Authors: Daryl Devore
"Let me preface this—"
Cheers from the patron's cut me off. We both glanced up at the TV screen. Sexy, sweaty
, soccer studs were jumping into each other's arms and ripping their shirts off.
Note to self – watch more soccer.
I banged my glass on the table. "Again. Let me preface this with guys suck."
Kat squirmed. "I knew this was about a guy."
Squelching the doubts rising up in me, I rubbed my forehead. "I'm not sure you're drunk enough to hear this or I'm drunk enough to tell it."
"Dare I ask Patrick for tequila?"
I held up my hand. "Hell, no. Do you want darts thrown at you by those guys?" I tilted my head toward the other patrons. "Okay, but you have to promise not to laugh. Or think I'm crazy."
Kat swiped her index finger across her chest. "Cross my heart and hope to die."
"I met a guy. But he's not real."
The bar patrons jumped up and cheered.
Their excitement had better be for the game and not for my love life.
Kat mouthed the words, "What? I didn't hear you?"
"I know, it's getting loud in here. I said, I met a guy. But he's not real."
Kat took a sip of her cream ale and swallowed.
A
what is she talking about?
expression crossed her face. "You mean like you met someone online? One of those dating service sites."
Not exactly.
"No. I met him at the sex toy convention thing we went to on Thursday."
Kat scratched her nose. That was a good sign. The end of her nose always itches when she gets drunk. "You were with me most of the time. And we left together, so when and how did you meet a guy?"
"Whole story. Don't interrupt. When we were walking through the displays, I heard a voice. He spoke to me, but I couldn't see who it was. He followed me home."
"A stalker!" She popped her hand over her lips.
"No. A Fate. Or actually, the son of a Fate." As I continued with my rambling and muddled explanation, our waitress deposited round number four. I was half finished with it when I got to the part – "And the sex was so hot, but he isn't real, so I told him to go away. Cause I need a man. A real man. I can't date the air. And now I miss him."
Kat rubbed her nose. "If I wasn't drunk, I'd call the funny farm and book you a room. This isn't possible."
"But somehow it is. I've got a tan. It's mid-April, winter's barely over. I shouldn't have a tan."
Kat leaned over toward me. Her breath smelled like cream ale. "So, what was it like?"
"The sex?"
"No, the nipple clamps. I really wanted to buy a pair."
"Kat." I fell back against the chair and rubbed my face. "I just told you I met a Fate and had incredible beach sex and all you got out of it was I own nipple clamps."
A frigid chill ran down my back. I glanced up. Every male in the bar was staring at me. Most had that stupid, horny grin on their faces. Why? Because the second I said
, I own nipple clamps,
the room went dead silent and everyone heard me.
So I did what any self-respecting but totally humiliated woman would do, I ordered another beer.
Kelly-Anne brought it over and smiled. She was practically my bitch by now as I'd been over tipping the whole night. "Patrick said this one's on the house."
"Well you can tell Patrick, I'm not gonna show him my nipple clamps." I glanced up at the other patrons. "Or anybody else."
A case of the giggles hit Kat. She kept trying to tell me something, but would shake with laughter and could only spit out a garbled mess of words. "Yo zed plmps."
Four and a half Guinness Draughts in you and it doesn't take long for the infectious giggling to invade your body. I wiped the tears of laughter from my eyes and started singing, "When Irish eyes are smiling. De da de dum, I don't know the words. But when Irish eyes are smiling…de dum de de da dum dee." I held that last note for several seconds. And proudly I might add, I was only a little off key.
"Okay. Okay. I got it." Kat placed her hand on her chest and tried to control her breathing. "You said nipple clamps!" She burst into hysterics and knocked over her empty beer glass.
"Time to go." I stood and swayed. My knees buckled. The chair pad rose up and met my butt. No, reverse that, I sat down.
It took several attempts, but Kat and I made it up out of our chairs—hold the applause—picked up our purses and yoga mats and stumbled across the bar. Kat performed a majestic good night bow to the other patrons and hit her head on the edge of the table. When I picked her up off the floor, blood dribbled down her forehead.
I dug a tissue out of my pocket and dabbed at the blood. "One of us is so going to have a headache tomorrow."
Kat looked around. "Who?"
I grasped her elbow and marched her two steps forward when I realized I wasn't heading for the door so much
as heading toward its reflection in the mirror. Marshalling all the sophistication I could, I turned us around and headed out the exit.
"Oh, look a cab." Kat stumbled forward and grabbed the door handle.
"No, Kat hon, that's one of our city's finest." I smiled at the officers and directed her over to where three cabs where lined up.
I opened the back door, gave her a little shove to get in and gave the driver her address.
Kat scooted back across the seat, rested her head on my shoulder and patted my hand. "Poor you."
"Why poor me?"
"My best friend is in love with a Fate." Then she broke into Robert Palmer's Ad
dicted to Love
.
I stared out the cab window watching the blur of the city lights race by.
How do you love a voice? A voice that gives you soul-shattering orgasms. Ones that I am definitely addicted to. Why was I so stupid to push him away? How do I get him back?
C
hapter Six - Thall
I stretched out on my recliner chair and sighed. "Why do we have to be in corporeal form?" Shifting in my seat, I rubbed my leg. "This chair thing is extremely uncomfortable and I'm itchy."
All seven hundred and fifteen of my brothers, sisters and cousins turned and glared at me. "We all agreed, Thall." My sister, Xyno, threw a cheese puff at me. "To watch the final game of the World Series the same as humans do."
Calay reached over Xyno’s shoulder and grabbed a handful of cheese puffs. "We gave up our jurisdictions over our humans on either team and agreed to a group vote every time one of them calls upon us."
"This is the way the humans watch baseball." Calay's older cousin, Botta, pointed around the room. "We have chairs, beer, munchy food and a plasma screen TV."
"It's not even plugged in." I snorted and tossed the puff back at my sister. "We're the children of the Fates. We don't need a TV to—"
"Don't be such a Grumpy Gus." Xyno caught the cheese snack, placed it on her hand and used her middle finger to flick it at me. "Just because you were dumb enough to fall in love with a human. Don't spoil everyone else's fun."
Feeling the urge to defend my honor, I started to protest, but Xyno held up her index finger. "Sit there, drink beer and put a pretty smile on that face
, or I'll tell Mom." She winked and turned her attention back to the baseball game.
I popped the cheese puff into my mouth and chewed.
I'm six thousand years old and she threatens to tell our mother?
Shifting around in the annoyingly uncomfortable chair, I scratched my cheek, left arm, and tried to reach the middle of my back.
Damn arms aren't long enough. This is just stupid. I'd rather be anywhere but here. As long as Capri was there. Does she enjoy baseball? In the ten or so years she’s been under my domain, I don't ever remember her watching a game.
A cheer from the crowd startled me. "Game's tied. And they're going into the ninth inning." The cousin sitting on my left slapped me on the back. I inhaled two deep breaths and congratulated myself for not punching his bulbous and annoying nose.
"How many more innings before this torture is complete?" I glanced at Xyno and pasted a smile on my mouth. "See, I'm smiling. I'm happy Thall. Just sitting here. Scratching." I still couldn't reach that spot on my back.
"Nine. But with the game tied the Cardinals have to score in the bottom half," an older brother called out from somewhere behind me.
"The bottom half of—"
No, don't ask.
I don't really care the bottom half of what
. I rubbed the bridge of my nose then held out my hand, waiting for the bottle of beer to float across to me. Lifting it to my lips, I let the icy liquid slip down my throat.
Hmph, tastes just like the cheese puff. Only being able to eat Ambrosia makes for a boring selection of food. Capri had been sipping champagne when I whispered in her ear. I could sense it's sweetness on her breath. I would relish tasting champagne one day. With Capri.
I pulled another beer closer.
I could pour the champagne down her breasts and lick them dry.
That always looked like fun. Of course, I'd have to be in human form.
Experimenting, I slid my tongue across the roof of my mouth.
Wonder what it would feel like if Capri's tongue did that. Maybe having a sense of touch isn't so dreadful.
Using my thumbnail, I teased the edge of the beer label. My fingertips brushed the glass. What a strange sensation. I slid my hand along the side of the bottle. The droplets of condensation made the glass slippery and coolness tickled my flesh.
Her breasts would be warm. Instead of using my mind, how would it feel if I touched her like a human would?
I pictured
Capri lying naked on her bed, her chestnut brown hair splashed against the pillow and her gaze on me as I reached out to caress her. I visualized placing the tips of my fingers on her chest and stroking downward across her white flesh and pink areola. Her nipples would respond and perk up, and she'd sigh as she arched her chest toward my touch. With one index finger, I'd trace the outline of her nipple experiencing its firmness. Around and around the nipple, letting my finger graze her skin as she softly sighed.
Wiggling in my jeans, I heaved an exasperated sigh.
Damn. Even the clothes are uncomfortable.
Xyno leaned over and tapped my shoulder. "There’s something you should know about being corporeal."
Not really caring about what she had to say, I lifted my beer to my mouth and drank while waiting for her to finish interrupting my little fantasy.
"
With your unique ability to become human, sensations will be more intense."
I lifte
d an eyebrow and tossed her a
So what
look.
She rolled her eyes
.
Geesh, she's twenty-four thousand years old and she rolled her eyes at me.
"When male humans think intimate thoughts their bodies respond. And from the looks of the swelling in your jeans, you
are endowed with quite a cock."
When I tugged at the front of my pants, my hand bumped a large, rock hard swelling. "How do you know such things?"
The tinkle of her laughter lightened my morose mood. "Brother, while you have the blood of the war god, Astabis, in you, I have the blood of Eros. Your matters are mostly of the battlefield. Courage. Fight. Victory. Mine are lusty in nature. Seduction." She grinned and waggled her eyebrows up and down. "And a bit of fight and victory. You help the warrior win his battle. I help him bed his wench."
"I suspect you had more fun helping your humans than I had with mine." I peeled a strip of label off my empty beer bottle.
Xyno giggled. "No naked women on the battlefield?"
"I’ve only had three women under my domain
, Capri. Elvina back in the 1600’s and that nun."
"This is it!" Botta jumped out of his chair. "Cardinals are down by one and have a man on second. They need a home run to win the series." He rubbed his hands together and sat on the edge of his seat. "Last batter, last pitch and he invoked the Fates."
I tossed my empty beer onto the floor.
Why did he invoke us? Why can't humans just do things themselves?
Everyone focused their attention on the screen. The pitcher positioned the ball in his hand, checked the man on second, inhaled and hurled it toward the hitter. The batter riveted his gaze on the sphere racing toward him. He shifted his weight and lifted the bat.
Botta closed his eyelids for a moment. All movement on the screen stopped. "The request was to let the Fates decide. What’s your vote? Does the batter swing and miss and the game ends now? Or does he crack a home run out of the park and win the series?"
I leaned my head back on the headrest, closed my eyes and voted.
Swing and a miss.
A wisp of a breeze tickled my nose with the sweet aroma of gardenia.
I'm home.
And free of that infernal human body with its itches and swellings
. Reaching out with my mind, I searched for Capri. It was late evening where she existed. She’d be asleep. Shifting to her bedroom, I hovered beside her bed, listening to her breathing. It was shallow and slow.