Chained (34 page)

“I’m so sorry, Olivia.”

He said it so softly, I could barely make out the words. I scooted off the side of the bed and walked up to the window, placing my hand on the glass. The tears fell down as I mourned the loss of my lover, my partner, my best friend.

“He’s injected me with–”

“Xanai.”

I looked up at him. “You know it?”

He nodded. “It was discovered in a secret army base in Wiltshire a few years back.”

I nodded. That was exactly what Ian had told me. “Then you understand what’s coming?”

He winced, but nodded again. “I’m so sorry, Olivia. I tried finding you, but they caught me when I went to see Dr. Kemp.”

My eyes widened. “Dr. Kemp?”

He nodded. “After you disappeared, I had a few people checking up on some leads. I knew someone had you and I had a feeling who.”

I gasped. “You knew who I was?”

He shook his head with a small smile. “Not at first, but your nightmares and your secrecy made me want to find out more. I had someone look into it and they managed to find out who you were. I swear to you. I wasn’t there to kill you that night. When you saw me, I had been defusing the bomb. I
did
plant it, but then I saw you. I knew I couldn’t harm an innocent. At that moment, I decided I didn’t want that life anymore. You changed it all for me, Olivia. You changed the man I was then, and you changed the man I am now. I owe you my life.”

I shook my head, a sob escaping. “No, Kit. You don’t owe me anything. I’m not worthy of you. I’m not worthy of anyone.” I hung my head, feeling the guilt rise.

“Olivia, you’ve had others take over your whole life. No one has ever let you be the beautiful person I know you are.”

I could feel it. The burning. It was just a little tingle, but I knew it was the start. It was only going to get worse.

“I’m not a beautiful person, Kit. You don’t understand what I’ve done.”

I wiped my tears away and stared up at the man I loved. I wanted him so badly now that the burn was creeping up further. I had to look away for my own sanity.

“I know, Olivia, I know. But I also know that none of this is your fault. Please keep telling yourself that. And please keep on telling yourself that nothing in this world can make me change the way I feel about you. Nothing, Olivia. I swear. Please, never stop telling yourself that.”

I knew Kit was trying to get a message across, but the burning was surfacing like nothing before. I screamed out, clutching my sides.

“Olivia, whatever you do, don’t look at me. Okay, sweetheart? Just grip your eyes shut and look away.”

I did as he asked, crawling to the bed. The pain was increasing with every breath I took. It wanted a release. The same release I was begging Zac to give me all those days ago. The same release he gave to me time and time again.

Remembering the feeling of euphoria when that release came made the pain shoot through me once more. I cried out, crawling into a ball as the burn hit me once again.

I could hear Kit’s chains violently lashing in the background. He was suffering with me. The pull to see him was too great, so I opened my eyes and walked to the window, placing my hands on the glass and staring into those eyes. I wanted him. I needed him.

I banged my fist against the glass, scratching at it, clawing at it, desperate to get to him. I could see the pain and desperation to get to me in his eyes.

“Kit!” I screamed, wailing and crying with the pain. It was getting worse and all I could do was sink to the floor in agony. I daren’t touch myself because I knew the pain would sear me even more, so I lay there sobbing, curled up in a ball, longing for someone to take the pain away.

I didn’t know how long I had been lying there, but the burning and the pain suddenly seemed to mesh together. I felt like I was stuck inside a furnace. My body yearned and craved for that one thing I knew it wanted but couldn’t have.

In one intense explosion, my whole body screamed in agony as I gasped for breath.

“Oh god, Olivia. I can’t do this. I can’t bear to see you like this.” In one huge roar, Kit screamed Zac’s name. I screamed again as the door was flung open. I gripped my eyes shut. Kit told me to keep my eyes shut, so I did. I daren’t look up. I daren’t see the man who had rendered me to this. The man who could cure me of this. The man who could make it all better.

“Help her.”

His words were so soft, my eyes flung open. Zac was standing at the door staring at Kit, then back at me before turning his attention back to Kit. Every part of me screamed to move, to throw myself at him, but the pain had become too great.

“No…,” I muttered. Lord knows how I managed to get the word out.

“What do you mean help her, Chainey?”

I heard him pull at his chains. “You know what I fucking mean, Zachary. Help her. You and I both know she’ll die if you don’t.”

He smiled back at him. “Yet you let it go on this long.”

“You know what the fuck you’re doing, Zac. Help her. Please.”

Zac smiled wickedly, and I knew he felt overwhelming power now. He nodded once in Kit’s direction, then turned to my quivering frame on the floor. I was shaking my head violently, knowing what was going to happen next. My mind again raged war with my body. It wanted this, but a part of me knew this would end me. A part of me knew it would end Kit, too.

Bending down, Zac scooped me up in his arms and placed me on the bed. “I’m going to make it all better now, Livy. Okay?”

I screamed again as he uncurled me from my tight ball. He caressed my stinging face where he had slapped me, whispering words of comfort. Before I could even think straight, he rammed himself into me.

Just like that, I screamed my agonising release and cried out as the pain and the burning subsided. The more he moved inside me, the more bearable it became as the intense pleasure built and built. Before too long, I was coming again, Zac thrusting over and over again.

“You. Belong. To. Me.”

With each of my screams, Kit cried out with me, the emotional pain crippling me. I was crying in agony and joy as release after release ran through me. By the time I came a fourth time, I was sobbing like a baby. What must Kit think of me now? What kind of person did he think I was?

I wanted to look at him. A part of me wanted to see his pain so I could suffer with him, but I was a coward. I didn’t look his way because I knew it would break me.

“Fuck, you feel so good. My sweet, sweet pussy. You’re going to make me come hard, Livy. You’re going to make me come so fucking hard.”

His pace picked up and it wasn’t long before he arched his back and cried his own release inside of me.

Zac collapsed on top of me, his breathing heavy. My body felt the afterglow of its release, but my heart felt broken. I was in pieces. If it wasn’t for the fact I was rushing on endorphins, I would have found myself deep inside that pit. Zac was determined to make me his and he had succeeded. He showed Kit and I the power he possessed by robbing us of the one thing that glued us together. The one thing that made our bond the strongest I had ever felt in my life. We belonged together because the universe made it that way. It chose us, and now our choice has been ripped apart at the seams.

With that knowledge, I started sobbing. I didn’t want Zac seeing he had gotten the best of me, but what else could I do when he had taken everything I loved away?

“Shh, it’s okay, baby. Don’t cry. I’m sorry I hit you. I promise I’ll never do that again, baby. It’s just you and me now.”

Zac lifted himself up, but not completely off me. It was just enough for me to see it. Just enough for me to witness the measurable pain I put Kit through.

I could see his frame in the window. His breathing was harsh, his head hanging low. I could see the last remaining liquid falling out of his mouth from where he must have been sick. His wrists were so bloody from the amount of straining he must have been doing against his chains. I had done this to him.

I choked out a sob as an anger I had never felt before ripped through me. My whole body reacted and started beating, scratching, biting as hard as I could at the man who had robbed me of my soul. The man who had robbed me of everything.

Zac tried to hold me down, but I was too consumed with rage to stop. All the years of keeping in my fear, keeping in my agony, and keeping in my heart unleashed itself as pure hatred against the man who would never let me go. I knew that now. I was his and he made sure of that tonight. He made sure to tell anyone who ever dared get close to me that no one would ever take me away from him.

“Livy, stop it!” he growled, finally holding down my wrists and containing me.

I looked up into his eyes, pure hatred in my own. I was a little happy at the knowledge I had made him bleed. Scratches now marked his face.

“I hate you! Get off me!” I screamed over and over again, hoping someone would hear my cries. Hoping someone out there could take me away from this monster who had held me captive for so long. He had always been there, always hovering in the background, waiting for his time to strike.

“He asked me to help you, Livy. He was the one who gave me permission.”

My tears flowed as I violently shook my head. He was trying to poison my mind again. Trying to make me hate the one man I could only ever love.

“Olivia, I’m so sorry,” I heard Kit cry.

His voice completely broke me. Completely took away anything left of me I could give.

I was ruined.

“Are you done, baby? I bet you’re not. You’ll be wanting more soon. Can you feel the burn yet? Can you feel it creeping back up inside you, ready to burst unless I fuck you?”

Closing my eyes, I tried to fight it away. I tried to ignore the rising feelings. I couldn’t, though. It would only get stronger. It would only be a matter of time before the pain consumed me and I would have to give in to him again. Zac knew that and he was using it to his advantage. He was playing me like the amusing puppet I must be to him now.

I wanted to hate him. With each touch, desire spiked, but I wanted to hate him. My mind screamed to say no, but my body had other ideas. He was touching me in places he knew I couldn’t resist. He was making sure it felt good, and he was making sure I voiced that pleasure out loud.

Once Zac heard my cry of pain, he entered me again, releasing the burn that crept up my spine.

Once again, I was his.

Once again, I was robbed of my dignity.

And once again, any happiness I had left was slipping through my fingers.

Chapter 23

I wasn’t sure how many hours had gone by, but by the time the burning subsided and Zac had finally left me alone, I was more exhausted and broken than I had ever been in my life.

As Zac was buttoning himself up again, I curled into a little ball and stared vacantly at the walls, wishing and hoping they would swallow me up.

“I think I’ve made my point.” He sneered in Kit’s direction.

“The only point you’ve made is to prove to me how much of a sick, twisted fuck you really are. Look what you’ve done to her. Look what you’ve reduced her to. You told me you loved her. That’s not fucking love. You raped her.”

Zac ran to the window, banging his fist on it. “I didn’t rape her. She begged me to take her. She is always begging me to take her.”

“Only because you make her!” Kit’s voice was so filled with anger, I gripped the sheets with my fists.

“She might hate me now but, in time, she’ll grow to love me again. We have a child growing inside her now. My child. She will always be a part of me because she has a part of me inside her womb. There will never be any escaping from that.”

I could feel his eyes boring a hole into me as I let the tears fall down my cheeks. I had forgotten about becoming pregnant. This was what he was after all along and now he got his wish.

The final nail was in my coffin.

“I’m going to fucking kill you, Zachary. I promise you that. I don’t care how long it takes, but I will get to you and I will cut your fucking eyes out.”

Zac’s evil laugh had my whole body tensing. “I’m not going to worry about that too much, Chainey, and do you know why? Because, after tomorrow, you’ll be dead and I’ll take Livy as my bride. I’ll let you have a moment together to say goodbye. I
will
give you that.”

He walked out of the room, leaving us in silence. All that could be heard were my quiet sobs as my world came crashing down around me.

“Olivia,” he whispered, making my sobs louder. “Olivia, I’m going to promise you something. I
will
kill him. With every breath I have left, I will gut him until he bleeds to death. I will never let him hurt you again.”

Closing my eyes, I allowed the last remaining tears to fall and got myself lost in his words. I wished it were true. I wished my white knight would ride in on his horse, draw that sword, and rescue me.

It was never going to happen. As long as Zac was alive, I was his and always would be. There was no way Kit could fight his army alone. In the morning, Kit would be dead, and I would become numb. I was determined to live my life like that because it was better than feeling anything else. I would let Zac take control of me, drug me, hypnotise me, anything so I didn’t have to feel what it was like to live in the real world.

By tomorrow morning, I would welcome it. I would welcome it all.

*****

I wasn’t sure how long I had been left alone with only mine and Kit’s quiet sobs filling the air, but when the door finally clicked open, I was already in my dark pit. I was still lying in the exact same position as when he left me, and he smiled. It was a tender smile reserved for me and one I knew I was never escaping. I could see it now. I could see why he saved me from myself all those months ago. He was letting me know I couldn’t live without him. He was slowly crawling his way into my soul before finally ripping it away from me. That was why he let me find my vengeance. That was why he wanted me to find the man I always thought attempted to kill my parents. He was trying to show me he was on my side. He was trying to let me know that he was my white knight, my saviour, and that he would do everything in his power to give me what I needed. Because, in the end, I would need him. After all that was done, I would lean on him like he was my lifeline. Never was I to want or need again, apart from what Zac could give me. He had been planning this for years and now he finally had me.

I
was
his.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Zac tenderly pushed a strand of hair away from my eyes. “You look tired, baby. I’ll take you to bed now so you can rest. You don’t have to worry about a thing.”

When he bent down to pick me up, I heard Kit crying my name. Everything came crashing down on me again when a panic like I’ve never known before consumed me.

“Wait!” I pulled my hand up to stop Zac from taking me. “Please, wait. I need to say something.” I swallowed hard, my head becoming clearer. I had to attempt to save Kit. I had gotten him into this mess. Now I had to try and get him out of it.

Zac grabbed my hand and sat next to me on the bed. “What is it, Livy?”

I had to put on the best performance of my life to save the man I loved. I couldn’t live with myself knowing I had placed the gun in Zac’s hand and let him pull the trigger. I had to do something, anything to prevent Kit from dying.

Putting on the best smile I could, I reached up to caress Zac’s cheek. He smiled, closing his eyes at my touch. I heard Kit groaning and, for a moment, I almost faltered.

“I am yours now, Zac. I always have been. I will go with you willingly because my heart belongs with you. I want you to grant me just one wish, then I am completely yours. I promise. If you do this for me, I will love you unconditionally.”

Zac opened his eyes and stared at me for a moment. I could see the hope in his eyes, but my hope was gone.

“What, Livy? Anything. I will give you anything if you completely give yourself to me. One wish. What is it?”

I turned my head towards Kit and stared into his soulful eyes one last time. I had to take the memory of those eyes with me. The ones that promised hope, happiness, and a life filled with great possibilities. I could see his pain, see the light lost within those eyes, but there was still that flicker of hope. There was still that flicker of promises to come.

“I want you to spare him.”

Zac gripped my hand in anger. “But you have feelings for him. I could see it in you. I can’t let anyone get in our way. He tried killing you all, for fuck’s sake, Livy. I thought you wanted justice?”

I nodded. “I do… I did. The only thing I want now is you. Please, don’t let Kit get in our way.”

“Olivia, what are you saying? Don’t listen to him. Don’t let him poison you.”

Zac shot up from the bed. “Shut the fuck up, Chainey.”

I yanked at his arm to stop him from doing something stupid. “Zac, you have me. You won. Please, let it go. Let Kit go and I will be yours forever. I promise.”

I heard Kit yanking at his chains again. “No, Olivia. Don’t do this. Don’t.”

I took a deep breath, trying to keep myself from falling apart. I had to let Zac see that Kit’s words didn’t affect me.

“Tell him.” Zac was pointing towards Kit. “Get up, look into his eyes, and tell him. I want to hear you say the words to him, Livy.”

I got up from the bed, wobbling a little as I went. The drug was wearing off and exhaustion was setting in. I reached the window and stared into those eyes again, losing myself within them one more time.

Just one more time.

“Kit, I never wanted you like that. You were always just a game to me. I was trying to find you and I did. I won. You lost.” I saw the shock and horror in his eyes as I fought to carry on. I knew Zac was watching me now, scrutinising everything I said and did.

“When Zac lets you go, I want you gone from my life forever. I never want to see you again. I will spare your life, because that’s the kind of person I am, but don’t ever confuse what we had with love. I already told you. Painting is the only thing I ever loved, remember? I told you that a little while back. Painting is the only thing I ever loved.”

His eyes widened, and I hoped he got the message loud and clear. The message I gave him all that time ago in my bed after Kit declared his love for me.

“You know, I always loved painting, but whenever I think of painting from now on, it will remind me of just how much I love you.”

Once I was done, I captured that look of his one last time. The one that filled my heart with joy and my belly with butterflies.

I took in a deep breath, knowing I couldn’t do this anymore. I had to get out of there before I screamed.

Finally, I turned to Zac. “See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” I tried to sound indifferent, but I was falling apart inside.

Zac studied me a moment, then looked at Kit. He smiled, then turned his attention back to me.

“As you wish, baby. I will spare him, and you’ll be mine forever.” I nodded and let him take me by the hand. He placed the dressing gown back on me, tenderly brushing his lips against my cheek. I let him lead me out of the room and I daren’t look back. I could hear him, though. Hear his cries as I was being ripped away, never to see him again. He had to know that I wasn’t a bad person. I made something good out of something terrible. At least now he could live with the knowledge that I always loved him. I just hoped he would accept the path I chose and move on. I would never be happy again, but Kit could still find his. That was what I hoped for him anyway.

As the door closed behind me, so did my future. My life, filled with endless love and devotion, had closed its doors and I was on my own once again.

Emptiness was my life now.