Calling for a Miracle [The Order of Vampyres 2] (Siren Publishing Classic) (24 page)

Chapter 14

It had taken several hours of silence, but eventually Larissa had fallen asleep. Eleazar had held her for much of that time, not willing to let her go until he was certain her emotions had settled and she was no longer upset. Even once she had faded into unconsciousness, he had remained by her side, simply watching her for any signs of distress.

What had happened earlier was not what he had intended. He still could not seem to pinpoint the exact moment he had let his control slip. He replayed the events from that morning over and over again and only felt more and more ashamed of his behavior each time. She was his mate, his responsibility. He should not have allowed himself to stray so far from rational thinking that he jeopardized her. Although Larissa’s body had reacted to his attention, her mind had not. He had violated her and for that he was disgusted with himself.

Eleazar looked to the window where the high afternoon sun was traveling west. There were only a few hours left. He was torn whether to let her sleep on or wake her so they could begin repairing the damage his baser needs had wrought. He did not wish to disturb her. She seemed so peaceful there sleeping beside him, yet he needed to discuss matters with her before they began their journey home.

He waited a while longer, drawing the seconds into minutes and eventually the minutes turned to another hour gone by. When the blue sky began to fade to dimmer shades of gray, he knew dusk was approaching. Hesitantly he touched her cheek. “Larissa, darling, you must wake.”

Her lashes fluttered and he prepared for the same jolting rising she had earlier. Rather, she simply opened her eyes and stared at him. They remained still for some time, her simply watching him as her memories fell into order. When her gaze broke contact with his, he was relieved that she still did not pull away from him. Although her hand only grazed his hip through the many blankets that covered her, it was still a closeness she would not have permitted only hours ago.

“Is there anything I can get you?” he asked, tentatively tucking a strand of hair behind her petite ear. She shook her head in the negative, but still did not speak. “Larissa, I would like to speak to you about earlier.”

“I saw you.”

He had to strain in order to hear the words she whispered. “Pardon?”

“I saw you. In my sleep.”

The thrill that ran through his veins was unmatched. It was as if his body suffered an emotional climax at that very moment simply from her words. She had dreamed of him. “You dreamt.”

“I suppose that is what it was. I have never experienced anything like that before.”

“And that is as it should be as I am the only mate you will ever share that gift with.” She fell quiet again. “Larissa, there is no shame to be felt in your reaction to me. God has given us to one another with his blessing.”

“I fear you will be disappointed in his choice.”

He shifted and tried to see her face better from where she kept it tucked close to the blankets by his hip. “Why do you assume that?”

“I am not like other females.”

“I am aware.”

“You don’t understand. I’m…broken.”

He frowned. “You are not broken. I have known you all of your life. You have never been anything other than a good girl with a good heart. You are smart and capable and kind.”

“Not anymore.”

His chest constricted at the desolate tone she disagreed in. “Larissa, please sit up and look at me.”

“No.” He watched as a tear slid from her eye. She shed the drop as if its presence had no effect on her, as if she simply was resigned to be sad in this life.

“I wish you would not be so hard on yourself. I do not understand this sadness you seem to be drowning in. I do not understand why you would think you are broken. I am pleased with the choice God has made. I feel blessed for this gift he has bestowed upon me, blessed that he has chosen you and not some other female. You are a female of worth, Larissa.”

“You’re wrong. You will see.”

He was done with these walls between them. He reached down and scooped her into his arms. She struggled, but then resigned herself to his will. When he adjusted her position so that he could better see her face, he said, “I am not wrong, Larissa. You have a bruised perception of yourself and I will make it my life’s mission to remedy that. I will not allow you to degrade yourself in my presence nor will I tolerate any other being doing so. I suggest you accept that now.”

She continued to cry silently as if she did not even feel entitled to a whimper. He kissed her temple and whispered into her hair. “Please talk to me, Larissa. I want to understand, but without your words or your permission to enter your mind, I am left useless.”

“I cannot be a mate.”

“It is not a matter of can or cannot, my dear. It is a matter of simply being. You are my mate.”

“You will not want me once you realize the ways God has swindled you.”

“God has not swindled me. Why would you think that?”

“Because I am broken.”

He sighed. They were going in circles. “How, Larissa? How are you broken?”

“He broke me.”

“Who?”

“Silus.”

Eleazar felt a cold stone settle in the pit of his stomach. He had tolerated the other man while he had not realized Larissa was his mate. Even after the realization, he had abided the other man’s mention, but now he was growing weary of hearing of Silus Hostetler. Eleazar was not familiar with exactly what Larissa’s marriage had been like. He only knew that she viewed it unfavorably and believed her husband had never loved her. Her reference to the other male
breaking
her did not sit well with Eleazar, however.

He stifled a growl and quietly asked, “How did he break you?” When she did not answer, he asked, “Did he hurt you, Larissa?”

“Family law—”

“Do not speak to me of family law. The moment you became another male’s mate, Silus Hostetler lost all rights to privacy where you are concerned.”

“But…I am his wife.”

“Not for long.”

He actually saw a glimmer of hope take shape in her eyes at his words. She looked at him as if testing the truth of his words. “You will annul my marriage?”

“Yes. But do not get too comfortable with the idea of being untethered, Larissa. You will be married to me the same day you are divorced from that man.”

She settled back into his hold, but did not dispute his promise. He found it difficult to predict when she would be the obedient girl he had watched growing up and when she would be the stubborn pistol he had battled with earlier. “I want to know about your marriage, Larissa. Will you tell me?”

He assumed she would not divulge any details when she pulled away from him and settled across from him on the bed, but was surprised when she said, “My marriage was nothing more than a contract in word and obligatory deed.” She would not look at him, but he did not complain. He wanted to understand her and if she needed this distance to make her confession, then so be it.

“When my father told me that Silus wanted me for his
frau,
I was surprised. I had never met the man or even noticed him at service. That he would notice me seemed strange. Eventually we were introduced and he was kind enough. Silus is quiet, more quiet than most.

“We went for a picnic by the pond and I found myself struggling to hold up the conversation. He didn’t say much. He just seemed to watch me. I had never been courted before so I wasn’t sure what to expect. My mother had explained to me about Amish customs. She told me that when my father had courted her, it was done in the traditional manner where the male waits until nightfall to visit the female, once her parents are abed. I had never known such customs existed. I was quite innocent for being forty-eight years.”

Eleazar was quite familiar with the customs of courtship. It was a practice followed in many sects. When a male was given permission by the elders and the family to court a female, he was allowed certain privileges. Although he could not take the female to service in his buggy, he could take her home at nightfall. If the courtship progressed and the female was over twenty-one years, the male was permitted to court her in the fashion referred to as “bundling” where the male would wait until the female’s house was silent and slip into her bed under the veil of darkness. He would remain clothed, but slip under the covers where the female rested in only her undergarments. The male was permitted to explore the female’s body within reason, but not look at her nor penetrate her.

The idea of Silus climbing under the covers with a young and innocent Larissa did not sit well with Eleazar. It pained him to ask, but he needed to know. “Did a bundling take place?”

She looked down at her hands and fidgeted. A soft blush touched her cheeks as she nodded. “It was dark. I didn’t know it would happen that evening. I had heard my parents retire and was half-asleep when my door creaked open. I could see that it was a male and that it was not my father or brothers. I stayed very still and watched as he approached the bed and placed his hat on my nightstand. The sound of his boots dropping to the floor was the only noise he made.

“He did not say a word. He simply climbed under my quilt and lay next to me. My body slowly relaxed the longer he remained silently by my side. I thought, perhaps this is it. Perhaps he would just lay there beside me for a few more moments and then leave. I remember feeling relieved and slightly disappointed at the same time.”

He watched as she began to pluck at the thread sewn into the hem of her sheet. He knew she was remembering that night and debating how much to tell him. “You can tell me anything, Larissa. I will not judge you.”

“Eventually he turned to face me. My heart was beating so fast. I felt his palm touch me.” She frowned as if considering how to describe the moment. “Here,” she said, placing her hand over her breast, but still not looking at him. “I tolerated the contact. It was unceremonious, yet my body reacted. He seemed to be taking my measures as one does a horse or sow.

“I began to find it difficult to breathe when his hands moved down to my underclothes and began untying the strings there. I wanted to say something, but was too frightened to talk. My mother had told me they were allowed to touch, but not…she told me the difference between the bundling bed and the marriage bed.

“I felt his fingers feather through my…hair…there. I had never been touched in such an intimate place. He pulled my body closer to his and I felt his warm breath touching my skin. He whispered words about the softness of my skin and told me to yield when my legs reflexively drew together.”

Eleazar did not know how much more he would be able to hear. His jaw was clenched to the point of breaking and he was swallowing repetitively so that the growl building in his throat would not slip out. “Did he go beyond what your mother had explained was acceptable, Larissa?”

She shook her head. “No. He simply petted me for a while. I had never realized that that area could be so sensitive. I was at first embarrassed by the way my body reacted to being touched there, but he told me that was right. As he explored my body I felt his maleness pressing into my hip and his breathing became more labored. I felt as though my body was being tied in knots. I wanted them to pull tighter yet unravel at the same time. I had never felt that way before.