Captured In Ink (Art of Love Series) (32 page)

“I don’t know why you think it’s reasonable that I should. What do I really know about your life situation? Not much. How long have we known each other? Not even two months yet. I wouldn’t take money from a friend I know, much less from someone I barely know. That never works out well,” Reesa said, pouring her a coffee and another for Shane.

“
Barely know
,” Shane protested, yelling the words. “Two minutes ago you just admitted you loved me. How can you go from saying you love me to saying you barely know me? That’s not even logical.”

Reesa rolled her eyes and drank deeply. Maybe caffeine would help her find the words to explain without crushing his ego entirely.

“Regardless of your poor opinion of my personal intelligence, I still can’t take your money. What if I can’t pay you back? That’s bad enough and yet not even my primary concern. I don’t want to be thinking about the money I owe you every time we’re rolling around together like we were just now,” she said, sipping more coffee and trying to fight her frustration enough to explain herself to him—something she hated, hated, hated to do with anyone.

“You’re smart, gorgeous, and the hottest woman I’ve ever known,” Shane said flatly. “How can you be so dumb about accepting my offer of help?”

“Why can’t you understand how I feel about this? I
like
that you’re the one amazing thing in my crazy life that’s free of ‘
musts’
and ‘
shoulds’
and all other kinds of obligatory strings. Many parts my life bind me so tightly that I feel like I’m being choked with responsibility most of the time,” Reesa said, trying to find words that Shane could and would be willing to hear.

“Reesa—
honey
, I’m willing to help share those responsibilities for the long haul, not just help you forget them occasionally. What do I have to do to convince you that I know my own mind where you’re concerned?” Shane asked as calmly as he could. He couldn’t pretend to get Reesa’s reasoning when he sure as hell didn’t, Shane decided, but he could at least try to control his yelling. Maybe.

“It’s not about whether I believe you want to marry me or not.
You
may have given it a lot of thought, but
I haven’t
. It’s just too soon and too fast for me. I need time to absorb the idea of us, think about how the kids would react, and maybe figure out how I personally feel about the possibility of spending the rest of my life with you. When the court makes a final custody decision next week, maybe then I can begin to think about what the future might hold for us. Right now—right now, I just have to find a job,” Reesa said.

“You don’t need to stretch yourself even thinner. Take the money, Reesa,” Shane yelled, forgetting his promise to himself. Talking to her was like trying to reason with a wall. All he was getting from the effort was a bad headache.

“Even if I was willing to take your money—which I am not—how would I show your money as income, Shane? Gee, Judge Carlson, I’m sleeping with this guy and I was so good in bed, he gave me fifty thousand dollars. Sorry, but I’m sure sex for money wouldn’t fit the legal definition of
legitimate household income
,” Reesa said harshly, tired of trying to explain that it wasn’t enough to just have the money. It had to look right on paper and pass the court’s approval.

Shane was speechless. And hurt. But also stunned into mind-numbing shock that Reesa could so coldly reduce their relationship, even jokingly, to a sex for money trade. It wasn’t the sex that held him to her. It was a sense of belonging.

Shane stared at her a long time, still so angry he was unable to speak. Then slowly it started to sink in that there really was a lot he didn’t know about Reesa Callahan. But at this point, he wasn’t sure he could handle knowing anymore today. Maybe it would better if he just left and gave them both some space, Shane decided.

Aware that her temper had gotten the best of her in her frustrated attempts to explain herself, Reesa bit her lip and sighed. “Shane—I’m truly sorry. I know I didn’t explain that well, but there are income sources the court will accept and others they won’t. I just don’t want to drag the happiness you and I have through the court as part of the custody case and have to defend why you gave me such a large sum of money—regardless of the reason you put on it. Please don’t ask me to do that. You’re the only thing in my crazy life that’s not affected by the craziness of the rest of it. I need you to be my sanity.”

“It would be better if I leave before I say things I don’t want to say. I’m not calm enough to continue this discussion,” Shane said, rising from his chair.

Reesa swallowed hard and nodded. “Okay—I guess I can understand you being upset if you can’t get what I’m saying,” Reesa said tightly, the ache of Shane running away permeating every cell in her body. “I’m sorry if I seem rude in refusing your help. I believe you’re just trying to be kind. I just can’t do what you want.”

She followed him back to the living room and watched him yank on his jacket and zip it.

“Please be careful riding the bike,” she said quietly, but with a tremble in her voice she couldn’t hide. The idea that something could happen to Shane when he was this mad at her was too awful to contemplate. She really didn’t know if she could survive losing another person she cared about in her life.

The fear in Reesa’s entreaty had Shane pausing for a moment, but he still needed to leave until he could come back in a better frame of mind. She had enough problems without dealing with his anger.

“I’m always careful on the bike,” Shane replied. “You know, I’m not just trying to be nice to some strange woman with four children who needs my help. I’m trying be supportive to a woman that I damn-it-all-to-hell really do want to marry whether she believes me or not.”

Yep—temper was too close to be reasonable
, Shane decided, turning to walk away when he couldn’t keep the anger out of his voice.

“I really need to go. We’ll have to talk about this later,” he said as calmly as he could, opening the door and leaving quickly.

Reesa stood where she was, staring at the floor where only a few minutes ago she and Shane had been locked together so completely that she’d felt bereft when he’d separated their bodies. Surely he wouldn’t just give up on her because she turned down emptying his bank account, would he? His inability to understand reminded her of Brent, who also thought he knew what was best for her.

Damn.
Can’t just one man in my life see that I’m in survival mode here and trying not to drown in my challenges?

Reesa rubbed tears from her face and went back to the kitchen for her coffee. She had promised to make a decision about both pending jobs today, but now she couldn’t even think clearly enough to drink coffee without crying. All she could think about was the man who had walked out of her door hurt and angry because she had refused to let him swoop in and rescue her.

And she had no way to convince Shane that he had already rescued her in the most important way of all. He gave her back the part of her independent self that she’d missed the most when she’d taken on the children to raise. When Shane was with her, Reesa got to feel like a hot-blooded, honest-to-god sexual female who could take and give and throb and burn. Keeping their relationship simple and untethered to rest of her life was worth much more than fifty thousand to her.

It was worth everything.

***

When Michael got the angry, upset text message from his brother, he reluctantly took Carrie’s car and drove to Shane’s. God knew he owed his brother for all the times Shane had listened to him rant about Carrie. But even Michael was surprised to see a large, angry version of his normally calm brother pacing around his condo breaking every other thing he touched.

“Shane—damn it—stop pacing. Sit down before you break anything else,” Michael said firmly, watching Shane throw the fractured pencil against the far wall, missing the trash can by a mile.

“Sit now or I’m making some calls for intervention, Dr. Psycho,” Michael said meanly. He grabbed Shane’s arm and squeezed as he pointed at the couch, bracing for a swing that luckily never came. But it wouldn’t have surprised him if Shane had struck out physically. The man was eerily calm most of the time. God only knew how much emotion his younger brother repressed on a daily basis.

“Don’t make me call Dad—or
Mom
,” Michael warned, figuring at the last minute that the mother threat would work best. He was still relieved when it did though. Shane went over to his favorite chair to throw his large body down into it. Michael had never seen his brother look so mad at the world.

“Reesa told me she loved me this morning,” Shane said bitterly. “I already knew it, but you have no idea what it was like to finally hear it. It was reluctant and she obviously wasn’t happy about it, but man—I needed to hear those words from her.”

Michael smiled. “Carrie told me she loved me on our wedding night. It was the first time she said the words. I’ll never be able to forget.”

“Well hearing she loved me was the good part of the morning. Everything afterward went completely to hell. So I love her and she loves me, but I guess it doesn’t fucking count. Reesa won’t let me help her financially because she said the court might interpret my help as exchanging sex for money because we haven’t known each other long. What kind of bullshit is that? I can’t imagine that’s right, much less that she believes it,” Shane said harshly.

“Sounds like she’s just in a panicked state, but I’m certainly no expert on women. You saw the mess I made of my life before Carrie,” Michael said. He went to the refrigerator and pulled out three beers, bringing two of them to Shane, who was shaking his head.

“Yes, drink. You need to calm down some before your brain explodes. You’re not used to this much emotion, bro. First Carrie and I got you churned up before you were fully conscious this morning, and then you fought seriously with Reesa for the first time. It’s just a bad day for you. Things will be better tomorrow.”

“Fine.” Shane twisted off a cap and drank the first beer without stopping.

“That’s not being calm,” Michael said quietly, walking back the couch. “Drink the next one more slowly or you’re not getting on that bike again today. I’ll kick your ass first.”

Shane snorted, but twisted the cap off the second beer and sipped. The last thing he needed was Michael ratting him out and making their parents worry about him drinking and driving. He would never do that, no matter how mad he was.

“Reesa refuses to talk about the possibility of marrying me until the court case is decided. Instead, she’s going to take some half-ass job with her ex-fiancée rather than let me give her my hard-earned money, which I have a damn right to do with as I please. Tell me, in what universe does any of that make sense when they’re the wrong things for her?” Shane demanded.

“I guess in the universe that you and Reesa are in,” Michael said quietly. “You’re not going to be able to make her take your money, Shane. Reesa’s a grown woman with a mind of her own who’s used to taking care of her problems herself.”

Shane clamped jaw to keep another stream of vicious swearing from escaping.

“Look, put on your Dr. Larson hat and let’s look at this
rationally
instead of emotionally. You can’t afford to break your measly furniture just because you’re mega upset at your girlfriend. There are some things we can do to at least clear up the unknowns. For starters, let’s call Luke and ask dear old step-dad the lawyer how
he
thinks the courts would view you giving Reesa money,” Michael said.

“That’s a good idea,” Shane said softly, the suggestion deflating his temper a bit. “But I want to see him in person so I can tell if he’s being straight with me. Do you think Luke will see me today?”

Michael shrugged. “Won’t know until we call, right? If Carrie needs the car though, I’ve got to take it back to her.”

Shane set the still nearly full beer on coffee table. “I don’t need this second beer as much as I need to be safe to drive. We’ll drop Carrie’s car by the gallery on our way to Luke’s office. Do you have time to go with me?”

Michael nodded. If he hadn’t, he would have made time. He’d never seen Shane so emotional over anything since he’d run over their father’s motorcycle with his car.

“Let’s grab some lunch on the way. My toast didn’t last long this morning. I burned that off before I left the house,” Michael said, fishing Carrie’s keys from his pocket.

Shane snorted. “So fighting really is like foreplay for you and Carrie. I had my suspicions. I don’t know how you two stand getting churned up all the time. I’m practically ill from being mad at Reesa.”

Michael leaned back in the chair as he thought about what Shane said. “Maybe fighting over things is the way we get along,” he conceded, trying to be fair. “Is that bad, Dr. Larson? It sure doesn’t feel bad. We don’t stay upset. We work things out. ”

Shane laughed then. “I’ve become a lot more flexible since meeting Reesa, but also a lot more determined. I would do just about anything to help her, resort to any means because I am almost one hundred percent sure I’m right. There’s nothing logical about my determination to override her wishes. It just—
is
.”