Chains (9 page)

She stared at me with those soul-searching blue eyes, the corners of her lips drawn down into a frown. Her eyes shined wet and she blinked, shedding tears down her cheeks. “We used to,” she whispered.

The sucking ache in the hollow of my chest almost killed me. I pulled her head down on my shoulder, tucked it under my chin and wrapped my arm around her. Her cool, wet hair smelled fresh and clean. She felt like a feather—like a China doll—in my arms. Delicate and light, like she might blow away if I let go or fracture into a thousand pieces if I held too tight.

Her stillness and silence devastated me more than if her body heaved with great sobs, and she screamed at me for leaving her for years.
Say something—
I didn’t know if wanted words from her or from me, but my tongue was thick with remorse and no sound would fall from my lips.

Voices droned on the T.V. Some cop show. Outside, people yelled across the parking lot. Someone laughed. A can dropped from the vending machine with a metallic thunk. I wanted to shut Danny away from the world—shut out all the background noise and pretend we were somewhere else. Somewhere good for once in our lives. Somewhere safe and quiet. Somewhere bright and beautiful and warm. Somewhere I could love her and bring her back to life—her old self.

There was no going back. I knew that. Dreams of clear water and white sandy beaches were for idiots. We could be on one of those beaches now, and it wouldn’t make a damn bit of difference. It couldn’t erase the past and what we lived through together. Nights in a dark basement, unable to break free, listening to her cry.

She used to tell me I was her tiger—Ty-ger—because of the way I roared from the depths of the basement for Striker to leave her alone. She said my roars shook the house. She said it to make me feel better, less helpless. She consoled me when she was the one who was the victim.

We consoled each other.

I didn’t know how to console her now. There was so much lost between us. I never thought it would be like this. Never thought I could lose my way with Danny.

I blinked back the stinging in my eyes and kissed the top of her head. We’d find our way back. It would take a little time, but this was us—partners in crime. Back together. She was my princess, and I was her tiger.

The puppy wiggled up under her chin, and I felt her breathy laugh more than I heard it. “Alex,” she said.

I leaned my head back a bit so I could look down at her. “Alex?”

“Yeah,” she said, kissing the dog on the nose. “I named him Alex, because he was destined for the same fate as our Alex.” She tilted her head back and gazed up at me. “The one taking all the beating. But you saved this one.”

Emotion pooled thick in my throat. I couldn’t swallow. “Good name,” I managed to whisper.

I joined her in stroking Alex’s back. Her fingers were so small next to mine, slender sticks with little white ovals of bitten nails at the ends. The bones in her wrists stood out and I couldn’t help but wrap my index finger and thumb around her forearm to see how far up I could go and have my fingertips still touch.

She placed her palm flat on my chest, watching my hand climb up her arm to just under her elbow. Her hand was cold, but the touch unexpected and sent shivers down my stomach. She was much too thin. Drugs would do that—make you forget about everything else that you needed to survive. “Are you hungry?” I asked. “I can run out and get you something.”

She shook her head and slid her hand across my body, wrapping it around my side as she lay her head on my chest and snuggled against me.

It was her spot. She still fit.

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, watching her head lift up and drop back down on my chest. I never thought I’d see her there again. I spent so many nights like this, I’d know the top of her downy, blond head anywhere. The part in her hair that veered to the left, the bump of a cowlick on the right, the scar from three stitches. The hospital was told it was from falling down roller skating, but it was really from the end of a belt buckle the baron hit her with.

I brought my hand up and traced the scar with my fingertip. Her stories were my stories. My past was her past. Our lives were entangled and always would be.

I ran my fingers through her hair for what seemed like hours. Her breathing deepened, and her arm went slack across my waist. For the first time in forever, my mind was still. I wasn’t anxious about the next fight or running through footwork in my head. I wasn’t playing back what happened that night or ready to run away—get back on the road. I was still. My head was clear. I had everything I needed right here in my arms. Having Danny back filled me up and completed me. Nothing else mattered anymore. Going to Austin, not going to Austin. Fighting, not fighting. All that mattered was us—Danny and I. As long as I had her, I’d be fine.

The hypnotic white noise that took over while I was fighting sometimes was happening now. It lulled me, put me in a trance. Maybe it was insanity, but I didn’t care. It felt perfect and I closed my eyes and let it take me away.

I woke a while later on my side, aroused. A leg was swung over my hip, pelvis grinding into my ass and lips working at the back of my neck. Her hand roamed from my lower stomach up and down over my cock.

It took me a second to put it together and then—

Fuck.

“Danny,” I whispered.

She wrapped her hand around me and squeezed in response. The air left my lungs, and I groaned. Jesus, it felt good.

“This is right,” she said against my neck, rubbing her hard nipples across my back through her thin t-shirt.

I closed my eyes. Every nerve ending in my body was on fire. My muscles clenched and my hips thrust against her hand, working me.
This is right.
It fucking felt right. Nothing had ever felt this right.

“Roll over,” she said, pressing down on my shoulder.

My back hit the mattress, and her lips crawled up the side of my neck. Her body rolled on top of mine, straddling me. She was hot and writhing, needful. Her face came over mine, her lips closing in on my mouth. Our eyes met.

“Wait.” I took her face in my hands, my entire body shaking with shock, my mind reeling. We both panted for air, inhaling each other’s exhaled breaths.

Confused and drunk with lust, I sat up with her on my lap. She wrapped her legs around my waist; her eager fingers tip-toed up my chest. “I want you,” she said, her lips brushing mine.

I didn’t know if I had the strength to resist, but I knew if this happened it would derail us from where we should be headed together. “I need to know you again first,” I said, brushing her hair back from her face, kissing her forehead, her nose, her chin. “I need inside here,” I said, touching her temple. “And here.” I touched her heart. “Before here,” I slipped my hand between us, where her heat was making me throb.

She leaned back, away from me, out of my hands. Her eyes narrowed, and her shoulders heaved. “You don’t want me because of
him.
Because of what
he
did to me.”

Her words were a physical blow to the gut. “What? No.” I pulled her back to me, held her against my chest. “No, Danny. I do want you, but I want to know you first. It’s been a long time. A lot happened in your life that I missed.”

“Because you left me,” she said, her voice flat.

“I left you,” I said, resigned, nuzzling my nose to her ear. “I’m sorry, Dan. I regret it. I can’t take it back, but I’m with you now and always will be, okay? No matter what. So, we have time for this. We have time to be whatever we are together now. We don’t have to rush.”

She held on to me tight. Her hands trembled against my back. “What do you want from me?” she asked.

It hit me then—what she was doing—why she was seducing me. She thought it was what I wanted from her. She thought it would make me stay this time. Pain and longing ricocheted through the cavern of my chest. “I want you to trust me. I want you to be my girl again. I want you in my life and me in yours. I want to make you happy.”

She climbed off my lap and nestled back in beside me. The only acknowledgement I got that she’d heard what I said was a deep sigh and her body relaxing into mine. And that was enough. For now.

SIX

Mike called at six the next morning. I stared at his name on my phone, glowing blue in the dark of the motel room.

“It’s early,” I said, mumbling into the phone with a low voice so I didn’t wake Danny.

“Your plane leaves early,” Mike said. “Are you packed? You need to get your ass-end to the airport.”

I watched Danny’s chest rise and fall. She looked so peaceful. She looked fifteen again. “I’m not sure I can make it, Mike,” I said, with a pang of regret, remembering Danny’s request for me to quit fighting. Had we made that deal? Drugs for fighting? I wasn’t sure.

“You have Danny then,” he said, his voice tinged with frustration. “Look, bring her with you. We’ll get her sorted out together, alright? You and I both worked too hard for too many years to throw this away. This is the fight where you make it or break it, Ty. This is the one where you win and go pro.
Don’t
throw this away. I know she’s important to you, but so is fighting.”

I dragged a hand over my head and gripped my short hair. “Let me get back to you.”

“There isn’t time for this!”

“I know. Give me an hour.” I hung up before he could argue and tossed my phone on the nightstand.

I rubbed my hands over my face. Last night had to have been a dream. It was the culmination of all the stress leading up to the fight and finding Danny, my body aching like I’d been hit by a truck, and having her here beside me. There was no way she had her hands on me.

She turned over in her sleep and reached for me, and I knew it had been real. Everything from the perfect, white-noised peace I felt with her lying in my arms to the middle of the night grinding session. It all happened. It was still happening. I stayed—didn’t go to Austin—found Danny, and she was here with me.

Smacked back into the present, I was wide awake and faced with the dilemma of my next move. We should’ve talked last night. I had no idea if she lived in Reno, if she was here from somewhere else, for how long and with who and if she could leave with me. Now it was time to get my ass to the airport, as Mike put it, and I didn’t know if she’d go with me if I left.

I twisted a lock of her hair around my finger. If she wouldn’t go, I’d stay. I wouldn’t lose her again. The clarity that seeped into my blood last night was still with me—being with her was all that mattered. Being with her and making her whole again somehow.

Alex The Dog bounded up my leg and landed on my stomach. I brought my knees up and grabbed him. My movement woke Danny. Her eyes opened and she stretched her arms over her head.

“It’s still early,” I said. “Go back to sleep. I’ll take Alex out.”

She mumbled something and reached up to stroke my cheek before closing her eyes and crashing right back out again. The light trace of her fingertips tickled. I rubbed my cheek as I got up with Alex. I could get used to waking up like this.

I threw on a t-shirt and padded outside barefoot across the sidewalk and parking lot to the small patch of grass on the far side. Alex walked around sniffing in the brittle Nevada scrub grass that stabbed the bottoms of my feet. The sun was already glaring down out of the sky, ready to zap the life out of the day. I was ready to get back to Michigan.