Captivated (29 page)

“I just wanted to be left alone and she wasn’t going.”

“You used something you knew would drive her away. I get it. But, Julian, you used something you knew would drive her away.” Andrei repeated the last with emphasis. “That works with your friends and other assorted people, but some words can’t be taken back. They come from you and into her and it begins to eat away at the foundations you’ve built. The trust she has in both of you.”

“I’m fairly sure I’ve never heard you talk so much.” Vincenz took the smoke Andrei handed him.

“I spent a few hours with Hannah earlier today. I’m not going to pretend and tell you what the three of you have will be easy. But she loves you both. To her bones. She is not helpless. She is not weak. She is not stupid. Don’t treat her that way by manipulating her emotions because she’s given herself to you both so freely. That’s a gift.”

“She told you about our sex life?” Julian didn’t sound angry, just curious.

“Gods, no! I prefer not to know those details but thank you both for putting them in my head.” He cleared his throat. “What I mean is, when you argue with someone you love, and who loves you, the dynamics change. Be mindful with the things you’ve been blessed with.”

As it happened, it was damned good advice.

Vincenz heaved a sigh. “I know she’s intelligent. One of the most intelligent people I’ve known. And courageous? Seven hells, yes. But she’s not trained for an op like this. If I pretended I was all right with her going with us, I’d be lying.”

Andrei looked him over carefully. “Do you think she’ll endanger your goals? This is me speaking as your superior. Do you think she’ll impede your mission?”

“She’s not trained.”

Andrei waved that away. “She’s trained quite well for what she does. Remember we’ve got people trained in all sorts of ways.”

“She has no weapons training.”

“True.” Andrei shrugged.

“But I do. And so does Vin. Each team has members with different strengths. That’s the point. She has skills we need. She works with you seamlessly. She takes orders,” Julian countered.

And he was right.

“What I can’t face is the idea of losing her and being the cause.”

Julian heard the anguish in his voice.
Understood
, because he felt it too.

Andrei nodded, still leaning against the fence around the tool shop he’d led them to. “There’s that.”

Oh, yes, Julian imagined Andrei got it. Piper was with him on
every op. Then again, Piper was a badass, bare-knuckled fighter. Totally unlike Hannah. And because Julian had lost Marame, who was a better fighter than he was, Julian realized that things happened that were out of your control and sometimes terrible outcomes happened even when you didn’t plan for them.

“I worry she’ll get into the thick of it and someone who has been trained to fight will get one up on her. And she’ll be dead and it’ll be my fault and I’ll have lost her nonetheless. And I don’t think I can deal with a world where she’s not there, looking up as I walk into a room and making me feel as if there was no one else in all the ’Verses she wanted to see more.”

Julian knew Vincenz would feel awkward if he moved to comfort him just then. This conversation slid back and forth between work and friendship between three men who generally kept their feelings to themselves while on the job.

“Does she add to the operation? Will having her there make it easier to do your job? Because, Vincenz, this is your father. Villain or no, this won’t be easy for a host of reasons. Will having her there give you less reasons, or complicate things even more?” Andrei looked off to the north, clearly still listening.

“If we go in to get rid of the thing we need to,” Vincenz began, mindful of what he said, “she’s the one with the expertise.”

Julian relaxed a little, realizing they were working the way through to a solution they could both live with. Not that Hannah would appreciate them all coming out here to decide her fate, which was too bad as he had no plans to stop protecting her.

“She knows the material in a way none of us do. This is why I think she’s integral to this op. I can shoot, you can shoot. We can handle that part. She can handle the other part.”

“And what about you, Julian? Hm? I’ve watched you after we lost Marame. Watched you fall apart, pull away from everyone who cared
about you. I’ve watched you drink too much, fuck too much and then you found a way to come back. Can you handle it if she’s threatened? If she’s hurt or …” Andrei wasn’t just asking as his commander, but as his friend. But he didn’t want to talk about it either way.

He scrubbed his hands over his face.

“You can’t keep it locked up inside forever. It’ll eat away at everything good. And you have so much that is good.” Vincenz had so much emotion on his features it tore at Julian’s reserve. “She begged you to share because she can see the pain written all over you. She’s not one to let people she loves hurt. It’s part of her makeup. You’ve seen her here. She’s a doctor not only because she’s got the training, but she’s a nurturer. She’s a caregiver and she knows you’re in pain. She’s not going to stop trying to make you better.”

The fact that this was inescapable didn’t make it any easier to hear. “How did the topic turn in this direction?”

“Because this is all twisted up, part of the overall issue. As your commanding officer I will tell you without reservation that I believe you need her on an op of this type. She’s got the specialized knowledge we need. There will be a great deal of data here. And the possibilities of contagion are not to be ignored. She will think about things in ways you two can’t because you’re trained differently. That’s how good teams get made. I wouldn’t send her out on the overwhelming majority of the ops we do. But this one is tailor-made for her. And I can’t say otherwise, though I respect and understand your hesitations. More than you know.”

M
en were so vexing sometimes.

She paced, not quite knowing what else to do.

First Julian with his sweet, befuddled half apology and then Vincenz with his overprotective chest beating about how she couldn’t
go on this operation because it was dangerous. Oh really? As if she didn’t know that. She’d like to see them, either of them, figure out which virus was which. Seven hells, if they destroyed it incorrectly or it got airborne and they were exposed to it …

She growled and laughed when she sounded just like Julian.

She was going on this operation. Period. Julian would share this business about Marame. Period. If she was to be a full partner in this relationship, they had to stop trying to protect her, had to stop holding back. If they trusted her, they had to open up. If not … She huffed out a breath, not really wanting to confront what she’d do if it turned out she loved them and they only cared about her, or only cared about her enough to have sex and then they went off into their own world and left her behind.

Frowning, she sat down hard.

Piper tapped on the door before coming in and closing it behind her. “Are you all right?”

“I don’t know.”

Piper laughed. “I know how you feel.”

“That’s good because I’m not sure I do. I’m not sure about anything all the sudden. I’m jittery like the air.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’m not very good at this relationships thing. I don’t know how to relate to people. I don’t know if I ever did.”

“Really? Seems to me, Hannah, you do just fine. These people here are my family. I wouldn’t let just anyone in. Wouldn’t let just anyone treat their ailments and comfort them the way you have since you walked through the door and helped Arch. As for relationships of the romantic kind? You have your work cut out for you with those two. Julian with his wounded, broody alpha-male ways. Vincenz, who is that quietly intense protective alpha. He’s got all this backstory and guilt over what his father has done. That’s a lot of emotion just under
the surface with them both. It’s hard to manage that much testosterone. I feel for you. Andrei is a big enough job.” She grinned and Hannah did too.

“It’s just, I don’t know. I thought I knew how they felt and then I just realized I don’t know at all. I assumed, but that’s not the same as knowing. They had this thing before I came along. They have their work to connect them. It’s beautiful and I love them together. I guess I had just thought I fit too.”

“And now you don’t think so? Honey, Julian’s little pouty stunt outside when he got defensive and pushed you away is what men do sometimes. They’re so … ugh, they’re pretty but sometimes they forget their manners and act like wounded animals. And these two are extra helpings of man. Seems to me you handle them just fine. Seems to me you fit with them just fine. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be here. I see how they look at you. I hear how they talk to you, about you. It’s more than just liking your bits.”

“Vincenz doesn’t want me to go to Caelinus to destroy the lab.”

Piper nodded. “Sure. I imagine he doesn’t. Dangerous. Highly protected. By Skorpios. Scary stuff. And his father is there. I wish you’d have met Carina already. She’s his sister and gods help her, Daniel Haws’s wife.” Piper laughed. “Talk about broody and protective. Anyway, she’d have more insight on Vincenz. But he left years ago. Left without saying good-bye to his mother and sister. Left and came here and has been proving himself ever since.”

“I know that. I know that he feels guilty for what his father has done.” She knew too that he’d never found a sense of home, a man without a place for so long. He’d told her she gave that to him. She and Julian. “I can help on this operation. This virus is highly communicable and dangerous. I’m the perfect person to go. But I lost it. Back at the processing plant. You know that. Maybe they think I’ll do it again. Maybe I’d slow them down.”

Vincenz had convinced her otherwise just a week before. Had broken down all her walls and made her see she’d overcome, not failed. She didn’t think it had been a lie. It had felt real. Each time he touched her it had felt real.

She stood and moved to look out the window. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Welcome to the club. There are a few things. First, I agree that you’re perfect for this operation. As does Andrei, though you have to pretend I didn’t tell you that, and really, I believe Vincenz and Julian think so too, but they’re scared. You’re feeling out of sorts—not because of what you endured in the lab. You’re feeling out of sorts because that’s what love does to you. Turns you upside down and inside out and sets you down right on your ass. This is normal. All this.” Piper waved her hand around. “This is boy meets … boy and then girl stuff. Fighting is normal. You’ll have to manage them both. But they want that. Don’t be confused about that part. Or about yourself. You’re just fine.”

Piper stood and went to the door.

“Thank you. For listening. And for helping me see the truth of it.”

“That’s what friends do, Hannah. Go make them see reason. Oh and grovel. Make-up sex is the best.” Piper winked and was gone.

She’d made her first friend other than Vincenz and Julian, since before she’d been taken. She might never be normal, but having friends made her feel real. And real was better than normal any day.

S
he was at the comm again when they came back inside. Vincenz’s gaze swept the room until it landed on her. Her insides got jittery the way they did when he turned his attention her way.

“Would you like to go for a swim?” Julian came to a stop next to her chair. “So I can fully grovel. And because you love the water.”

“Zipper is ready to go. Julian’s going to fly us. The pools are in a large cave system but Piper thinks you’ll be fine.” Vincenz knelt on her other side.

“Just the three of us?”

Julian nodded.

“You
do
have some groveling left. And I suppose a swim could be lovely.”

“We can talk a little about the op.”

She held back the smile she totally felt. “All right. I don’t have a bathing suit but I suppose I can borrow one. Or just use my panties.”

Julian hauled her up. “Don’t need one. It’s just the three of us so you only need your skin. We’ve got drying cloths and some snacks already waiting.”

She called out her good-bye to Piper, who gave both men a narrow-eyed look.

Hannah took the backseat, content to leave them both to their business. Vincenz was a very good navigator to Julian. She let her attention wander, looking out over the scenery as they flew along.

“Gonna be tight,” Julian said finally, breaking into her attention.

“Hm?”

“The landing,” Vincenz clarified. “He’s got it. He always says this sort of thing and he never fails.”

And he didn’t, setting the zipper down quite easily on a tiny outcropping.

The air out where they’d taken her was supercharged. The hair on her arms stood up and her teeth seemed to tingle.

“Just out there”—Julian pointed—“is the Caldera. The birthplace of a lot of the storms here. Not a lot of anything but dirt out this way.”

No, he was wrong. There was a lot of electricity in the air. Energy just floating on the breeze. She breathed in deep. “I like it.”

He smiled at her and held a hand out. “We’ve got directions. It’s a ways down this path so watch your step.”

The color of the canyon walls wasn’t gray like it had been near Piper’s compound. It was more blue. Blue with veins of bright, earthy red. As they headed down the path went into a tight little corner they had to go sideways to get through. On the other side they both watched her and she rolled her eyes.

“If I have a concern, I’ll bring it up. This is fine. The sky above is open. I’m here of my own free will. It’s not the same. I can tell the difference.”

“Of course you can.” Vincenz shoved the bag with the food and cloths in it into Julian’s arms and took her hand. “My turn.”

She favored him with a sniff and a raised brow but took his hand.

She wasn’t sure what she’d expected from the description of the pools, but what she saw was far more magnificent than she could have envisioned. Light shafted over the walls inside from the small open spaces on the ceiling of the cave. The cave soared high up into the air. The room was open and just the right temperature.