Catch a Falling Star (16 page)

“I know it in my head,” Richard said. “Not in my heart.”

Damn him. She didn’t know what to do, what to say, how to act. He should have just stayed gone. She didn’t know how she should feel about him coming back. He was her father, but he’d betrayed everything that meant thirteen years ago.

“I wish you had taken me with you,” she said.

“Oh, honey,” he said roughly. “I wish like hell it would have made a difference.”

She wasn’t going to cry. She wasn’t. He wasn’t worth a single damned tear, not the ones she’d cried thirteen years ago, not that ones that threatened now.

“So what you’d get me?” she said, pretending the words didn’t shake when they came out.

“Open it and see.”

She moved to the table and tore off the paper. A plain cardboard box. She pulled off the lid. Inside was a Tony Hawk skateboard. Not new off the shelf. But she could tell by the wheels it had never been used.

She sat down hard and closed her eyes.

“I was going to give it to you that year but never had the chance,” he said, not helping any.

She found her voice. “What do you think I can do with it now?”

“I don’t rightly know. I’ve just been hanging on to it till I could give it to you.”

She folded her arms on the table and put her head down. He patted her shoulder. “You were going to be like that girl skater.”

“Elissa Steamer.”

“Might be too late for that.”

She didn’t know whether to laugh or howl. She grabbed the skateboard, brushed by him, and went out to the driveway.

• • •

“He gave you a Faberge egg necklace?” Brianna screeched. She was holding ice on her wrist, which Natalie didn’t even ask where the sprain had come from. Richard was on the sofa looking unbruised, so it probably wasn’t that she’d hit him.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Natalie’s hand went to her neck to touch it again.

“It also cost as much as a new car!” Brianna said.

“You think I shouldn’t have accepted it?” Natalie asked. She loved the egg. It was a deep red with a white gold ribbon and bow around its middle. She’d thought it was decorated with crystals but from the way Brianna was carrying on, maybe they were diamonds.

“I’m just saying it’s a pretty significant gift to give to someone he’s been dating for two months.”

“Maybe. He was really happy that I was happy. I think he hasn’t had anyone to give things to, you know? And he likes to give things.”

“I need to recalculate the fee I’m charging him to arrange his spring fete,” Brianna said, which meant she was over her heart attack about the necklace, which was good because Natalie had no intention of giving it back.

“That’s real pretty,” Richard said politely. “What’s this young man’s name?”

“Matthias Gustafson,” Natalie said, and Brianna left the room, probably because she was tired of hearing Natalie talk about how wonderful he was.

• • •

“A Faberge egg necklace?” Brianna said. If she could have hissed the sentence, she would have. She was coming pretty close. “Are you out of your mind?”

Matthias tried to be patient. “It’s beautiful, she’s beautiful, she loved it, it made me happy to give it to her. And it’s really none of your business.”

“If you break her heart, I am going to kill you personally.”

“Premeditated murder is a capital offense in this state,” he said.

“No one will ever know I did it,” she said.

“Brianna, if you got mad enough to murder someone, you’d stand over the body cursing it, so, yes, I think people might suspect you had something to do with it.”

“Just tell me, what is she to you?”

The new angle of attack didn’t surprise him. Of course it was what Brianna worried about, someone taking advantage of Natalie. Though he was disappointed that she thought he was capable of that. “She’s someone I admire and care about very much,” he said.

“You admire and care about Mrs. Curtin,” she said, “and I don’t see you giving her any Faberge egg necklaces.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I want you to say that she means as much to you as she thinks she does.”

A pause. “I’ve been dating her for two months,” he pointed out. “Neither one of us has poured out feelings of undying love. It’s a little too soon to be making plans about the future, don’t you think?”

“Then why are you giving her Faberge egg necklaces?”

He should have gotten one for Brianna, too; that would have made her shut up. No, it wouldn’t. She would have hurled it at his head and said,
Do you know how many starving children the money you spent on this could feed?

“Same reason I donated twenty thousand dollars to Heifer International in your name,” he said, which he hadn’t but he would to get her off his back. “Because it was something I liked giving her and she liked getting.”

“I’m not handwriting the invitations,” Brianna said, standing in Matthias’s living room and not matching the decor or the ambience. Not the way Natalie did. Natalie always looked like she belonged. Natalie
wanted
to belong, and that made all the difference.

“Okay,” Matthias said. “I can hire a calligrapher. Or, actually, you can and just bill me.”

“What is it with you people?” Brianna said. “There are computer programs that do this.”

“That would cheat us of an opportunity to exploit the laboring classes,” he said, and Brianna just shook her head at him.

“All right,” she said. “I still don’t understand why you want classical music when you could have a hip-hop group, but the ensemble will go here, right? You’re not expecting dancing, just atmosphere.”

“Exactly.”

“And the bar and bartenders here. And another setup in the music room, for people who want to avoid the crush in here. Then the buffet will have to go over there.” She strode over to where she imagined it being placed and frowned, hands on hips. “Although we don’t want this spot to get too congested. Maybe it would be better to have three or four stations around the room. That’ll keep people moving.”

“You’re the expert.”

That seemed to make her scowl even more deeply. “It’s easier when I use a space I’ve used before. Hand me that clipboard.”

He obeyed and she swiftly made a schematic of the main rooms on this floor, getting her measuring tape out of her bag and pacing off distances.

“Will any of your household staff be available or will I have to hire everyone?”

“You don’t want Beverly breathing down your back at a cocktail party.”

“Hi, Beverly,” she said, which made him actually turn around. Beverly wasn’t there.

“Ha, ha.”

“Let’s also rent a carpet runner for that hallway. Spring means rain, and if someone breaks their neck on that slick tile, it will be an unfortunate start to the party.”

“Agreed.”

“Anything else we haven’t figured out yet? Jeannie’ll be here in a minute with the hors d’oeuvres selection for you to taste and you can make your final decision about that.”

“Just make sure there’s plenty of champagne. Natalie loves champagne.”

“You bet,” Brianna said.

• • •

“Hey.”

Natalie looked up. The new semester had started earlier this week and she’d looked for Joe in her classes, but he hadn’t been in any. But at least he was here at lunch.

“Hey,” she said. “Have a good Christmas?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Except for the part where Benjy threw up all over the presents.”

Natalie smiled. “Poor kid.”

“Poor people who had to wipe vomit off their gifts. How was yours?”

“No vomiting involved,” she said. “It was good. Bree got me this sweater. Her dad was here for a couple of days. Stayed at a hotel, of course. Bree didn’t run him off as quickly as usual.”

“That’s a pretty sweater. Sounds like a pain, about her dad.” He was digging in his book bag, distracted.

“He’s not so bad. But Bree’s got to figure out if she wants him in her life and if she does, in what way.”

“Maybe they can be friends,” he said. “I mean, he can hardly act like her dad at this point. But he’s also not nothing. And if she thought he was nothing, she wouldn’t have taken three days to run him off this time.”

Natalie smiled. Joe had a way of getting right to the heart of things.

He finally seemed to find what he wanted in his bag because he pulled out a tiny wrapped package. “I got this for you.”

“Oh, geez, I’m sorry, Joe, I didn’t know we were exchanging gifts.”

“That’s okay,” he said. “You’ve given me all those cookies.”

“I’ll bring you more tomorrow.”

“With the toffee bits in them?”

“Yes.”

“Cool.”

She unfolded the paper. (“You’re supposed to tear wrapping paper!” Brianna always said but Natalie never did.) Then she opened the small white box. Inside was a silver necklace with a star pendant, which twinkled with multicolored stones. Bits of colored glass, she guessed. “Oh, how pretty,” she said, taking it out of the box and not not not comparing it to a Faberge creation.

“You know how you told me Brianna taught you how to wish on a star?” he asked.

“I remember.” She was surprised
he
did. They had talked about all the minute details of their lives — though she had never told him about being sick when she was a kid. She hadn’t wanted to talk about it at first, because he treated her so normally, and she liked that, and then it felt like it was too late, like the time to share had passed. But they had talked about their families, and their plans and goals for the future. It was easy to talk to Joe.

He listened so well, but he also shared, and it made her feel better that his mother drove him crazy in the exact same way Brianna drove Natalie crazy, and that he didn’t have a very clear idea what the future held, except he needed to get a job and stop depending on his parents. He wasn’t guarded and private like Matthias, he was pretty much what-you-see-is-what-you-get.

She looked at the star and thought it was so like Joe to have remembered an offhand comment she made, to know that it meant something to her, all the times she and Brianna would lie on the grass and look up at the heavens and make their wishes.
I wish Daddy would come back.
Brianna had said that for years and years.
I wish the cancer would go away.
Natalie had said that for years and years. Joe didn’t know that; he didn’t have to know that. She wasn’t ready for him to know it.

“So I saw that and thought of you,” he said. “Now you’ll always have a star to wish on, even when there aren’t any in the sky.”

Brianna was dressed and ready to head out the door when she realized Natalie wasn’t up yet. She had an eight o’clock class that she never missed.

Brianna knocked on her bedroom door, then opened it and looked in. Natalie was still in bed, and she turned restlessly at the noise Brianna made.

“Natalie, what’s up?”

“Just overslept,” Natalie said, yawning hugely. Brianna frowned and came into the room. Natalie looked pale. Brianna touched her forehead.

“You feel like you’ve got a fever.”

Natalie pushed the bed covers off. “I’m fine.”

“Doc Henderson right now,” Brianna said. “I’m going with you.”

“Brianna — ”

“Get dressed.”

Natalie reluctantly showered and dressed while Brianna called Heidi and asked her to pass along a message to Mrs. Curtin. Then she called Doc Henderson’s office and let them know Natalie was coming.

Maybe it was mono. That was probably what it was. Lots of college kids got mono.

• • •

Natalie gripped Brianna’s arm. Her knuckles were white. Brianna was sure she’d left bruises but she didn’t complain. By the time they’d gotten to the doctor’s office, Natalie had said she wanted Brianna in the consulting room with her, which made Brianna’s stomach turn over because if Natalie were really sure it was just a virus, she would have left Brianna in the waiting room.

Doc Henderson had listened to Natalie’s halting explanation with a grave face, and when Brianna said, “We thought it might be mono,” he didn’t respond to that but said, “Blood workup first. You know what we’re looking for. I’ll have it run on a stat basis. It’ll take about an hour.”

So Natalie was gripping Brianna’s arm while the hour ticked by. They didn’t say anything. There was never anything to say.

Then Doc Henderson came back in, a faxed report clenched in his hand. He was wearing his glasses, and he looked graver than he had when Natalie had started describing her symptoms.

“It’s back,” he said, just like that, no warning, as he rattled the stool away from the desk and sat down. All the air seemed to go out of the room. Brianna did not know how to take the next breath.

“We’ll have to do a bone marrow test,” he said. “I’ll order that right away. And your oncologist will almost certainly want to start induction therapy immediately. You had a pediatric oncologist last time, so if I may make a recommendation, I’d like to suggest Dr. Abher Singh. Mary is making arrangements with the hospital right now.”

Natalie had not relaxed her grip on Brianna’s arm.

“Oh, sweetie,” Brianna said, and Natalie pressed her head against Brianna’s neck and began to cry.

“It was perfect,” she said. “It was just … perfect.”

“I know, honey,” Brianna said. “I know.”

• • •

“I’m not taking the necklace off,” Natalie said, clutching Joe’s star. “It stays.”

“That’s fine, sweetie,” Brianna said, when the nurse started to make a comment. Placating, the way Brianna always did when the news was bad, knowing Natalie could not handle being thwarted over something that pointless and that important. “It’s fine. I’ll hold it if I have to, okay? Like if they do an MRI or something.”

“Okay,” Natalie said, and started to get out of her clothes. “You promise.” She sounded like a stupid ten-year-old. But that was how she felt. The nurse backed out of the room. Natalie had started crying again, which was so damned frustrating. It was all she seemed capable of doing, crying and crying, and it didn’t solve anything or even make her feel better. It was just exhausting and pointless and she couldn’t make herself stop.