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She was on the brink of having a real conversation with him about everything when Tabitha approached her at the conclusion of their daily training session.

“How are you this eve, Olivia?” the Lekwuesti female asked cordially.

“Oh, not too bad,” she said with a smile she didn’t feel. She glanced to her right and saw James talking to Amber, just out of hearing distance. Her sister was frowning, but that wasn’t unusual. When they walked out of sight, Olivia had visions of the nightmarish workout routine to come the next day, certain they were plotting it together.

“Well, maybe slightly less than okay,” she added dryly. Then she attempted another weak smile. “What are you doing out here?”

Tabitha waved a hand to indicate the emptying courtyard. “I was enjoying the sparring sessions this afternoon. You draw quite a crowd these days, do you not?”

“I suppose so,” Olivia allowed, wiping her brow with a towel. At the moment, most of what was left of the crowd was gathered around Skye on the other side of the courtyard. Her younger sister was quite the social butterfly. Judging from Caleb’s expression as he stood beside her scowling at the males in the crowd, he wasn’t too pleased about that.

“Where’s Brenna?” she asked to fill in the silence when Tabitha continued to linger.

“When I left Amber’s room, she was preparing something special for you.”

“Oh,” Olivia said, figuring she was referring to a meal. She sighed, not hungry in the least. “I hope she doesn’t go to a lot of trouble.”

“Oh, yes…the whole situation with James,” Tabitha said sympathetically. She clucked her tongue and shook her head.

Olivia felt the color draining from her face. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, Olivia,” the Lekwuesti replied with pity in her voice. “You know we all speak with each other about such things.”

If at all possible, Olivia thought she lost even more color. “Are you saying that all Lekwuesti know everything that another Lekwuesti knows?”

Tabitha seemed to consider this. “I suppose you could look at it that way.”

“Oh,” Olivia said in a weak voice. She thought that mortification was far too mild a term for what she felt right then.

“I do know about your claim of emotion to the Gloresti, and I further know that he rejected you.”

It was like a slap to Olivia’s already aching pride. She felt herself standing straighter. “It wasn’t like that, exactly.”

“I am sure it was not easy to hear. Learning that a male has a romantic relationship with another is always difficult.”

Even as she felt the blood returning to her face in a wild surge, Olivia found herself saying, “That’s ridiculous. James isn’t like that.”

“But I saw him not even three weeks ago in a notably amorous embrace with commander Caoilinn. Does that not mean that he has feelings for another?”

The unemotional and matter-of-fact tone of the Lekwuesti’s comment made Olivia pause. Was it really possible that James had been seen in an intimate encounter with Caoilinn? She thought back as far as she could and remembered that James had left her to go and check on Aurora the morning after they arrived. Did he stop and visit with Caoilinn on the way?

“I must admit that he did not seem interested at first. But then she captured his attention with some of her more clever enticements.”

Olivia didn’t stop to consider that most Estilorians didn’t even know what the term “enticements” meant. She was so ready to grasp any reason that James didn’t want her besides she was wasn’t worth wanting that she listened to Tabitha’s words.

“I was surprised when
archigos
Gabriel grew so angry with commander Caoilinn,” Tabitha continued conversationally. “It was not as though she had done anything egregious. Yet he had
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Sebastian ban her. Very sad.”

Brenna had said herself that commander Caoilinn had all but disappeared and that no one knew why. Tabitha’s explanation made it all perfectly clear. It also made the remaining pieces of Olivia’s heart bleed profusely.

Tabitha touched her arm sympathetically. “I am sorry, Olivia. I did not mean to cause you such pain.”

She blinked the moisture from her gaze. “No. Thank you for your kind words.”

Giving her a considering study, Tabitha said, “You know, I believe Brenna’s surprise will be just what you need. Would some time in a nice, hot, bubbling spring with some fragrant oils be of interest?”

Olivia’s eyes widened. “Brenna planned that as a surprise for me?” For the first time in days, she found a genuine smile. “I really think I would love that. Thanks.”

“No problem at all. Just follow me and I will bring you to Brenna.”

“I have to tell James where I’m going,” Olivia said, glancing around. She didn’t see him.

“No need to worry about that,” Tabitha said, giving her an understanding look and pat on the arm. ”Brenna had the foresight to mention this surprise to your Gloresti and family. Why else would James step from within sight of you when he would normally never do so?”

Olivia thought that made sense, and further reasoned that Brenna would be waiting at the spring, so she would be perfectly safe. And truth be told, she was simply too wrung out to argue. She fell into step with Tabitha as she tried to process everything that had just been relayed to her. It wasn’t only that James wasn’t in love with her, he was instead engaged in a relationship with someone else. It didn’t seem possible, really. But she remembered her instinctive reaction when Caoilinn had first spoken to James and he had responded. She had definitely gotten the impression there was more there than a casual acquaintance. Could she have really been that blind?

She was so absorbed with her thoughts that she only vaguely paid attention to where they were going. Ultimately, she glanced around and realized they were below-ground. That actually made some sense to her. The bubbling hot spring that Amber had shown her on their trip to this location had been below-ground.

“I think that this will help you take your mind off everything,” Tabitha said as they walked. “You should truly not have to suffer so on behalf of an ignorant male. Really, what does an Estilorian know about love, anyway?”

That was what finally had realization dawning for Olivia. Although her feet continued to move one in front of another, her mind was working a mile a minute.

The truth of it all was that James was a full Estilorian. The only concept of love that he had included what she had explained to him combined with what he witnessed between Gabriel and Amber. She had sprung something on him that had no real basis in his reality. Yet she hadn’t given him more than a few seconds to process what to him combated nine decades of knowledge.

And when she thought again to these past two weeks, putting his expressions into this new context, she realized that he hadn’t been watching her with pity in his eyes. He had been watching her while suffering his own pain.

She had been so stupid.

“Oh my—”

Was all she got out before the whole world went black.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

“Amber, can I speak with you?”

James had been waiting for days to find an opportunity to speak with Olivia’s older sister alone. It was much more difficult than he had ever thought. Gabriel was nearly always in sight of her, and if he wasn’t, she was usually with one of the elders, one of her sisters or one of the Lekwuesti who had assumed the responsibility of caring for the sisters.

So when their daily training session had ended and James realized that Amber was standing alone, he decided to seize the opportunity to speak with her. Gabriel had gone to discuss something with Uriel and Ini-herit. Olivia was standing in plain sight of Caleb, and the Lekwuesti female, Tabitha, was with her. She would be okay for a couple of minutes. And he desperately needed to talk to someone or he thought he would go completely out of his mind.

“Sure thing,” Amber responded, looking at him expectantly.

He glanced around. Seeing Olivia not far from earshot, he turned back to her and asked, “Do you mind if we speak somewhere a little more private?”

She frowned. “Okay.”

They ended up around the corner behind a stone wall along the outer edge of the courtyard. There was no one around and a bench for them to sit on, which suited them perfectly.

“What’s up?” she asked when they were both seated.

“First, I have to ask if you could please keep this conversation between just the two of us.”

“Okay, James…you’re really kind of freaking me out here with all of the drama. I’m not going to have any gossipy chats with anyone about our conversation. That’s not how I roll.”

“I know.” He looked at the ground. “But I also know that
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Gabriel shares your thoughts, and, well, I would like to live to see the end of the day.”

Her left eyebrow lifted. “Oookay. You’d better explain from the top.”

Nodding, he met her gaze and said, “I want to speak with you about Olivia.”

Now she looked mildly panicked. “Wait a minute here. Are you telling me that you’re about to explain why the two of you have been acting like beaten puppies these past couple weeks?”

He nodded again, though he had no idea what she meant by the whole “beaten puppies” comment.

She looked perplexed. “And you’re actually coming to me about this?
Me?
” She pointed to her chest as if to illustrate her meaning. “About
this?
” And here, she waved her hands around in a vague manner that he supposed was meant to include him and Olivia.

“Yes,” he said firmly. “Amber, you’re the only female I know who is avowed, married and in love. You are my best avenue for aid.”

“Oh, good Lord,” she managed. After running a hand through her already mussed hair, she seemed to give his point some consideration. Finally, she huffed out a breath. “Okay, okay. Fine. Spill it.”

“Thank you, Amber,” he said, truly grateful. Then he paused as he tried to figure out what to say. Finally, he just went right to the point. “I screwed up.”

“I could say something punchy like that’s usually the case when it comes to guys and girls, but I won’t kick you while you’re down.”

“Ah…okay.” He shook his head, bringing himself back on topic. “On the day that Aurora’s mate arrived, Olivia told me she loved me.”

When he paused, waiting for her response, she just stared at him. “Uh-huh. And?”

Her frankness caught him off-guard. She didn’t seem surprised at all. Had Olivia’s feelings been that clear to everyone else?

Pushing to his feet, he started pacing. “I reacted poorly. I had been thinking about how much I liked kissing her and was trying to figure out how I could do so again and then she said she loved me and I knew that
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Gabriel was going to kill me.”

She took his quickly-spoken, rambling words in stride. “So, you were thinking about Olivia in a…we’ll say ‘sensual’ way, and when she said she loved you, you associated that with kissing her?”

“Yes. And I feared for my life.”

“Yeah, I got that part,” she said, waving away that concern with an ease he could only envy. “I’m guessing when Olivia told you she loved you, and you started imagining how Gabriel was going to react, that your response was…”

He threw his hands out to the sides helplessly. “I couldn’t even form a coherent thought. I pushed away from her to try and—”

She winced.

“What?” His voice rose in concern.

“Well, I hate to say it, but pushing away from her after she confessed such an important thing to you was the body language equivalent of a flat-out rejection.”

The words struck him like a blow to the gut. He had to sit back down. “I didn’t mean it that way. I wasn’t even thinking clearly. I thought—I don’t know why, but I thought I had done something to make her believe that she was in love with me, but she surely couldn’t mean it. How could I possibly deserve it? I thought she must be confused.”

She studied him silently for a moment when he abruptly stopped talking. “Do you think you were confused because you don’t know what it means to love someone?”

He braced his elbows on his knees and ran his fingers through his hair, staring down at the ground. He knew this was the very worst part of his actions, the part that continued to eat at him the most painfully. “No. Olivia once told me what it means.”

“And what did she say?”

“She said that loving someone means that you consider them your other half. You trust them and believe in them and think of them as the embodiment of all of the things you consider good in another individual.” He looked again at Amber. “In watching you and
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Gabriel, I have also learned that it means you look after each other. You make each other laugh and offer comfort to each other. You serve as a friend as well as…well, more than a friend.”

He felt his face flush and he looked down again. “I will always remember what your experience at the hands of Angius did to
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Gabriel. It was very like the Mercesti had done the damage with his blade to him. In fact, it seemed to me he very much wished that had been the case.”

He sighed. “I suppose that is what it means to be a person’s other half. To love them.”

“That sounds like as good a definition for something as indefinable as love as I could offer,” she admitted.

“But when Olivia told me she loved me, I wasn’t thinking about all of that. I was just thinking about—”

“Yeah, yeah. Kissing. Death by Gabriel. I get it.”

He frowned. “Even now, I don’t know what to say to her, even if given the chance. I don’t see how I can be the one who causes such deep feelings in someone like her. I’m so inexperienced with human emotions…”

There was another pause after he trailed off. Then she ventured, “Hmm. Well, I’m pretty confident in Olivia’s ability to determine how she feels. But I’m the first to admit that I don’t know you quite as well. Maybe you just don’t know Olivia well enough to determine if you love her.”

His eyes widening, he again surged to his feet. “Don’t know her well enough?” he repeated, feeling anger building behind the words.