Carnal Vengeance (13 page)

Holly leaned forward. "You're talking about a reporter, aren't you?"

April gave her another approving smile. "Right. A hungry, aggressive investigative reporter who would snap up our bait and go fishing on his own if he smelled a possible exposé about a celebrity."

"I can see how that would work but where would I fit in?"

"If I'm not mistaken, as a lobbyist, you've had to deal with the press on a regular basis."

Holly smiled. "Reporters provide our best and cheapest advertising. Dealing with them is an absolute necessity."

"That's what I thought," April said with a wink. "My idea is this. You could choose a reporter who would meet all the requirements I mentioned and anonymously pass the file on to that person. The ideal scenario would be for you to select someone you're already friendly with or could get close to, so that you can encourage them to take the lead, then follow their progress through to the end. It would almost be like doing the investigation yourself. I believe you'd find it very satisfying."

Holly realized she was about to make another impulsive decision, but it didn't worry her as it normally would. In fact, it felt rather good to be taking action without first fretting over it for days. "All right. I'll see what I can do."

"Wonderful. You won't be sorry. I don't know if you're familiar with him, but Erica gave me the name of a
Washington Herald
reporter who's been very persistent about getting an interview with her."

"A
Washington Herald
reporter?" Holly asked warily. "By any chance, is his name David Wells?"

April nodded. "Yes. That's the man. Do you know him?"

"No, not really." Holly's brows narrowed in thought. "There was a strange incident at the airport last night. Then he called my office today for an interview, but Evelyn—our office manager—had the feeling there was more to it. She has a little test she uses when she's not sure if a man is truly interested in Earth Guard or just trying to get to me. I know that sounds a bit egotistical but I've had a few problems with men. It seems the more men I turn away, the more of them approach me."

April laughed. "I'm not discounting your feminine appeal, but it does sound as though you've become a bit of a challenge to the collective male ego."

Holly shrugged. "I wonder how many of them would still be challenged if I hadn't lost a ton of weight since college or traded my thick glasses for contacts."

"If the changes make you feel better about yourself that's all that matters. A poor self-image is one of the common problems a woman faces after rape. You must constantly remind yourself that you're a beautiful person.
They
were the ugly ones."

Holly gave her a small smile. She had read that in a book about abused women a long time ago. That book was as close to professional help as she had ever gotten.

After a thoughtful pause, April said, "Unless you have someone better in mind, this David Wells could be the right man for the job with Frampton. You should check out his reputation first, but if he's honest and hungry, he might work out very well. If you're right about his attraction to you, half your mission would be accomplished."

Holly frowned and inched back in her seat. "I don't know."

"I'm not suggesting you have an affair with the man. Just don't push him away so fast. Since he came to you first, he'd have no reason to suspect you of using him. Yet by becoming
acquaintances,
you could easily follow his progress after you anonymously pass him the file."

April made it sound so simple, Holly couldn't come up with any serious objection and agreed to ask around about him the next day.

"Now, I hope you don't mind my saying this but I get the impression you feel more comfortable with me today than you did yesterday. I am a psychiatrist, Holly, but I'd also like to be your friend. If you want to talk, I'll listen. If you want my help, just ask."

April's way of offering without pushing allowed Holly the freedom to maintain her privacy. But the doctor's kind smile and compassionate expression made Holly want to confide in her. After opening up to her parents, she found talking to April extremely easy.

Over dinner she told her new friend of the experience that changed her life. A few subtle questions from April had her relating her resulting problems since then.

Holly was terrified of the dark.

Someone touching her unexpectedly caused her heart to lurch in her chest and she had to fight the urge to violently defend herself against an imagined attack.

She had no desire to have sex and couldn't sleep unless she was alone in her bedroom with the door locked and a light on.

"As to your sleeping difficulty, I'll be glad to write you a prescription for something. There are times when a crutch is totally acceptable. It doesn't mean you're a weak person, just sensible enough to know when you need help."

"Thank you, but I'd rather not start with drugs, even for a good reason. My mother has had some problems with tranquilizers in the past, and I heard that kind of dependency can be hereditary."

Holly then told April about her relationship with Philip and how understanding he was about her idiosyncrasies.

"I'd say an explanation from you is long overdue," April advised. "But be very careful not to name names or let him know what you're doing about Frampton. You may not think he's like your father because he doesn't display a bad temper, but it still sounds like he's very protective of you. Keep that in mind when you talk to him. And be aware that he might not be so understanding if you suddenly strike up a friendship with Wells or some other male reporter."

Holly promised to call April every Friday to update her or just chat.

"I have one last bit of professional advice," April said before they parted. "If you decide to use Wells, you might consider him practice for coming to terms with other men. You definitely could use a little more exposure to the opposite sex than just Philip and your father."

April's warnings about Philip stayed with Holly as she drove to his house in Georgetown. She had been considering telling him everything, including what the Little Sister Society was up to, but she knew April was right. Philip could not be told the whole truth, for his own good.

Philip greeted her at his front door as if he hadn't seen her in years. He crushed her to him in an embrace so tight she could barely breathe.

She resisted as mildly as possible. "Philip,
please.
What will your neighbors think?"

"They'll think I'm a very lucky man," he said, relaxing his hold then pushing the door closed behind her. "Wine or tea?"

"A very small glass of white wine would be fine," Holly said as she took her usual place on the couch.

A few minutes later he returned with two glasses and sat down next to her. His eyes never left her as they both took a drink and set their glasses on the coffee table. "How was dinner?"

"Very nice. I'm sorry—"

"Tch-tch. There's no need for an apology. I shouldn't have tried to muscle my way in on your time with an old friend."

Holly took his hands in hers. "Philip, I know you think I've been... behaving strangely—"

"It's all right, darling. I understand."

Holly shook her head. "No. I need to explain."

He squeezed her hands. "First, I have a confession to make that might save you any explanation. Please don't be angry with me. I was worried, so I called Bernie."

Holly's chin lifted defiantly. "You called my father?"

Philip shrugged and lowered his eyes. "I love you, Holly. I thought something was wrong and you were keeping it from me. I only wanted to find a way to help."

"He told you what I talked to them about?"

"Yes. And I'm absolutely sick about it."

Holly didn't care for the fact that Philip had gone behind her back for information or that her father would betray her confidence. Her voice was tight with displeasure as she spoke. "I was planning to explain everything tonight."

"Don't you think you should have explained years ago?" he admonished testily. "All this time, I thought I was an inadequate lover."

Guilt diluted her annoyance. "Oh, Philip, no. I never wanted you to think that. I told you I was the problem, not you."

He stroked her cheek and softened his voice. "I know, but I always wondered if you were just trying to spare my feelings."

Holly leaned toward him and lightly touched her lips to his. "Please forgive me."

He gave her a brief kiss in return. "You know I'd forgive you anything. If you want to talk about it, we can."

"Actually, I'm a little relieved that I don't have to repeat it again."

"Who were they?" he asked abruptly.

Holly blinked at the harsh tone of his voice, then shook her head. "I'd rather not say. It isn't important anymore."

Philip frowned, but let it drop. "This also explains why you've changed the subject every time the Ziegler hearing came up this week."

Holly prevented herself from visibly reacting and cautiously asked, "Why do you say that?"

"The similarities are rather obvious—like you, Cheryl Wallace was a young co-ed brutally raped because of a man she trusted, he and his friends went unpunished while she suffered more abuse and held the secret inside all this time. The fact that her assault also occurred at Dominion must be upsetting to you as well. Unfortunately, it looks like Ziegler is still going to go unpunished."

"Then you believe Cheryl Wallace's story?"

"Absolutely. But I'm not on the Senate committee."

"Too bad. She really could have used a friend like you on her side. But at least I have you on mine. Thank you for believing in me... and her." Her arms circled his neck and she gave him a more sensual kiss. She knew that years of anticipating her rejection kept him from immediately responding.

"I had more planned for this evening than just talking. I had wanted to start with a romantic dinner, but my friend's schedule fixed that. And now that you and my father have eliminated the need for a lengthy explanation, the only part of the plan left is the seduction." She saw Philip's reaction in his eyes, yet he made no move toward her. "I've done a lot of soul searching recently and I believe I've come to terms with what happened. I'm hoping it will make a difference between us."

Philip swallowed hard. "It's been a very long time, Holly. I don't want to misunderstand what you're saying."

Holly lowered her eyes. "I'm—I'm asking you to make love to me... if you want to, that is."

Still prepared for rejection, Philip's kiss was hesitant, until her lips parted invitingly for him. His hands shook as they spanned her waist then eased up her back.

Holly ended the kiss and whispered, "Let's go into the bedroom."

She felt the old fear and ordered it away. This was Philip, she reminded herself. A wonderful, sweet man who deserved her love. She turned the light on next to the bed then turned her back to him as they both began to undress.

The suggestion of what they were about to do had him partially ready. Watching her remove her skirt and blouse took him the rest of the way. He folded back the bedding and got under the sheet while she removed her hose and underpants from beneath her full slip.

She turned toward him, hoping he'd not ask for more.

Reading the uncertain look in her eyes, he patted the spot on the bed next to him. "It's all right, honey. You don't have to do any more than you're ready to." He reached toward the lamp, but she stopped him before he could turn it off.

"Please leave it on. You know I'm uncomfortable in the dark."

"I've never known why. Is that their fault, too?" he asked, easing her down next to him. She nodded. "I don't mind the light. It lets me see how beautiful you are."

Holly tried to relax as he kissed her. She ordered herself to enjoy the feel of his hands kneading her breasts and his male body pressing insistently against hers. But when his fingers slipped between her thighs, her muscles clenched before she could prevent it.

Even if he hadn't noticed her reaction, the tight, dry flesh he encountered would have alerted him to her unaroused state. "They're here, aren't they?" Philip said as he rolled onto his back.

She blinked at him, not comprehending his words or why he had stopped touching her.

"The bastards that raped you. They're here, in this bed with us. That's why you can't relax—why we can't have a normal relationship."

She raised herself on her elbow and turned his face to hers. "I
want
to do this, Philip. Don't you see? I want you to make me forget what they did."

He hugged her to him. "This isn't the way. I would do anything for you, honey, but I'd only hurt you if I went further. Your body doesn't want mine." He kissed her nose. "It is gratifying, however, to know that your mind is willing. Perhaps it's only a matter of time before the rest of you gets accustomed to the idea as well."

Holly's thoughts wandered to something April had told her.
As long as your attackers go unpunished, you'll always feel like a victim. Once you take action against them, they'll no longer have any power over you.
Philip could not wipe the memories away with sex any more than talking about her experience had. She had to try the one course left open to her.