Captured by the Billionaire (Omnibus Edition) (13 page)

“It’s okay,” she murmured, shaking her head, refusing him as he stretched his arms toward her. “Keep going.”

“Leah, please.” Her entire body was shaking and he ached to hold her, stepping forward.

“Don’t,” she said firmly. “Will your son hate it as much as you do?”

“Taylor? Oh, yes, he absolutely would. Probably more,” he smiled, thinking of his boy. “But Ella? She’ll love it.”

“She’s fifteen.”

“I know. And she’s not ready, obviously, not even close. But I have someone who is, someone who will teach her everything she needs to know. Plus, she can always ask me. This is why I was going to wait.”

“But now you’re aren’t?”

“Patricia wants me out of her life now. She can’t risk the exposure. And she wants to marry Ryan, even though she won’t admit it. We’ve talked about this for a long time.”

“Your kids?”

“She doesn’t want to tell them until after the funeral. It will be all over the papers. They need to look like their grieving.”

“God, Adam, that is so sick.”

“I know.” Adam got nauseous whenever he thought about it. “I’ve really gotten myself in a situation, haven’t I?”

He could see Leah’s face getting red from anger. “Yourself?” she fumed. “You’re in a situation, Adam?”

“Leah, I’m-”

“If you say you’re sorry one more time…” She threw off her blanket. “Have you thought about the little situation you’ve gotten me into?”

“That’s all I think about.”

“I’m having your baby in 6 weeks.”

“I know. And I will take care of you both, no matter what you decide to do. Forever. I swear.”

“Why did you do this to me?” she shouted. “Why couldn’t we have just dated, gotten to know each other, got married, then had a baby? Oh, yea, because you are already married.”

He didn’t want to tell her what he was really thinking. That there wouldn’t have been any dating, none of that first comes love, then comes marriage schoolgirl dreams bullshit. That all she would have gotten out of him was a contract and orders until he got sick of her and moved onto the next girl. But he actually wasn’t sure he would have gotten sick of her. She wasn’t like the others.

“I will never forgive myself for what happened to you.”

“I think the real question is whether I’ll be able to forgive you.”

“I…Maybe one day…” he stammered. “Oh, god, baby, I hope you can. Even though I don’t deserve it.” He dropped to his knees.

“Adam…”

“I don’t want to manipulate you, coerce you into staying. But I have to be honest.” He looked up at her with desperate eyes. “I will die if you go. I won’t be able to, not really, because I will be there for our son. But I will be dead inside, Leah. A husk. A shell.”

He inhaled sharply. “I love you. I have for a while now, but I was too fucking stupid and stubborn to tell you. And every time I saw you on that computer screen I wanted to tell you, scream it at you, so you would know. So if I got you killed you would at least know that.”

She stood there speechless for a moment. “I wouldn’t have known. You didn’t say it.”

“I couldn’t risk him knowing. Gus…” He didn’t want to tell her the things Gus said it might inspire Walker to do. “It was a strategic decision. To look detached. You have no idea how hard it was.

“I felt like my heart got ripped out when you went over the edge, Leah. I just jumped in after you. I didn’t even think about it. If you were going to die in that water, I was going with you.”

“It was you? You grabbed me, in the water? But your shoulder…”

“I just jumped. I had to.”

Her silence gnawed at him.

“What if he raped me, Adam,” she whispered. “Would you still love me then? Would you have still jumped in to get me?”

If he weren’t already kneeling he probably would have toppled over. He had wondered that of course, but figured that sick bastard would have made him watch.

“Leah…” he sobbed. “Baby, I’m so sorry.”

“Would you?” She was crying now too.

“Of course.” He was motionless. He wanted to reach up and grab her, pull her into his arms and hold her forever, but he didn’t dare.

“He didn’t.” She dropped to her knees in front of him. “He told me you wouldn’t want me anymore.” Her voice was so little, so quiet.

“Leah,” he choked. “Baby, I swear to God, it won’t make any difference. I love you so much.”

“He really didn’t.”

He breathed a long sigh of relief. “Please don’t leave me. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, making you happy. Just give me a chance. Please don’t go.”

She didn’t speak for a few seconds, staring into his eyes. “I’ll stay. I’ll try.”

Adam couldn’t stand it anymore. He reached out and grabbed her, dragging her into his lap. She folded up so small in his arms, reminding him how tiny and frail she was. It was nearly impossible to hold her gently, to keep from crushing her.

He picked her up and carried her back into the bedroom. Laying her down gently, he crawled beside her as quickly as possible. He needed her to be in his arms, couldn’t stand them to be empty for even a second. Tucking the sheets around her, he pulled her as close as he could.

Then he lifted her chin and brushed his lips against hers, parting them with his own, kissing her deeply. The first real kiss they’d had since she was back. It went on forever, his tongue dancing around hers. One of his hands circled around to the small of her back, the other threaded into the hair above the nape of her neck. He would have pulled it back before, in their old life, but the idea didn’t even appeal to him now.

Instead, his fingers traced her hairline gently. Her hair was so much thinner, not that he would mention it. His lips broke away from hers and he kissed the tip of that adorable nose he loved so much. He kissed her closed eyelids, her cheeks, her forehead, every part of her beautiful face. She whimpered as his lips caressed her jaw, traveling down her neck. Her body stiffened.

“I can’t,” her voice cracked, her eyes overflowing.

He looked at her quizzically for a second, the fear of her leaving instantly returning. Then he realized what she meant and felt incredibly guilty.

“I wasn’t…” He tried to pull his hands off of her, but he couldn’t. “I can’t either. You’re so tiny still. I just don’t think I’ll be able to. But I have to touch you. I need you in my arms. I love you so much.”

He felt her body relax as he pulled her against his chest. Every time he went to hold her tightly, her tiny frame reminded him to be gentle. Her sobs got louder and more panicked, making him feel helpless.

“I don’t know if I can be what you need anymore,” she bawled. “I’m not sure I can do it.”

“I don’t care.” He rocked her gently. Every sob was agony.

“But you do. It’s who you are.”

“I can give it up. I just want you here with me, no matter what.”

For a second, he wasn’t sure he believed it. The she looked up at him with those beautiful green eyes, glassy and scared, and he knew that it really didn’t matter anymore. The tables were turned. She had all the power.

“You weren’t the only one with responsibilities, baby. I was supposed to protect you. I failed you. I will never be able to make it up to you. I will never deserve your submission.”

“But you’ll want it.”

“All I want is you.”

“Maybe, in the future. But only in bed. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to live like that again. I’m just too scared.” Her lips were trembling, her eyes wide. “I’m scared all the time now, Adam.”

She was sobbing hard again now. He would never get used to this. It got worse every time.

“You are going to get better, baby. I’m going to be right here every second until you do, and every second after that. And if you don’t I will still be here, keeping you safe. Always.”

“I want to give you what you need. But I might be too broken.”

“Stop it.” His voice was begging, not commanding. “Stop thinking about the sex. I don’t need it. I just need you.”

“I love you.” It was music, everything he needed in those three simple words.

“I love you.” Her sobs were quieting and she was nuzzling into his chest. It was the best feeling in the world. “Get some sleep, baby.”

She was out like a light and soon afterward, so was he. When he did awake several hours later as the heat and sunlight filled the room, Leah was still slumbering peacefully. He had thought that he would get tired of watching her sleep, but he was actually starting to enjoy it. Especially when she was like this, her face so relaxed, so tranquil. Not thrashing around, not breathing raggedly,
leaving him wondering what was going on inside her head.

18

As much as it
pained him, Adam knew he would have to wake her soon. He called down to Ramira, asking her to bring lunch upstairs. They had missed breakfast, and Leah had to eat. She wouldn’t tell him why, but she couldn’t stand to eat at the table. Even the sight of it seemed to bother her so much he had it taken out of the house.

The smell of the food woke her up. She was ravenous. The doctor had just started to allow her to eat as much as she wanted. Though Adam knew the restriction had been to protect her heart, it was unbearable to cut her off when she wanted more.

Now that she was done, he didn’t know what to say to her. Adam had never poured his heart out to anyone before, and had never dreamed he would submit to questioning like that. She was staying, or so she said, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that she would change her mind. How was he supposed to relate to her like this? It was completely foreign. He had never had a real relationship before. Patricia had basically been a business partner and the only thing he’d ever done with other women was dominate every part of their lives.

For the first time, he was lost and needed someone else to take the lead. But Leah was a total wreck; he needed to be there for her, not the other way around. Perhaps that was the answer. Just take care of her, completely. Give her everything she needed, that she wanted. He knew how to do that. He had always liked doing that for his subs, her more than any other.

“Do you want any more food?” he asked. She had eaten all of hers and half of his.

“Yes,” she blushed. “But I can tell I’ll get sick.”

“Maybe an early dinner then.” She nodded back at him. “Are you still sleepy?”

Leah shook her head no. “I’m actually a little sick of laying down.”

“So we need to entertain you,” he smiled, wrapping his arm around her. That feeling he got when she nuzzled into his shoulder. It was incredible.

“Maybe we do,” she giggled.

He searched his memory for things that she had liked to do before she was taken. So much of her time had been set aside for catering to his needs and he started to feel guilty. “Would you like to go to the woodshop?”

“No tools!” she shot back, tensing.

“Okay, okay.” He kissed the top of her head, stroking her arm.

“But I do want to watch you work again. Pretty soon, I think.”

Then it occurred to him. “What do you want to do now?” Such a simple question. One that he did not have a lot of experience asking.

“Well,” she started. “I’m a little anxious about the baby’s room. I don’t feel ready.”

His spirits lifted immediately. Maybe she really was staying. “So a little shopping then. That’s a good idea. If we order soon, it should all get here in time.”

“I don’t want to sit at that desk downstairs.”

“I know. Wow, you really have been upstairs for a while, haven’t you? I had it taken out of the house.” Adam brought her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles. “Your wrist. We were supposed to go to the doctor.”

“It’s not hurting.”

“I already bought the x-ray equipment, Leah,” he said sternly, instantly regretting his tone. This was going to take some getting used to.

He cupped her chin, lifting her face. “Please.” Another word he wasn’t used to saying. “I’ll worry if you don’t. It’s already healing so slowly.”

“All right. I’ll go.”

“Thank you.” That just popped out of his mouth automatically. That wasn’t hard to say at all. He was so grateful just to hold her, he could say it a thousand times a day.

“Do you want to get dressed first?”

“Yes, please.”

“I’ll help you up.”

“I don’t want to go in the closet.”

He stilled. No small spaces, no loud noises. So many things to be careful not to mention. So many things to worry about frightening her, sending her into a panic. It made him very angry, but he pushed it away.

“Will you pick something out for me?”

“I’ll get you whatever you want, baby.”

“Something with long sleeves that are easy to roll up. If I have anything like that. I can’t remember.”

He darted into the closet and grabbed a loose fitting button up shirt and a pair of stretchy, comfortable pants. Even being away from her for a few seconds was unnerving.

“I’ll help you.”

She wrapped her arms around herself tightly and shook her head. “I don’t want to you to see me naked.”

“Leah…”

“Please.” Her eyes were watery already. The slightest little thing could set her off.

“Of course.” He sat the pile of clothing on the end of the bed. “But can I stay in the room? I’ll shut my eyes and turn around.”

She nodded. As much as it bothered him to take his eyes of her, he did as he promised. This was definitely a first. The rejection stung a bit, but what really worried him was why she wanted it that way.

“Okay,” she said meekly. He waited until she gave him permission. “You can turn around now.”

Her clothes hung off of her and her eyes were down, looking embarrassed. Rushing over to her, he lifted her chin and pressed his forehead against hers. “I love you.” He kissed her softly, leaving his lips against hers until he felt them curl upwards.

“I love you, too.” He could get used to hearing that.

“Can I carry you over there?”

“You don’t have to. I can walk.”

“Okay.” He held her hand. “It’s just, I really like to do it. Pick you up and carry you around.”

She let out a little laugh, making him realize how much he missed the sound. “I do too.”

He scooped her up carefully and started down the stairs. She kept her eyes closed and he almost asked her if she wanted him to remodel the living room, but thought it was better not to.

“So when we get back, I’ll bring the laptop up to the bed, alright? We’ll look at things for the baby’s room.”

“Okay.”

“Or,” he said softly. “We could sit in my office. If you want.” It was off limits before.

“Really?”

“Yea,” he answered, planting a little peck on her nose. “I have some paint swatches in there I want you to look at. Some other stuff for the baby too. A teddy bear. One of mine, from when I was little. I had it cleaned and
restuffed.”

She kissed his chest. Maybe this would work out after all.

Her wrist was fine and the cast could come off next week. Adam couldn’t wait. That reminder was particularly bothersome. Showing her his office went well. There was a picture of his kids on his desk that he had forgotten about, but it didn’t bother her. In fact, she seemed to like that it was there.

She picked out the exact shade of blue that he had wanted for the baby’s room out of more than twenty, but she wouldn’t believe him when he told her. After they were done shopping she obviously felt better.
Ramira brought dinner up to the office and remembered the extra portion he’d requested for Leah. She’d be heading back to the village for a few days because her granddaughter was sick. The fridge was stocked with prepared meals, all he would have to do was heat them up in the microwave.

Leah was clearly getting sleepy, but it took some gentle convincing to get her to go to bed. When they got to their bedroom, her anxiety was noticeable but she wouldn’t tell him what was wrong. Everything had been going so well today. Now he was lost again.

“Will you please just tell me what is bothering you,” he begged. “I can’t stand this.” He was frustrated, not angry, but he could tell the tone of his voice was too strong.

She just stood there.

“Please, baby. I’ll be up all night wondering.”

Leah finally looked at him. “I need a bath. And
Ramira’s gone. I don’t think I can do it myself. My cast will get wet and I’m really tired.”

Adam let out a sigh of relief. “That’s all? I can help you.”

Her face dropped. “I don’t want you to see me naked.”

“Baby, I’ve savored every single inch of you. What’s the big deal?”

“Not like this!” she hissed. “My tits are gone, I have chicken legs, my hair is half of what it was. Flaky skin, peeling nails. No ass! You can see every bone. I’m fucking hideous!”

Adam took a deep breath and literally bit his tongue. He had never allowed his
submissives to speak negatively about themselves, he found it insulting. His automatic reaction was to chastise her. That was by far the worst thing he had ever heard come out of a woman’s mouth.

But her face was beyond pitiful. His anger evaporated immediately when he looked into her eyes.

“That’s not what I see when I look at you, Leah.”

“You’re just remembering how I was.”

“No,” he started, unsure of how to proceed. “I’ve seen you naked since you’ve been back.”

“What?”

“When I pulled you out of the water. We were worried about hypothermia. I got you out of those wet clothes and wrapped you in a blanket.”

She blushed, looking so embarrassed it hurt him.

“And I gave you a sponge bath in the hospital.”

“You did?”

“You weren’t conscious yet.”

He closed the distance between them and hugged her a little too tightly.

“I’ve saw you at the worst point and you weren’t hideous then. You’re not ugly now.”

“You promise?”

“I swear on my life. Let me help you.”

She looked up at him and nodded.

“You sit down for a minute. I’ll fill the tub up. Very warm water, right?”

“Yes.”

He was back in an instant.

“Do you want me to help you get out of your clothes? I can turn around and wait until you’re in the water if you want, but I’m terrified of you falling.”

“No, it’s okay,” she sighed. “I’ll take them off, you can help me into the tub.”

He wasn’t sure where to look while she undressed, so he took his own shirt off and fiddled with the water temperature. When he finally looked in her direction, her eyes were on the floor. It was so wonderful to see her looking relatively healthy again, she had made tremendous progress.

“You look so much better, cutie.”

She bit her lip and looked up at him. “Really?”

“Yes. Almost as good as new.” That wasn’t exactly true, but her ego could use a little boost.

She took his hand and stepped into the tub. Her breasts were getting
bigger, not as big as they would have been normally, but large enough to sway a bit when she moved. And her belly, so round and full. Adam hardened automatically and felt a little guilty, hoping she wouldn’t notice.

Their bathtub was huge and she was so little. She winced as she sank into the water.

“Is it to hot?”

“No, it’s perfect.” Adam looked at her, puzzled. “It’s the water. It makes me a little nervous.”

“Oh.” His anger flared. Leah loved water. She wasn’t too keen on swimming, but she absolutely loved to be by water and in it, as long as her feet were touching. Walker had taken so much from her and Adam knew it was his fault. He was going to give it all back or spend his life trying.

“Will you get in here with me?”

He couldn’t help but grin at the request. “Of course.” He stayed still.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want,” she whispered.

“Baby, I would love to,” he reassured her. “It’s just…”

“What?”

“I’m hard.”

“Really?”

“As a rock. I can’t help it.” Her eyes widened. “I don’t expect anything. It’s just automatic.”

She smiled at him, probably the biggest smile he’d seen since she was back, making his heart race. “Get in,” she demanded, scooting over.

He pulled his pants off and stepped into the opposite side of the tub, not touching her. Her chin dropped.

“What’s wrong?”

“Will you please hold me?” Her voice quaked.

“Come here, beautiful.”

The water splashed as she climbed into his lap. His cock pressed against her thigh, an involuntary groan escaping his lips. Her leg was soft again, nowhere near what it should be, but enough to slightly ease his anxiety about her recovery. To keep her cast out of the water she had flung her arm over his shoulder, slightly turning her breasts toward him. Perhaps this hadn’t been the best idea.

Adam was used to getting what he wanted when he wanted it. Determined to avoid hurting her, emotionally or otherwise, he decided it would be best to focus on what they had come in here to do. Then suddenly, her lips were on his, her fingers twisted in his hair. He broke away, pulling back to look in her eyes. They weren’t afraid, not a hint of hesitation. Clamping his mouth onto hers, he plunged his tongue between her lips while his hands sought out her beautiful belly.

It had never felt this way before. He had never had a kiss so intense, so full of longing. There had never been another person he was so desperate to touch. Her fingers wrapped around his erection as he let out a groan.

“Stop.”