Carrying the Lost Heir's Child (14 page)

Sixteen

B
eing away from Nash for a week had been harder than she’d thought. She’d loved seeing her mother again, but she truly missed the man she’d fallen in love with. Lily found herself missing the Barringtons, as well.

In the two weeks she’d been gone her little belly had pooched out just enough to have her smiling and gliding her hand over the swollen area. Not a drastic change to anyone looking at her, but she noticed and she had no doubt Nash would notice. That man knew her body better than she did.

She’d been careful not to wear anything tight, plus she donned sunglasses and a hat when traveling through the airport. The last thing she wanted was anyone finding out about the baby before she could make an announcement.

Nash’s idea of her dropping the bomb before the media could speculate was brilliant. With the Barrington film getting buzz already months before release, Ian already booked her a one-on-one interview with a popular TV anchor. And perhaps by then she’d have some other news to share...maybe even a ring on her finger. Dare she hope that Nash was ready to follow her confession with one of his own?

Lily had changed her flight to a day earlier. She hadn’t been able to wait to get back to Nash, to have him see how her belly and their baby had grown. She wanted his hands on her, wanted to share this moment, silly as that may sound.

Lily had rented a car at the airport, eager to surprise Nash since he thought he’d be picking her up the following morning. As she pulled up next to his old truck in the drive, she smiled and killed the engine.

The porch swing swayed in the breeze, as did the hanging ferns. This cozy home was perfect for their family. Images of her lavish condo in LA flashed through her mind and Lily knew that second that she didn’t want her child growing up in a town with so much chaos. This porch would be the perfect play area for a toddler, the wide drive would serve as the place where their child could ride a bike or make chalk drawings. The expansive backyard just begged for a swing set complete with slide and maybe a sandbox.

When Lily looked at this house, she didn’t see it as Nash’s home anymore, she saw it as their future. Even though he was just renting it, she had fallen in love with it and wanted to stay. Perhaps if she offered the owner a fair price he’d sell to them.

One goal at a time, she promised herself as she stepped from the car. A light drizzle had accompanied her drive in and now the rain started falling a bit harder, faster as she made her way to the front door. The luggage in the car could wait. Her need to see Nash couldn’t.

The front door was unlocked, such was life in the country, and another reason she wanted to raise her family there.

As soon as she stepped over the threshold, she smelled that familiar, masculine scent that could only be associated with the man she’d fallen in love with. She’d missed that smell, missed the feel of his body next to hers as she slept, missed the way he would hold her, look at her, bring her a random grilled cheese when she hadn’t even said she was hungry.

And her body ached to touch him again. She’d gone so long without sex before meeting Nash, but since that first time with him, she constantly craved more. Nash was it for her.

No longer did she fear the media and what they would say. They’d talk regardless and half the “news” was made up stories anyway. No, she knew Nash would be by her side; he wouldn’t let her go through any of this alone. She was that confident in their newfound relationship. They’d come so far from the frenzied affair in the loft. Even their passion had reached another level of intimacy.

“Nash,” she called as she stepped into the living room and clicked on a lamp. Dusk was settling outside and the promise of a storm was thick in the air. “I’m home.”

Footsteps from the back of the house had her turning toward the hall. The sight of him shocked her, leaving her frozen in her place and utterly speechless.

The sight of him wearing only a pair of worn jeans riding low on his hips and nothing else but excellent muscle tone was enough to have her go silent and just enjoy the view. But, it was the clean-shaven face and the new haircut that had her doing a double take.

Those piercing blue eyes surrounded by thick, dark lashes were even more prominent now. His hair was wet as if he’d just gotten out of the shower. He froze, resting his hands on his hips. Apparently he was just as surprised to see her as she was about his transformation.

“You’re early,” he stated, brows drawn in. “Is something wrong?”

“Everything’s fine.” Lily took a step forward, then another until she’d closed the gap between them. Reaching up to cup his face with both hands, she studied this new Nash. “Why the change?”

Not that he looked bad. The Nash with the beard and unkempt hair was rugged and mysterious. This Nash with the square jaw and chiseled cheeks, with more emphasis on those mesmerizing eyes was flat-out sexy and intriguing.

“I needed to,” he told her, taking her hands in his. He kissed her palms before placing her hands on his chest. “It’s the first step in getting where I need to be, where we need to be.”

Lily couldn’t stop taking in the sight of him. Who knew a dark beard and disheveled hair could change someone’s appearance so much?

Those worry lines between his brows had deepened and the haunted look in his eyes hadn’t been there when she’d left.

“Something’s wrong.” The feel of his quickened heartbeat beneath her hand confirmed her suspicions. “Talk to me.”

Releasing her hands, he slid his own around her waist and pulled her against him. When he froze and jerked his gaze down, Lily smiled.

“I grew a little,” she explained, lifting her oversize T-shirt to expose her slightly rounded belly. “One morning I just woke up and there it was.”

She wondered how he’d react to her new shape, but when both of his hands came around to cover the swell, Lily knew he was just as excited about their growing baby as she was.

Nash dropped to his knees, laying his forehead against her stomach as his thumbs stroked her bare skin. The thought that this child could already bring such a strong man to his knees was so sexy.

Lily threaded her fingers through his much shorter hair. “I’ve missed you so much,” she whispered.

The first rumble of thunder shook the house, rain pelted the windows harder now. Nash glanced up at her, a storm of his own flashing through his expressive eyes as he came back to his feet and gathered her against him.

He tilted his face against her neck, his lips tickling her skin and sending jolts of need streaming through her...as if she needed any more encouragement to want this man.

“I’ve needed this,” he murmured. “Needed you.”

Lily wrapped her arms around his bare waist. “You’ll always have me, Nash. I’m in this forever, but you keep holding back. When will you open up and let me in? Finally see that what we have only gets stronger each day?”

Nash pulled back, and lightning flashed through the window, illuminating his handsome, yet troubled face. “I’ve always known how strong we are, Lily. I’ve never doubted it, never once thought what we had wasn’t real. I didn’t want to admit it at first because I knew you’d be leaving and I was going to have to say goodbye, so I was protecting myself. But you mattered to me the second I made you mine up in that loft.”

Her body trembled at the memory even though she had a sinking feeling there was more to what he had to say.

“You’re right, I’ve been holding back.” He stepped away, raking a hand down his smooth jaw. “I never intended for you to get caught in this war I made with myself. I figured once you were gone and we parted ways you’d never have to know.”

Chills crept up her spine. What was he about to confess? Was he married? Did he already have children somewhere? Was he dying? The endless questions swirled around in her head until she thought she’d pass out.

Gripping the back of the sofa, Lily met his gaze head-on. She wasn’t about to cower now. Whatever he was on the verge of telling her obviously was tearing him up, too. If they were going to be a couple, they needed to face the crisis together.

“You said that about Damon being your father,” she told him. “Is there another secret you’ve kept from me?”

“I need you to know I never meant for you to be affected by this.”

Wrapping her arms around herself to ward off the tremors overtaking her body, Lily held her ground. She didn’t move, didn’t blink. Whatever this was, it was bad.

“You also need to know that I love you,” he continued. “I fell in love with you before you told me about the baby. I’ve wanted to tell you, wanted you to know.”

When he stepped forward and reached for her, Lily took a step back, holding her arms out to her side. “Don’t. Don’t preface whatever bomb you’re about to drop with love and think that will fix this. You’re picking an awfully convenient time to express the feelings I’ve tried to get you to share for a while now.”

Nash nodded, drawing in a shaky breath. “You’re right. You deserve more than what I’ve given. Just promise you’ll hear me out before you make any decisions regarding us, our baby.”

“Just tell me!” she yelled, fear spawning her outcry.

The lights flickered, but came right back on as thunder and lightning filled the night. How apropos for everything that was taking place inside this house, inside her heart.

“My real name is Jacob Nash Roycroft. I’m known as Jake to nearly everybody.” He took a deep breath and let it out. “I’m not a groom, I’m a horse owner myself. All of this was a setup to spy on Damon.”

Air left Lily’s lungs as she stared at the man who was quickly becoming a stranger right before her eyes. “Why?” she whispered.

“Damon Barrington has been my rival for a couple of years now.” Nash glanced down, raking a hand over his head before he lifted his tormented eyes to meet hers again. “We both own racehorses and I knew he and his girls were retiring. I wanted to go undercover so I could see how to get some of his prizewinning horses because he wouldn’t sell them to me. I also wanted to see him as a man outside of the business world. I didn’t even know going in if I would tell him about being his son. Every single day I battled this and before I knew it, we were in an affair and by then I was in too deep.”

Everything he told her weighed heavily on her heart. He’d lied to her from the beginning. He had his own horse farm, he was a racehorse mogul.

Which meant he had money. Plenty of money and he was used to getting his way. Which would explain his take-charge attitude, his beautifully appointed home, the doctor who made house calls, no doubt because Nash had paid her a hefty sum.

There was no way to describe the level of hurt that spread through her, leaving her cold, empty. Everything she’d known...no, everything she’d felt had been a lie based on nothing but a man who was only looking out for himself. Anything she felt was for a man who didn’t even exist...except in her heart.

“You bastard,” she whispered, hugging her midsection. She refused to look at him, she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing her broken.

“My name may be different and my bank account bigger than you thought.” Nash’s bare feet shuffled across the hardwood floor as he came closer. “But I’m still me, Lily. I’m still the man who wants to be with you. I’m still the man who fathered that child.”

His palm cupped her chin, lifting her face so she had no choice but to look him in the eyes. “I’m still the man who loves you.”

There was no way to stop the tears from spilling over. She didn’t even try. She hadn’t wanted him to see her vulnerable, but she’d quickly changed her mind. He deserved to see the results of his lies, his betrayal. He deserved to hurt just as much as she was hurting. If he loved her so much, then she’d hate to see how he treated his enemies.

Swatting his hand away, Lily pushed off the back of the couch and stood straight up. “Don’t touch me. Never touch me again. You don’t love me, you love yourself. I don’t think you’re capable of loving me, Nash...or whatever the hell your name is.”

She’d thought being deceived years ago had been bad, but this was a whole new level of crippling pain.

She’d take public humiliation any day over having her heart shattered into so many pieces she feared she’d never find all the shards. She’d been so sure she could trust him with everything.

“Hear me out.”

“No.” There was no way she would listen to more lies. “I’m done here. You had ample time to tell me the truth, but you started everything off with a lie.”

Her heart ached and she feared the cracks and voids would never be filled.

“You want to know what’s worse?” she asked, her words wretched out on a sob. “I still love you. Damn you, I can’t just turn off my feelings. I can’t be cold to someone I care about and I never thought you’d be so heartless to me. How dare you make me feel again, make me think I could trust you after you know what I’ve been through? How dare you make me love, make me believe in a family I’ve wanted for so long?”

Nash’s eyes shimmered and Lily had to steel herself from feeling any pity. She had no room in her heart for him...not anymore.

“Please, Lily.” He started to reach for her again, but as soon as her eyes darted to his hand, he dropped it. “I’ll do anything to make this right. Anything so you can see how I’ve changed since we started seeing each other. You need to know that you are the reason I changed, the reason I told everyone the truth. I did it all because I love you. I want to be with you with nothing between us. Tell me what I can do, I’ll do it.”

Even hearing him pour his heart out, bare his soul, Lily couldn’t trust that what he said was true. How could she? For months he’d found it so easy to lie. Not only to lie, but to sleep with her, make a baby and pretty much set up playing house, all while lying straight to her face.

He was used to getting what he wanted and now that she was done, he was pulling out all the pretty words he thought she wanted to hear. Nothing could fix what he’d done, what he’d destroyed.

“I can’t be here.”

She pushed him out of the way and headed toward the foyer. She’d just scooped the keys to her rental up off the entry table and placed her hand on the knob when Nash, Jake...whatever, placed his hands on either side of her head and caged her against the door.