Celebrity Shopper (28 page)

Annie could hear voices coming from the other side of the twins’ bedroom door. She pushed it open gently and was surprised to see Owen sitting on the floor as he read Micky a story. Minnie was still asleep in glorious pinkness in her cot.

Sweet
. Annie couldn’t help thinking to herself. But she closed the door again because she had to concentrate on this horrible problem.

‘Annie? Do you know what these people are talking about or is this some kind of mix-up?’ Tamsin asked.

With a sigh of regret, Annie replied: ‘No, I know … well, I know something about it, but I’m sorry, I went to Paris and I forgot.’

‘Oh dear,’ was Tamsin’s response.

When Annie had tidied up the bedroom on her return, the two thick sleeping bags on the bed had caught her attention. She hadn’t seen them before and they were so new that they still had labels attached to their zips … that’s when the penny had dropped.

The camping company that had delivered equipment to her home address had obviously been acting on Owen’s orders. But she’d not had a chance to speak to Owen since then.

She took the phone downstairs, so she couldn’t be overheard.

‘I think it was my son who ordered the camping gear,’ she told Tamsin. ‘I’ve not spoken to him yet.’

It was Tamsin’s turn to sigh now: ‘OK,’ she said, ‘well, these things happen. Why don’t I just phone the company, tell them it’s all been a mistake, we’ll return the stuff to them in perfect condition and ordeal over.’

Perfect condition? Well, the sleeping bags had looked OK, but then she’d not exactly checked for baby snot with a magnifying glass, had she?

‘Look, Owen’s up, he’s just next door. Why don’t I go and ask him about it, then I’ll call you straight back?’ Annie suggested.

As soon as she’d hung up the call, she headed back to the twins’ new room.

‘Owen?’ she asked, pushing open the door. ‘All the stuff you got from Everest Camping … ?’

Owen looked up at her with an expression of guilty surprise on his face.

‘It has to go back. Today,’ Annie went on. ‘In perfect
condition. And then we’ll have to have a talk about how out of order you were.’

Owen, still with Micky in his lap, began with an: ‘Errr …’ This was followed by: ‘How do you know about it?’

‘Well, Owen,’ Annie said with more than a hint of exasperation, ‘when camping companies hand over hundreds of pounds’ worth of equipment for free, they usually like to know when it’s going to be featured on the programme. They take an interest, you could say.’

‘Errr …’

Micky put up his arms to show that he wanted to be with Mummy now and Minnie’s eyes opened at the exact same moment as her mouth: ‘Waaaaaaah,’ she called out.

Annie loaded herself up with the two babies, then she looked Owen straight in the face. ‘Well? You do still have all the stuff, don’t you? I saw the sleeping bags in the bedroom. What else did you get?’

‘Ermmm … we’ve used some of it. To keep us warm, you know, because it’s been so cold.’

‘I think the bags might be OK; at least you’ve left the labels on them.’

‘Yeah, but I might have sold the stove.’

‘Sold it?’

‘Mmmm. On eBay.’

‘What on earth did you do that for?’

‘I didn’t think we needed it.’

‘Well, no, but it belongs to someone else.’

‘I didn’t think about that. I’ve used the hiking boots … and so has Milo. He’s used his,’ Owen blurted out.

‘Oh, good grief!’

Owen hung his head and looked very sorry, which was why Annie didn’t have the heart to feel annoyed.

‘Owen,’ she sighed, ‘please don’t do this again. Is there
anything else I should know about that you’ve ordered in my name?’

Owen was quiet for a moment; he had to think. After some hesitation, he decided it would probably be best to be honest: ‘I might have asked a guitar company for a look at a sample product or two.’

‘Owen!’ Annie exclaimed.

‘But I’m sure it’s not too late to cancel, nothing’s due to arrive till next week. Then I just need to make sure that Milo hasn’t—’

‘OWEN!’ Annie exclaimed, much more loudly this time.

‘Tamsin?’

Annie had woken Ed, handed over babies, cross-examined first Owen and then Milo and was now back on the phone.

‘OK, here’s the thing,’ Annie began. ‘I think I’ve had a good idea. You know my joke about hill walking in heels?’

‘Uh oh.’ Tamsin sounded wary.

‘Lots of viewers have been in touch about that, haven’t they? Daring me?’

‘Lots? Yes, I think you could say four thousand emails is quite a lot.’

‘Well, what if I did do a hillwalk in heels? We could do it for charity, and we’d be able to feature—’

‘Some of the Everest equipment your son no longer has in perfect condition?’ Tamsin ended the question herself, understanding the situation perfectly.

‘You’ve got to admit it’s an idea.’

‘Why not just pay Everest for the equipment?’ Tamsin suggested.

‘Yeah, well, but they’re still not going to be happy with me though, are they? They’re always going to think I
ordered those things for myself with no intention of paying or putting them on the show.’

‘But, Annie, you will actually have to wear three-inch heels, carry a handbag and go up a hill.’

‘Yeah!’ Annie said, not sure what all the fuss was about.

‘Well, if you think it’s going to be too easy … why not persuade Svetlana to come with you? Maybe you can both carry handbags, wear dresses and coats and look … what were your words again? Look just as if you’re off to lunch at The Store.’ Tamsin was definitely warming to the theme now.

‘Deal,’ Annie said, sure Svetlana would come just to show off her Perfect Dress.

‘Uh oh!’ Ed had come into the room and caught the tail end of her conversation. ‘What have you agreed to now?’ he asked anxiously. ‘Please tell me you’re not flying to New York for fashion fortnight or maybe Alaska for Eskimo clothes week? What have you just said you’ll do?’

‘Oh, it’s just the hillwalking-in-heels thing,’ Annie replied casually. ‘I’ve said I’ll hillwalk in three-inch heels, carrying a handbag. No big deal. I’m sure it will be fine.’

Ed, who had been camping every summer since he was three, who led the school’s Snowdonia hillwalking expedition every year, who really knew just what hill walking and tenting out in the open was all about, turned to her with his mouth wide open in astonishment.

Tamsin on set:

Dark denim pencil skirt (Boden)
Cowl-necked purple cashmere sweater (Crumpet)
Heeled slouchy black boots (Miu Miu)
Total est. cost: £690

‘It’s absolutely bloody brilliant!’

‘
Bonjour
,
mes chéris!
’ Annie gave the line the best French accent she could manage and smiled welcomingly into the camera lens. ‘Today we are doing French lessons. No, don’t turn off! No chanting your verbs or learning your numbers, I’m talking about lessons in French style. I’ve been in Paris for the shows … I know,’ she confided with a wink, ‘how exciting was that! You are going to find out all about it next week, I promise, but right now I’m going to bring you French style lesson number one: coat, bag, shoes – CBS – easy to remember.’

Annie then walked towards the area of the studio where several rails, mannequins and shelves had been decked out with a delicious selection of coats, macs, handbags, boots and shoes.

‘Every one of the glamorous French women I watched strolling about the boulevards wore a lovely coat, good shoes and carried a beautiful bag. Even if they were just wearing jeans and a T-shirt underneath, they looked chic, chic, chic!’ Annie explained. ‘And nothing has to be designer, just good quality … investment quality.’

She picked out several of the items in different price ranges and extolled their virtues.

‘Now, two friends of mine are going to show you how the CBS makeover works. Before …’ Annie held out two photographs.

‘Just tilt them forward,’ Bob instructed from behind the camera. ‘Too much glare.’

‘This is Jane, looking not at all French, but just you wait,’ Annie said of the first photo. At the end of their first, unusual meeting, Annie had promised paracetamol-toting Jane that when she was feeling better, they would shop together and Jane would appear on the show. Annie had been delighted to keep her promise.

‘This is our very own Amelia,’ Annie said, holding up the second picture. ‘She’s going to show us how to rock a raincoat.’

‘And cut,’ the director instructed. ‘Are they ready yet?’ he called over to the wardrobe girl.

‘Yes, all set to go on,’ came the reply.

Bob and his camera switched positions, the lighting was adjusted and Annie’s powder and lipstick were touched up.

‘Ready to roll,’ the director instructed and Jane came out first.

Because Annie had been at her, she looked the best she possibly could. Hair styled, make-up nice, flattering black boots and a slim-cut black coat. The slouchy bag over her shoulder and the big statement scarf were perfect Annie inspired touches.

She looked beautifully put-together, but in a normal, attainable way. Annie always liked to use ordinary people on the show because models … well, they looked good in any old thing; plus, they cost money.

Annie winked at Jane to encourage her to smile and got a nervy grin in return.

‘Fabulous,’ Annie told her, ‘all set to café-hop on the Left Bank.’

Annie put a calming hand on Jane’s arm to reassure her and talked the audience who would be watching through Jane’s outfit.

Then out came Amelia in pale raincoat, shiny boots and scrumptious bag.

‘Where is Amelia’s bag from?’ Tamsin wanted to know as soon as filming on the segment was over. ‘I wasn’t paying attention and I want it now!’

‘Oooh, I didn’t know you were our audience today,’ Annie said, surprised to see her boss. ‘Coccinelle, if you must know.’

‘You know I like to spy on you in secret,’ Tamsin teased. ‘Make sure you’re just as good when I’m not there. No, I’m meeting someone else over here this afternoon, but, Annie, I have to tell you, the footage from Paris has been edited and it’s absolutely bloody brilliant! Elena in tears, Svetlana running about in a panic, the old French lady is genius, the tranny … honestly, it’s a shame to run it on a half-hour TV slot, it’s like a film,’ Tamsin enthused.

‘Really?’

‘Really.’ Tamsin put a hand on Annie’s shoulder. ‘It’s ratings gold. And the Oxfam hillwalk is shaping up nicely; it could be our way to end the series,’ she added.

‘Oxfam?’ Annie asked Tamsin. ‘Are you not supposed to tell me about stuff like that?’

‘Another big idea,’ Tamsin answered. ‘We’ll go on
location – Scotland, I think. We’ve not done a show up there yet. We’ll get viewers to sponsor you online and we donate the money to Oxfam. You’re going to do the hillwalk with a proper mountaineer who will wear Everest Camping’s anorak and hiking boots. And we would like Svetlana to come with you. I mean, that would be fantastic: the two ladies who lunch versus the mountain guide.’

Annie could see the obvious enthusiasm in Tamsin’s face. She understood that this was going to be great TV. But for the first time she felt just a little nervous about the idea of really, properly hillwalking in heels.

Ed had already warned her that what she planned was dangerous and anyway, her husband, the lovely, adventurous, just ever so slightly reckless Roddy – he’d gone hillwalking one fine weekend and he’d never come back.

‘Do you know how my husband Roddy died?’ Annie suddenly found herself asking Tamsin.

Tamsin looked at her with surprise. ‘No …’ she began, but her mind was working; maybe the details were coming back to her.

‘He was hillwalking on a stag weekend, he fell and hit his head. Brain haemorrhage.’ Annie stopped there, not wanting to add any further details.

Those terrible days spent in intensive care with Roddy on life support … the details were stored in a part of her mind that she tried not to access too often.

‘Hillwalking?’ Tamsin repeated to Annie. ‘Oh no.’

For a moment there was silence between them.

‘I’ve been a bit too flippant about this …’ Annie admitted.

‘Well … no … I mean … you could raise some awareness there, maybe … the possible dangers.’ Tamsin was thinking out loud.

‘You’re thinking about the publicity angle, aren’t you?’ Annie couldn’t help asking Tamsin.

‘No, no, don’t be silly,’ Tamsin began, but then admitted: ‘Yes, of course I am. Publicity is good, Annie, there are still Myleene rumbles.’

‘
Pssst!
magazine have got an interview with my long-lost dad in their next edition,’ Annie remembered.

‘Have they? How are we going to respond to that?’

‘Dunno,’ was Annie’s honest answer. ‘Maybe we should wait and see what he says – if they really have it. They might just have bumped into someone in a bar who said they had a drink with him once.’