Caution: Witch In Progress (15 page)

    ‘Oh I’ll behave. Yes, I can behave,’ promised Bat.

    ‘Okay then, Bat. Just let us sleep now,’ said Gertie feeling
sleepy.

    ‘Sure thing!’ agreed the umbrella. ‘Not another word will pass
my wooden lips.’

    ‘Good.’

    ‘Not one. Honest!’

    ‘Okay, Bat. Goodnight.’

    There followed a few moments silence broken only by Bertha’s
deep breathing, and Gertie almost fell asleep. Bat’s voice jolted her back from
the brink.

    ‘It’s not that I’m ignoring you or anything, or being impolite.
It’s just I’m not supposed to be saying another word. Is it okay if I say
goodnight back to you though?’

    ‘Yes, that’s alright, Bat,’ said Gertie with a sigh.

    ‘…Goodnight then,’ the umbrella replied.

    ‘Goodnight, Bat.’

    ‘…Sleep tight...’

    ‘BAT!’

    ‘Okay, okay…night.’

    The room was soon filled with Bertha’s snores.

Gertie thought Bat might be learning to behave at last, even if only
a little bit. He didn’t complain about the noise. Not even once. Not loud
enough for Gertie to hear anyway.

When
Gertie awoke in the morning, it took her a few minutes to remember she was at
home.  The other bed in the room was the most confusing thing. She soon
remembered. Bertha was still asleep, whistling through her teeth. Gertie
couldn’t hear any mumbles yet from the wardrobe. What was she going to do about
Bat? It was Gertie who had given him a kind of life, so it was unfair to expect
him to spend it in the back of a dark wardrobe. But he was so naughty! Still,
he seemed he might have learned his lesson last night. Gertie knew she had to
give him another chance.  Whether she took him back to the Academy with her
though was another thing altogether. It all depended on his behaviour today in
the Vale. She would see.

    Gertie could hear Ma and Gran talking in the parlour, so she
decided to get up. As soon as she started moving about the bedroom, Bat called
out.

    ‘You haven’t forgotten your promise, have you?’

    ‘No, I haven’t forgotten, Bat, We’ll go out later.’ Gertie
whispered, so not to wake Bertha.

    ‘YIPPEEEEEEEEEEE!’ squealed Bat quite loudly, even through the
thick wardrobe door.

    Bertha awoke and looked around with bleary eyes. Recognition of
where she was registered on her face, and she smiled at Gertie. ‘Is it
breakfast time?’ she asked.

    Gertie didn’t know how Bertha could even think about food after
all she had eaten last night. But, that was Bertha. Strange to think she was
rich, but she was still the same old Bertha.

    Gertie washed and dressed, then went to check on breakfast for
her friend while she got ready. The Grimthorpe’s were not a family for big
breakfasts, so Gertie wanted to see what Ma had in the pantry. She wasn’t sure
if they would have much to offer Bertha. There was no need to worry, as it
happened. Knowing that Bertha was staying, Ma and Gran had stocked up with
eggs, bacon, sausages and bread rolls.

    Gertie only wanted a boiled egg and toast, but Bertha made up
for that by eating everything put in front of her. She would have also had a go
at everything put in front of everyone else too, given half a chance. She did
have seconds, of course. Whether Bertha was rich or not, Gran’s expression said
she was pleased she wasn’t staying long. Even Gertie admitted to herself they
would be eaten out of house and home in a few days.

    Gertie decided to show Bertha around Vile Vale after breakfast.
As she had promised, she went to the wardrobe for Bat. The door opened, and Bat
stared at Bertha.

    Bertha stared at Bat.

    Gertie could tell the little umbrella was dying to say
something, as his tiny wooden lips were quivering. For a while at least, he
managed to restrain himself. Gertie was quite impressed. It’s a start, she
thought.

    When Bat did speak, it was obvious he had been trying to think
what to say in order to get back into Gertie’s good books. It didn’t come out
quite as he had planned however.

    ‘Hey, it’s the big girl!’ Bat began. ‘I’m Bat. Nice to meet all
of you. Uhm, what I mean is, sorry if I hurt you by calling you Fatso. It was a
friendly term though, like you might call me sweetie or something like that.’

    It wasn’t a word Gertie would have used to describe him.

    Unaware of Gertie’s threatening stare, Bat continued digging
himself deeper.

    ‘Not that you aren’t fat, because you are. Even you must know
that. Gosh, it must be a chore even standing up for someone your size. Anyway,
er, er, those rolls of fat really suit you!’

    Bat looked at Gertie for confirmation he was behaving.

    Bertha stared at him, not too sure if she had been insulted again
or not. Bat had said it all so quickly, and in such a nice voice.

    Gertie didn’t know what to say. Bat was a very hard act to
follow.

    ‘Big is beautiful, eh?’ Bat continued, clearly thinking he was
doing well.

    ‘Okay, Bat,’ Gertie interrupted before he disappeared into an
even deeper hole. ‘Come on. We’re going to show Bertha around the village.’

    ‘Yeeeeh! Way to go, Bertha!’ shouted Bat with enthusiasm. ‘Sure
you can manage a walk?’ he suddenly asked.

    ‘Bat!’ said Gertie.

    ‘Hey, I’m only talking as a concerned friend,’ replied Bat. ‘We
don’t want her passing out on us do we? We’d never get her back here.’

    Gertie’s warning look as she held the wardrobe door open made
Bat go quiet immediately. He then added ‘I won’t say another word. Boy, are you
witches sensitive. Fancy taking offence even when I’m being so friendly!’

    Bat clearly didn’t know what he had done wrong this time.

    Gertie picked him up, and she and Bertha set off to go around
the village.

    Bat was full of himself, but not too badly behaved after all.
Gertie showed Bertha the pond where Wart usually lived, then took her on a
guided tour of Vile Vale. Bat tried to join in, but admitted he didn’t know the
sights as well as Gertie. He claimed it was because he usually saw them through
a sheet of rain, and in an upside down position.

    Bertha said she thought Vile Vale was wonderful, and genuinely
seemed to mean it. Gertie was beginning to realise her friend was pretty easy
to please. As long as there were things to eat and people were not being horrid
to her, she was quite content.

    Bat called out to passers-by, but not in his usual insulting way
surprisingly today.

    ‘Morning!’ he called to Mona ‘Lovely day, eh? Look at me. I’m
out for a walk with my friends and it isn’t even raining. How’s that, eh?’

    ‘Guess that’s something to do with Grothilde,’ said Mona to
Gertie as she gestured towards Bat. She knew her sister well enough to know
that if it was an animated object, Grothilde must have a hand in it somewhere.

    ‘Well, actually,’ replied Gertie, feeling quite proud of Bat for
the first time in his short life, ‘I animated my umbrella. It was Grothilde who
taught me how though.’

    ‘Thought as much,’ replied Mona, not looking very impressed at
all. ‘She’s obsessed with getting things to move. Usually things that by rights
should just sit there. I dread her coming to my house. You never know what’s
going to be running about when she leaves. Are you going to visit her then,
young Gertie, to show her your umbrella? She’ll love it. I don’t think she’s
thought of an umbrella yet.’

    ‘Yes. We’re going to call on her to thank her for my wonderful
present again, and to see if she’s alright this morning,’ replied Gertie with a
bright smile.

    ‘Why, is she ill?’ asked Mona in concern.

    ‘Oh no,’ replied Gertie. ‘It’s just she was at our house last
night, and we had a little party…’

    ‘Right! Say no more,’ interrupted Mona. ‘Drunk again.’

    ‘Well, not really, I didn’t mean that,’ said Gertie in defence
of Grothilde.

    ‘Don’t worry, Gertie love. I know you didn’t mean that. I know
my sister. She only has to look at a Witch’s Brew to be drunk. I’ve never known
anyone like her. Enjoy yourselves then, girls. I must be on my way.’

    ‘Bye, Mona. Thanks. We will,’ replied the young witch.

    ‘Sheeeesh,’ said Bat.

    ‘What?’ asked Gertie.

    ‘She’s an ugly one, isn’t she?’ he replied.

    ‘Bat! What have I told you about behaving!’

    ‘I am behaving,’ said Bat in shock. ‘I didn’t say it to her, did
I? Did I say, Boy, you’re an ugly one. Did I?’

    ‘Well, no. But it isn’t nice to even say it to us.’ Gertie
replied.

    ‘Why?’ asked the umbrella. ‘It’s true isn’t it?’

    Gertie didn’t know what to say, because it was true.

    ‘See,’ said Bat quietly, quite smug but trying not to push his
luck.

    As they approached Grothilde’s, Gertie gave Bat a stern warning.

    ‘Not one word about Grothilde’s wayward eye, Bat, I mean it! Not
even, Oh your squiffy eye does suit you. Do you hear me?’

    ‘Okay!’ replied the umbrella. ‘Maybe I won’t talk at all, and
then she won’t believe you’ve animated me.’ Bat looked quite hurt at having
been warned, when he thought he was being good.

    ‘You,’ said Gertie. ‘Not talk? Impossible.’

    ‘My lips are sealed then,’ retorted Bat.

    ‘Really?’ asked Gertie. She did want to show him to Grothilde
actually.

    ‘Mm,’ muttered Bat.

    ‘Not a word?’ asked Gertie.

    Bat shook his wooden head.

    Gertie knew it wouldn’t last. She knocked on Grothilde’s door.

    The old witch was delighted to see them, and ushered them
towards her parlour. She didn’t seem any the worse for wear after last night.
They hadn’t even reached the parlour before Bat said ‘I know what you mean
about the eye.’

    Gertie gave him a slight shake.

    ‘Who said that?’ asked Grothilde, looking around with her good
eye. ‘Was that your umbrella, Gertie? What did it say?’

    ‘Yes, this is Bat,’ replied Gertie, thinking quickly. ‘He said
he knows what I mean about the sky. I thought it looked like rain.’

    ‘Well I never,’ said Grothilde staring at Bat. ‘I’m impressed,
Gertie. Really impressed. A talking umbrella. That’s a new one on me. Who needs
to go to the Academy when you can already animate things, you clever little
witch. Come on now. Sit yourselves down. I’ll get you some tea and cakes.’

    ‘That didn’t take long, did it?’ Gertie hissed at Bat as
Grothilde left the room.

    ‘Well, come on,’ began Bat. ‘How can you not say something. How
can you avoid the word eye, eh? Tell me that. If I say I like your house, with
emphasis on the ‘I’, will I be in trouble?’

    ‘You’re being silly now, Bat. It isn’t big, and it isn’t clever,’
replied Gertie. ‘I’m going back to the Academy later today you know. I want you
to remember what it looks like in the wardrobe.’

    ‘Sure thing, Boss,’ replied Bat. ‘Am I coming with you?’

    ‘It depends on your behaviour,’ threatened the young witch.

    Bat almost sprouted a halo instantly. He seemed determined he
wasn’t going back into the wardrobe.

    Grothilde returned with a tray containing tea and cakes. Bertha
managed to restrain herself until the cross-eyed witch said, ‘Help yourselves,
girls!’

    She then had three cakes. Gertie nibbled at a small one while
she drunk her tea and told Grothilde how she had been practising with her new
chair. She absolutely loved it.

    Once they left Grothilde’s, Gertie took Bertha back home via a
different route to show her the rest of the village. Bertha saw the shops, the
“Cat and Broomstick”, and the square where the witches sometimes gathered to
sit and chat about their latest spells. When they arrived back home, Bertha
seemed quite exhausted. To Gertie, they had just had a nice stroll.

    ‘Not very fit, are you?’ Bat asked the panting girl. Before
Gertie had time to shake him, he quickly added, ‘I’m only concerned! That’s the
kind of considerate umbrella I am. We should take you for walks more often,
Bertha my old mate,’ he added hopefully. ‘We’ll soon get you fit.’

    Oh dear, thought Gertie. I guess I have to take him now. I
suppose he’s trying. He was very trying, most of the time, unfortunately.

    It was soon time to start preparing to go back to the Academy.
Ma Bobbit would be here shortly. Gertie looked around at her home with some
sadness, which didn’t go unnoticed by Ma.

    ‘Never mind,’ Ma tried to reassure her little witch. ‘It’s
nearly the end of term now. It will be up to you whether you want to go back
for another term or not.’

    Gertie saw Ma’s expression change. She had the distinct feeling
Ma was thinking, and whether we can afford it, but she didn’t say anything. She
knew they would do it somehow, if it was what Gertie wanted.

    ‘I know,’ replied Gertie. ‘And I do like it at the Academy. It’s
just that I’ve enjoyed being home so much. It hasn’t been for long enough.’

    Ma smiled. She obviously felt exactly the same.

    Bertha soon packed up the few things she’d brought for the
weekend. When Ma Bobbit arrived, they were all ready for off. Including Bat.

    ‘Are we going far?’ he asked excitedly. ‘Will we be flying? Can
I ride out in the open?’ He continued to pester, not allowing poor Gertie time
to answer any of his questions before asking the next.

    Gertie was seriously beginning to doubt the sense of agreeing to
take him already. She carefully placed her boxed crystal ball into one of the
deep pockets of her travelling cloak, and then picked Bat up.

    ‘Are we off?’ he burbled.

    ‘Soon,’ agreed Gertie, ‘But calm down a bit, Bat,’ she warned. ‘I
don’t want you making yourself sick with excitement.’

    She wasn’t sure if umbrellas could do that or not, but Gertie
knew little children could. That’s exactly what Bat was behaving like right
now.