Cassie's Choice (7 page)

But that was then and after the offhanded comment he’d made and her incredibly stupid response, Cassie doubted she would ever get the chance to lay her hands on him again. Why she’d admitted to being lonely was beyond her. Desperate Cassie needed to be reeled back in and locked away if they were ever going to have a chance at being friends. And that was why she had made the decision to come here in the first place. She had been feeling so guilty that Pippa and Rook had been avoiding Riley. It was not fair to him for her mistakes to come between them. Cassie had hoped that if she could get Riley to talk to her maybe they could move on and everything would settle back down.

Well, that was the excuse she had made up for herself—but now standing so close to the man who had haunted her dreams for the past few years, Cassie was having a hard time remembering those reasons. She wanted to hold him. More to the point, she wanted to feel his arms around her body. And more than that, she wanted to feel his cock buried deep in her aroused and eager pussy. The man had done nothing but offer to make her a cup of tea and she was ready to fuck him senseless—yes,
Desperate Cassie
needed to be put back in her cage, and quickly.

“Fuck it!”

Cassie was still trying to figure out what Riley had meant when he spun around to face her. “I’m sorry for what I’m about to do…but I just can’t seem to stop myself.”

When Riley placed his hands on either side of her head and dragged her face towards his, Cassie was in shock, but as their lips met, her body rejoiced. Ignoring the sounds of warning bells and the thoughts—
This is a very bad idea, Cassie—
that were running through her mind, she fell into the kiss. The warmth from his touch, the slight pain from the way his tight grip on her hair added to the fire that began to smoulder from within her. She was kissing Riley Walters.

As Riley plundered her mouth with his tongue, he realigned his body to crowd hers. The hardness of his chest abraded her beaded nipples and she rubbed against him like a cat in heat. She wound her arms around his waist, shoving her hands under his shirt. Skin. She felt his skin beneath her hands and it was everything she remembered. The heat emanating from his body, and the sense of strength he exhibited in his toned, well-defined physique, so good. Cassie ran her fingers up his spine, every bump of his vertebrae familiar, perfect. It was such an assault on her senses that her ears were ringing—the high-pitched whistling in unison with her soaring emotions.

Then the heat was gone. Riley stepped away. Let go of her.

“The kettle… I have to turn it off,” he said as he turned his back on her again. Her head was spinning.
What is going on
? Finally it sank in.

The whistling? Kettle—it was the water boiling…
Cassie sighed, making a long, loud noise. Talk about bad timing. How she wished she could stop her blood from boiling as easily as flicking a switch on a kettle. What was worrying her even more was that Riley did not appear in any hurry to resume where they had left off. She didn’t know what to do. What to say.

“Riley…”

“Cassie, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”

Riley’s words drove through her like a knife. The perfect switch to cool her raging libido. She turned from inferno to ice in one short sentence.

He was sorry for kissing her. Rage replaced sexual hunger. He was not getting away with it again.

“Oh. No. You. Don’t. Riley Walters. You do not get to kiss me like that and then apologise, like it meant nothing. I felt your hunger—you wanted me as much as I wanted you. Don’t you dare pretend you didn’t.” Cassie surprised herself with her fierce outburst but was relieved that it did result in Riley turning to face her again.

“I did want you… Do want you… I’m apologising for not asking you first, before I assaulted you.” Riley’s voice was filled with anguish and his body trembled as he stood before her, his fists clenched by his side. But it was his choice of words that worried her even more—‘assault’? Why on earth would he use that term?

“You didn’t do anything I wasn’t wanting, Riley. I’ve dreamt of kissing you, touching you again, many times. Did you feel me pull away? Try to push you? No, you didn’t. I wanted you to take it further. If not for that damn whistling, I would have done more to encourage you along. So what happens now? Are you going to run again? And just in case you’ve forgotten, we’re at your place so that could be difficult,” Cassie added for good measure. She stood her ground and glared at Riley.

And waited.

Inside she was a mess. Two warring factions were battling it out in her mind. One side terrified that he would ask her to leave, but equally as distraught over where this conversation would lead if he asked her to stay. The other trying to remind her of the pain she had felt when Riley had let her go. But this war was of little consequence because Cassie knew she would stay, would do anything Riley asked of her, just for a chance to be with him again. The two years of feeling that she’d given too much of herself to Riley, belittled herself and torn her self-respect to shreds, made no difference. She would do it all again in a heartbeat. After all this time, Riley Walters still owned her heart and body.

“We’re not good together, Cassie. What we had back then was different for me. I wanted more than you could give me. I have no right to ask that of you. Being with you or anywhere near you makes me feel things I have no right to feel.”

Cassie had a hard time trying to understand what Riley was saying to her, but the words hurt. So she wasn’t enough for him, didn’t do it for him. How could he say they weren’t good together, when she remembered their time together so differently? Although she had always worried her inexperience would not be enough for him, Riley had known all the right moves. Had never left her unsated, always touched her in just the right way to make her body soar until the building orgasm claimed her. It was that fear that had led to her agreeing to the ménage in the first place. Obviously she had not been exciting enough sexually for Riley. That didn’t help what she was feeling now, though. Desperation to have him in her life again overtook all sane or rational thought.

I could try to give you what you need, Riley. Maybe if you told me what it was that I didn’t do right last time I could try harder.
Cassie felt sick that she wanted to speak the words she was thinking. In effect doing exactly what she preached to her students was wrong—that having sex with someone would not ensure true love or a long-term relationship. And yet here she was, fighting to keep those words from passing her lips and offering to do whatever Riley asked of her without any thought of her own limits.

Cassie was not even certain she could go through with her silent plea—she’d spent so long getting over that dirty feeling the ménage had left her with that her rational self, fighting to remain in control, was trying to warn her to be careful. What if Riley asked her to sleep with someone else again? How could she possibly handle that? What if it involved another woman? Could she share Riley, watch as he was pleasured by lips that weren’t her own?

Was being with him that important to her?

She was so confused. This was not the way she had thought the night would go.

The conflict going on in Riley’s head was extensive. He could not quite believe it was happening. Of course he had felt Cassie accept his kiss and yes, she’d not pushed him away. He could still feel the heat from her touch on his back, burning him and reminding him of how good it was to be with her. But that was the problem. He knew that if tonight went any further, if he let down his resolve to never be with Cassie again—and it was hard to remain strong—the result would be disastrous. There was no way that Riley could have a taste of what he ached for and remain detached. His obsession would be rekindled—or even become a raging inferno.

And Riley did not want that to happen. He couldn’t let her get close enough to tempt him again because he was losing the battle with his self-control.

“I’m sorry, Cassie, but I think you should leave before one of us says or does something that can’t be taken back. I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. You came here to talk and I overstepped. It won’t happen again.” Riley was talking, the words flowing. He was surprised at the strength in his own voice when inside he was screaming at himself to take her into his arms. To say
fuck you
to the world and its standards. So he was obsessed with her. Wanted her to be his and out of the sight of other men. What was so wrong with that?

But he knew the answer. Had seen that sort of belief and what could go wrong first-hand. Riley remembered only too well Mandy’s spine-chilling screams the night she’d been attacked. Mandy’s ex so obsessed with her that he’d threatened to kill her before he would have allowed her to be happy with another man.

Riley did not want to become that maniac and he feared that he was already too close.

“Don’t worry about Pippa and Rook. I probably deserve their wrath anyway. I should’ve told you I was leaving town but, you know, I just got caught up. It’s not like we were ever anything more than a good time. At least you never hinted you wanted more. But I can see that I should have said something.” The lies were just rolling off his tongue. “Listen, Cass, I’ve got a busy day tomorrow so what do you say we just forget tonight ever happened? You accept my apology for my behaviour and the next time we run into each other we can at least be civil?”

Chapter Nine

She was being dismissed with a half-hearted apology and a pat on the head—at least figuratively, that was. Cassie could not believe her ears. He just got caught up? They were just a bit of fun? And They were going to act civil? How could she have been so wrong about him? All this time she’d been fooling herself that Riley felt something for her, and in his own words, he’d just refuted that belief. Even if his actions just moments ago, the hot kiss they had shared, made her wish for more. So much for Rook’s big theory that Riley was in love with her. She was nothing to him. Just a partner for sex with him, his friends.

Well, that was that then.

“Well, I wouldn’t want to rob you of your sleep. I guess I have been dismissed then?” Cassie turned and started for the door. The tears threatening to spill from her eyes were blurring her vision, but Riley’s apartment was not big, and she managed to open his front door and flee before the waterworks began. There was no way in hell that Cassie was going to let Riley Walters see her tears.

It took two attempts at getting the car key into the door lock before Cassie could manage to climb into her car.

Well, that was a great idea. So glad I thought of it. Next time I decide to act so stupid somebody just shoot me.

Driving home wasn’t easy. With Cassie’s emotions see-sawing as she tried to focus on the road ahead it was hard to see through the tears that just refused to stop falling.
Time to grow up and get on with your life, Cassie, s
he counselled herself.
You have a career and good friends, a loving family and a bunch of students that need guidance from someone who deserves to be in the position to give it.
She tried to comprehend that Riley would never be part of her life again—well, as an acquaintance maybe, but that just sucked.

A good night’s sleep and a game plan, that’s what I need. A night out on the town maybe? Dinner and a few drinks with some nice guy who is actually interested in me.
But as Cassie went through the list of possible candidates, they all seemed to fall short. Yes, she had been out with a few guys over the last couple of years, some she had even enjoyed spending time with, but none had ignited even the slightest spark of sexual desire in her. She had decided early on that she would steer clear of any of the Jets players and now with the relief of knowing she hadn’t been the brunt of any locker room gossip, she was happy to keep it that way.

As she turned her car into the driveway of her home, glad to have made the journey safely despite her emotional state, Cassie decided that maybe she might join one of those online dating services.
I have to do something to get my life back on track
, she told herself as she headed inside to the comfort of her bed, trying hard not to think of the times she had shared that same bed with Riley.

* * * *

Riley had tossed and turned all night, Cassie never far from his thoughts. The memory of her in his arms again, the feel of her lips on his, the taste of her mouth haunted him. She had been so responsive to his touch. And he had wanted more. Wanted to press her body, her naked body, to his own. Feel the touch of her skin against his as he made love to her. He felt raw and on edge as he walked into his office, lack of sleep and internal conflict riding him hard. He was doing the right thing for Cassie, but knowing that didn’t help extinguish the desire that still raged through him.
Time to pull it together, focus on the job at hand
was his mantra as he started up his computer, his hope that getting lost in the day’s agenda might help him put Cassie out of his mind. “Yeah, fat chance,” he mumbled as the screen flicked on and his day planner popped up. Of course the first reminder of the day was to look into player appearances at Cassie’s high school. “Fucking perfect…” he groaned, not realising Brodie had entered the office just at the same moment.

“What’s up? Problem I can help you with?”

“For God’s sake, Brodie! It’s nothing for you to worry about. I get the feeling you don’t think I’m up for this job, you’re always in here checking up on me.” It was a horrible thing for Riley to say and he regretted making the comment immediately. He’d just reacted. Was he ever going to get a moment’s peace where Cassie was concerned?

“Woah! Settle down, son,” Brodie replied, holding both hands up, palms facing Riley, in an apologetic gesture. “I didn’t mean to upset you. Of course I know you can handle the work. I wouldn’t have recommended you otherwise. I just arrived and as you are well aware, I always say hello to
all
my staff members. But, Riley, I think you and I both know something else is going on here. You look like shit. Were you out on the town last night?”