Captivate Me (30 page)

She cries as she looks down at me and clutches my brother.

“Breaker, come back,” she says then looks at Shaina. “You, too, Shaina. Come back to us. Come back to your family.”

“Shaina,” I say, turning to her. “I’m not ready to leave them yet or my mom. She’ll be heartbroken. I can’t leave you, either.”

“Breaker, what the fuck are you doing with my daughter?” I hear Diamond’s voice just as he appears translucently before Shaina and me.

“Dad?” Shaina asks, puzzled.

“Hey, girl,” he says to her, but his attention is on me. “Breaker, answer the fucking question.”

He looks exactly the same as he did when he was alive, not aged a bit. Except, I can see through him now.

“I love her, sir.”

Shaina sucks in a deep breath then comes up beside me. I wrap my arm around her shoulder. I can feel her body, but again, my arm floats through, exactly like the kiss.

“You’d better,” Diamond growls.

“I’m going to make her my ol’ lady,” I tell him. Shaina looks up at me, and I look down at her. “Love you. Only you.”

Diamond clears his throat, and we turn back to him. His attention is on Shaina.

“You want to come with me? We can spend some time together,” he says, and it clutches my heart. He wants her to go away from me unless I follow, but I don’t want to leave my family or her.

“You want me to come with you?” Shaina asks, puzzled.

“I’ve always wanted you to come with me. Your momma didn’t like my life and wanted you away from me. If I would’ve had the choice, I’d have brought you with me.”

I look at Shaina, whose face hasn’t changed much. She says, “I really want to cry right now, but for some reason, I can’t. Why can’t I cry?”

“Because here, you don’t hurt or feel pain,” Diamond answers. “Here, you just are.”

“And you want me to come with you?” Shaina asks then looks at me excitedly. “He wants me to go with him.”

I brush her hair behind her ear. “Yeah, baby, it sounds like he does, but I’m not ready to go yet. I need you to come back with me.”

Her face looks stricken as she says, “I’m really hurt and confused. I know I am, but I can’t feel it, and it’s weird.”

Diamond’s face falls. “Shaina, as much as I want to be with you, you’re young and have an entire life ahead of you. I want you to live it, breathe it, grab it by its horns, and don’t let go of it.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Shaina says, turning back to me. “I don’t want to leave you, but he’s my dad.”

“He’ll always be your dad, but you only get one true love. Come and explore it with me. I need you to come with me.”

She pulls her lip between her teeth and closes her eyes.

“I love you,” I tell her before kissing her hard then stepping back. I’ve made my decision that I’m lucky enough to get. “I hope you’ll come to me.”

It kills me to move from her, but I do. I take a step back … then another … then another. Then I fall from the floating state and dissipate, losing my woman.

The pain comes back full-fledged, but it’s nothing compared to the pain in my heart.

“Wake the fuck up!” Buzz yells.

“Stop yellin’ at him. He isn’t gonna wake up like that,” Doc snaps from somewhere above me.

I groan at all the noise. It’s so damn loud now.

“Wait,” Buzz says. “He groaned.”

I move my arms just a bit and try to get my throat some moisture. “Stop screamin’,” I say, but it comes out really croaky and more like sounds than words.

“Thank fucking Christ,” Buzz says.

I look over to the woman beside me. Is she coming? Is she coming back for me? Please, God, have her come back to me.

“I’m so sorry,” I tell my dad as he stands there, looking at me then down at Breaker’s body. “I was a bitch, and I’m sorry. I should have tried harder. I should have taken the calls, but I was so mad you left us. So damn mad.”

“Shaina, it takes a strong woman to apologize. Do I wish we had more time together? Yeah. But that time isn’t right now. As much as I want you, I want you there more. You have a choice here, and I’m not sure why, because I sure as shit didn’t have one. But you and Breaker were givin’ some kind of escape choice. I’d choose really wisely here, girl. You won’t get this again.”

“It hurts,” I tell him. I feel it in my gut that it does, but the pain part of it doesn’t come.

“Yeah, and down there, you’re hurt pretty bad.”

I look down at my body and see Breaker turn to me, worry carved all over his face. He grips my hand and squeezes, and I feel the pressure.

“Shaina, come back to me,” he says in a broken voice.

I look back at my dad, the man I missed out on my entire life. The man I always wanted to be with me. My family.

“I love you, Dad. I’m sorry I screwed up, but I’m not leaving Breaker right now.”

My dad smiles, steps forward, and wraps me in his arms. “Proud of you, girl,” he says, and those words fill me with so much joy. “So damn proud of you. Now get your ass down there. Tell everyone I said hi.” He releases me and steps back. Then he vanishes.

The little girl inside of me wants to run and find him, hug him, love him like I should have when he walked the earth. But the woman inside of me looks down at Breaker. I love him, too, and I need to tell him that.

I close my eyes, float down, and disintegrate.

“Shaina, dammit!” Breaker growls.

“Brother, calm your shit. You’ve got stitches and other shit holding you together. Don’t be making any sudden moves,” Buzz says.

“She has to come back,” Breaker says, squeezing my hand hard. I feel it, but something is strange in the movement. I don’t know what.

“Breaker, you have to calm down,” I hear Bella’s soft, concerned voice, and I agree with her. If what Buzz said about people stitching him together is right, I don’t want him breaking anything.

“Br …” I try to say, but my throat is dry, and I cough a bit.

“Baby.”

I squeeze his hand as best I can.

“She squeezed my hand,” Breaker says.

“Okay, let me check her out,” I hear from a man’s deep voice.

“Doc, help her,” Breaker pleads.

“I will. Let me check her.” Doc begins to touch me. I feel his hands on my arms, hands, and shoulders.

“Shaina? Can you hear me?” he asks, and ever so slowly, I open my eyes. They feel like someone rubbed them with sandpaper, and everything is blurry.

“Yeah,” I croak. I want to move my head to see Breaker, but I can’t. I have some contraption on my neck.

“Don’t move your neck. You’re in a brace until I can evaluate the damage to your spine,” Doc says.

Panic hits.
Damage to my spine? Like, I may never walk again or something?

I try to move my legs, but I can’t.

A hard prick comes to my thigh.

“Did you feel that?”

“Yeah,” I get out.

Doc continues to move up and down my legs, poking me with something sharp. I swear, once I get up, I’m going to strangle him.

“How about this?”

I feel nothing.

“No.”

I feel a hard prick on the bottom of my foot and cringe.

“I felt that.”

“This is good, Shaina. It only seems to be on the bottom of your right foot. This is really good, better than I first thought. I want to keep you in the brace for a while, though. I’m going to need to bring in some of my x-ray equipment.” He pauses, turning to my side, but I can’t look. “Pops, unless I can take her to the hospital?”

“Talk to me,” Pops says.

“Difference between walking and being paralyzed for the rest of her life,” Doc says.

Fear hits me again.
Please don’t let this be my future.

“Hospital,” Breaker says. “Buzz, you go with her until I can get there.” I feel a squeeze of my hand. “I’ll get there as soon as I can.”

“I love you,” I whisper to Breaker, and he squeezes my hand again.

“Love you, too.”

“What the fuck?” Princess growls from the other end of the table, and I level a look at her. She, like every other time, doesn’t back down.

“Gotta agree, Pops. Why keep this shit a secret?” GT says, sitting next to his woman, Angel.

I gathered Princess, Cruz, GT, and Angel to hash out this ordeal of Richard and Helen. Princess started in on me once at the clubhouse, and I shut her down quick, not ready to discuss it. Too much had happened, and I needed to sort everything out. I’m just now beginning to breathe.

Ma reaches for my hand, and I take it, giving her a soft squeeze.

“Very soon after your mother and I got together, Richard got into some deep shit with some bad people. I’m not sayin’ what that was or with whom.” I level my eyes on my kids, daring them to say something. They refrain, and inwardly, I smile. We raised some damn smart kids. “Anyway, I already knew your mother was mine. Richard and Helen had to take care of their shit and ended up going underground. Ma and I knew they were alive, and they kept us in the know about once a year.”

Ma sniffles. “It’s been hard knowing my mother and father are out there and not having any contact with them. When you kids were born, I wanted nothing more than to call them or see them. It wasn’t safe, and I’d never risk my family on either end.”

“So they were in so deep you couldn’t have contact with them?” Princess asks, ever the thinker.

I nod.

“Why did you think it was okay this time?” she continues.

“Didn’t. But my club—my family—needed me to take the risk. Luckily, your grandparents had their shit sorted,” I answer honestly.

“So you knew where they lived?” GT questions.

“Yep.”

“And …?” he drawls out, waiting for more. When I say nothing, he continues. “So, you knew where they lived, that they were alive, and you didn’t think that would be a problem with whoever was after them?”

While I understand his point because it would have brought shit to the club, I don’t like his tone.

“Son, do not question what I did or my reasons for it. That is all over with and done. No more discussion about it. Bottom line, they want to see you.” I look at Princess and Cruz. “And Coop.”

“So you want me to take my kid into all of this? How do we know he’s out of whatever shit he’s in?” Princess questions.