Catch My Fall (15 page)

“You were amazing and such a great teacher!”

He beamed at me and I was so happy to see that my compliment meant something to him.  Dropping down onto the mat next to me, he leaned in and kissed me.  Deeply.  I’m talking toe
-curling, pulse-pounding, take-my-breath-away BLISS.  It was the most passionate and intense kiss that we had shared yet and I was blown away.  I thought that I knew, thought that I had an idea, but apparently taking it slow meant easing into serious kissing as well.

Everything seemed more urgent, hotter.  Without even really knowing that I was doing it, I climbed into his lap and wound my fingers through his hair as I tried to get closer to him. One of his arms was wrapped around my back holding me close and the other was buried in my hair.  I shifted restlessly against him, groaning when he pulled back for a minute and lightly bit my lip.  At the sound of my groan, he licked my lip before sliding his tongue back into my mouth, causing a shiver of pure desire to race up my spine.  Right then and there I really and truly understood what all the fuss
was about and why people go a little crazy when they get turned on.  Beneath me I could feel his response to our kisses and instead of scaring me, it made me want him more. His lips left mine again and he travelled down my face with light kisses before he gently nibbled at and then sucked on my neck.  I convulsed against him and let out a plea, for what, I didn’t really know.

Pulling back, he cupped my face in his hands and leaned his forehead against mine.  “Oh Mimi… What’re you doing to me?”

Adjusting my arms I hugged him tightly as I dropped my head and laid it on his shoulder.  “Don’t know, but whatever it is, you’re doing it to me, too.”

He laughed softly, a deep sound that I felt reverberate through his chest.  “Good to know.  I’d hate to be in this all by myself.”

It wasn’t a moment that required a lot of words, something that made me like being with him even more.  Instead we spent a few minutes just holding each other.  I don’t know how long exactly we were sitting like that before I heard a discreet cough from behind us.  I felt Tristan’s chuckle before I turned, so I knew it was someone that he was comfortable with.  Looking over my shoulder, I found Colin standing in the doorway smiling at us. 

“Never thought I’d see the day man, but you look happy as fuck.  Sorry to kick you lovebirds out, but you know I’ve got to sign off that you cleaned the room and locked it up after class.”

I went to stand, but Tristan hugged me to him so that I couldn’t.  Nodding at Colin he smiled before assuring him that we’d be out in a minute.  Colin left with a wave over his shoulder, and once again I was alone with Tristan.

Smiling up at me, he dropped a quick kiss on my lips.  “I didn’t want to end the moment until I told you how happy you make me.  I’m not so scared to try anymore.  Anytime that I am, I think of you and it goes away.  Thank you for that.”

Sliding my fingers into his hair, I gently scratched his scalp for a few seconds before giving him a brief kiss.  “No, thank you.  You’re changing me, and it’s definitely for the better.”

“I don’t think it would be possible for you to get any better, Mimi.  You’re damn near perfect.”

Shaking my head I stood up and held my hand out to him and helped him up.  When he was standing in front of me, I told him how I feel.  “I’m not, but you make me feel good about myself in ways that I never have before.”

Throwing his arm around my shoulders he pulled me close and dropped a kiss on the top of my head.  “I’m so glad
, baby.”

I pretty much floated down the hallway to the front desk, both from our kisses and the fact that he’d called me baby. The only thing tethering me to earth was his hand in mine and I was still smiling like an idiot when we got out to my car. 

We started to kiss goodbye and in seconds my back was up against the door to my car and we were going at it just as passionately as we had in the gym.  I could already tell that this was going to be very, very addicting.  There was something so beautiful about the accelerated sounds of our breathing, the taste and scent of Tristan enveloping me entirely and the feeling of his arms wrapped around me tightly.   I whimpered when he ended the kiss and began dropping soft kisses on my lips and around my jawline before he stepped back and looked down at me, his beautiful chocolate colored eyes large pools of melted goodness that I wished I could swim in.

Darby and I were both home in our dorm room, at the same time, for the first time in what
felt like an eternity but had really only been a few weeks.  We each told our guys to take a hike for the night so that we could have some girl time, and I was happy to be hanging out with her.

“I miss you and I feel like we only ever talk on the phone or by text since we both got boyfriends.  Do you want to go with me tomorrow afternoon to get manicures and pedicures?”

“He’s not my boyfriend, Darbs!  We’re taking things slow.  I’d see you much more often if you ever actually spent the night here… I’ve missed you, too.  But in answer to your question, yes, I would love to go have a day of beauty with you.”

She blushed adorably as she shrugged her shoulders and laughed.  “I’m sorry I spend most nights at Brandon’s. He’s just such a great guy, Mia.  He’s not even pressuring me to have sex at all.  He’s fine with just snuggling at night and
talking. He doesn’t even try to get sexual because he knows I’m not ready.  How many guys do you know that would put up with that?”

“I guess two guys would be the answer to that,” I said with a laugh.  “Even though we aren’t officially ‘going out’, Tristan and I have been seeing each other pretty much the same amount of time as you and Brandon and he’s not pressuring me either…and we aren’t doing everything else.  We just kiss.  God, do we kiss.  But if it starts to get too intense, he puts the brakes on it right away. I feel like I’ll probably have to start pressuring
him
to take if further
at some point.”

Her jaw dropped as she stared at me in disbelief.  “Oh my God… Mia!  You guys really aren’t having any kind of sex yet? Not even oral?  Tell me he’s at least rounded some bases and you’re touching each other.  Brandon’s dad is a Minister, which explains why he’s so cool about me not wanting to do anything, not that he’s asked, but you and Tristan
have
to be doing stuff.  Spill the deets!”

“Um, noooo. We haven’t done any of that, believe it or not. I told you that we were taking it slow and I meant it.”

“But… but… I mean WOW.  I figured you meant taking it slow as far as having the girlfriend/boyfriend title.  It’s Tristan Chamberlain for God’s sake!  Sex is pretty much his middle name and I figured for sure you guys were doing it six ways from Sunday. This is just…wow.”

Giving her a dirty look I snapped, “Great, thanks a lot for making me feel like we don’t have a shot because I’m not doing enough.”

It’s not as if she said anything that I haven’t thought to myself, but it stung to hear someone else say it.  I know that Tristan’s past is full of one night stands, and I worry that the fact that we don’t have sex, or do anything to release the pressure he’s got to be feeling, is going to make him lose interest.  I’ve tried to up the ante so that he isn’t suffering, but he’s having none of that and I don’t know why, which scares me.

Waving her arms frantically she shook her head.  “No, no! I didn’t mean it like that!  Yes, I’m surprised that you’re not having sex, but what that tells me is that he really, really likes you!  It’s a huge deal that Tristan isn’t having sex, but not in a bad way at all.  I am so happy and proud of him for shutting down the beast and learning to follow his heart instead of his, um, ‘head’.   If Trace had been able to do the same…”

I haven’t had the opportunity to talk to her about Trace in weeks.  Either I’m talking to her on the phone, and Brandon’s nearby, or I’m texting her and that’s too impersonal.  Right now is the first chance I had to discuss the situation with her and I took it.

“Darby, about Trace… He isn’t having sex with anyone.  He hasn’t been out of the house other than to go to school or work in weeks and he’s an absolute mess.  He pretty much shut down the day you drove away and he’s been miserable since then.”

Her jaw hit the floor as she gaped at me as though I just told her that our teachers were aliens.  “That… that can’t be true,” she stammered.  “Trace will
never
stop doing all of the crap that he does.  You must be wrong.”

Shaking my head emphatically, I told her the facts.  “No, honey, I’m not wrong.  I’m at their house almost every single day and he
does. Not. Leave.
  I guarantee that if he’s not at work, right now he’s sitting on the couch watching TV.  Tristan’s had people over twice to try and cheer him up and both times, Trace locked himself in his room.  He’s completely miserable and Tristan’s worried about his frame of mind but so far nothing that he’s done has made any kind of a difference.”

Just like that, she lost it.  Tears spilled down her cheeks as she held her hand over her mouth to stifle the sounds of her crying.  “Oh God… please, please tell me he’s not sitting there watching ESPN for hours. He’s not, right?”

“Ah, yeah, he is.”

She made a sound of distress that was so gut-wrenching even I felt it.  “He hates sports but he’s done this before... If he’s lost or doesn’t know how to handle things, he shuts down to punish himself. I never thought he would do that over me…I didn’t know…I can’t believe Tristan hasn’t said anything to me about this.”

She was doing that breathing that you do when you’re trying desperately not to fall apart and cry like a baby, and I let her work it out for a few minutes.  Finally she whispered, “I really hurt him by leaving.”

“Yes, you did, but you need to remember that you did what you had to do.  He needed that wake-up call.  He misses you terribly, Darbs.  He was asking me about you every day until Tristan put his foot down and told him he had to stop because it was killing me to see him so upset.  I’ve wanted to tell you, but we haven’t been alone until now and I didn’t want to drop this on you in a text.”

I grabbed a tissue and handed it to her, watching in silence as she wiped at her tears and got herself under control. 

Her voice was full of emotion when she finally spoke.  “I’ve always been such an
idiot
for him.  I’ve excused his behavior, railed at it, ignored it and I even tried to deal with it as it pushed me under and spit me out onto the shore.  I don’t think love needs to be rainbows and heart-shaped boxes filled with chocolates, but I need it to be more than a hurricane and pathways lined with hot coals.  Every girl dreams of a Prince Charming showing up with a glass slipper, but my Prince only has a jagged glass shoe on a spike heel.

“I want to believe that he might be changing, but on the other hand, I don’t really think he can. I think that’s the worst part of all of this
—
that I’ve lost my ability to believe that I’ll ever really have that big love I always dreamed of.  I love Brandon as a best friend, but I’m not in love with him.  But…I hope that maybe… someday… I could learn how.  And maybe someday I can learn how to love Trace less.  Is it so wrong that I just want something easy and sweet? I know Brandon loves me as a best friend too, and I know he’s not in love with me either, but I think that maybe one day he could be. I’m dying inside every time I kiss him because he isn’t Trace and Brandon knows it and doesn’t push me at all.”

I nodded at her encouragingly; glad to hear that Brandon hadn’t been rushing her into something that I believe she doesn’t really want.

“He’s such a great guy and I’m lucky that he wants to spend time with me, even though he knows I’m hung up on Trace.  He’s done nothing but comfort me when I cry. He’s shown me compassion and loyalty and I just can’t drop everything and tell him to fuck off because Trace
might
finally be having an attack of conscience.  Knowing that he’s fallen into such a destructive pattern kills me and I don’t know what to do.  What if he’s only temporarily gotten hold of himself and I rush in there like an idiot and the next thing we know he’s back in line at the whore buffet?  And what does it even say about me that when I hear that Trace is having a hard time, I want to run to him?”

I struggled with how to answer her, but in the end I went with honesty.  “What it says is that your heart is with Trace, Darbs.  I think your heart chose him a long time ago, and even though Brandon is a great guy, he’s not the guy that you really want to BE with.”

Covering her face with her hands she shook her head and groaned out loud.  “Which means that staying with Brandon would make me a coward and an asshole.  I don’t love him, but I really, really care about him as a person. I don’t want to lose him, Mia.  I really, really don’t.”

Standing up, she grabbed her purse.  “Mia, can I borrow your car?  I have to go to Brandon’s.  I need to spend time with him, need to tell him everything that you just told me so we can talk it through together.”

I couldn’t believe that she was going to talk to Brandon of all people about Trace.  “Of course you can take the car, but, Darby, do you really think that Brandon is the person to talk to about your feelings for Trace?  Would you really be able to be honest with him without worrying that he’ll be mad at you?”

Shaking her head emphatically, she reached out and gave me a hug.  “Absolutely not.  Brandon knows everything, Mia.  He’s become my best guy friend… I guess it’s complicated to explain how close we’ve gotten and clearly I haven’t done a good job, but I just really need to talk to him.  I’ll text you later and I’ll call you tomorrow when I’m on my way home to pick you up.”

My mouth was probably on the first floor of the dorm considering how hard my jaw fell as it dropped open.  “You’re going to spend the night there?”

“Trust me, it’ll be an all-nighter.  When Brandon and I get going, you can’t shut us up.  He’s not going to be mad, Mia.  He’s told me a million times that if I want to be with Trace, I need to follow my heart.  You’d understand more if you spent time with him.  I’ll text you later.  Bye!”