt her in some way. He just had to make sure he wasn’t near anyone who had been a part of hurting someone he loved.

“Are you okay?” Nate asked, reminding Deke they were still on the phone.

The phone that Deke now looked at as if Nate could see the disbelief on his face. “You’re asking
me
if I’m okay?”

Not one to beat around the bush, Nate said, “Well, you have been sleeping with her on and off for the last fifteen years.”

Just because he was thinking about sleeping with Fitz didn’t mean he’d actually done it.

Then he realized Nate meant Peggy. Of course.

And
then
he realized Nate thought there was actually a chance Deke would put Peggy before Fitz. “Are you
shitting
me?”

Yet it was definitely relief in Nate’s voice when he said, “Good. Because I need you to make sure Fitz is okay.”

“You want me to check on Fitz.
Now?
”

It was the middle of the night. They were nowhere close to nocturnal visits.

And,
Christ
, they were never going to be. Hell, given the way she’d run from his car, he’d be lucky if she didn’t straight out slap him the next time they saw each other.

“Fuck, no—it’s, what, two in the morning?” Nate was clearly wondering what had gotten into Deke’s head. If he knew the truth, however, there was no way he’d be saying, “You are now aware of a situation Fitz has kept under wraps for sixteen years, a situation Jules chose to bring to the surface at a time when there’s not a thing I can do about it. When there’s not a fucking thing I can do for either of them. Whether you like it or not, you’re close to some of the people who made Fitz’s life a living hell and who she still has to deal with on a regular basis. So, yes, I would like some goddamn reassurance from one of my freaking best friends in the world that my sisters are not about to implode while I’m playing a fucking
ball game
in Tampa Bay!”

Since Deke felt guilty as hell for all of the above, not to mention fully understanding the reason for Nate’s tirade, he made his second mistake of the night, muttering, “Maybe you need to start thinking about coming home for good. Look after your sisters all on your own.”

Idiot. The last thing he wanted was Nate swooping in to take care of Fitz. Deke had been her best friend for years. That job was his.