Can't Let Go (39 page)

“WE’RE GOING TO be here all damn day. She’s so indecisive,” Jessa whispers to me as we flip through the row of dresses wrapped in plastic.

“I can hear you,” Sadie says from the next row over.

“It’s nothing I wouldn’t say to your face.” Jessa giggles and playfully rolls her eyes.

“Stop fooling around and search,” Sadie yells over the sea of white.

“Brady doesn’t care if the dress isn’t perfect,” Jessa adds, and I hear a long sigh from Sadie.

“He’d probably prefer if I was naked,” Sadie jokes.

“Awe, Sadie, you made a joke. See, you still have your sense of humor, even if you’re turning into a bridezilla,” Jessa continues, picking on her.

“JESSA!” Sadie exclaims, clearly annoyed.

I let the two best friends bicker back and forth, while I admire the beautiful dresses. The memory of shopping for Jen’s wedding dress comes to mind. The fact we spent all day at a bridal shop similar to this one, only for Jen to decide she didn’t want any of them. We left, and she drove us to the mall. Grabbing the second white sundress she found on the rack, she bought her wedding dress for less than fifty dollars. My lips turn up remembering how we gorged ourselves on mall fries, pretzels, and Coke before getting our nails done.

The image of the one dress I remember seeing her in comes to mind. She was so gorgeous and elegant looking she could’ve been Cinderella. A form-fitting strapless beaded bodice that puffed out into layers of tulle and satin. When Jen stood on that center block in front of those three long mirrors, I was in complete awe. From that day forward, I dreamed of my wedding day. Not the church, the people, or big reception. I couldn’t wait to stand at the end of an aisle, wearing the princess dress and staring down at the man who would be my husband. The man who’d captured my heart and intended to keep it safe.

As Sadie ventures back into the fitting room with six new dresses to try on, I continue to search for a dress matching Sadie’s criteria while daydreaming about a dress most likely not in style anymore. I mean, Jen and Caden got married eight years ago and trends have changed. I need to focus on helping Sadie, so I push my dream dress back into its mental closet and keep skimming though the dresses.

Then about ten dresses later my jaw drops open. There it is, not the exact one, but almost identical. Too excited to think about anything else, I hurriedly unzip the bag and allow my fingers to brush against the elaborate beaded design.

“Try it on,” Jessa says, nudging me with her shoulder.

Snapping back to reality, I answer, “No, this is Sadie’s day.” My eyes fixate on the dress in my hands. My body is practically itching with the thought of slipping into it.

“She doesn’t care. You know you and Trey will be getting hitched sometime soon anyway.” She takes it from the rack and begins walking to the fitting rooms.

“Jessa!” I say, following after her.

“Excuse me,” Jessa taps the woman on the shoulder. The pleasant-as-pie assistant smiles nicely at her. “We need another fitting room.” She nods her head in my direction.

“No, we don’t really,” I argue back. The lady peers over at me and then back to Jessa.

“I’m terribly sorry, but it’s by appointment only. Those fitting rooms are reserved for other brides or bridesmaids coming in shortly.” Anyone can hear her curt and displeased meaning under her high pitched fake reply.

“It will only take a second. It’s one dress, one girl,” Jessa attempts to persuade her, but the lady shakes her head and apologizes. “All right then,” she says, grabbing my hand and leading me down the hall anyway. “Sadie!” She knocks on Sadie’s fitting room door.

“What?” Sadie calls out from the other side. You can tell she’s already expecting the worst from Jessa.

“Open the door.”

Sadie inches it open, half wrapped in a dress with her assigned assistant helping her button it up. “I already told you, I want something more sleek.” She points to the dress.

“It’s not for you, it’s for Kailey. You should have seen her eyes light up when she was staring at it.” Jessa pushes her way through the door with me in tow.

“I’m sorry, Sadie. I told her no.” I shake my head. The last thing I would want to do is take over a bride’s day. The way Sadie is with this wedding, she’ll hate me for it.

“You should know her by now, she doesn’t accept the word no.” Sadie laughs, scooting over. “It’s more than fine, Kailey. It’s gorgeous,” she remarks, looking at it through the mirror.

“Oh, Serena can be such a pest at times. She should have let you use one of the other fitting rooms,” Lily, Sadie’s sales assistant, whispers. “But, there’s more than enough room in here for all of us.” She genuinely smiles at us and continues buttoning Sadie up in a beautiful, flowing silk dress with buttons up the back.

“Strip,” Jessa says, and my shoulders slump.

“You sound like Trey,” I tease.

“Romance gone already,” she counters back and we all laugh.

“No, it’s just …” I don’t finish, but start taking off my clothes.

“You have a killer body, I’m so jealous,” Jessa remarks, blatantly staring at my almost naked body only covered up by my mismatched bra and underwear. If I would’ve known I would be getting naked in front of anyone but Trey, I would have put on my best matching satin set. Now a days, Trey probably doesn’t even see what kind of bra I’m wearing. With three kids under five, there’s limited time, so the motive is really just to remove it from my body.

“You’ll get your figure back,” Sadie says.

“Just wait, they do irreversible damage to your body,” Jessa jokes.

“I’m sure Grant loves you even more.” I place my hand on her arm.

“Yeah, Kailey, with every new stretchmark, leaking boobs, and circles under my eyes, he just adores me a little more,” she sarcastically replies. Sadie raises her eyebrows at me through the mirror, and we silently agree to let it go for now. “Now let’s get your drop-dead toned body into this dress.”

Once I have it on, I can’t look in the mirror yet, but I’m hoping it suits me the way Jessa, Sadie, and Lily are all lit up. “Go outside to the three way mirror.” Lily nudges her head the direction of the fitting room door. Jessa holds the train in the back, pretty much shoving me out the door. Holding the front up so I don’t trip, I make my way down the hall, keeping my eyes on my feet. I hear Sadie and Lily file out behind me, Sadie swishing in her own dress.

“Oh, Kailey,” Sadie gushes. “You look like a fairy princess,” she continues awing.

“Look up, beautiful.” Jessa places her hands on my shoulders and whispers in my ear.

I slowly raise my head, my eyes taking in the tulle skirt, the tight bodice against my skin. Finally, I stare at myself in the mirror, the almost complete picture of me as a bride and I’m instantly speechless. Jessa unhooks my ponytail, and my chestnut hair falls past my shoulders. Lily rushes over with a veil and pins the front of my hair back. A tear escapes my eyes when I imagine Trey waiting for me at the end of the aisle. Even with remembrance of Jen and sadness she isn’t here to see me, the happiness of my future with Trey takes over.

“I’ll take it,” I say softly.

ONCE WE’RE AT the register, the snotty associate, Serena, is completing the sale, since Lily is still assisting Sadie. She’s steadily punching numbers in the computer when she informs me, “This is a sample dress. Because it’s been discontinued it has a ‘sold as is, no return’ policy. Did you inspect the dress for flaws, rips, tears, or missing beading?”

Jeez you would think buying a six thousand dollar ‘sample dress’ would rate a little friendliness. “That’s fine. Does the store manager happen to be available?” After another eye roll, she picks up the phone and immediately her voice changes as she describes a ‘drop in client’ would like to speak with the manager.

A few moments later a little slip of a woman comes hurrying over. She looks a little like Edith Head ready to go off to war. “Serena, catch me up on where we are.” Serena immediately starts on how I didn’t have an appointment, but is quickly interrupted by General Head. “I don’t care about that. What does the client need—oh never mind.” Turning my way she says, “Now, honey, how can I help you?”

“Well, ummm … I came here with a friend of mine, who had an appointment, and I happened to stumble across a dress that I’d been dreaming of—”

“Oh, those are the best kind.” She claps her hands in front of her chest and does some kind of a little jig. “That’s when you know you’ve found the right one. Now, did you get everything to go with it?”

“Not yet, I just wanted to let you know how helpful
Lily
was. She’s the consultant helping my friend, and she was nice enough to let me ‘drop in’ during the appointment to try on the dress and—”

“Oh yes, dear, when these moments of kismet happen, we must be prepared. I’ve been in the office arranging for the next season’s gowns, but we simply must make sure you have everything you need to compliment your dream dress. Oh, you don’t want to find out what wearing the wrong undergarments can do to the perfect dress. It can just be a travesty, I tell you.”

Before I know what is happening, I find myself being directed back to a fitting room by General Head, who is probably a foot shorter than me and carrying a dress that is most likely four feet taller than her. She barks orders at her assistant and with the precision of a pit crew at the Indy 500, I’m outfitted in the ‘proper undergarments’, shoes, veil, and any other accessory I could never dream of. My dress is gone over with a fine-tooth-comb, and I’m assured the dress will be pressed and ready for pick-up in two hours.

All the while, she’s asking me questions and pulling my life story from me. I don’t really think about it until she rings up the purchases. I’m beginning to worry about all of the extras. The dress is going to be a stretch financially as it is. I brace myself when she finishes keying everything in and take a deep breath.

“Okay, dear, you’re total is $2,348.94,” General Head says without blinking an eye.

“Ummm—” Oh shit, I forgot her name. Somehow I don’t think calling her General Head will go over well. “Ma’am, I think the total is wrong. The ticket on the dress said six thousand.”

“Well, this is going to sound really bad, but I honestly don’t know why that dress was still on the rack. It’s years out of season and should have been pulled long ago. It must have been there waiting for you all this time.” She looks a little chagrined to admit the dress was still there.

But, I know in my heart that it is a little more than forgetfulness when a snippet of conversation pops into my head.

“One day, when I get married, I’m going to wear a dress just like the one you tried on,” I inform Jen.

“Which one? I tried on at least a hundred.” She laughs, so I went on to describe it in great detail. “Well, I’ll make sure you have your dream dress when the time comes. But, let’s hope that’s not for a long time to come.”

Once again my sister came through on a promise. Right there, in this moment, I know she’s giving me her blessing.

THAT NIGHT, TREY and I are lying on the couch watching
Wahlburgers
while he teases me for being attracted to Marky Mark. I counter with he’s a movie star now, so obviously my taste isn’t that bad.

“You have the best taste, you picked me,” Trey responds, kissing me on the top of the head.

I turn to look up and place my hand on his chest, staring up into his caramel eyes. “That I did.” I inch up to kiss his lips. After a brief meeting of our lips, he pulls back. This comfortable life we’ve made, into such a great routine, settles me into our future even more.

“You want to seal it in ink?”

“A tattoo?” I question, obviously pretending I don’t know exactly what he’s talking about. The marriage topic has been brought up in conversation around our house for some time, but we’ve had so much to do, it gets pushed back. “Whenever you’re ready, I’m there.” I smile up at him, and he captures my mouth. I’m not about to mention, I have a dress hanging in Jessa’s spare closet.