Candice Hern (24 page)

Pru tried to put him out of her mind and went to work on the latest page proofs. Edwina came bouncing into the office later that morning.

“Here I am,” she announced as she stood in the doorway to Pru’s office, “itching to get back to work. Where shall I—Pru! Dear God, you look terrible. What on earth has happened?”

Pru took one look at Edwina, who looked so much like her brother, and burst into tears.

Nick paced the drawing room floor, trying to ignore the pounding in his head. He’d had much too much brandy the night before, and it had done nothing at all to dull the pain in his heart. In fact, the more he’d drunk, the more maudlin and sentimental he’d become.

He’d wanted to be angry, dammit. He’d wanted to wallow in his anger, to wrap himself up in its righteous warmth and enjoy it. But he had not enjoyed it. Instead he’d been miserable with it, especially when he’d turned it on himself. He discovered, to his dismay, that he wanted to take back much of what he’d said. Because one thing above all else mattered.

She’d left him. And he was not sure if he could bear it.

That morning—or was it afternoon already?—the heartache was much worse, for he’d slept alone in his bed last night, in the bed where he’d found such passion and joy with Pru.

She had good cause to leave, he supposed, considering all he’d said to her. But he’d been in the right, blast it all. He’d been the one to be deceived. He had not deserved her harsh judgment.

Yet it was her words that rang in his head as he paced. Her words that stung him like a thousand lashes. Selfish. Stubborn. Inconsiderate. Prideful. No true gentleman. A sham republican.

One thing she’d said, though, more than anything else, ripped at his heart and tore it into shreds.

She had done it because she loved him.

And, fool that he was, he had thrown that love back in her face.

But he had not known. He had not known she loved him. After all, she had been forced into the marriage against her will, just as he was. Until recently, Nick had thought she found the notion of marriage to him somewhat less than appealing. But knowing she loved him—or had once loved him—shook him to the core of his soul.

How could two people who loved each other have so thoroughly bungled a marriage?

He paced back and forth, back and forth, considering everything that had been said between them. In one moment, he convinced himself that he was in the right and she was overreacting. In the next moment, he knew her to be absolutely right and himself a cad.

And he wondered where she had gone.

He was not sure how long he’d been pacing the drawing room floor when he heard the front door open. His head jerked up. Was she back?

He heard Lucy’s voice and another female. Pru? He stood still and waited. He did not know what he would say. A part of him just wanted to take her in his arms and forget all that had happened. If nothing else, they would talk through this, try to repair the rent in their relationship. At least she’d come back home. She had not left him for
good. He followed the sound of her footsteps on the stairs, waited for her to reach the landing. His heart pounded. She was almost there.

“Nickie!”

He gave a groan of frustration and his shoulders slumped as anxiety fizzled into disappointment.

“Well, that is not quite the welcome I’d anticipated.”

Edwina stepped into the room. He stared at her for a moment, trying to clear his muddled brain. It was not Pru. But how could it be Edwina, who was still in France? He had not seen her in over five months.

But it really was his sister, and he walked across the room and gathered her in his arms. “Ed, I’m so sorry for the beastly welcome. I was expecting…someone else.” He pulled out of the embrace and looked at her. She was as beautiful as ever. “When did you return?”

“The day before yesterday.” She stepped back and frowned. “My God, Nickie, you look terrible. So does Pru, by the way.”

“You’ve seen her?”

“She’s at the
Cabinet
.”

“Do you know where she stayed last night?” he asked, suddenly anxious to know that Pru was safe. “Did she come to you, Ed?”

“No, she is back at her father’s house.”

“Oh, God.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “I have made such a mess of everything, Ed.”

“Come and sit down, Nickie, and tell me what happened. I just saw her yesterday, you know. She
was fine. She was radiant with happiness, in fact. And today she is miserable. She will not tell me what happened. What the devil did you do?”

And he told her. Every cruel thing he’d said to Pru, and every accusation she’d flung back at him.

“Was she right, Ed? I think she must have been. She would not have left otherwise. But was she right about me? Am I so self-absorbed? Am I so thoughtless?”

Edwina sighed. “You will remember that I experienced a similar confrontation with Anthony.”

Nick sighed. “Yes, and that was all my fault, too. I am good at mucking things up, am I not?”

She reached out and patted his hand. “No, it was not your fault. But Anthony did throw the same kinds of accusations at me. Remember when I told you?”

“Yes, that was when you decided to resign from the
Cabinet
.”

“He said I was arrogant for thinking I knew what the poor needed. He said I was a woman of privilege playing at reform, in order to feel virtuous and self-important. He said I talked a good line but I never took real action. And I convinced myself he was right. That was when I began my work in St. Giles and Seven Dials. Facing those wretched women each day brought all my lofty ideals down to earth.”

“And so you think he and Pru are right? That we are sham republicans, all ideals and no follow-through? No action? But I am
trying
to take action, to make a real impact. I am trying. It is not sham
idealism simply because I have not yet succeeded. Is it?”

“You must take what Pru said to you and examine it with your heart, Nickie. You must decide for yourself if she spoke the truth. But know this. Your ideals are real and true and heartfelt. You must hold on to them if you ever hope to see a better world. And continue to act on them when you can.”

“Act on them.” He shook his head. “I am in a quandary about that, Ed. I didn’t go through with the purchase in Manchester once I discovered Pru’s deception. I still have her money. What is the right thing to do? Should I keep it and go through with my plans after all? Would that be what Pru would want?”

“Is that what
you
want?”

“I don’t know, Ed.” His voice had risen in frustration, and he made an effort to compose himself. “This has all happened so fast, I haven’t had time to figure out what I want. And to tell you the truth, I can’t even think about the damned factory. All I can think of is how she said she did it for love. And God damn me, I threw that love back in her face. A love I had not expected. A love I certainly do not deserve. A love that I now find I want most desperately.”

“You’ve fallen in love with her, Nickie?”

He gave a mirthless chuckle. “Isn’t that a joke? I woman I never wanted to marry. A woman I barely even noticed. A woman from a class I have always scorned. And I love her.”

“Oh, Nickie.” She touched his arm lightly.

“And I don’t want to live without her, Ed.”

“Then why not just march up to her father’s house and tell her so?”

Nick shook his head. “I don’t think that would be enough. It’s too easy. Hell, I doubt she’d believe me, after all the hateful things I said to her.”

“Then you must prove it to her. Prove to her that you love her.”

“How?”

Edwina smiled. “You’ll think of something.”

T
wo days later, he still had not thought of anything. When one of Lord Henry’s footmen arrived with a housemaid to collect more of Pru’s things, Nick had sunk deeper into despair and confusion. He had finally decided, though, that the time apart was probably good for both him and Pru just now. They each had lashed out in anger, and they each needed to cool down. A few days to himself had given Nick a fresh perspective. He had concluded that a great deal of what Pru had said was right, especially in regard to his lack of consideration for her. And he was desperately ashamed for it.

He had not yet, however, come to any conclusion about the money. He was willing to accept Pru’s claim that if he really cared about the project
and the people it could help, he would take it. But for the life of him, he could not quite shake off his pride enough to do so. He supposed it was the biggest of all his deadly sins, for it was the one he could not seem to overcome.

He’d spent the evening with Simon, commiserating over the mess he’d made of his marriage and stoically submitting to his friend’s scolding. Ever the romantic, Simon could not fathom how Nick could have refused Pru’s fortune when it was offered outright, much less after she’d gone to such lengths to ensure he got it anyway.

“It was a selfless act of love,” he’d said, shaking his head in disgust. “You must have hurt her deeply by so thoroughly rejecting it. I really do not know how you could have been so cruel. You ought to be ashamed.”

When Nick had looked up to find Eleanor standing in the doorway scowling at him, he’d had enough and left. He did not need to hear any more. He understood. He was an arrogant, selfish bully. All right, he admitted it. But how was he to make things right? Pru deserved more than a simple apology.

After leaving Simon’s town house, he’d gone to a tavern with one of his colleagues from the Scottish Martyrs Club and proceeded to get seriously drunk. Again.

He returned to Golden Square at some ungodly hour and stumbled into the hallway feeling maudlin and morose. The emptiness of the house echoed the emptiness within him. She had been
there only two months, and yet it seemed somehow incomplete without her. He missed her. He missed her quiet presence, her music, her soft voice, her blushes, her sweet little body curled up against his at night. Her face. Strange, but in such a short time she had somehow become very precious and dear to him. He hadn’t realized how dear until she was gone.

Perhaps it was time to go knock on Lord Henry’s door after all, and ask her to come back. To come home.

With some difficulty, Nick managed to light the taper on the hall table. It was then that he saw the packet. His breath caught in his throat. It was the same type of packet he’d received earlier from Cracken, the one with the bank draft for the bogus profits.

He scrunched up his face and shook his head to clear it. When he opened his eyes, the packet was still there. For a moment, he thought it was the same one Pru had somehow manipulated Cracken into sending. But his slow-working brain finally came to realize that it could not be the same packet. He still had that one up in his bedchamber, waiting for him to decide what to do with it.

His fingers shook as he broke the seal, and he gasped aloud when a bank draft fell out and onto the table. He carefully picked it up. It was for an amount half again as much as Pru’s draft. A staggering amount. He pulled out the accompanying document, and saw it was a receipt for his share of the cargoes delivered to Amsterdam on the
Reso
lution
, the second ship he’d invested in through Cracken.

Could it be another deception by Pru? One she had set in action before leaving? Could she possibly have enough cash to fund two spurious investment returns? His mind was too muddled with drink to make any sense of it right now. He needed a clear head. He would not decide what to do until he’d met with Cracken, first thing tomorrow.

And as it happened, Nick came to discover that the profits were perfectly legitimate. The
Resolution
had delivered a cargo of sugar that had reaped unexpectedly high profits due to the loss of the same commodity on the
Benjamin
. Pru had had nothing to do with it.

She hadn’t needed to sacrifice her own money after all. Nick now had more than enough cash to begin his project. He ought to have been ecstatic, but it was a bittersweet victory. His first thought was to return to Derbyshire at once and settle the purchase of the machinery and refitting. He could resume plans for the factory without further delay. But then he recalled Edwina’s words.

You must prove to her that you love her.

Nick did not return to Derbyshire, but set out to put another plan into action instead.

“You look exhausted, Pru. You should go home.”

Home. She wasn’t sure where that was anymore. She did not feel at all at home in her father’s house, despite having lived there for twenty-
seven years and three months. It was strange, but she still thought of the house in Golden Square as home, after only two months.

Because she had found her dream there.

“I still have a few pages to proof, Edwina. And the subscription lists to update.”

“I am worried about you, Pru.” Edwina stood in the doorway of Pru’s office and leaned against the jamb. Her look of concern had not faltered for a week and made Pru exceedingly self-conscious. “You look so tired.”

Pru was very much aware of her haggard appearance, thank you very much. She did look into a mirror now and then. “I have been having trouble sleeping.”

“I don’t doubt it. But he will come back to you. I am quite sure of it.”

She looked up sharply. “Has he said something to you?”

“No, nothing specific. I know he wanted time apart to get over his anger. And he is over it, Pru. He is more miserable than angry.”

Then why hadn’t he come to her? She’d been praying Nicholas would come to her father’s house and ask her to come back home. But he had not done so. She had been away for over a week, and he had not contacted her. Because she had said such hateful things to him. Perhaps he never wanted to see her again.

“I ought to have remained the quiet little mouse and never told him what I thought,” she said. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“You needed to tell him how you felt, Pru. If you had not done so, you would have continued to harbor resentment, and it would have grown and grown until you despised him. And more than that, Nickie needed to hear those words. He needed to see himself through your eyes.”

“I did not enjoy saying those words any more than he enjoyed hearing them. It drove us apart, just when—”

“You may take comfort in knowing he feels the same way.”

“Then why—”

“Why hasn’t he come to see you? I don’t know, Pru. Do you
want
him back?”

Of course she did. She loved him. But she had gone a little mad when he’d been so angry with her. The first night back at her father’s house, she knew she couldn’t bear to live without him. She’d loved him for too long to really think badly of him. But she had discovered that loving an imperfect, all-too-human man was a far more profound experience than loving a perfect idol. In fact, she had learned that love could be a terrible thing indeed.

But love him she did, and she had pushed him away, pushed so hard, it looked as if he would never come back to her. Stubborn pride and all, he was still her dream of happiness. And having once tasted of that dream, she knew she would give anything to have it back again.

“Pru?”

“Yes. Yes, I do want him back. Should I…Do you think I should stop waiting for him to come
for me, and go back to him instead?” She wasn’t even certain she would have the courage to do it, if it came down to that. But Nicholas’s pride ran deep, and he was unlikely to make the first move. So it might be up to Pru to do what must be done to save their marriage. “Should I go to him?”

“That is up to you, Pru.”

“I think I should. Devil take it, I am being as stubborn as he is. I am going to go back to him.”

“Are you?”

“Yes.” Now that she’d decided, she did not want to wait another moment. She’d wasted a week already. “Right now. This very moment.” She rose from her desk.

Edwina turned at the sound of the front door opening, then looked back at Pru and smiled. “I don’t think that will be necessary.” And she left.

A moment later, Nicholas stood in the same spot, looking as handsome as ever, save for the frown that creased his brow. Her heart did a little flip-flop in her chest.

“Hullo, Pru.”

“Nicholas.”

“You are well?”

“Yes, thank you. And…and you?” How foolish they sounded, so stiff and formal.

“I am well,” he said, and then paused, looking slightly flustered, before speaking again. “I wonder if I might have a moment of your time? A few moments. A half hour, perhaps.”

“Of course.” Since he had finally come to see her,
she would not perhaps mention that she had just decided to go back to him. “Come in and sit down.”

“No, I need you to come with me.”

Pru’s pulse was racing so hard, she could hear the blood rushing in her ears. Did he want her to come home? “Come with you where?”

“I have a carriage waiting outside. I want to show you something. It won’t take long.”

She hesitated, only because she was so nervous and agitated, but he misunderstood her lack of response.

“Please, Pru. Please.”

“All right. Let me just find my bonnet.”

They spoke very little in the carriage. He asked about her family. She asked about Lucy and Mrs. Gibb. He had not touched her, except to hand her inside.

Pru had been so tense and anxious, she had not paid any attention to the journey. When the carriage came to a stop, she had no idea where they were. Nicholas leaped down and held out his hand for her. She took it and stepped onto the pavement in front of the familiar brick building in Clerkenwell.

Her school building.

She turned to Nicholas, who still held her hand, and raised her brows in question.

“Come,” he said.

He kept her hand and led her up the short path to the front door with its beautiful tracery fanlight. To the left of the entrance was a shiny brass sign.

The Prudence Armitage Parrish School of Music
.

She gave a little squeal of surprise and brought a hand to cover her mouth. Was it true? She tried to quell the fluttering of hope in her breast. She turned to him. “Nicholas?” Her voice came in a strangled whisper. “What is this?”

He took her other hand so that he held them both. “You gave up your dream for me,” he said, “and that was not right. Your dreams are as important as mine. More important, because you are more important to me.”

“Oh.” She could barely speak for holding her breath.

“You are precious to me, Pru. And I have hurt you in more ways than I can count. But I hope you will give me another chance. Everything you said was true, but I love you enough to try to change.”

“You love me?” Her voice came out in a high squeak.

“With all my heart. I hope you will accept the school as my gift of love to you, Pru. And will not fling it back in my face as I did your gift.”

Pru choked back a sob and threw her arms around his neck. He loved her! “Oh, Nicholas.”

He chuckled and held her close. “Does that mean yes? You will accept the school?”

“Yes. Oh, yes.”

“And will you forgive me? Will you give me a second chance? Will you come home, my love?”

“Yes and yes and yes!”

She rained kisses over his face, heedless of the
people walking past them or the open carriages driving by, not caring who saw, feeling not a hint of embarrassment. Not even when he took her mouth in a long, passionate kiss.

When he pulled away and smiled down at her, she said, “But how were you able to buy the school, Nicholas? Did you use the money I gave you?”

“That would not be much of a gift, would it?”

“Then how?”

He smiled. “My other ship came in.”

“Your other ship?”

“I had made two investments in Amsterdam cargo. The
Benjamin
was lost. But the
Resolution
was not, and its cargo turned a much higher profit than I could ever have imagined.
We
, dear wife and partner, made a tidy windfall. And I decided to put
our
money to good use.”

“But what about the Derby project?”

“I have enough for a good start with the money you gave me and a bit from the
Resolution
.”

She stared up at him, wide-eyed. “Nicholas? You are going to use my money?”

“I have had a great deal of time to think during this past week, and one thing has become very clear to me, Pru. If you love me enough to offer your money, then I certainly love you enough to accept it.”

“Oh, Nicholas.” She buried her face in his neckcloth, overcome with emotion.

“You said I had not allowed you to be a true partner to me,” Nicholas said, “and you were
right. But I
do
want you for my partner, Pru. In everything. In every way.”

She lifted her head and gazed up at him. “Even though I am not the woman you would have chosen for your wife?”

He closed his eyes briefly, and a pained expression clouded his brow. “You are right,” he said at last, clutching the hand that she rested on his chest. “I would not have chosen you for my wife. But fortune has shined upon me, undeserving though I am, and given me a wife more precious, more perfect than any I might have found had I searched the world over.”

“Oh, Nicholas.” She blinked back tears and hoped to heaven she would not dissolve into a puddle of joy at his feet. Thank God he gathered her in his arms and held her close.

“I wish,” he said, “that I could take back all the horrid things I said to you. I wish we could wipe the slate clean and forget all that has happened.”

She tilted her head to look up at him. “No, I don’t think we should forget. We have both learned a great deal about each other and about ourselves, and each of us is, I think, the better for it. Our marriage, our partnership, will be the better for it, for it has been tested and survived.”