Can't Touch This (33 page)

ONE MOMENT, VESPER WAS LOOKING in my direction, the next she’d vanished into the setting sun, the flick of blonde curls the last thing I saw of her.

My heart lurched. My body moved on its own accord, hurtling me down the stairs to the grass. Everything inside said to charge after her. To fix whatever mess Michelle had caused but anger didn’t let me.

Instead, I stalked toward Michelle who’d chosen the two Chiweenies that I’d always remember from the night Vesper was sick and the first night she let me care for her. “You can’t have those.”

I tried to pry Chip from Michelle’s arms but Corn yipped happily from Nate’s embrace. The boundary between doing right and wrong crippled me. I didn’t want to prevent these two awesome creatures from finding a forever home but I couldn’t get past my disgust for this woman.

What should I do?

“Still haven’t been able to drop the controlling issues huh, Ry?”

Don’t you
dare
call me that.”

“Touché.”

I glanced toward the river where Vesper had vanished to. My heart pulled me that way, but I had to finish this business first. “What did you say to her?”

“Nothing that wasn’t true.” She smirked, her gaze landed on Nate.

Something itched inside me. Something not nice. Something evil. “How old is he?”

Michelle blinked, not expecting such a question. “Nate? He’s um…” Her eyes glazed, either unable to remember her own son’s birthday or doing her best to lie about it.

Nothing’s changed.

Once a liar. Always a liar.

But the kid ruined the day or saved it, depending on whose point of view.

“I’m seven. The puppy was my birthday present for yesterday.”

“Oh wow, buddy. That’s awesome.” Ignoring the mother entirely, I sank to my hunches by the little guy. “And do you know your address?”

He beamed. “Yep. It’s 115 Fairview Crescent.”

I recognised that neighbourhood. It was an hour or so away in the village I used to live in while I was at school. Michelle hadn’t moved far from her parents. It was a nice area. Dogs to play with; kids to chase. As much as I hated Michelle, I couldn’t begrudge the two Chiweenies finding happiness.

Life was too short.

So why the hell was I holding onto teenage angst when it was so long ago?

Who the fuck cared what she did when we were kids. I hadn’t thought about her in years. She meant nothing to me. The anger I felt was residual hurt from ego, nothing more.

I’ve been an idiot.

I was too old for this crap. And too in love with my perfect other to give a toss about incidents that meant nothing to me.

Chuckling under my breath, I took a deep, cleansing breath—surprising myself at how easily it was to go of the past, the lies, and the way Michelle treated me. It was so damn trivial now.

In fact, it was almost funny.

I had nothing left but love for the dogs and hope that they were going to a good home. “Nate, I’m going to come visit you next weekend, okay? I’m going to make sure you know how to look after Corn and Chip here. If they’re not walked every day and fed yummy, healthy stuff with an occasional treat and lots of cuddles, I’m going to have to take them off you. Do you understand?”

Nate’s eyes welled with tears. “But why? I love them. Don’t take them away.”

“They’re dependent on you. If you don’t pick up after them or keep them entertained, then their quality of life is like you being locked in a room with no PlayStation, dinner, hugs, or a toilet. Get it? Having dogs isn’t all fun and games. They’re hard work. It’s a commitment for life.”

He nodded solemnly. “I understand. I promise I’ll pick up their poopies and walkies all the time.”

“Good lad.” Standing straight, I faced his mother. The hate and residual pain from our past had vanished, leaving me free and desperate to find Vesper and sink inside her and finish what we started. “Michelle, thanks for coming down. If you do right by those little dogs, then you’ve redeemed yourself and I’m grateful.”

She scowled. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that whatever stunt you hoped to pull here, it hasn't worked. I forgive you. There, I said it. I truly do. We were just kids. I hope you have a wonderful life.”

“But Ryder—”

“I’ll pop around about one p.m. next Sunday to make sure the Chiweenies are happy. Their preferred vet is Vesper Fairfax from Tales of Tails.” Not giving her a chance to ruin my afternoon anymore, I took off running.

To chase my woman.

To finish what we started.

To tell her just how much I fucking loved her.

How much I wanted her.

How much I bloody needed her forever.

THE LOG I SAT ON was a perfect thinking, crying, plotting stool.

I stared at the river, where a few weeks ago, I’d been on all fours with Ryder inside me and dogs running recklessly free.

Now, I was alone and contemplating what was the right thing.

I should walk away and give him the freedom to claim his child. I should forget about him and put him back into the client box.

But why should I do that?

It would only grant me pain. Many couples had children with other people. It was never a simple arrangement with exes who became part of the marriage with holiday custody and collection times but if they could make it work, we could.

Couldn’t we?

I wish I’d run to Polly rather than the river. I really needed to talk to someone rather than driving myself crazy with these questions.

A twig snapped behind me, wrenching my head up.

Ryder held up his hands. “Just me. I’m not going to bite.”

Images of him lip-locked with Michelle and other stomach curdling thoughts of him screwing his childhood girlfriend to make little Nate overwhelmed me.

I shook my head and shot up. “I need some time alone.” I followed the river’s edge deeper into shadow.

However, Ryder didn’t let me go easily. Chasing me, he never broke out of a steady walk but his voice wrapped around me from behind. “She doesn’t mean anything, Ves. She’s part of my past. I’m over it.”

Could’ve fooled me with the anger boiling off you.

“I was mad for a long time. She spread some rumours about me when we were kids. It sort of ruined my teenage years. But ten minutes ago, I got over it. I don’t give a shit anymore.”

I sucked in a breath. Could he mean that?

“What I
do
give a shit about though, is why you’re running away from me.” His voice lowered. “Can we talk about this, please?”

I shook my head again, swallowing tears so he didn’t see them on my cheeks.

I kept walking.

He kept chasing.

“Vesper, stop. This is stupid.”

“Stupid? Contemplating if I should break up with you for your own happiness isn't stupid, Ryder. It’s the most selfless, painful thing I’ve ever considered.”

His footfalls stopped. “Whoa, what? Why would you break up with me?”

“Because—” My throat closed up. I forced my body to keep moving.

“Because?” Bracken and pebbles sounded louder as he increased his speed, catching up with me.

Instinct made me break into a jog. “Leave me alone. I need some time.”

I only earned a few steps before large hands grabbed my shoulders, spun me around, and crushed my back against a weeping willow. The delicate stems and spear-shaped leaves framed us in a curtain wonderland. “Don’t run away from me, Ves, and don’t fucking
think
about breaking up with me.” He glared. “Who else can I call in the middle of the night for my rescues? Who else can I be myself with?”

I sniffed. “I’d still be your vet. But our boundaries would have to be very clear.”

“What boundaries?”

“The boundaries that means no touching, no reminiscing, no discussing what we shared at any time.”

“And why the hell would I agree to that?”

I blinked. “Because you ought to be with Michelle.”

He exploded with laughter. “I should, should I? You suddenly hate me enough to lump me with a cold witch like her?”

“But she—”

“She has
nothing
on you. Nothing. Believe me. If I had met you when I met her, there would never have been any competition. I would’ve taken one look at you and known you were it for me. I wouldn’t have cared about age. I would’ve lost my virginity to you. I would’ve fucking married you. I wasn’t a kid who thought the grass was greener on the other side. When I know, I know.” His hands cupped my cheeks. “And, Ves, I know you’re mine as much as I’m yours. We’re it. No if, buts, or maybes. Got it?”

“But—”

“There’s that word again.”

“What about—”

“Another version of but. Not gonna let you ruin what we have, Vesper. Stop thinking I still have feelings for someone who I honestly haven’t thought about in fifteen years.”

I stiffened.

He just lied.

It’s less than fifteen years.

“But Nate—”

“What the hell does her kid have anything to do with it?”

Frustration at him talking over me made me blurt. “If you let me speak for two damn seconds, I’d tell you!”

He smirked, his thumbs caressing my shoulders, somehow activating the tipsiness in my blood and making me mellow just a little. “Okay, little firecracker, go on. I won’t interrupt.” He zipped his lips dramatically. “Promise.”

I swallowed, mentally preparing to slice through our future. “Nate is yours.”

He froze. “What?”

“Michelle. She told me that Nate is yours and the reason why she hunted down your home address. She wants you to take her back because he is
your
son.”

For a second, Ryder’s face turned green.

He let me go, backing up as he mentally did whatever tally he needed to admit that, yes he had a son, and, yes it changed everything.

However, his lips slowly twitched followed by a loud laugh spilling from his mouth. “Holy shit, she was a liar then and a liar now. What a bitch.” He laughed harder. “Wow, talk about desperation.” He looked at the sky, dragging his hands through his hair. “So that’s what that gross attempt at seduction was. I actually feel sorry for her. Can you believe that? For so long, I’d felt sorry for me because of what she did but all along, I should've felt sorry for her.”

My heart was run over and squished into road kill. He felt sorry for her now?
God, when will this day end?

Feel sorry for me!

I’m the loser in this scenario.

My fingernails wedged into my palms in grief. “That might be the case, and I’m glad you don’t hate her anymore, but what the hell does that have to do about Nate?”

“You don’t need to worry about Nate. Nothing’s changed.”

“
Everything
has changed, Ry! Don’t you see!? You have a kid. She still wants you. Who the hell am I to stand in the way of that?”

“You’re my fucking soul mate that’s what you are.” Ryder’s outburst shocked both of us. He rounded on me. Stalking toward me, his hands cupped my cheeks as his body pressed me against the tree. “Vesper you
are
me. I’m myself with you. I’m
free
with you. If you think you’re going to take that freedom away from me, then you should never have agreed to let me take you home and tend to you while you were sick.”

“Um, I seem to remember you telling, not asking. I had no choice.”

“Just like I had no choice when I fell for you.”

I bit my lip. “You did?”

He grinned. “After everything I’ve just said you still doubt that I’m in love with you?”

My stomach installed a trapeze and swooped like a sky artist. “You are?”

“So,
so
fucking much.” His lips landed on mine. “I’m in love with you. I love you. I adore you. I thought you knew.”

“How would I know?”

“Every time I hug you, I tell you. You don’t feel it?”

A small smile pulled my mouth. “I wondered. I felt something. I’m sure you felt my answer.”

He nodded. “I did. And if it’s not too bold of me to say but you love me too, don’t you?”

Now was the time to either shatter him so he could return to a woman he didn’t love and raise a kid he didn’t even know he had, or admit the truth and keep him and deal with shared custody as adults. I let sanity and common-sense rule over a bruised and juvenile heart.

“I do. I’m in love with you. I think I’ve loved you since you found my lifetime supply of tampons and made a joke about it.”

“It was a pretty big box of tampons.” He cocked his head at the river. “I bet if you tossed them all in Thorn River, it would dry up.”

I swatted his shoulder. “Okay, one joke was enough. I don’t need anymore.”

His finger hooked under my chin, tilting it upward. “You know, I just lied about when I fell in love with you. It wasn’t when you were sick.”

“Okay…”

“I knew I loved you before that.”

“Don’t tell me it was love at first sight with the first wiener you brought in?”

“No, Heineken wasn’t when it happened.” He kissed me softly. “It was your sexy face plant into my man jewels that did it.” He chuckled. “I thought to myself, now there is a woman who knows what she wants.”

I cringed. “Oh
, God
. One time. Seriously, will I never live that down?”

“It depends how long you put up with me and remain mine.” The lightheartedness in his eyes faded a little. “Please, Ves. Don’t let Michelle ruin what’s so damn right between us.”

I sighed. “I wasn’t letting her ruin it. I was trying to do the right thing.”

“Ah yes, because Nate is my son.”

“You’re acting mightily blasé about this fact. I know you don’t mind animals but a child is slightly different.” I did my best at adding joviality to an otherwise awkward conversation. “After all, you can’t put him in the kennel with some dried food and water bowl and expect him to survive.”

“Oh, I know. And I have no intention of homing him in a barn or otherwise.”

“But you have no choice. He’s yours—”

“He’s not mine.”

“But—”

“She lied.” He smirked. “Again.”

“What—what do you mean?”

“I mean she lied when she told the school I had crabs and lied again when she told you Nate was mine. I haven’t been with her since I was seventeen. I’m twenty-nine now. That means Nate would have to be…”

“Twelve.”

“Exactly.” Ryder smiled. “And I just asked him before his mother could bullshit how old he was. Guess what he answered.”

“Well, if he’s that old, he looks mighty young for his age.” I squinted. “I don’t know kids. Animals yes but children aren’t my speciality.”

“He’s seven, Ves. A full five years on top of me ever going near that woman.”

The relief flooding through me played silly buggers with my legs and they wobbled. “You mean—”

“The only kid in our lives is the one we cook together, if and when we decide we want to add more to our zoo other than just dogs, cats, and a pig or two.”

“Oh, thank God.” I wrapped my arms around his neck. “This…crap, this is the best news I’ve ever heard.”

“Even better than hearing that I love you?”

“Okay, second best.”

“Damn right.” He kissed my cheek. “Now, if any other disgruntled lovers try to scare you off with illegitimate babies or other heinous lies can you please run
toward
me instead of away, so I can fix it?”

I leaned back. “Wait…just how many other disgruntled lovers am I expecting here?”

His eyes twinkled. “Uh oh, are we about to have the conversation where we admit how many people we’ve been with? Isn’t that opening a can of worms?” He scrunched up his handsome face. “As far as I’m concerned, you were a born again virgin when we met and no one else had the privilege of having you.”

The idea of leaving the past in the past was the right thing, even though I did want to know. But then it would just torture me if he’d been with a lot. It was best not to know. Curiosity would kill the cat in that respect.

He groaned. “You want to know, don’t you?”

All my adult reasoning went poof.

Yes.

I froze. “Not if you don’t want—”

“Fine, now that I’m thinking about ghosts of lovers past, all I can see is massive numbers of men who I need to kill.” His face fell. “It’s not massive numbers, right?”

“We really opened Pandora’s box, huh?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Yep. But I guess if we’re gonna open it all the way, we should do it together.”

“What? Like blurt our previous lover tally at the same time?”

“Exactly.” His face darkened. “That way, we won’t be swayed to lie depending on what the other person said.”

This could backfire so bad.

My sexual history was one big dry spell. There’d been Owen who earned my virginity, John who lasted two months before his failed sex skills annoyed me, and me, myself, and I. Oh, and wait, there’d been Scott at university but he didn’t count as he’d only been one night.

You can’t lie.

Okay, fine. I was twenty-four.

Three men was low right?

Nerves ricocheted down my spine.

I bundled up all the sincerity and love I had for him. “I want to pre-caveat this by saying that whatever number we admit, you’re the only one I’ve ever felt myself with. You’re the only one I think about, dream about, and want every hour of every day.”