Celeb Crush (12 page)

Megan gives me directions.  Barb lives near our old high school, so I’m familiar with the area.  Megan seems to feel less intimidated today.  She jokes and laughs with Luke the whole ride there.  Their easy banter hurts my teeth, and I’m sad that I can’t tell them to shut the hell up without looking like a jealous bitch. Megan’s light flowery perfume fills the interior of the car, and I wonder if Luke likes it.  I don’t wear perfume, so I don’t know what I smell like.  I’ve been told that my hair carries the scent of waffle cones.  I do spend a lot of time in ice cream shops.

Both Megan and Luke are cracking up over Megan accidentally referring to him as “Sam Langelier.”  I don’t see what’s so funny about that.  I get out of my car and stand on the sidewalk, waiting for the hilarity to stop. 

I look at the red brick house with recognition.  I remember coming here with Aunt Susan and Megan.  Barb always caught me hiding in the bathroom during Sunday school.  And she had a huge Maine Coon that used to sit on my feet, and moo at me.  She once called me a “bad seed,” which she later apologized for.  I think I named her mole Sidney.

Barb looks exactly the same, if maybe a little thicker around the middle.  She welcomes Megan with a hug, and pats my arm affectionately.  She remembers me!  I introduce Luke as my boyfriend, Jimmy Bob.  Luke easily slips into a redneck accent, I assume just for the hell of it.  His sunglasses are off, but Barb doesn’t seem to recognize him.

“Alrighty, Megan,” Barb announces, coming back into the room with the wedding dress.  “Why don’t you try this on, and we’ll see if we need to make any alterations?  Your mom was actually a size bigger than you, which is a lucky thing if you’ve gained any weight.”

“You’re wearing your mom’s old wedding dress?” I ask Megan.

Megan climbs to her feet and awkwardly takes the dress.  “Yeah,” she says, glancing over at me.  “We thought it would be easier, since we’re in such a rush.  Besides, I really wanted to…”

She trails off, quickly looking away.  “That’s nice,” I say quietly. 

Megan turns back to me with a smile.  Her hazel eyes are bright with the sheen of unshed tears.  She disappears down the hallway to get changed.

There’s a dry lump in my throat, and my nose suddenly feels clogged.  I stare down at the huge gray cat lying on its back at my feet.  It moos at me, and gently bites my ankle.  I feel a nudge in my side.

“Hey, you okay?” Luke asks in a low voice.  His eyes are filled with concern as he examines my face.

I clear my throat to make sure my voice will come out steady.  “I’m fine,” I answer.  “I think I might be allergic to cats.”

We’re sitting together on the couch with the lines of our bodies touching, from our shoulders to our knees.  I look up to find Barb smiling down at us with a dopey look in her eye.

“You know, I’ve always told Gordie that I thought you and Megan were the most beautiful girls in town,” she says, brushing a hand over her short sandy hair.  “Those Kelly girls, I used to call you.  Now Megan’s going to be married in a few short weeks—and a mother soon!  And what about you, Miss Andi?  Will it be your turn coming up soon?”

She waggles her eyebrows playfully at us.  Luke and I glance at each other.  He looks amused; I am appalled.  Fortunately, Megan comes back into the room, and everyone’s attention turns to her.

The creamy white dress is simply lovely.  It’s strapless, the lace bodice hugging her torso, and exposing the long lines of her neck and slim shoulders.  The fabric flows faithfully down the rest of her body, showing off her perfect figure—and just a hint of a bump in her midsection.  If it weren’t for her boobs overflowing on top, she would look the picture of elegance.

Megan holds herself self-consciously, discreetly trying to tug the bodice up.  “What do you guys think?” she asks nervously.

“You’re stunning,” Luke says warmly, keeping his eyes firmly on her blushing face.

“Thanks…”

“Yeah, you look really nice,” I add lamely.  I’m not good at compliments if I really mean them.  When I’m lying, I’m totally eloquent.  Am I getting sentimental over Megan in a wedding dress?  Never.

“Well, definitely we have to cover the bust,” Barb says, appraising her with an expert eye.  She reaches out and tugs at the material over her stomach.  “Given your build, I don’t think you’ll get much bigger here before the wedding—but even if you do, you’ll have a little give.  Yes, I think we’ll be fine.”

She continues to mumble to herself, circling Megan and pulling at the fabric here and there.  Megan stands there patiently while making funny faces at me.  I suddenly have a flashback of us sitting on this very couch while Barb gushed to Aunt Susan about how beautiful her girls were.  We learned how to sign the alphabet so we could silently communicate to each other when the occasion called for it.  I remember Megan signing to me that I was going to end up marrying Barb’s cat, Gordie, and I replied that she would end up with Barb’s mole.

“Andie, can you take a pic and send it to Mom?” Megan asks me, tossing back her shiny hair.  “She really wanted to know how the dress would fit today.”

“Yeah, sure.”

I snap a picture and text it to Aunt Susan.  Megan smiles her thanks, then hurries off to change.  Barb and Luke make small talk about Gordie, leaving me to fester in peace.  I don’t want to be here anymore.  And by “here” I mean Sea Wind.  I want to go home, and be away from all these people with their overflowing boobs, and the memories, and—and...ugh.  All this blondeness—it’s driving me a little crazy.  Yeah, there are tons of blondes in L.A., but they’re not in my face, tossing their commercial-worthy hair, and marrying my ex-boyfriend.  Or sitting so close to me, all warm and gorgeous, and rugged.

What’s wrong with me?  It’s the cat.  It’s cutting off my circulation
and
molesting my ankles.  If it puts its sandpaper tongue anywhere higher than my knees, I’m going to kick it.

I’m feeling very claustrophobic and sweaty right now.  I need a drink.  I need to go.  I stand up abruptly.  Gordie yowls and flops fatly over on its side.  I don’t care.  Luke takes my cold clammy hand in his strong warm one, steadying me.  I take a deep breath.

Megan comes out, dressed in her normal clothes.  We say our goodbyes and escape to the car.  I grip the steering wheel like it’s my lifeline, while calmly discussing our options for dress shopping.  Sea Wind has two shopping malls, and they’re both crappy.  There are a few boutiques downtown that we could try, but they’re all crazy expensive, and the selections are kind of iffy from what Megan remembers.  Luke wants to make a phone call and have a dress specially made for me by a designer friend of his.  That’s not going to happen.

We decide to drive to the outlet stores in Haver, a couple of hours away.  Megan is excited, but I think that’s mostly due to the fact that she gets to spend more time in close quarters with Luke.  She chatters happily away at him, and he doesn’t seem to mind one bit.  I interrupt once to ask where Bran is.  Megan tells me he has a doctor’s appointment, and then he has to run over to Eugene to get some stuff out of their storage unit.  I feel a tiny twinge of sympathy for him that he has to do all that driving with a broken leg.  What an idiot, though.  I don’t know why he doesn’t ask for help from his friends or family.  He has plenty of both.

Almost halfway to the outlet stores, Megan starts to feel sick.  I have to pull over so she can puke.  We stop at a convenience store where Luke runs in to get her a Sprite and a bag of sourdough pretzels—apparently her go-to food when she’s nauseous.  It takes him several minutes because someone recognizes him.  Of course he poses for a few pictures, and signs some autographs like a good celebrity.

We have to stop one more time before her stomach settles down.  Afterwards, she lies down in the backseat for a nap, probably more from mortification than exhaustion.  I haven’t asked her anything about the baby.  Does she know what she’s having, or is it too soon to tell?  Back in high school, she used to say that she wanted a boy so she can name him Samuel Lucas, in honor of Luke and his My Soul for You character.  I wonder if this is still the case, and I wonder if I should bring it up in front of Luke to embarrass her.  Nah, that will just give him an excuse to flirt with her.

Once Megan is asleep, Luke drops the charm and the smiles.  Guess he doesn’t want to waste it on me.  He stays quiet, and I can tell something is bothering him by the frown line he gets between his eyebrows when he’s brooding.

My phone rings, and I answer it quickly before Luke can snatch it away from me.  You think I’m a bad driver now—I’m downright scary when I’m eating or talking.  But it’s Nate, and he’s always fun to talk to so I greet him enthusiastically.

“Watch the road!” Luke shouts in a panicked voice as I start to drift to the other side.  I swerve back to my lane.

“Was that Luke screaming like a girl?”  Nate laughs into my ear.  “Are you driving?”

“Yes to both,” I reply.  “So, how are things with the reality princess?”

“Luke told you about her, huh?  Turns out she’s not a princess at all.”  Nate sighs.  I can just see him shaking his head.  “I thought she didn’t speak much English ‘cause she was foreign, right?  Turns out she’s born and raised in Palm Beach.  Her inarticulateness was so cute when I thought English wasn't her first language."

“Well, you don’t date a girl for her conversational skills,” I point out.

“True.  So, when are you guys flying up?  I’m bored as hell,” he complains.  “Eyan and Rob are such pussies.  I haven’t almost bled to death once since Luke left.”

I laugh at that.  “Yeah, well—”

“Andi—the van!” Luke interrupts.  I immediately slow down, but Luke continues to glare at me.  “Is that Nate you’re talking to?  Put him on speaker phone.”

I make a face, but comply, sticking my phone between our seats.  “You’re on speakerphone,” I warn Nate.  “But don’t be too loud because my cousin is sleeping in the backseat.”

“The one who’s getting married?”  Nate asks loudly.  “Is she hot?”

“Andi has to go now,” Luke announces.  “She’ll call you later.”

“Aw, dude, don’t be like that!  It’s been forever since I heard your voice.  Talk to me!  I miss you, man.  I miss your big beautiful bank account.”

“Blow it out your ass, Vlacic.”  Luke smirks.  “You’re distracting Andi while she’s supposed to be concentrating on the road.”

“I’m not distracted,” I say, offended.

“I’m not kidding, man,” Luke says to Nate, ignoring me.  “If I die right now because of you, I’m haunting your ass.”  It’s funny how he doesn’t blame me for my bad driving. 

Nate chuckles cheerfully.  “It’s because she’s picturing me naked.  Right, Andi?”

“Good bye, Nate,” I reply, going for my phone.

“Wait!  Luke, dude—listen.  Remember what I said last night!  Don’t get impatient and blow it.  You know what I’m talking about.”

Blow what?  Luke just rolls his eyes.  “Bye, Nate.”

“I’m serious! Oh, and Andi?  Keep your legs crossed for as long as you—”

Luke quickly reaches over and ends the call.  He laughs to himself, shaking his head.

“What was that about?” I ask suspiciously.

“Nothing,” Luke mutters evasively.  “Nate’s just being a dumbass.”

Fine.  I probably don’t want to know, anyway.  Luke goes back to being pensive.  We make occasional comments to each other, but mostly he’s busy doing stuff on his phone.  Megan stays asleep until I accidentally run over a curb, causing her to tumble off the backseat.

“What happened?  What was that?!” she gasps, popping back up.

“Nothing,” I say.  “We’re here.”

It takes me a while to find a parking spot.  Of course it’s crowded—it always is, especially during the summer.  Yeah, bringing Luke here is a great idea.  I wish he wasn’t so stubborn about his prosthetic disguise.  I understand that he just wants to be himself every once in a while, but it’s so inconvenient.  I just know he’s going to get recognized.

Guess what?  I’m right.  We’re in a store for a few minutes when I notice a couple of women surreptitiously staring at him.  I can tell that they’re wondering if it’s really him, and that they’re trying to work up the nerve to approach.  I hustle him and Megan out of the store before they can get too close.

But then it happens again when we’re having lunch in the food court.  And again.  And again.  At first, it’s not too bad.  The people who first come up to him are respectful, and tentatively ask for pictures with him.  Luke never turns away his fans, so he poses for all the cameras and signs autographs, chatting with everyone and letting them hug him.  But then word spreads, and a crowd starts building around him.  When the hysterical teenage girls start flocking to the scene, I know we’re in trouble.

Usually Micah and Nate, or some of his other buff friends are there to help with crowd control.  But it’s just the three of us, and it looks like I have to earn my keep.  See, someone has to be the bitch, and it can’t be the celebrity.  It’s okay.  I have no problem yelling at people that they get one picture each—and no autographs!  It actually works for a while!  I can sound pretty authoritative when I want to.  But then a large group of glittery girls show up, and start screaming and shouting, trying to push through the people in front of them.  Chaos ensues. 

Megan reacts like a deer caught in the headlights.  People assume that she’s Luke’s girlfriend, and start taking her picture, too.  When the crowd starts getting pushy, he immediately tries to shield her.