Casteel 1 - Heaven (6 page)

“Tom, I'm gonna cry if you say one more thing! It makes me ache to think someday you might go away and I'll never see you again.”

He shook his head, making his red hair ruffle in layers. "I'd never go anywhere you didn't want me to go, Heavenly. It's you and me- together, all our lives through. You know, like they say in books, through thick and thin, through rain and snow . . . through the

dark of night.“ Laughing, I answered, ”That's the mail, silly."

Tears were in my eyes as I reached to take his hand and squeeze it. “Let's just promise never, so help us God, will we ever go separate ways, or be angry with one another, or feel differently about each other than we feel now.”

He had me then in his arms, holding me as if I were made of spun glass and any second I'd break. He choked when he said, “Someday you'll get marriedI know you say you won't, but Logan Stonewall is already looking with calf eyes at you.”

"How can he love me when he doesn't know

me?"

His face bowed into my hair. “All he needs to do is look at your face, your eyesthat's enough. Everything about you is written on your face, shining in your eyes.”

I pulled away and brushed at my tears. “Pa never sees what you do, does he?”

“Why do you let him hurt you so much?”

“Oh, Tom . . . !” I wailed, falling into his arms and really beginning to cry. "How am I ever going to have any confidence in myself when my own father can't stand to look at me? There must be something

evil he sees in me that makes him hate me." He stroked my hair, my back, and there were

tears in his eyes when I looked, as if my pain were his. “Someday Pa's gonna find out he don't hate ya, Heavenly. I know that day's comin soon.”

I yanked away.

“No, it's not ever coming! You know it as much as I know it. Pa thinks I killed his angel by being born, and in a thousand years he won't forgive me! And if you want to know what I think, I think my mother was damned lucky to escape him! For sooner or later he'd have been as mean to her as he is to Sarah now!”

We were both shaken by this kind of frankness. He pulled me back and tried to smile, but he only looked sad. “Pa doesn't love Ma, Heavenly. He's miserable with Ma. From all I've heard, he did love your mother. He married mine only because she was pregnant with me, and he tried for once to do the right thing.”

“Because Granny made him do the right thing!” I flared with hot bitterness.

“Nobody kin make Pa do what he sets his mind against, remember that.”

“I'm remembering,” I said, with thoughts of

how Pa refused to let himself really look at me. Again it was Monday, and we were all in

school. Miss Deale expounded on the joys of reading Shakespeare's plays and sonnets, but I was dying to get on to study hall.

“Heaven,” said Miss Deale, her baby-​blue eyes fixed on me, “are you listening, or daydreaming?”

“Listening!” “What was the poem I just discussed?” For the life of me I couldn't remember one

word she'd said in the last half hour, and that was not my way. Oh, I had to stop thinking of that darn Logan. Yet, when I was in the study hall and Logan was seated to my right, I began feeling the strangest kind of sensations whenever our eyes met. His hair wasn't a true brown or black, but a blend with auburn highlights, with a little gold where the summer sun had streaked it. Really, I had to force myself not to glance his way again, since every time I did he was staring at me.

Logan smiled before he whispered: “Who in the world was ingenious enough to give you such a name as Heaven? I've never known of anyone with that name before.”

I had to swallow twice so I could say it just

right. “My father's first wife named me minutes after I was born, and then Leigh because that was her Christian name. Granny said she wanted to give me something uplifting, and Heaven is about as uplifting as a name can get.”

“It's the most beautiful name I have ever heard. Where is your mother now?”

“Dead in a cemetery,” I said bluntly, forgetting to be charming and coquettish, something Fanny never forgot. “She died minutes after I was born, and because she did, my father can't forgive me for taking her life.”

“Absolutely no talking in this room!” shouted Mr. Prakins. “The next one who speaks will receive fifteen hours' detention after school!”

Logan's eyes softened with compassion and sympathy. And the minute Mr. Prakins left the room, Logan again whispered: “I'm sorry it happened that way, but you said it wrong. Your mother isn't dead in a cemetery she's passed into the great beyond, into a better place, into heaven.”

“If there is a heaven or a hell, I've been thinking it's right here on earth.”

“How old are you anyway, one hundred and twenty?”

“You know I'm thirteen!” I flared angrily. “Just feeling two hundred and fifty today.”

“Why?” "Because it's better than feeling thirteen, that's

why!"

Logan cleared his throat, glanced at Mr. Prakins, who kept his eyes on us through a glass wall, and risked another whisper, “Would it be all right if I walked you home today? I've never talked to anyone as old as two hundred and fifty, and you've got my curiosity aroused. I'd sure like to hear what you have to say.”

I nodded, feeling a bit sick as well as exuberant. Now I'd tricked myself into a situation that might disappoint him with only ordinary answers. What did I know about wisdom, old age, or anything else?

Still, he showed up on the edge of the schoolyard, where all the boys walking home with hill girls waited until their choices showed up. And there stood Fanny.

She spun about, flinging her hair over her face, then tossed it back, whipping around to make it fan out in a circle; grinning broadly when she saw Logan, as if she thought he was coming for her. A short distance from Fanny stood Tom and Keith. Tom

seemed surprised to find Logan waiting near our trail. Ours was just a faint path through the underbrush that led to the woods, and eventually to only our cabin nearest the sky. The minute Fanny saw Logan and me heading for our trail she let out a whoop so loud and embarrassing I wanted to drop dead.

“Heaven, what ya doin with that new boy? Ya know ya don't like boys! Ain't ya done said a million times yer neva gonna be nothin but a dried-​up ole schoolteacher?”

I tried to ignore Fanny, though my face turned beet-​red. What kind of sisterly loyalty was she showing anyway? I knew better than to expect tact. I tried to smile at Logan. It was always best to ignore Fanny, if possible.

Logan stared at her with disapproval, as did

Tom.

“Fanny, please don't say one more word,” I said uncomfortably. “Just run along home, and start the wash for a change.”

“I neva have t'walk home with only a brotha,” Fanny said to Logan in a sneering way before she turned on her most brilliant smile. “Boys don't like Heaven, they always like me. Ya'll like me, too. Ya wanna hold my hand?”

Logan glanced at me, at Tom, and then said seriously to Fanny, “Thank you, but right now I'm intent on seeing Heaven home, and hearing all that she has to tell me.”

“Ya should hear me sing!” “Another time, Fanny, I'll listen to you sing.” “Our Jane sings . .” said Keith faintly. “She sure does!” exclaimed Tom, seizing Fanny

by the arm and pulling her along with him. “Come along, Keith. Our Jane is home waiting for you.” That's all

Keith needed to hear to hurry after Tom, for Our Jane had missed school today due to another tummyache and a fever.

Fanny broke away from Tom and came running back to scowl and yell before she stuck out her tongue. “Yer selfish, Heaven Leigh Casteel! Mean, skinny, an ugly too! Hate yer hair! Hate yer silly name! Hate yer everythin! I do! Ya just wait till I tell Pa what yer doin! Pa won't like ya fer takin charity from some strange city boy who pities ya--eatin his hamburgers an stuff, an teachin Our Jane an Keith t'beg!”

Oh, now Fanny was at her worst, jealous, spiteful, and apt to do just what she threatened, and Pa

would punish me! “Fanny,” called Tom, running to catch her.

“You can have my new watercolor set if you keep yer trap shut about Logan taking all of us to lunch . . .”

Instantly Fanny smiled. “All right! I want that color-​in book Miss Deale gave ya, too! Don't know why she don't give me nothin!”

“You don't know why?” sneered Tom, giving her what she asked for even though I knew he wanted that paint set and that coloring book so much it hurt. He'd never had a box of brand-​new watercolors before, or a coloring book - about Robin Hood. Robin Hood, this year, was his favorite hero from a book. “When you learn to behave yerself in t'cloakroom, maybe Miss Deale will be generous with you, for a change.”

Again I could have died from embarrassment!

Crying, Fanny fell down on the mountain trail that was gradually spiraling upward through tall trees that appeared to touch the sky. She pounded her small tough fists on the grass, screamed because a stone was hidden there and it drew blood. Sucking on that, she sat up and stared at Tom with huge pleading eyes. “Don't tell Pa, please, please.”

Tom promised.

I promised. Though I still wanted to vanish and not see Logan's wide eyes drinking all this in, as if never in his life had he witnessed such a stupid, ill- mannered scene. I tried to avoid meeting his eyes until he smiled and I saw understanding. “You sure got one family that might age you dramatically inside outside, you look younger than springtime.”

“Yer stealin words from a song!” yelled Fanny. “Ya ain't supposed t'court a gal with song words!” “Oh, dry up!” ordered Tom, seizing her arm

again and running so she had to race with him or have her arm pulled off. This gave me my chance to be alone with Logan.

Keith was again bringing up the rear of our little parade, though he'd stopped to stare up at a robin, mesmerized and not likely to move for at least ten minutesif the bird didn't fly away.

“Your sister is really something else,” said Logan when finally we were as good as alone on the trail. Keith was far behind us and so quiet. I kept my thoughts to myself. Valley boys thought all hill girls were easy for any boy hoping to experiment with sex. As young as she was, Fanny had caught the hill spirit and its easy sexuality that came much earlier than it did in low places. Perhaps it was due to all the

copulating we saw going on in our yards and in our one- or two-​room shacks. There was no need for sex education in our hills; sex hit you in the face the moment you knew a man from a woman.

Logan cleared his throat to remind me he was there. “I'm ready to hear all your years of accumulated wisdom. I'd take notes, but I find it difficult to write while walking. But next time, I could bring along a tape recorder.”

“You're making fun of me,” I complained before I justified myself. "We happen to live with our grandparents. Grandpa never says anything that's not absolutely necessary, and seldom does he find words necessary.

My granny rambles on and on incessantly, talking about how good all the old times were, and how rotten things are now. My stepmother fusses and fumes because she's got more than she can do . . . and sometimes when I go home to that cabin, and face up to all the problems, I feel not two hundred and fifty but one thousand years oldonly without any wisdom from living that long."

“Hey,” he said with a smile, "a girl who knows how to talk honestly. I like that. I understand. I'm an only child, and I've grown up with uncles, aunts, and

grandparents, too, so I do understand. But you've got the edge on me with two brothers and two sisters."

“Is it an edge of advantage or disadvantage?”

“Whatever you make it. From my point of view, Heaven Leigh, it's an advantage to have a large family so you're never lonely. Lots of time I'm lonely, wishing I had brothers, sisters. I think Tom's great, loads of fun and a good sport; and Keith and Our Jane are beautiful kids.”

“And Fanny, what do you think of her?”

He blushed and looked uncomfortable before he spoke slowly, cautiously. “I think she's going to grow up to be an exotic beauty.”

“That's all you think?” He had to know about Fanny and all her promiscuous ways with the boys in the cloakroom.

“No, it's not all I think. I think of all the girls I've ever seen, and all the girls I hope to see, the one I see named Heaven Leigh is the one with the potential to be more beautiful than any other. I think this Heaven is exceptionally honest and forthright . . . so if you don't mind, and I hope you don't, I'd like to walk you home every day from now on.”

I felt so happy! Soaring high, laughing before I ran on ahead and called back, "Logan, see you

tomorrow. Thanks for seeing me home.“ ”But we haven't reached there yet!" he called,

taken aback by my abrupt ffight. I couldn't let him see where we lived, how we

lived.

Why, he'd never want to speak to me again if he really knew our circumstances. “On another day, a better day, I'll invite you in,” I called, standing at the edge of a clearing in the dappled sunlight. He was across the small bridge covering our narrow stream. Behind him was a field of wild yellow grass, and the sun had snagged in his hair and eyes. If I live to be a thousand, I'll never forget the way he smiled, then waved and called back, “Okay. I've staked my claim. Heaven Leigh Casteel is, from this day on, mine.”

All the rest of the way home I sang to myself, happier than I'd ever been, forgetting all about my promise to myself that I positively would not fall in love until I was thirty.

“Yer lookin mighty happy,” commented Sarah, glancing up from the washboard with a weary sigh. “Day gone good?”

“Oh, yes, Ma, it went fine.”

Fanny stuck her head out of the cabin door. "Ma, Heaven's gone an got herself a valley

boyfriendan ya know what kind they are.“ Again Sarah sighed. ”Heaven, ya ain't gone an

let him . . . have ya?“ ”Ma!“ I cried out in protest. ”You know I

wouldn't!“ ”She would too!" screamed Fanny from the

door-​way. “She's shameful in t' cloakroom with t'boys, really- shameful!”

“Why, you big liar!” I started to go for her, but Tom shoved Fanny out onto the porch, where she fell and immediately started howling. “Ma, it's not Heavenly who carries on. Fanny's t'most indecent- acting girl in t'entire school, an that's sayin a whole lot.”