Carrier 02: Shadow of the Mark (18 page)

Caitlin swallowed hard. “This is about more than gangs and girlfriends, isn’t it?”

Adam slowly nodded.

“And Chloe’s not just a regular schoolgirl, is she?”

Adam shook his head.

“Are you in on this, Megan?”

I hoped Adam knew what he was doing. “Yes.”

She walked back to me and put her face right up to mine. “I’m your best friend. Why won’t you tell me the truth?”

From the corner of my eye, I could see Adam shaking his head. “I can’t. You’ll just have to trust me.”

“Trust you? Why should I, when you don’t trust me?” Her face twisted into one I didn’t recognize. “I’ve kept the DeRíses’ secrets, I’ve covered for you, lied for you, and yet you still shut me out!” A strangled sob escaped her throat. “Well, I’m done,” she said, sliding her eyes from mine to Adam’s. “Done!” She stormed from the room, leaving an aching silence behind.

Adam wrapped his arms around me. “Megan, I—”

“Don’t!” I snapped, pushing his arms away. “Don’t touch me.”

Adam looked like I’d just slapped him. “Megan, this is the way it has to be. This is why we don’t have friends.”

I stepped back and glared at him. “I am not you!”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I haven’t grown up in this twisted little cocoon. I want freedom, I want friends, and I want honesty!” My voice caught as I crumpled to the floor, dropping my face into my hands. “I really thought I had something special here. I had Caitlin. My dad had Petra. And now I find out that I’ve dragged my poor dad into this messed-up world I’m a part of. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?”

Adam’s arms fell to his side.

“And I had you.” I blinked at him through a haze of bitter tears. “I . . . I love you, so much that it hurts.” I clawed at the front of my sweater like it was an obstacle to my feelings. “I want you—I
need
you—but there’s always something in the way.”

Adam clasped his hands in front of him. “I don’t know what to tell you, Megan. I don’t know what you want.”

“I want my life back.”

“That life ended as soon as you evoked your element.”

The urge to scream burned in the back of my throat. “It doesn’t have to be this way. Open your eyes and look around, Adam. Your world is changing. The Knights are changing, the Order is changing, even the rules are changing.” I threw my arms in the air in exasperation.

He caught my hands midair and looked at me with hauntingly sad eyes. “Do you honestly think that I’ve never felt exactly how you’re feeling now?” The blue in his eyes began to swirl erratically. “I watched my mother and father die; I’ve been moved from town to town, country to country, outrunning an enemy that wants my family. I’ve had friends, great friends, but those friendships only brought me guilt and sadness, fear that I’d endangered them. Sometimes it’s easier for everyone involved if you don’t say hello in the first place. It’s safer that way.” He loosened the grip on my wrists and lowered my hands. “Let Caitlin go. It’s better for her. It was bound to happen sooner or later.”

I glared at him, feeling all the strength in me ebb away. “I hate you.” I regretted the words before I said them, but at that moment, I did hate him. I hated everything he represented.

His eyes dulled, and his face fell still. “That’s just perfect. Maybe you should continue down this immature path of self-pity and follow that elemental pull of yours into Rían’s arms. You might find what you’re looking for.”

The sight of him leaving sliced through my heart. My words echoed in my head, mixing with images of Dad’s happy, loving face and Caitlin’s look of utter hurt. I barely made it to the bathroom, where I threw up every bit of resentment in my body, over and over again.

A
dam drove me home in silence. Part of me wanted to hug him tight, but I couldn’t get past how he’d handled Caitlin.

When we’d called Fionn, he’d accepted the news calmly and had assured us that Petra wasn’t a threat. He and Cú were going to be back in Cork in the morning, and he said they would speak with us then. It suddenly felt like everyone knew what was going on except me.

“I’m not leaving you alone here tonight. I’ll sleep in the car. I’ll be just down the road,” Adam said as he pulled up outside my house.

I leaned against the headrest, swallowing back the tears. “I don’t hate you.”

“I know.” He gripped the steering wheel and gazed out the windshield. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe it is time to burst the twisted bubble we live in.”

“Adam, I—”

“I’ll see you in the morning.” The tone of his voice made it clear he was done talking. I stepped from the car, and he drove away with his eyes fixed ahead of him.

I let myself into the house, feeling like a hollowed-out version of myself. Dad and Petra were deep in conversation over a glass of wine. Dad laughed at something Petra said, and she smiled back with eyes that reflected his laughter. They looked so happy, but it was lies. All lies.

“Megan!” Dad said, seeing me standing at the door. “Come in and join us.”

“Thanks, Dad, but I’m going to go catch up on some reading. Do you mind?”

Petra turned to face me. “We haven’t had a chance to talk yet, Megan.”

I glanced at her. “Oh, yes. There’s so much we have to discuss, isn’t there, Petra?”

Her eyes froze as she put her glass down. She pressed her lips into a thin line. “Actually, I got a strange call today. I was sure I heard your name, but we seemed to get cut off. Did you need me for something?”

My heart thudded erratically. “You must have heard wrong. I don’t even have your number.”

She forced a smile. “Funny that.”

“Anyway, good night, Dad.”

“Sleep well, Meg.”

That night, I fell into an uneasy sleep. I was plagued by images of Caitlin’s face as our friendship fell apart, and the sound of me saying “I hate you” to Adam over and over. After waking up with a racing heart for the third time, I lay on my bed and watched as the black dark of night softened with the first hint of a new day. I wished the time away, thinking of Adam in his car down the road. I was just about to go outside to him when a text came in.

In the morning, let’s go tell Caitlin the truth. You deserve a best friend. We all do.

I could hardly believe my eyes. It took me all of two seconds to make up my mind. I crawled out of bed, threw on my clothes from earlier, tiptoed down the stairs, and quickly slipped out the door. As soon as I was clear of the house, I picked up my pace, running until I got to Adam’s car. The early sun had just peeked over the horizon, and the air still clung to the rich, earthy smells of the night.

Adam’s door opened as I approached. He emerged, deep violet shadows carved under his bloodshot eyes. “I’m so sorry,” he said.

I pulled up short, stopping myself from running into his arms. “What I said earlier was . . . horrible.”

“No, it was exactly what I needed to hear. You were right. This vicious Order cycle can only continue as long as the Marked allow it. We can change that, starting with Caitlin.” He looked at me from under his thick lashes.

“You’re right too. I don’t understand what it’s like to be you, and I can’t imagine what it was like growing up with the constant fear of being discovered.”

He shoved his hands deep into his jacket pockets and rocked on his heels. “Yeah, but what’s worse? Hiding who we are from the people we trust, or the people we don’t trust finding out where we’re hiding? Maybe it would be easier if we let people in.”

I closed the gap between us and mirrored his stance, tucking my hands into my own pockets to stop them from reaching for him. “We don’t have to tell her. I wasn’t giving you an ultimatum. I was just angry.”

He drew closer and leaned his forehead to mine, resting it there. “It’s about time we started walking our own path. Why follow the one that has failed so many others? We’re telling Caitlin.”

I sighed as I felt the relief flood my hollow insides. “Thank you.”

He placed a hand on my hip. “You should go home and get some sleep. It’s going to be a long day.”

I closed my eyes and leaned into him. “I can’t sleep.” Tears threatened again. “I won’t be able to relax until I’ve set things right.”

Adam glided his hand to my lower back and pulled me close. “You know what always makes me feel better? The water.”

“We can’t just head off in the middle of the night.”

“It’s morning . . . just about. Come on,” he whispered hoarsely, burying his face in my neck before opening the door to his car.

Adam parked outside the yacht club, unlocked the staff entrance, and disappeared inside. A few minutes later, he was running back to the car with a bag and a big grin on his face.

“This is crazy,” I said.

“No, this is walking our own path.”

Adam untied the yacht from the marina, and we set off. The engine rumbled as we made for open water. I couldn’t help smiling at how ironic it was that I had spent my life being scared of water, and now here I was in love with the embodied element of my fear. I chuckled as I thought of my first sailing lesson with Adam and the idiot I’d made of myself.

Under the power of the morning breeze, we glided across the glistening sea in silence. The water had a silken quality under the subtle dawn light. A lone seagull flew beside us, its wings skimming the water as it rode the brisk sea breeze. I watched as Adam worked. He’d changed a little over the past seven months. His tall, sinewy body had broadened and his face had filled out, jaw and cheekbones becoming more prominent. He saw me checking him out and winked, flashing a cheeky grin. I caught my breath, never wanting him more than at that moment.

“Megan,” Adam called, breaking my reverie. “Will you drop the sail there for me?”

“Sure.”

We were tucked away in a beautiful cove just outside the harbor, hidden by a small island off the shore. The water was sheltered from the winds that gusted up the south coast, and the boat danced with the light lapping of softly rolling waves. The sky gave way to a hazy blue, with only a few wispy clouds floating high above.

It felt good to be here with him, away from all the problems that awaited us when we returned. “You were right. I feel better already,” I breathed as I turned to him. He folded his arms around me and gave me the softest of kisses. The energy built between us, merging and swirling above our heads, until my hair rose up and flicked around. Adam pulled away, keeping his eyes closed. He was still holding my face when his breath caught.

“Are you all right?” I asked him.

“Shush,” he whispered, nodding. “I’m fine, just hang on a second.”

I put my hands up to his face, feeling the stubble that had become thicker and darker over time. His breathing settled and his eyes opened. “If I promise never to be a dick again, will you promise not to hate me?”

“Adam, I was angry, my element was all over the place, my best friend had just—”

“Megan, for a second, you truly hated me—I felt it in your element.”

“No, I didn’t. You know that sometimes the elements act independently, like with Rían and wh—”

He put his thumb over my lips and caressed them into silence. “It’s okay. Just promise me you won’t hate me.”

“Adam, I will never hate you. I love you.”

“Good, because . . . I’m not saying no anymore. I’m ready when you’re ready.”

“Are you saying what I think you are?”

“Yes. I’m not letting the Order dictate my life for even another minute. You’re the most important thing to me in the world. I want you, all of you, forever.”

I leaned in and brushed my lips against his. “I’m ready,” I murmured between kisses.

I heard his breath catch as he pulled me closer, molding his body against mine. “Now?”

“Now, tomorrow, next week, I don’t mind. I’m ready when you are.”

He swallowed hard. “Let’s just see how it goes, okay?” He put his head down on my shoulder. “I’m nervous.”

“So am I.”

He sighed. “I love you. And again, I promise to never be a dick.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“Hey!” He grabbed me by the waist and squeezed until I was laughing uncontrollably.

A thousand butterflies had taken up residence in my stomach. “Let’s go for a swim.”

“Really?” he said eagerly, already pulling off his sweater.

I eyed him and gave him a wicked smile. “Oh, I’d say anything to get you to strip.” Adam froze with his head half out of his top. He narrowed his eyes. I pulled off my shirt, and his jaw dropped. “I’m joking. Now stop staring at me—you’re making me feel self-conscious.”

Adam blushed and spun around, getting one foot stuck in his jeans as he tried to step out of them. He lost his balance and caught himself on the railing.

“Will you warm it up a few degrees for me?” I asked, trying to sound more sure of myself than I felt. I took off the rest of my clothes and wrapped a blanket around me, forcing my eyes shut for a second and searching for the confidence I knew was inside me . . . somewhere. This was Adam, after all.

He laughed. “Done. We have our own little piece of the tropics in there.” He ran his eyes over me, and my heart hammered in my chest. “Is this part of your whole seduction technique?”

“What, me wrapped in a tartan picnic blanket? It’s pretty sexy, isn’t it?”

“You’ve never looked more gorgeous.” He took me in his arms, our skin hot on each other’s bodies. Then, without warning, Adam jumped off the yacht with me in his arms. He was kissing me so hard, I couldn’t even scream, let alone draw a breath. We sank below the undulating waves, leaving my blanket floating on the surface. Before I had time to panic, I realized I could breathe. We were in a pocket of air.

Adam kissed me again with such passion, it nearly stopped my heart. Under the water, I could see our powers, caressing us as they swirled and sparkled like golden sunlight. Adam pulled me closer, and I wrapped myself around him, forgetting my self-consciousness. We floated on a cushion of water, the color of our skin transformed by the magical, molten glow of our elements, and the hazy blue light that filtered from the sky above. Adam held out his hand and nodded to the surface. I nodded back, reached over, and took his hand. He pulled us from the shadow of the underside of the yacht and up toward the bright water.