Calling All Birdbrains (4 page)

A few seconds later, the leaves crackled. Strong hands swept my cover away.

I opened my eyes to see Jennifer Ecch's one blue eye and one brown eye staring down at me. She grabbed me around the waist and picked me up like I was her Barbie doll.

“Good morning, Angel Nose,” she boomed. “Are you doing a little nature study down there?”

“Put me down,” I said. “And please—don't call me Angel Nose.”

She licked my ears for five or ten minutes. Then
she said, “Honey Face, will you be my partner at the I. B. Rotten Games?”

“Huh?” That was my best reply. I was in total shock.

I stared at Lippy. The bird let me down
again
!

What was up with Lucky Lippy?

he squawked.

“Just shut up,” I muttered, clamping my fingers around his beak.

Did the bird's luck run out? Could it happen?

Did my buddies Feenman and Crench
ruin
Lippy when they rubbed him bald? Did they rub away all the good luck?

No way. No way. No way
.

I had to give the bird one more try. One more chance to bring Bernie B. some luck…

“Uh…Jen, I'm sorry,” I said. “But I can't be your partner. I'm in the Club.”

She blinked. “What club?”

“You know,” I said. “The Club. Very sorry. But you know how it is. The Club comes first.”

“Oh, yeah?” Jennifer replied. She grabbed my arm and started to bend it up behind my back.

“You snapped my arm!” I cried. “You SNAPPED it!”

“Honey Breath, I guess that means you're
out of
the Club now,” Jennifer said. She had a big, drooly grin on her face. “So now you can be my partner at the Competition.”

I staggered away, holding my arm gently, very gently.

I stumbled toward the dorm,
gaaaack
ing all the way.

Jennifer didn't buy my Club story for a second. I could tell by the way she snapped my arm.

Is Lucky Lippy
Bad-Luck
Lippy now? I wondered.

I pulled the bird off my shoulder and held him in front of me. “Lippy, tell me you're still lucky.
Please—show me. Show me you're still my good-luck charm.”

The bird burped up something green and pasty onto my shirt.

I turned and saw April-May June jogging over the grass. April-May is the coolest, hottest girl at Rotten School. She's my girlfriend, only she doesn't know it yet.

“April-May! Wait up!” I shouted.

She's so shy. She started to run faster.

“Wait up!” I shouted. I set Lippy on my shoulder and started to run.

“WHOOOOA!” I let out a cry as I tripped over something.

A garden rake!

I went down hard—and smacked my face in the dirt.

Shaking off the pain, I sat up.

“Oh, nooo,” I moaned.

My glasses were broken.

April-May stood over me. Her blond ponytail waved in the breeze. She gazed down with laughing blue eyes. “Ha-ha. Do that again!” she said.

“I did it on purpose,” I said. “Just to give you a laugh. I always like to start the day with a laugh—don't you?”

She smiled. “Your face
always
makes me laugh, Bernie,” she said.

“Thanks,” I said. “That was a compliment, right?”

“For sure,” she replied.

“Help me up,” I said. I reached out my hand.

She stuck her chewing gum into my palm. Then
she took off, running to class.

That girl is just plain
crazy
about me.

Groaning, I pulled myself to my feet. I tucked my broken glasses into my shirt pocket. “That proves it,” I told Lippy. “Your luck has run out.”

I ignored the bird and staggered to the dorm. My buddies and I live in the dorm called Rotten House. It's actually a run-down old house on the edge of campus. And we love it.

Mrs. Heinie is our dorm mother. We all love Mrs. Heinie, mainly because she's very nearsighted. That means we can get away with pretty much anything!

This morning, Mrs. Heinie was in the Commons Room, our living room, picking up crinkled soda cans and empty tortilla chip bags guys had tossed around last night.

I crept in on tiptoe, heading for the stairs. I had to get to my room on the third floor without her seeing me. I knew I'd be in major trouble with Mrs. H. if she saw that I'd been out all night.

Softly…softly…I crept along the wall silently…holding my breath.

I nearly made it to the stairs when Lippy let out a loud,

Mrs. Heinie spun around and squinted at me through her thick eyeglasses. “Bernie? Sneaking in at eight in the morning?” she said.

“I can explain, Mrs. H.,” I said. “I just joined the Wake Up at Dawn Club, and I—”

Huh? I couldn't believe this! Now the bird was
snitching
on me?!

“He's joking,” I told Mrs. Heinie. “The bird loves to joke.”

“So do I,” said Mrs. Heinie. “Bernie, do you know a good joke about scrubbing the kitchen floor?”

Uh-oh.

“No. I don't know that joke,” I said.

She handed me a mop and a bucket. “Get started,” she said. “Maybe you'll learn it.”

“Oh, really?” said Mrs. Heinie. “Well, then, you can scrub all the bathroom floors, too.”

The bird did it to me again!

I felt like mopping the floor with Lippy! My bigmouthed parrot was
definitely
BAD LUCK.

As I mopped the floors, I asked myself the same questions over and over: What happened to Lucky Lippy? How can I get the good luck back?