Cast the Cards (10 page)

“I
don’t think Mom would appreciate that.”

“This
isn’t a game.”

He
sobered. “No, it’s not. I’m sorry. I was just trying to lighten the moment.
This whole situation is so heavy. I feel like I’m caught up in a rockslide on a
daily basis. You have to let go, Vannah. Turning your life into some sort of
living shrine to Clark isn’t good for either of you.”

“I’m
not.” She shook her head vehemently.

“Aren’t
you? When’s the last time you went on a date, held a steady relationship?”

“What’s
wrong with putting your career first?” Arms crossed over her chest, she leaned
her weight back onto one leg.

“Nothing,
but for you it’s all that exists.”

“I
do other things,” she mumbled.

“Name
three for me.” He arched his eyebrow.

She
paused. “Travel.”

“Is
it for work?”

“Not
always.”

“Okay,
I’ll give you that. Two more.” He held up two fingers.

“Read.”

“Uh
huh.” His voice dripped with disbelief as he gestured for her to follow with a
wave of his hand. “Next.”

“I
do things with my best friend Amy.”

“And
that fulfills you?”

“Not
everyone wants a husband and kids, Carey.”

“No,
but you always did.”

She
placed her tongue in her cheek and breathed through her nostrils, tilting her
head back.  “After what happened I saw life differently. Around every corner
there was pain, evil, and devastation. I wanted to be a light, someone who
answered the questions that kept people up at night and combated the
wrongdoings. The ideal of bringing a new life into a world full of so much bad terrifies
me. Let alone giving my heart to someone else. That kind of commitment opens
you up to a hurt that cuts you to the core. Leave scars that change you indefinitely.
I don’t want to go through that again.”

“You’re
missing out on so much because you’re afraid of what-ifs.”

“Maybe.” 
She pierced him with her determined gaze. “But it’s my choice.”

“Even
if it keeps Clark here?”

Her
shoulders slumped. “You really think that’s why they sent him back?”

“I
think it’s a huge part of it. Coupled with the way he died.”

She
rubbed her temples with her fingertips. “What do I do?”

“You
have to show him the old you is still inside there somewhere, and you’re
happy.”

“Happy’s
relative.” Her quick retort rang false.

“Not
to Clark… not to me.”

“Why
the sudden change of heart?” In full detective mode she studied him, like
Sherlock Holmes on a case.

“Now
that I finally have you here in Dale, I’m doing what I should’ve done a long
time ago.” He might be doing this for Clark, but he meant what he said.  His
brother just gave him a nudge in the right direction to get the ball rolling.

“Which
is what?” Her face twisted into a bitter sneer. “Hold my hand while I cry? Tell
me it’s going to be all right, and I should move on?”

“No.”
He shook his head. “I’m going to drag you back to life, kicking and screaming
if I have to.”

“I’d
like to see you try.”

“Is
that a challenge?” He tilted his head to the side.

“That’s
a fuck you, Carey Carr.”

“I
expected as much. Doesn’t change my position.”

“I’m
not a case to be solved.”

“I
didn’t say that.” He paused. “Do you trust me?”

“Obviously.
We’re working together.”

“Then
please allow me to help you let go.”

“And
you made your peace?”

“Yes.
I’ll always miss Clark. The hole he left will never be filled. Every year when
his disappearance rolls around I’ll get a little wasted. I was lost for a long
while. Eventually I realized life had to keep moving forward. He would’ve
wanted me to be happy.”

“Are
you?”

“I
think so. I mean… there are things I don’t have and I’d like to, but isn’t that
the story of everyone’s life?”

“How’d
you do it?” Her face softened. Emotion bled through her voice.

“It
just came with time. I was here in town living with the stares and the
whispers. Packaging it up in the back of my mind in a neat little compartment
wasn’t an option. So I worked through the volatile emotions, self-loathing,
guilt, pity. You know all the usual suspects in a situation like this.”

“For
the record, I have no issues with the way I am. I’m happy. But I refuse to be
the reason Clark is stuck with one foot in Heaven and the other on earth.”

“Thank
you.” Mentally he breathed a sigh of relief.

“I
need to go and call this in to the Bureau.”

“You
think they’ll come in with guns blazing?”

“This
crime was committed in Dale. So it’s a local issue. Unless we get proof of more
victims in other places, they don’t really have a reason to.”

“Good.”
He held up a hand. “No offense.”

She
snorted.“None taken.”

“Are
you ready to get back to work, or do you want to leave the room for a bit?”

“No,
I’m good now. Thank you.”

Carey
nodded. She walked back over to the examination table, placing on a new pair of
gloves. He moved over to stand at her side. “Do you think you’ll find
something?”

“Chances
are they’re trying to bait me. Make me aware of their presence.”

In
the end nothing she could see yielded any clues. She was forced to admit defeat
and pass the bear on to the lab.

“Come
on, Vannah. Let’s go get lunch somewhere.”

“I’m
not feeling social.”

“We’ll
eat at my place. You need to get out of here for awhile. Shake it off, get some
fuel in your belly, and come back fresh.”

“Maybe
you’re right.”

“I
am.” He walked over to her chair and held out his hand. She grabbed it, and a
shock of awareness ran through him. “Come on.” She allowed him to pull her up.
Her graceful hand fit his like a glove. The realization stunned.

He
scanned the area. Was Clark nearby? The rumor about twins sharing thoughts, and
emotions was true. Even after Clark passed, he could sense him. At first he
thought he’d been headed for the psych ward.  Then he’d done some research and
found it wasn’t uncommon.

She
dropped his hand and they walked through the door.
Maybe lunch at my place
wasn’t the best idea.
The mood was subdued and they didn’t say much as they
left the station.

“I’ll
drive,” he offered.

“Okay.”

 Her
lackluster response made him frown. “We’re doing all we can, Vannah.” He
unlocked the car with his key fob.

“I
know, but it doesn’t seem like enough.” She opened the door and entered the car,
shutting the door before he could respond.
I can take a hint, no
conversation.
 He got into the driver’s seat, turned on the radio. After
starting the engine, he pulled out of the parking lot.

 Ten
minutes later they were inside his kitchen. She sat at the four–person, square
oak table. He stood in front of the fridge.

“What
are you in the mood for? I have cold cuts, steak, pasta?” He turned to look
over his shoulder.

“Whatever
you’re in the mood for.”

 
Get
her minds off things.
“Okay, banana pancakes it is.”

“What?”
she chuckled half-heartedly.

 
I’ll
take it.
“That’s better. Steak and a salad okay?”

“It’s
great, but salad?”  Wrinkling her nose, she frowned.

“Hey,
gotta watch my figure.”

“Really?”
 

He
laughed. “Okay, have to make sure I’m faster than the perpetrators I’m
pursuing.”

“Better,
but in Dale?” Her eyes laughed at him.

“Careful,
your big city snobbery is showing.” 

She
rolled her eyes. “Please, I know where I come from.”

“Hmph.”
He pulled out the steak, opened the packaging, and began to season.

“Are
you saying I don’t?” Fire returned in her voice.
Mission accomplished.

“I’m
just curious. Do you even remember how to play Farkle?”  They’d spent hours
playing the dice game when they were younger.

“Yes,
and I bet I can still mop the floor with you.”

He
smirked.
Got you!
“In your dreams, sweetheart.”

“Once
lunch is over we’ll see.”

“I
guess so.”

Soon
the meat was cooked, the salad was prepared and on the table.

“Wow,
Carey. I’m impressed with your domestic abilities.”  

“Yeah
unlike Peter Pan, I eventually had to grow up.”

“I
would’ve liked to see that.” The wistful tone of her voice made him reach over
and place his hands over hers. “No more what-if’s,Vannah. We can’t go back and
change the past.”

“You’re
right.” She nodded.

“Good.
I’m going to remind you of this moment the next time you’re pissed at me.”

She
chuckled. “I forgot how funny you were.”

“That’s
because you’ve been away too long, and I have to admit I got better with time.”

“I
love your modesty.”

“It’s
one of my more charming attributes.” He took his seat across from her and set their
plates on the table. “Let’s eat. I’m suddenly in the mood for Farkle.”

They
dug into their food. He kept the conversation light and humorous. The taut muscles
in his shoulders relaxed.

“I’ll
help you clean up.” She stood, cleared the table, and he followed. The banter
proved easy to slip back into. He watched her from the corner of his eye as
they rinsed their plates and utensils and placed them in the dishwasher.

Relaxed
and bemused, she glowed.  He could see the women she would have been if Clark’s
murder had never happened.

“Why
are your eyes boring a hole into me?”

“Just
enjoying the moment.”

“Uh
huh?” She closed the door to the dishwasher and stood.” Don’t try to get out of
Farkle. I’m ready to crush you.”

“Jeez,
you’re all heart. I’ll grab the dice. You do remember the rules, right?”

“Yes,
you smarmy bastard.”

She
moved back to the table as he opened a drawer beside the sink, chuckling.
Vannah always gave as good as she got. They managed to trash talk their way
through three games before they packed up. She’d made good on her boast,
earning the high score.  

 “This
was more fun than I thought it’d be.”

“Good?”

“Yeah.”

“So
you wouldn’t be opposed to doing it again?” 

“No,
I wouldn’t.”  The smile faded from her lip, and her expression grew serious.
“But now it’s time to get back to work.”

“Yeah.”

 It
was interesting the way she hid behind her job. He left off the serious
discussions for later. He had to go slow, or she’d balk. There was too much at
stake now for him to fail. When this was all finished Clark needed to go home
where he belonged. The thought hurt. The selfish part of him loved having Clark
here in a physical sense, but what happened when they all died and he remained
alone with no one to talk to? He’d seen enough paranormal movies to know
spirits that hung on too long went south.
I’ll be damned if I’ll let that
happen to Clark.

Chapter
Six

“Is
this compete with Savannah month?” she asked, only partially joking. Last week
they’d started the tradition of playing Farkle during their lunch breaks. This
week he wanted to go play Putt-putt. She’d held her breath in anticipation of
the touchy-feely stuff to come. Per his style.

He’d
done the exact opposite of what was expected and kept things on a laidback
level she could easily handle. Between worrying about her family, looking
around every corner for Clark, and pulling late nights, her brain was close to
mush.

“No,
I just thought it’d be fun to check out all the old haunts, sort of past meets
present take on things. I figured maybe it’d help us find our new normal.” He
shrugged. The slight tint to his cheeks told her this was hard for him. So she
bit back the smart -leck comments that rolled into her head.
This is for
Clark, and I’ve been bitchy enough to Carey to last a lifetime.

“When
do you want to go?”

“Tonight.
I mean it is a Friday and I’d rather not seem like a loser with no life.”

His
words made her cringe. The days had begun to blur together. Without Amy to drag
her out to do non-work related things she’d gone into workaholic mode.