Carolyne Cathey (28 page)

Furious with
herself, Eleanor crossed her arms over her chest and spun to study the
light-wavered walls.  Echoes of her accusations rang in her ears and upbraided
her stupidity.

"Ah. 
Beth."  He fought a laugh, she sensed as much.  He cleared his throat and
uttered a false cough.  "'Tis not why I lingered so long in my
chamber."

She turned and
searched his face cast in candlelight and shadow.

"I asked
Beth to fetch Nurse Kincaid to tend to my injuries.  Despite my boast, my head
and chest were almost as painful as your rejection.  I thought to dress the
wound of my shoulder, lick the wounds of my heart, and drink myself into
oblivion.  But before Nurse finished with my shoulder, I'd determined to find
you, to bring you back where you belong, to discover the reason for your sudden
change.  But she gave me a dose of one of her brews, for pain."  He
shrugged.  "Too late I learned 'twas a poppies' brew.  Now if ‘twould only
dull the ache of my heart."

With tenderness
in his eyes, he reached out and brushed disheveled strands from her face.
"When I awoke, I searched the castle, even visited Lucinda, and then I
knew where a lass from a convent might hide.  You'd have taken refuge in the
chapel."

"Then, you
didn't touch . . ." How could she finish?  She lowered her gaze to her
clasped fingers.

"Nay, love. 
In truth, I never even gave the matter thought.  'Tis a dismal sign of my
infatuation."  He covered her cold hands with his warm ones, his, callused
from wielding his sword, hers, callused from peasant labor.  Knight.  Servant. 
She drew her hands from his and retreated a step.

He sighed. 
"'Tis also a puzzle, Eleanor.  You say you won't have me, yet you want no
other to share me.  'Tis a contradiction.  Do you wish me to live alone,
celibate, for the rest of my wretched days?"

"I know 'tis
selfish, my lord.  'Tis unacceptable."

Kyle placed his knuckle
under her chin and forced her gaze to his.  She could see the uncertainty, the
concern in his expression.  "Tell me.  Why this strange behavior?"

Eleanor moved to
the wall past the rood screen where the dim light revealed the painting of The
Resurrection.  A depiction of hope.  She clutched at the thought as she ran her
finger over the faded image, then turned to face him. 

"There is
naught to even consider in honoring the wager.  Tis forbidden!  The King might
think our troth as treason and seek retribution.  I could never do that to
you.  I love you too much."

"I also said
that the King owes me a favor and all will be well."

"Aye, you
did, but . . ."   Dare she mention Sir Jerrod's warning?  Might Kyle feel
betrayed by his friend?

Eleanor shifted her
attention to the wind-gusted flame.  "And if we cannot wed, then I must
take care I not carry your child."  She saw him stiffen. 

"My child. 
Ah.  I understand.  Of course."

He didn't
understand.  The hurt in his eyes told her as much.

"My lord,
the king could use the infant as a pawn to encourage you to bow to his will. 
'Tis a risk I will not take, so I must not lie with you again.  I hope to stay
here to work as your servant until the mission is fulfilled."

"You will be
my lady!"

"Nay, my
lord.  If we share our bodies even once more, then I must leave.  I swore a vow
that I’d not lie with you again, which I broke within hours, but I believed
‘twas an incredible dream, so I hoped not to count--"

"A vow?  To
whom?" Kyle glowered his disdain, then suspicion entered his shadowed
expression.  "Jerrod?  Jerrod interfered?"

Eleanor reached
out as if to touch him across the empty chapel, but he gave her his back. 
"My lord, Sir Jerrod loves you as a brother.  He's concerned."

"He dared to
interfere?"  Kyle shouted his disbelief as he slammed his fist on the
altar.  The candle teetered, throwing wild reflections across the barren
chapel.

"Sir Jerrod
but relayed the facts, my lord.  I made the decision." 

He spun and
stormed toward her, his bittersweet cote rippling about his ankles with each
angry stride.  "You will break this promise!  You will not honor this
vow.  As your master I'll break it for you."  He stopped in front of her,
the image of a wronged warrior.

"As your
master the king will do for your vow?"  She winced in pain when he gripped
her arms.  "'Tis too late, my lord.  'Tis done.  I am not a knight, yet my
promises are as binding.  From my first arrival I never intended to lie with
you, and yet I did.  I’ll not allow you to touch me in that way again."

Kyle released her
as if burned.  A muscle twitched along his jawline. "I pray you didn't
suffer overmuch from my foolish attentions."

Eleanor closed
her eyes against his offended expression that turned like a knife in her
stomach.  "'Twas not what I meant, my lord."  If she could but make
him understand--

"Then let me
make certain I grasp the situation.  You'll dare to live under my roof and
ignore me.  If I touch you, you'll leave.  Do I restate true your vow?" 

"Aye, but
I--"

"What about
my
oath, Eleanor?  I vowed to take you as wife!"

"And I vowed
I'd leave you if I cannot maintain a distance."

"My knight's
honor is at stake!" 

Eleanor flinched
from his verbal slap.  "I will not wed any man merely to save his
honor."

Kyle drew up to
his full height.  "You expect me to live by your rules?  As if you are the
master and I the servant?  Aught must be as you decree?  You have no faith in
me.  You believe me incapable of handling my own destiny."

"Nay, my
lord."

"Then you
have no faith that I will protect you, or our child, should we have one." 
He pointed his finger at her face.  His hand trembled, as did she.  "I
curse you, and I curse the rest of the world that has decided my fate!  Does
everyone believe that without their guidance I would stumble into walls, fall
down stairs, trod through dung, because I'm too dense to choose my own
way?"

Kyle turned his
back and lifted his gaze to the tie beam where stood the Great Rood, the
carving of Christ crucified but victorious.  "The King has decided he
knows best.  And Brigham.  Lady Mellisande.  Lord Hanley.  Then Jerrod." 
He faced her, hurt in his eyes.  "And now you.  You betray me as well. 
You decided for us both without once considering I might want to be included
before you threw out this rash promise." 

"You accuse
me
of rash promises?"

He put his
angry face close to hers and the scent of ale rushed out with his hot breath. 
"I am lord and master here.  I want you.  I will have you!"

Eleanor lifted
her chin.  "You are not lord here in this chapel.  His representation
hovers above us to signify who rules."

Shock registered
on Kyle's face as her impermissible words gushed from her mouth like water from
a tapped keg. 

"And what
you want doesn't change reality, Lord Kyle.  King Edward,
your
earthly
lord and master, still exists, as does Lady Mellisande.  Even if I agreed to
your demands, I refuse to endanger your life.  I must soon leave no matter the
longings of my heart."

"Don't you
understand, Eleanor?  With you beside me, I could face any problem, any
disaster.  But you've turned your back to me.  I face this alone.  When I need
you, you shut me out."

"I’ll be
here, but as your servant, not your leman."

He spun and paced
to the font beside the door, then whirled to confront her, hands outstretched. 
"I have offered you all, my name, my affection, and you've rejected
me."  His voice broke, then his face grew hard, like his eyes, like his
balled fists he pressed against the sides of his thighs.  Absolute fury seethed
in his every movement as he approached her, then he halted much too near, and
she worried that she might not withstand his determination.

"You will be
my lady." 

"Nay."

"As you
will, wench." 

"Wench?" 

Before she knew
his intent, he picked her up and slung her over his shoulder.  All concern for
his injuries jolted right out of her, replaced by her own pain, for her stomach
ached as if slammed against a boulder.  She kicked, but he enslaved her feet as
he carried her from the chapel.  She pounded his back.  "You dare call me
such a crudity within these hallowed walls?"  As he strode through the
doorway she grabbed for the font.  "I claim sanctuary!"  He jerked
her free and she grasped for the door, but her fingers slid from the jamb. 
"Release me!"  As blood rushed to her head, she pummeled his back
while he stormed across the mist-swirled bailey.

"You made
this decision, Eleanor.  And you need no longer concern yourself with
endangering my life; the dilemma is solved."

As he marched
into the great hall she heard the owl flap in the rafters, but all she could
see were the heels of his black boots that flashed from beneath his cote as he
stomped across the rushes.

"My
lord--"

"Aye, your
lord.  And master, despite what you claim."

"As King
Edward is yours.  Don’t be a fool!"

"I
have
played the fool, but no more."

Her stomach ached
with each thrust of his shoulder as he continued through the solar. 

She heard Beth
gasp.

Against her will,
Eleanor lifted her gaze and saw Beth witnessing Eleanor's disgrace as the
strumpet lay in semi-nude repose beneath Sir Jerrod.  Then curved stone walls
hid her from Beth's view as Kyle carried her up the spiral steps and into his
chamber.

The hearth-fire
danced in her vision, then he slung her onto her back on the mattress and the
room spun as if her blood twirled in her brain.  He towered above her, the
conquering knight.

"You refuse
to be my lady?  Then you'll be my whore."

"
I
will be no man's
whore!"  Eleanor scrambled to the edge of the bed.  Kyle seized her waist
and tossed her again on the fur cover as if she weighed no more than a sack of
grain. 

"You have no
authority here, Eleanor.  You will be what I say."

"And you have
no authority with King Edward!  You will do what he says!"

She rolled to
leap off the other side of the bed, but he grabbed her hips and dragged her
back.

"I have told
you, Eleanor.  Despite what either King Edward or you say, you are mine.  For
eternity."

She shoved to her
knees on the now rumpled covers and glared at him through the disheveled
strands of her hair.  "For eternity?  Even after you wed another?  You
would make me an adulteress?" 

"You have
shared my bed before.  What good to pretend otherwise?"

The truth of his
words stung.  She lifted her chin in defiance.  "I admit I sinned.  We are
all less than God and give into temptation, but to continue to do so, willingly
and without repentance . . . "  She shook her head, then met his stubborn
glare.  "And what about a babe?"

He rolled his
eyes as if he couldn't believe her stupidity, as if with the loss of her
virginity she should have lost her naiveté.  "There are ways we can enjoy
each other and not have a child.  Before I release, I--"

Eleanor released
a bitter laugh.  "You have an answer for all my protests, but you forget
the king."

"I do not
forget the king.  How can I when you continuously shout his name as an
excuse?"

She fought to
control the rage that leapt within her chest with as much heat as the flames in
the hearth.  "Then ignore the king and the probable danger.  Being as you
are my lord and master, or so you claim, you risk naught with this arrangement,
but I am already called harlot.  Even the Friar looks upon me with disgust.  I
am shamed and disgraced."

"You refused
my offer of acceptability.  You must live with the consequences."

"Then you
would force yourself upon me?  As the king will force his decision upon
you?"

"Not another
word about the king!  ‘Tis an order!"  He closed his heated blue eyes as
if for composure.  Deep breath taken, he gazed at her, one corner of his mouth
lifting in arrogance. 

"Nay, force
would not be needed upon you."  Kyle brushed her strands back as he slid
his fingers into her hair and gripped, then he held her face toward his as he
leaned closer, lips parted.

Eleanor stiffened
and shoved at his hand.  "You think to seduce me?"

His eyes flashed
blue certainty as he halted a kiss away.  Then his lashes fanned closed and his
lips covered hers, hot, demanding, conquering.  His hand trembled as he stroked
down her neck, her chest, and cupped her breast.  Then he groaned and his kiss
became more urgent as if he needed her as much as his next breath.

Tears burned
behind her shut lids as desire burned beneath her anger, but she remained
stiff, an unwilling participant.

She felt the dip
of the mattress, the nearness of his body. the slide of his hand around to her
back to pull her against his chest.

Nay, she refused
to respond.  She locked her arms against her sides and her heart against his
advances.

He paused as if
uncertain, his labored breaths warm against her kiss-dampened face.  Then he
brushed his lips across hers, ran the tip of his tongue along the tight seam of
her mouth. 

But she remained
as a corpse, rigid, without life, without hope. 

In slow
movements, he withdrew his hand from her breast, and she felt the mattress
shift as if he straightened.

Opening her eyes,
she prayed he wouldn't see either her tears or the truth she buried beneath her
stone-like mask.  And yet she saw the truth in his eyes.  His hurt.  His
doubt.  His insulted fury. 

"If you
force me, Sire, I will leave, vow or no vow.  For to remain here as your whore
would kill my soul, thrust by impassioned thrust, until I am left naught but an
empty shell."

The red
bed-hangings swayed as Kyle shoved to his feet.  A new emotion showed with the
pain in his narrowed eyes.  Revulsion.  "'Twould seem I am the fool after
all."  He fisted his hands until his knuckles turned white.  Rage darkened
his face, the blue of his eyes.  "I disgust you so?  Then on the morrow
you will leave.  I will have you escorted wherever you will."  He turned
his back and stormed to the door.

"Kyle!"

***

Kyle slammed the
door in response and ran down the steps two at a time, straight to where Jerrod
writhed with Beth on a pallet on the solar floor.  Kyle grasped Jerrod's arm
and yanked his naked body upright, Jerrod's unsatisfied arousal still in
evidence.  He saw the shock in Jerrod's eyes before Kyle slammed his fist against
his former friend's face.

Beth screamed.

Jerrod crashed
against the stone wall, then sank in defeat.  "What the . . . " He
threw Kyle a pained glare.  "I see your shoulder is better."  Jerrod
rubbed at his bloodshot eye, then winced.  "I think you blinded me."

"You
interfered, Jerrod.  You betrayed me."

Kyle saw his
confusion.  "Betrayed you, but . . ." Then realization dawned as
Jerrod glanced toward the spiral staircase.  "Ah."  He struggled to
his feet.  "She had a right to know the danger she put you in, Kyle.  Even
if you don't care about your life, I do."

"You used
her fear to pull a vow of celibacy from her when she is with me!  'Tis
my
decision what I do with my life, Jerrod. 
I
am lord and master here, not
you.  Do not dare to interfere again.  Not if you value what is left of our
friendship."

Jerrod looked
down at his shrinking manhood . . .  "I wish your timing had been
delayed.  I--"

Kyle grasped
Jerrod's hair in his fist.  "You flaunt your easy access to a woman when
you have made certain I am denied?"  Kyle released Jerrod and turned to go
to his chamber, but he felt Beth's hand on his calf, and paused.

"Milord?"

Kyle looked down
at her, then closed his eyes, but not before he saw the hope in her face, and
not before he had noticed that she had let her cover fall to her waist,
exposing her generous breasts.  They were a bounty for any man.  But not for
him. 

He shifted his
attention to Jerrod and saw his anguished expression.  Because of Kyle's fury? 
Or because, despite Jerrod's arduous lovemaking, Beth still preferred her
master.  Kyle stepped away from Beth's hold.  Like a sailor to the lure of a
siren, he strode across the solar, then raced up the stairs.  He only wanted
one woman.  Eleanor.  She belonged to him.  And by all the power he possessed,
he would have her.

He halted before
the shut door.  He wanted her so much that he trembled, but he had given his
word not to take her against her will, and if he barged in now, he might break
his promise.  How to change her stubborn mind?  He had threatened, he had
seduced, which had always worked in the past but not now.  Kyle released a sigh
and closed his eyes as tight as his fists.  She thought to protect
him
,
of all things.  A knight didn't hide behind a woman's frailty.  How dare she
not have faith in his ability. 

Kyle turned away
from the door, uncertain what he should do.  For certain he would protect her
against Brigham.  Except now, because of Kyle's injured pride and rash temper,
he had ordered her away.  How to protect her, then?  And yet, he couldn't give
in to her demands.  But wouldn't he prefer to have her near as his servant than
not at all?  Nay, he would not let her set the rules.  Now what?  Sickened,
Kyle leaned against the wall.

Caught in his
own trap
.

***

Hours surely had
passed as Eleanor paced yet again, from the bed, to the hearth, then back to
the door.  Eleanor touched the wooden barricade that stood as a symbol of
Kyle's hard-as-wood mind.  Nay, 'twas more like a rock.  Well, she refused to
leave him when danger threatened.  She couldn't abandon him to Brigham.  And
she wouldn't leave until she had accomplished her mission, that is, if
Trystonwood survived beyond her disastrous attempts to better their lot.  And
yet, he had commanded she go.  Her shoulders sank in despair.  Like a misguided
angel she had brought only tribulation to Kyle instead of goodness, so 'twas
best she leave.  Then why did her heart cry otherwise?

On the morrow
. 
Dear God.  May the sun never rise.

Rubbing at the
sting in her eyes, she moved to the window to see how dark the night.  Mist
still covered the world like a gossamer veil, but ‘twas a lighter gray, as if
dawn crept near. 

And Kyle had not
returned. 

Eleanor scanned
the chamber as she fought for courage to leave, etching the memories of the
past several days into her mind.  Did fate decree the separation, or had her
stupidity been the cause?  She had asked the question countless times, as many
times as the beat of her pulse, and the answer never changed.  She had been
stupid, thoughtless.  Yet, when she searched for alternatives, nothing else
came to mind.  Well then, why delay?  The parting might hold less agony if she
left before he tempted her with his presence, although such a result seemed
impossible.

Resigned to her
fate, she opened the door and stepped through the opening.  Her foot caught on
an obstruction and she stumbled.  A scream jerked from her throat as she
grabbed for the wall.

The obstruction
rolled, then sprang to its feet.  A sword rose, ready to kill.

"Who
threatens you, Eleanor?"

"Lord
Kyle?"

"Why did you
scream?"

"You
startled me."  Dear heaven.  He had slept on the cold stones while she had
paced in his chamber.  He had been but inches away.  If she had but opened the
door . . . then what?

Kyle lowered his
weapon.

The sound of
metal encased in metal scraped in her ears. 

"What do you
here?"

She swallowed a
sob.  "I . . . I leave."

Kyle's shadowy
form stilled.  "Tis too early.  The sun is not yet awake."

"I thought
to leave before . . ."   She halted before she exposed her cowardice.

His dark image
straightened.  "Before you saw me?  You thought to sneak away as if we
never existed?  Then you haven't changed your mind about this silliness?  Curse
you, Eleanor!"

"I don't
want to leave, my lord, but I obey your command.  And in truth, 'tis the only
answer."

His sardonic
laugh rumbled in echo.  "You obey my command?  'Tis ironic that the only
time you choose to obey is when you desert me."

Hope nudged at
the ache in her chest.  "Your persistence is a puzzlement, my lord, for
you believe me the dragon."

Kyle drew in a
sharp breath.  "Another confidence revealed?  Jerrod must be hoarse from
all his treachery."  He turned his back and raised his gaze to the high
ceiling of the spiral staircase that wound upward to the parapet.  "At
first I assumed you were the symbol of the beast in my nightmares.  But now, I
realize that what I had thought was you and the dragon in the flames was merely
a figment of my overwrought mind."

Nay.  He had seen
her death.

He faced her
again, and his eyes sparked with intensity.  "I give you one last chance,
Eleanor.  Will you stand beside me as my lady?"

"And risk
your life?  I cannot, my lord."

He released a
ragged sigh.  "Cannot.  'Tis our magic word from when you first arrived
and you've spoiled even that.  Yet, 'tis a further insult that you think me
incapable of any contribution to our destiny."  He stepped back, then
bowed.  "As you will, woman.  I release you.  You are free to proceed with
the rest of your life."

'Twas difficult
to take a step, her fallen heart so entangled her feet.  She forced a foot
forward, then another, descending the stairs.  Movement rustled behind her. 
The slam of his chamber door matched the slam of her hopes.  Would that she
could die and end her torment.

As Eleanor moved
in silence through the solar, she saw Sir Jerrod asleep on a pallet against the
wall.  Beth slept beside him.  Jealousy twisted in Eleanor's mind at the
thought that Beth might take Eleanor's place in Kyle's bed.  She bit her lower
lip to draw her mind to the superficial pain, not the one embedded deep within.

All seemed quiet
as she walked through the great hall.  Such a beauteous room, grand and
glorious, and she would never again see the space.  She lifted her gaze to the
smoke-filled rafters.

"Goodbye,
Owl."

He hooted a sad
farewell, then fluttered his wings.

Somehow her feet
moved her through the entry to the bailey.  A cold mist gentled on her face. 
She breathed the dewy air into her lungs to cleanse her mind of regrets, then
tried again with another breath, but the regrets only intensified.  The
moisture reminded her of her arrival.  Much had happened since that fateful
day.  She had given all.  Lost all.

The bailey lay
quiet now as she walked across the damp earth, chilly beneath her bare feet. 
Kyle once promised to roll her there, in the mud.  The memory would now be only
a reverie to brighten her nights.

She halted before
the gate that stood unfeeling and silent.  How could she say the words?  She
swallowed, but her throat cramped in protest.  "Gatekeeper, will you raise
the portcullis?"  She heard movement behind the arrow slit within the
stone wall. 

"Are ye
certain, milady?"

Her tongue
refused to respond.  Determined, she lifted her chin.  "Aye."

She heard thumps
and clanks, then the chains creaked in complaint as the pointed spikes
separated from the bridge, a symbol of her separation from Trystonwood.  She
glanced up at Kyle's window.