Caribbean Crush (Under the Caribbean Sun) (8 page)

“Nothing that can be fixed.” Not without a miracle.

A horrid case of the Mondays knocked Kristin off her well-scheduled routine. She glanced at the clock on the microwave and bit her lip. Coffee or breakfast, she only had time for one. On days like this she almost saw the point of driving a car, just so she could eat on the way to work.

Breakfast was the obvious choice, but forty-eight hours without sleep demanded caffeine. She dropped a dark-roast capsule into the coffee maker and slipped on her sneakers while she waited for it to brew. She’d left Antonnis last night with the express intention of sleeping, but instead she’d lain awake spinning scenarios in her mind. Apparently, she wasn’t equipped emotionally to let a one-night stand go at that.

Twisting her hair into a braid, she redoubled her resolve to move on. He’d be off the island in a matter of hours. Once the possibility of seeing him again evaporated, maybe this would be easier.

The front door of the small bungalow opened as she cooled her coffee with a healthy dose of milk. She looked up to see Janny’s scowling face, her expression tired and drawn.

“I’m glad I caught you.” Janny said as she set her purse and keys on the glass top of the re-purposed wine barrel by the door. “Where the hell have you been?”

“Right here. And I’m heading off to work, so we’ll catch up tonight when I get home.” She gulped her coffee and the brew scalded her tongue. She wasn’t ready to own up to what she’d done, not with the person who’d had to pull her through the aftermath the last time.

“I’ll drive you.” Janny’s pale-blue gaze stared right through her.

“What do you want me to say?” Her stomach twisted and burned, making the coffee a bad idea. She turned and poured the rest down the sink.

“I’d love to hear that you learned your lesson the first time. That you spent the night at the hotel and were unreachable yesterday because you were indulging yourself at the spa.”

Kristin turned around and pasted on a smile. “Let’s go with that explanation then.”

“You slept with him. Why would you do that?” Janny stepped into their sitting room and sank onto the white couch. Her blue scrubs seemed to swallow her up.

“Do you really want to hear about Antonnis and his skills in the bedroom?” She forced a grin.

Janny shuddered. “God, no. And if that were all it was, I’d say good for you. I’ve been telling you to get laid for the last two years. But that’s not you.”

“You’re right. It’s not me. But it’s better I learned that on an old mistake than a new one.” She lifted her brightly patterned dress off the arm of the couch. She’d slip the roomy shift over her tank and bike shorts as soon as she got to class, and by the end of the day the pockets would be filled with treasures the kids brought her way.

“Even if you’re breaking your own heart this time?”

A million arguments and excuses ran through her mind, but she didn’t bother with a one. She’d slept with Antonnis because she wanted to, and that want had overruled the consequences. Well, most of them.

“Oh, honey. I don’t even know what to say.”

Kristin rolled the dress up and tucked it under her arm. She needed to get to the kids. Being with them would make her feel normal again. “Say you’ll get me a morning after pill.”

She gasped. “You didn’t.

“No, but his natural condoms didn’t work last time. I don’t want to take any chances.” Because once he sailed away this time, she wouldn’t be begging him to come back. She got her goodbye. She got her apology. And though her heart ached in disagreement, her head knew it was truly over.

Chapter Eight

Laughter and smiles swirled around her, the small children chanting the months of the year as they pranced around the worn grass. Kristin beamed at them, spinning and dancing as the song changed to days of the week. He leaned against the sky-blue school building that looked more house than institution, and watched an excited twirl of ring around the rosy that left everyone giggling on the ground.

They loved her, which he completely understood. Two dozen little faces turned toward her, filling up their hearts on her smile. He’d come to make a grand gesture, a generous donation to the school to entice her to come home with him.

It only took a minute for him to realize he couldn’t be that selfish. Her magic wrapped around those children like an embrace, especially the blond little boy and mocha-skinned girl that stood out in the sea of dark faces. Years ago, she’d told him how awkward school had been for her once she came to Anguilla. She hadn’t just been a minority. Her blonde hair had made her an oddity back then.

She looked toward him and a smile lifted her lips before she pushed them into a frown. He held on to her first impression, grinning at her as she turned her attention back to the kids.

At the clap of her hands, they lined up, two by two, holding hands. She rose and then led the line back toward the school house, which he guessed was smaller than the home he shared with his father. The children turned their curious gazes at him as they marched past without a word.

He followed the line into the small adjoining building, the single room awash in bright colors and artwork. She reminded the children to clean their hands and take their seats before approaching him where he stood at the door.

She didn’t speak, just leveled her dark gaze at him in a way that had him wanting to tell every secret he’d ever had.

“Hi.” The lamest thing he’d ever said. He blinked and tried again. “I need to talk to you.”

“Antonnis, I’m needed here. We said our goodbyes yesterday.” She thrust her hands into the giant pockets of the loud tent-sized dress she wore. Birds of every size dotted the material, happy splotches of color on a fabric he doubted any other woman would be caught dead in. But on her, and around her class, it fit.

“They’re great kids.” He glanced at the children again, marveling at the way they gathered on the carpet, making a semicircle around a plush purple chair.

“They are. And I have to get back to them. They’ll form a revolt if they miss their story time.”

“Can I stay until you’re done?” He leaned his shoulder onto the door jam, not wanting to move an inch. “I could help with something.”

She shook her head. “Go back to your world, Tonnis, and leave me to mine. You accomplished what you set out to. There’s a different ending to us.”

“Do you think it was my fault?” He reached for her and wrapped his fingers around her forearm, but she kept her hands firmly in those ridiculous pockets. His stomach pitched and rolled, but he had to know. “Is she gone because of what I did? Would she be with us now if I’d just answered you when you called?”

“Tonnis, don’t.” She pulled a tissue from her pocket and wiped her eyes. “It took years of therapy to realize it, but losing our baby wasn’t anyone’s fault. I can’t blame you and you can’t blame me.” She cleared her throat and turned to the kids who were starting to fidget on their carpet. She held up one finger and they settled down.

“I feel like something is missing now.” He rubbed his chest, the ache that had lodged itself there intensifying.

She nodded. “It eases. It still hasn’t gone away for me, but it’s not so sharp.” She met his gaze, her dark eyes glassy. “Take care of yourself.”

“Come with me.” He didn’t mean it as a question. He needed to be with her.

She shook her head. “If you’d asked me five years ago, I would have followed you to the moon. But I grew up, and you didn’t. You’re going to go back to Holland the same guy who ran scared from something real. Only this time I’m going to have an easier time moving on because I know it has nothing to do with me not being enough and everything to do with you not being ready.” She reached for the door handle and moved to close it. “Have a nice life, Tonnis.”

He stared at the bright orange door for what felt like a lifetime, not wanting it to have closed on him. But life went on, the melody of Kristin’s voice as she read to her students playing through his head even as he walked away.

Kristin sat on the deserted strip of beach next to Blowing Point Harbor and watched Dutch’s schooner sail toward St. Martin. Every year, she talked Saskia’s father into taking her class on a sail for their last day of school, but she wasn’t sure she’d want to get on the sailboat this year. She might just be sad enough to spend the time looking for something Antonnis had left behind rather than watching the children.

She sighed and kept her focus on the sail as it headed toward the horizon. She scooped sand into her hand and let the grains fall through her fingers. If only letting him go would be as easy as telling him to go.

The soft sea breeze seemed impossibly cold. Even the sun had lost its warmth. She needed to go home, crawl into bed and hide under her sheets until her alarm clock urged her to work tomorrow. The kids would get her through this, and some day she’d be proud of her decision.

Today, it felt like a hole she’d dug only to bury herself in. She squeezed her knees to her chest and rested her chin on them, promising herself she’d go as soon as she couldn’t see the sail anymore.

“Kristin.”

Dear God, she was hallucinating his voice. Janny was going to have to lock her in the psych ward at the hospital.

“Kristin.” His voice seemed nearer, so she sat up and looked around, her pulse galloping away when she spied him behind her.

Antonnis grinned and sat beside her on the sand. “You know, if I didn’t know better, I’d think you were pining after me, watching me sail away.”

She blinked, reaching out to touch him because this was one hell of a daydream. Muscles rippled beneath the warm skin of his arm and she recoiled, her heart racing and mind scrambling to make sense of the situation. She tried to find the boat in the distance, but the sail was lost. She turned back to him, sitting beside her wearing nothing more than blue board shorts and a smile.

“Antonnis, what are you doing here?” She blinked, trying to keep her eyes from bugging out of her head.

“Growing up. Though, according to my father, I’m trying to kill him. We’ll need to work on getting him to join your fan club. It won’t be too hard once he gets to know you.” He leaned back on his hands, his pale-blue gaze on the water. “Was the baby a girl? I keep thinking of her.”

“I was only a few weeks along when I miscarried. There’s no way to know.” She pulled her knees to her chest and rested her head on them. It was a relief to find someone who talked about the baby as a person instead of a pregnancy. That had been one of the hardest parts of losing her. She couldn’t stop staring at him, wondering what the hell it meant that he’d stayed. “I didn’t tell you to make you feel guilty or indebted. Losing her wasn’t anyone’s fault. Twenty percent of all pregnancies end in miscarriage.”

“Twenty percent?”

“Janny drilled the number into my head afterward. That early in the game, it’s nobody’s fault. Really.”

“It would be nice if our first is a girl. I think it would help.”

“Our first?” Her head swam, struggling to wrap her mind around his words, his presence, and the possibilities the two created. “You’re going to have to catch me up here, because I am way behind you.”

He turned toward her, the confident grin that was always her undoing spreading across his face. “I can’t be apart from you, Kristin. I tried to pack, tried to leave like you told me to, and I couldn’t do it.”

“So you’re staying.” Her throat tightened, but she swallowed down the emotion. “For how long?”

“That depends on you.” He reached out and gave her braid a tug, rubbing his thumb across the strands at the end. “You might like the Netherlands. School ends in a few weeks. We could go together. If you like it there we could stay, or I could close things out and come here.”

“We’re not kids anymore, Tonnis. We might not work in the real world.” A giddy rush bubbled up, but she tried to hold it back and not let her excitement shine too bright. She wanted to learn him again, school herself on his every smile and memory.

He leaned toward her and cupped her face, bringing them so close she couldn’t look away. “I love you, Kristin. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved, and I’m never going to stop. I don’t want to be without you. I’ll rearrange my world just to have you in it.”

She gasped at the intensity of his gaze, his words. She closed her eyes and leaned forward, feeling his warm lips tremble as she pressed her mouth to his. Kissing him felt different than before. Gentler, like heaven. Like coming home.

He slipped away, pressing his forehead to hers. His quiet chuckle opened her eyes.

“What’s funny?”

“I am.” He released her and sat up. “When I came here, I thought my brothers had gone crazy. Certifiable. They’d started doing and wanting things that I couldn’t relate to. It’s like they were completely different people. I get it now.”

“Are you saying you’ve gone crazy? Because they make meds for that.” She quirked a brow, not sure where this was going.

“You’re all the medication I need. In fact, I’m in serious need of some therapy right now.” He stood and held out his hand. “As much as I’d like to make love to you on this beach under the Caribbean sun, I’d be mortified if one of your students spies us and I ruin Miss Taylor for them.”