Chained Guilt (Hidden Guilt (Detective Series) Book 1) (17 page)

It wasn’t the first letter she’d written her mother since her passing. For the last six months, she’d been writing letters and putting them in a special box. She was keeping them to give to her mother so she would know everything that happened after she died.

Dear mommy,

Tuday my baseball team won the city ternament. I was picked as MVP of the game. Tonight we have a team party to celbrate – at Encreduble Pizza. Coach Stacy (the one I have been telling you about) likes daddy I think. I think daddy likes her too. I hope that you are not mad. I think that you woud be happy if daddy was happy. Me to – I think? I do like Coach Stacy but I wish that you were here insted. Maybe one day they will get maried and she will be my new mommy. I don’t want a new mommy but I want daddy to be happy. I miss you so much. All of the other little girls at school have mommies. I get sad when I think about you being gone. I never told you this but I loved getting tikkles from you (daddy is to ruff shhhh don’t tell him I said that). I wood always tell you to stop but I l
oved it. I think that is all for now – I love you mommy.

Karen

26

“Girls, let’s go! I don’t want to be late,” I yelled up the stairs.

I checked my hair and clothes in the hallway mirror. It felt like I was in high school again. I couldn’t help but laugh at myself.

“You look great, Dad,” Hilary said as she came down the stairs, Karen following close behind. “Stop worrying. It’s just Incredible Pizza anyway. Give it fifteen minutes, and I’m sure some little kid will have spilled soda on you or touched you with her messy little pizza hands.”

“I was just looking. Promise.”

I grinned as the three of us headed out the door and climbed into the car.  I was looking forward to seeing Stacy and hoped to find the right time to bring up the idea of us seeing each other. Hilary and I had talked about it a little, but I knew it was a really big step for our newly restructured family. As we drove to the party, Karen solved the problem for me.

“Dad, I think it’s cool that you and Coach Stacy are dating.”

“We’re not—”

“Are you going to marry her?” Karen said.

I glanced in the rearview mirror. “Hey, slow down some. I was going to talk to you guys about that.”

“What’s there to talk about?” Hilary said. “She likes you. You’d be stupid not to like her, so what’s left?”

“Well how do you feel about that?” I asked. “Besides, I’m not sure what makes you think she likes me anyway.”

“I guess I’m okay with it,” Karen mused. “Mommy would be okay with it, so I’m okay with it.” Karen folded her arms, a smug look on her face.

“Okay. I guess I don’t get a say in this?”

“Nope,” Karen said with a satisfied grin. “Hilary and I have decided for you.”

“And make sure you’re in at a decent hour,” Hilary ordered. “You pay for all meals. Open the door for her and pull out her chair for her, too. Got it?”

When we arrived at Incredible Pizza, Stacy waved to us from a table by the window. My thoughts raced. I wasn’t exactly sure what I would say to her.  I hadn’t dated since I met Miranda. That had been so long ago.  I’d been a college kid then. I’d been allowed a stupid comment or two. Now I was a thirty-something widowed father of two—and at a complete loss for words.

As we walked toward Stacy’s table, I was bombarded by the racket. Leftover pizza crust littered the tables and floor.  There were a million kids, it seemed—up high, down low, everywhere. Hilary had been right about the probability of messy pizza hands landing on me. The noise rivaled that of the jet engines I’d flown in while I was in the service. It was deafening, to say the least. The sounds of children having the time of their lives. Everywhere I looked parents tagged along, trying to keep up with their kids as they led the way to the next game. What appeared to me to be utter chaos was nothing of the sort to the children as smiles, joy, and laughter radiated from each of them. This made me think back to the child killer we’d had here months earlier. Why in the hell would someone want to do harm to one of these precious gifts?

“Hey, Karen,” Stacy said. “Here are some gaming tokens. Let me know when you’re ready for pizza.”

Karen thanked Coach Stacy for the tickets and ran off to find her teammates.

“David, some of the parents are sitting at tables in the back. Would you like to join them?”

“Actually, no,” I said. I glanced at Hilary, who nodded at me in encouragement. “There’s something I wanted to talk with you about.” I thought I saw Stacy grin.

Hilary obviously knew where the conversation was headed and excused herself to go in search of two classmates she’d spied a few minutes earlier.

“Stacy, I haven’t done this in almost twenty years,” I said. “I’m not sure…”

“Done what in twenty years, David?” 

“Well, I know you don’t have a boyfriend, and the girls really like you, and—”

“And you? How do you feel about me?” Stacy interrupted with a smile.

“I . . . I think you’re great.”

Stacy attempted to stifle a giggle.

“Why are you laughing at me?” I asked, smiling myself.

“It’s cute, that’s all. Watching you stammer for words.”

As Stacy spoke, she moved closer to me. It made me uncomfortable, and I took a step backward. I was up against a wall . . . in more ways than one. No more backing up.

Stacy looked around to make sure we weren’t being watched too closely by anyone. Then she leaned close enough to kiss me. She placed one hand on my chest and slowly, ever so slowly, trailed her fingers down my body.

“You need to relax, David. No need to be nervous with me. We’re both adults. I’ve noticed you looking at me when you didn’t think I could see you. And yes –”

She stopped her hand right at my belt line.

“Yes, I feel the same way about you.”

I didn’t know what to make of this. While I felt relieved that Stacy was receptive to my words, I wasn’t quite sure what to make of her straightforwardness. Apparently my mixed feelings were noticeable on my face.

“Don’t look at me like that, David. I’m a big girl.” She grinned. “I know what I want. I’ve known for a long time.”

I tried to squirm my way around her. As I backed up, the chain I was wearing got caught on a button on Stacy’s blouse.

“Man, see what I mean? I’m terrible at this,” I said, trying to free the chain and myself.

“It’s okay,” Stacy said, laughing, obviously enjoying the moment. “Do you ever take this thing off? Every time I see you, you have it on.”

“My mother had me when she was in high school. I spent most of the first two years of my life with my grandmother. She died from breast cancer when I was five, and this chain was the last thing she gave me. I added the locket a few years later; there’s a picture of her in it. So yes, it’s dear to me. Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I took it off.”

“Daddy! Look how many tickets I have!” Karen yelled as she ran toward me. She waved her ticket-filled fists in my direction, and flew right by me. Stacy acted as if the interruption never occurred.

“Look, David, we’re not getting any younger. I know what I’m getting into with you. You have two beautiful girls, and you’re a great guy. We both know what it feels like to lose a partner. We can probably help each other on so many levels.”

“Do I get a say in this?” I couldn’t help but chuckle at myself, and she looked confused. “Sorry, it’s just the second time I’ve asked that exact same question today. To be honest, it sounds like we both feel the same way, but we can take it slow, right?”

“Sure we can. I just want you to know I’m committed to you and your family. I love watching you guys together, and I want to be a part of it.” She straightened and stepped back. “Well, I think
you
have taken enough of my time, Mr. Porter. I’m going to mingle with some of the other parents.”

“Yeah, sure.” I took a deep breath, somewhat flustered. “Thanks for the pep talk, coach.”

I felt exhausted and relieved and even a little confused . . . and happy, all rolled into one moment. I was excited about her interest in me. I also had an inkling that Stacy had been prepared for the conversation. It seemed almost calculated on her part. It bothered me. I wasn’t really sure where we stood. Did this make her my girlfriend? Are we dating? Is it exclusive? I had the feeling she was thinking long term, but I wasn’t ready to go there yet.

The encounter over, I meandered my way through the games and kids. I enjoyed watching the happiness and excitement on the children’s faces as they dropped in tokens and played games without a care in the world.

Suddenly, someone tapped me on the shoulder. 

“So?” Hilary stood behind me, an eyebrow raised in question.

“What?”

“You know what.” She prodded me with a smile.

I sighed. “A gentleman never kisses and tells.”

              Hilary glared at me, arms folded across her chest.

              “Oh okay. I think we may have a chance. We’ll take it slow and see what happens. Nosy Rosy!”

Hilary squealed in delight and  then quickly changed the subject.

“Can we get outta here, Dad? Kids eating boogers and then using the same hand to eat pizza has me all grossed out.”

I had to agree. I’d had about all the excitement I could take for one day.

27

Miranda looked around the room, wishing she could figure a way out of the hell hole. She had already lost about twenty pounds, she figured, and grew weaker by the day. She was slowly starving. She only ate once a day, if that, and showered once a week—a “hose down,” her captor called it.

She cringed as the door clicked open.

“Good morning, Miranda.”

Miranda refused to answer.

“Not talking today? That’s okay. And to think I actually came with a gift for you.”

She walked toward the chair where Miranda sat, bound hand and foot, and slapped her across the cheek. 

“I have something for you.”

She opened a folder and pulled out a photograph. She turned the picture so Miranda could see it. It was a picture of the woman with Karen, Hilary, and David. As Miranda stared at the picture, she was both happy and heartbroken at the same time.

She was glad her kids and husband were okay, but deeply saddened that, somehow, this woman had managed to weave her way into their lives. They all looked so happy, happiness that had once been hers.  Miranda struggled to remain emotionless when all she really wanted to do was cry. 

“Do you like it?” the woman asked. “It’s a good picture of us, isn’t it? It’s so rewarding to totally fuck up someone else’s world. Someone you hardly even know. I must admit, it does feel pretty good.”

              It grew harder for Miranda to hide her pain.

“So what are some things David likes? Any insider tips you can give me?” She chuckled. “Here’s a question for you . . . is he passive or aggressive in the sack? Huh? Come on, at least tell me that much.”

Miranda stared at her, her captor.
If only looks could kill
, she thought.

“Nothing? Well aren’t you just a killjoy today, Miranda. You know what? I like surprises. So I’ll just have to find out these things on my own. How about that?”

“Yeah, you’ll have to find out for yourself. Your day will come soon, you evil little—”               She stopped short of calling her a name. She refused to give her the pleasure of knowing how much pain she was in.

“Okay, Miranda. It’s time for me to go now. I have a date with a handsome detective to get ready for. Should I wear black or red panties tonight? Or should I be a bad girl and wear none at all? Decisions, decisions. I’m sure I’ll figure something out. Bye-bye now.”

Miranda closed her eyes, refusing to shed tears as her captor headed for the door. Then, the footsteps stopped and the woman turned around.

“Oh, Miranda, one more thing.”

She returned to Miranda’s chair and pulled a roll of duct tape from her jacket pocket. She pulled off a piece and secured it around Miranda’s mouth and the back of her head. Miranda tried to twist her head to avoid the tape but it was useless. 

“I need you quiet tonight, dear. Got big plans!” She laughed. “Oh, and in case you’re wondering after all this time, my name is Stacy. I don’t think I formally introduced myself to you.”

With that, she was gone. Miranda sat in frustrated confusion. Stacy? She’d never known a Stacy. Why was the woman torturing her this way? What had she ever done to her? And the picture. She’d left it behind.
On purpose?
Miranda didn’t know, but if she couldn’t be with her family, she’d settle for seeing their smiling faces in the photograph. It was all she had left.