Cautious (Sequel to Disastrous) (21 page)

The silence lasted long enough. I spoke up first, “Why was Elle
punished?”

“She kicked some kid in the balls at the park yesterday.” He
shook his head when I chuckled.

“What did the kid do?”

“Why does that matter?”

“You know Elle. She’s not violent. The kid had to have done
something pretty bad to make her go to that extreme. Maybe she was defending
herself? Did you ask?”

His jaw slightly tightened as his lips smacked to the side. As if
trying to control his anger, he took a long sip on his beer. When his jaw
relaxed, his gaze dropped to the bottle in his hand. “The kid asked her where
her mom was, and when she told him that she didn’t have a mom, that she only
had a father, he made fun of her. She got angry and kicked him in the balls.”

“Good. The little fucker is lucky I wasn’t there. Making fun of
my niece? He would have been eating dirt.”

Jimmie blew out a heavy sigh. “As a parent, I have to set an
example, Marcus. Jeez, I can’t let my kid walk all over me.”

I didn’t understand. Maybe that was a little harsh of me to say,
but what the fuck? “Please don’t tell me you yelled at her and didn’t even talk
it out with her?”

“No, first, we started talking. She asked about Cynthia. She
wanted to know more about why she was the only kid in her class that didn’t
have a mom. I told her that her mom was in a better place and that . . .” He
paused as he continued to focus on the bottle, twirling it around in his hand.
“I didn’t know how to tell her that sometimes people in your life, no matter
how much you love them, are taken away.”

Turning his head toward me, his eyes saddened, he pulled his
brows together. “How was I supposed to look into my little girl’s eyes and
explain something like that? I tried, but then she asked, ‘I won’t ever lose
you, Daddy, right? Promise me.’” As much as he wanted to, I knew he couldn’t
make a promise like that, especially with the work we did. He tore his eyes
away and chugged the rest of his beer. “So, yeah, it didn’t go so well. Mom
said I should have promised her or told her I wasn’t going anywhere, that she’s
only a little girl and she doesn’t understand things like that.” He laughed
once. “If only she knew . . . Elle’s smarter than Mom thinks.”

“I know it’s not easy with Elle, even though you have Mom and me.
I know it’s still hard raising a little girl on your own.”

“It’s not all that bad. I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the
world, but there are times where I want to rip my hair out. There’s going to come
a time when she won’t be able to talk to me about certain things. And dating?
Fuck, when she gets to that age, I’ll be hunting dudes down if they get near
her.”

“I’ll be right along with you on that one.” We both burst out
laughing at the thought. I could just imagine the two us all over Boston,
spying as she went on her first date. It would definitely be good times.

After our laughter died down and we finished chatting about what
we would do if we were to ever catch a guy touching Elle, we sat in silence and
sipped our beers. It was a good silence. I was sure he was reminiscing about
Cynthia, and my mind eased for the first time in a long time. Even all the shit
I had to deal with in the upcoming week didn’t race through my head.

“You know the first exchange at the club is next week, right?”
Jimmie poked through my thoughts.

And just like that, within minutes, my eased mind was fucked by
Lou, again. “Yep, what are your thoughts on that? You didn’t speak up about it
when he made the suggestion.”

Jimmie raised a brow sarcastically. “We’re all screwed anyway.
Sooner or later, it’ll just come crumbling down, and before we know it, we’re
all fucked.”

“I’m going to need you to hop onto the fuckin’ optimistic train. What’s
gotten into you? You’ve been acting differently—even before this little shit
with Elle.” Jimmie burst into a hard full gut belly laugh. “What?” I asked
alarmed by his reaction. He laughed even louder at that. Standing up from his
chair, he slightly bent over, holding on to his stomach as tears began to form
from laughing so hard.

“What’s gotten into me?” He barely got that sentence out through
his laugh. “Me?” He pointed a thumb at his chest as his laughter erupted
throughout the front porch. Like a fucking maniac.

What the fuck?

Then his face fell and his brows narrowed as all the humor washed
from his face. “Life, Marcus. Life has gotten into me. Every day is a fuckin’
fight—a fight to get out of bed and stand, a fight to push forward. If it weren’t
for my little girl, I wouldn’t give two fucks about any of it. Every night, I
fuckin’ pray that I can one day make that promise to Elle—that I’ll live to see
her go to her first day of high school, to see her walk down the aisle, and
hopefully one fuckin’ day to see her with her own child. I live to protect her
from ever falling in love with a man like me, because let’s face it, Marcus, we
are not good men. Would you want your child with someone like you? Me? Better
yet, would you want Elle with someone like us? That’s my fuckin’ deal.” He
turned around and stormed over toward the edge of porch. With his hands shoved
into his front pockets, he bowed his head and stood silently.

There was nothing I could say to ease the tension because I knew
full well that every word Jimmie had just said was true. In silence, I leaned
my elbows into my knees and sat there as Jimmie’s words sank in deeply. He was
right and the fucked-up part of it all? There were only two ways out of this
life we’d chosen—death or becoming an informant. Neither one of us was an
informant, so I knew what he feared. There was no starting over. That wasn’t an
option for us.

After fifteen minutes of complete silence, I thought to head back
in the house when I heard the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. Jimmie
headed toward the edge of the stairway of the porch. The engine shut off and
doors slamming shut were heard followed by Elle’s voice. “Daddy.” Soon afterward,
she was climbing the stairs with a pout as she stopped in front of Jimmie,
waiting for him to accept her. Jimmie ran his hand over her small face, and she
burst into tears. “I’m sorry, Daddy. I didn’t mean to kick the boy in the
balls. I won’t do it again. I promise. Please don’t be mad at me.” Jimmie
chuckled and pulled her in to a tight hug.

“I’m not mad at you, princess.”

She tossed her arms over his shoulders as she shut her eyes
tightly. “So I’m not punished anymore?”

“Elle, don’t push it.”

“Okay, Daddy.”

“Go in and get ready for bed. You have school in the morning.
I’ll be up in just a bit.” She nodded, pulled away from him, and slowly walked
up the steps. Jimmie stood and walked toward the car to our mom.

I headed toward the door. “Hi, Uncle Marc.” Elle mumbled as she
reached the door. I opened it for her.

Slightly bending, I tugged her chin up, “Hey, I don’t get a
welcome-home hug?” A soft smile formed along her face.

“Sorry.” She said as she reached her hands and wrapped them
around my neck. Pulling her in, I whispered, “Oh, and, Elle?”

“Yeah.”

“Good job on the balls kicking. Next time, for your sake, tell
your dad you tried to aim for the knee and just missed.” She giggled with a nod
and entered the house.

Jimmie by then ran up the stairs and arched a brow at the grin on
my face. “What’s up with the smirk?”

“Nothing, man.”

He reached for the door and patted my shoulder with his free hand.
“Mom’s in the car if you want to talk to her.”

“She’s not coming in?” Jimmie shrugged and went in the house.

Glancing over at driveway, I could see my mother in the driver’s
seat of her BMW. Her eyes were on me. Although it was darker out, the lights in
her vehicle were on. I let out a deep breath and headed towards her. She cut
off the ignition and climbed out of the car at that time.

“Hi, baby.” She whispered as she reached out and rubbed her hand
along my arm. She leaned up to kiss my cheek.

After I returned the gesture, I shoved my hands into my front
pockets and then straightened my shoulders. “Hey, Mom.”

She dangled the car keys in her hand and bowed her head toward
the ground, lost in thought. “How was Philly?” She asked in a low tone and then
brought her gaze back to me.

“It was good.”

She nodded, pressed her lips together, and then let out a sigh.
“Marcus, I really want to talk to you. I know you traveled all day and are probably
exhausted, so I won’t bother you tonight, but do you think we could meet up for
lunch? Tomorrow perhaps? I’ll stop by the office. We can eat there or out, whichever
you’d like.”

“Yeah, sure.” She responded to my short answer with a tight
smile. I knew I wasn’t being exactly cooperative, but I wasn’t ready to get
into a big emotional scene with her. With just getting back and the whole thing
with Jimmie, I just wanted a fucking drama-free night for once.

“Okay, is noon good for you?”

“I have a deposition at ten. Let’s make it one to play it safe.”

“Okay, that sounds good. Thank you.” I nodded in response.

My mother turned on her heels, hopped into her car, and pulled
away.

***

When I entered the bedroom, Mia was fast asleep. Not
wanting to wake her, I hopped in the shower, dressed, and went back down to my
office. I needed to look over the Jefferson file for tomorrow’s deposition. It
wasn’t my case, but I was filling in for another attorney and needed to catch
up on the file. I also needed to focus on anything else besides my mother and
Lou, the club, and what Jimmie had said. I shoved all of those fucking thoughts
to the back of my head and focused on work.

Fingers grazed along my jawline, waking me from my sleep. I knew
it was her by the scent of her perfume even before my eyes flashed open. I
smiled as she climbed on top of my lap in a straddled position. Her hair was
untamed from her sleep. I leaned my head back and watched her for a while as
she ran her fingers through my hair. I felt at ease.

“When I woke up, you weren’t in bed.” Her concerned eyes scanned
my face. “Are you okay, baby?”

I reached up and twirled a lock of her hair around my finger. “I
was working on a file and fell asleep.”

Smiling, she wrapped her hands around the back of my neck. “Mmmh,
well, come to bed with me. It’s lonely without you.”

With my head tilted aside, I watched as her still sleepy eyes
studied me with a slight smile. “Move in with me?”

Puzzled by the random question, her brows pressed together,
“Huh?”

“Come on, Mia. It just seems right.” I grazed her cheek with my
fingertips. “I just want to hold you close every night and wake up to this
beautiful face every morning.”

“Marcus, I . . .” At a loss for words, she lightly shook her
head, in an attempt to clear her mind. After she wet her lips, her eyes locked
back on mine. “Can I think about it?”

Disappointed by her response, I forced a smile and gave a curt
nod. “Of course. Let’s go to bed.”

“Okay.” She whispered as she climbed off my lap and reached her
hand out to me. I took it, stood, and we made our way out of my office up the
stairs and into my room. I lay in bed more confused than ever as to where she must
have seen our relationship going.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

MIA

As I lay on my side in bed with the white silk sheets
tangled between my legs, wrapped around my torso, and nestled along my arms, I
admired Marcus as he dressed for work that morning. I watched as the man before
me stood in front of a long mirror with an unreadable expression, yet I knew he
was broken in more ways than one.

He was a man with two lives: one that he wanted no part of and another
he desperately tried to keep successful. Any man that had to survive the
turmoil and struggles that Marcus had in life was usually twice his age. He was
a man with many flaws, which haunted his very existence—a man who had held so
much hatred in life. Yet, when he loved? It was strong. It was hard. It was
passionate. It was without control. And at the end of the day, all this man
wanted was
me
.

Marcus caught me staring as his eyes locked with mine in the
reflection of the mirror. A soft smile crept along his lips. “You have to go to
school soon. Do you still want to have breakfast? I can drive you to campus, and
we can stop by the café shop.”

“Why can’t we just stay in and lie here all day.”

A soft chuckled escaped from him as he buttoned the last button
of his shirt and tugged the tail of the fabric into his pants. “As much as I
would love to, I have this deposition that I promised Peirce I would handle,
and you have school.”

I let out a pathetic whimper, and knowing that he was right, I
stretched and stood up out of the bed. I made my way over to him, pressed my
body against his back, and wrapped my arms around him. He grabbed my hand and
lifted it, grazing my knuckles along his lips. Then he placed my hand back on
his chest as he reached for his tie. “Let me.” I asked as I took the silk
fabric from his hand. He turned around and looked down at me.

Smiling, I popped his collar up and wrapped the tie around his
neck. I felt him staring down at me as I slowly tied a knot, remembering how I
did it for my brother. Michael was terrible at tying one. He’d rather put on a
clip tie than knot one himself. I softly giggled at the memory, and Marcus
gently tilted his head aside. His brown eyes exuded curiosity and humor, and his
lopsided grin showed off that adorable dimple I loved so much. He didn’t ask
what made me laugh; he just continued to watch me.

After I finished knotting the tie and securing it perfectly, I
folded down the collar of his shirt. I took a few steps back to admire my
masterpiece, and with a big smile, I rocked on my heels and placed my hands
behind my back. “All done.”