Challenge: A Contemporary MMA Romance: Oni Fighters Book 3 (12 page)

He gritted his teeth in anger and his eyes narrowed. She’d certainly done a number on his mood. He’d said he wanted to talk about us. That train wasn’t at the station right now. Irena had inadvertently won that round. Bitch!

There was no way he was going to talk to me right now. The tension shimmered off his body like heat waves. In fact, I didn’t want to talk to him like this either. No good would come of it.

If we were going to talk about us, then I deserved his full attention and his mood and thinking focused on me.

I needed to get out of here and leave him to cool off, I sensed me being here was only going to make things worse at the moment.

“Um, I’m going to head down to the cafeteria and grab a coffee, you said you wanted to talk about us. Now’s not the time.”

“I did and no, it’s not.” He looked away for a moment, then back to me and I knew he was fighting an internal battle.

“I think that whatever we just went through calls for a chocolate bar. Screw the diet.” He nodded his agreement tightly. I stood up and grabbed my purse. “You want anything in particular?”

“Surprise me.”

“
I can do that.”

He did give me a hint of a smile as I turned at the door.

Maybe it would be okay.

Why today?

Why, when I was planning one of the most difficult conversations of my life, did
she
have to turn up? When would she get it? I was done with her. Had been for years.

Maybe I should just forget this talk with Sophia and tackle it another time? Xander’s words had been running around in my head half the night and since I woke up this morning.

I’d been ready—all psyched up to talk to Sophia, when
she
turned up. Now my guts were churning again, just like after every visit from my mother.

The only thing to do was what I always did when mother called.

Put that shit out of my mind
.

Don’t think about it. Just carry on.

God, I missed being able to get up and do something about all the shit that I was feeling. Exhaustion was my friend when this happened.

Hell, my crazy arse mother was half the reason I started martial arts in the first place. She wanted me out of the house and Ron Stayplton’s place ran classes every night. Win—win.

And for the next ten minutes, I was that ten-year-old kid again, feeling lost, lonely and angry at the world. Why didn’t I have a dad? Why did he have to do what he did? And then, there was him.

I’ll never forgive her for
him
.

“How are you today, Seth, my man?” Gavin, my new physio, called as he wheeled the walking frame through the door.

The walking frame—I’d immediately developed a love/hate relationship with that thing. I loved that it allowed me to get out of bed and I hated that it was a constant reminder of how limited my movement currently was.

Fuck it all. I was getting out of bed and I was going to work out. Even if it wasn’t the sort of work out I wanted to do. A hard round of bags and then some grappling would have been my preference.

“Let’s go,” I snarled.

Gavin was taken back a bit. “Everything okay, mate?”

“It will be when I get out of this fucking bed.”

He moved the walker into place and I threw the blankets off my legs. Gavin helped me maneuver from the bed to a standing position behind the frame.

I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt.

It hurt like all fuck.

But the anger and frustration running around inside me was worse.

“Just take it easy.”

I glared at him and headed for the door. Every step was agony. Physical pain I could stand. It was unpleasant and I didn’t enjoy it, rather I understood it and could work with it. That pain of feelings, the type that rocked you deep in your gut, that was the kind of pain I hated. That was pain I’d never get or understand.

I hated it. I’d do anything to make that fucker go away.

God, damn it!

Before I realized it, I was at the door and moving out. I had no idea where I was going, I was just getting the hell out of that damned room.

Gavin had a worried look on his face, when he rushed up beside me.

“Take it easy, Seth, we’ve only been doing this a couple of days. You don’t have anything to prove.”

The fuck I didn’t.

I was done with them all. I could do this on my own.

I had heaps to prove—to me and every other person that ever doubted me, ever ignored me, ever didn’t give a fuck about me—didn’t love me enough.

Didn’t love me enough?

That one set off a particularly painful rip to my gut.

“I love you, Seth.”
Those words were rattling around in my head. I hadn’t heard them, since, well…a very long time ago.

How was it possible for me to simultaneously want to wrap myself up in that love, set fire to it, and run from it all at the same time?

Did I believe her? Yeah, I believed her. Sophia didn’t lie.

Xander had me convinced last night and before…then she turned up…

“Okay, Seth, that’s more than far enough. Let’s turn around and head back to the room.”

I looked up, the elevators where another fifteen metres. Fuck it, I was going to make it to them—I ignored him and kept walking.

Every step I took speared more agony through my hips and my arms began to tremble with the strain of taking most of my body weight.

I’d bitten off way more than I could chew. Way more than was smart.

This didn’t escape me, but there was no way I’d give up or fail. If it was going to be, it was up to me, and I was walking to the fucking elevators, then back. At least when the physical pain was really bad, it overwhelmed the emotional stuff. That demon was a badass motherfucker.

”Seth, you’re over-doing it,” Gavin pleaded.

“I’m fine.”

“You’ll be too sore tomorrow.”

“I’ll be fucking fine. I always am.”

And wasn’t that the truth of it!

I would be now as well, I couldn’t feel that claw to my gut so much anymore, just the burning agony in my hips. I embraced the pain, reveled in it!

That pain was my friend—my best friend—particularly when he chased away that evil
feelings demon
.

A few long minutes later, I made it back to bed and Gavin helped me get settled again.

“I think you should take some more pain meds. You’re going to need them. You pushed too hard, Seth,” Gavin chastised. He was about as scary as my grandma. He needed to take lessons from Nancy if he wanted to be a badass or intimidate.

“I’m fine.”

Nancy chose that moment to walk in. Her timing was uncanny. “Tough guy doesn’t want the pain medicine?” She just rose her eyebrows at me with a very unamused look. “How many times have I told you…”

“Yeah, I know. Bodies heal quicker if they’re not in pain,” I finished for her. I knew this speech by heart.

Pain medication was just another thing I hated. I had my reasons and I wasn’t about to discuss them with Nancy.

“Good then, I know it’s your pig headedness and stupidity stopping you from taking more—not some TBI related amnesia.”

“Ha ha…just leave me be.”

“Excellent idea. Take a nap.”

“Will you quit treating me like I’m about four. Next you’ll be bringing me a glass of milk,” I grumbled.

“I can certainly arrange that if you’d like.” She even smiled sweetly.

“Actually, I would.” Bugger it! I was calling her bluff.

Nancy trotted off and returned a few moments later with a small plastic bottle of milk and a straw?

“What, no glass?”

“We’re not allowed to have glasses on the ward, they pose a risk to patients,
particularly children
.” Then, she placed a little cup with a couple of white pills in it on the table. “Try being a grown up and taking the pills as well. You never know, they might actually make you feel better.”

Chalk up another one to Nancy!

I was still man enough to admit when I’d been bested.

I twisted off the blue plastic lid and downed the pills and the milk in a few long swallows.

An approving smile crossed her face.

If only it was that easy to make all my problems go away.

I
must have dozed off
. When I woke, Sophia was sitting beside the bed, scrolling through her iPad. I wriggled up, trying to get a little more comfortable.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to doze off. Must be whatever Nancy gave me.”

“It’s fine, Seth. I heard you tried to set new distance records for the walker. Nurses are all checking to see if it’s been added as an event to the Olympics.”

“No point doing it unless you’re going to push it.”

“There’s push it and stupid. As long as you were doing the former and not the later,” she said with a concerned frown and one eyebrow raised.

“I know what I can do,” I defended.

“Great. Then, I’ll say no more on that.”

“Good! What did you get?” I’d actually expected her to give me more grief.

“A couple of Mars bars and a couple of Cherry Ripes”

“I’ll take a Cherry Ripe.”

She passed it to me and I tore the end off with my teeth and bit into it. Not bad.

Sophia turned the chocolate bar over and over in her hand.

“What’s up?”

Her eyes found mine and I read guilt.

“What’s up?”

“I’m not supposed to be eating junk. You know the fight and all.” She tried to shrug it off. I also know how much she loved chocolate.

“I think Xan would understand you need that chocolate bar, babe. That shit before was intense and there wasn’t a damned thing either of us could do. She’s whacked in the head.”

It pained me a little that it was my mother I was talking about—even if it was true.

“I’ll need to run another couple of kilometres.”

“So run another couple of clicks.”

“I hate running by myself. It’s so boring and ten times more difficult.”

“I’ll be back running with you soon. Hey, I’m up to the elevators now. That must be a whole thirty metres.”

“Yeah, you will.” I was being sarcastic and she was being positive and supportive.

What had I done to deserve having someone like her in my corner?

I took another bite of the cherries wrapped in dark chocolate and watched her succumb to the temptation of the chocolate bar.

She was waiting for me to start talking, I could tell.

Surprisingly, I felt much calmer after my nap. But what I was about to do was still scary as all fuck to me.

I felt like a first time skydiver, fear resonated in every cell as I edged closer to the door of the plane and jumping. I sure hoped my chute opened when I leapt.

And then, I took a deep breath and just jumped—trusted.

“I said before I wanted to talk to you and I do. I also really dug kissing you again.” Her face went all soft and she edged her chair closer to the bed. I reached out and brushed my hand down the side of her cheek. Sophia really was beautiful, the natural, born-with-it type of beauty. The type time nor trend would ever dim.

“I loved kissing you, too.” Her eyes darted away for a second, then met mine again. There was
that
word again. “It somehow didn’t feel right before, even though we’ve previously kissed hundreds of times.” She admitted and I could tell it cost her a lot to say that.

I nodded, knowing exactly what she meant. “Before, it was different. I wanted to talk to you about what you said and where we go from here. Did you mean it, when you said you loved me?”

“Yes.” Her eyes never lost contact with mine and her voice never faulted. She was certain. “But I have no idea about how you feel about it.” And that was when I saw the vulnerability creep in.

“You probably know that I had a visit from Xan last night.”

She nodded in confirmation. “He mentioned that he was coming in.”

“We had a long chat and, well, he set me straight about some stuff.” I could talk around in circles or I could get to the point.
The ground was coming up fast!

“I know I’ve been really difficult to get on with and you’ve been amazing the way you’ve stepped up and taken care of me and been there for me. I’m not used to it. I didn’t know how to handle it.”

“I kind of got that impression from earlier, when I realized what sort of role model you’d had.”

I dropped my eyes from hers, momentarily embarrassed about my crazy fucked up relationship with my mum.

I dragged my gaze back to her. “Ahh, yeah. I’ve never wanted a relationship to be more than sex Soph. Somehow, that’s different with you. For the first time ever, you have me wondering if I can do more. I’ll be honest, I don’t know if I can do it, but I want to find out if you’re prepared to take a chance on me. I realize now you need more from me than just sex.”

She gave me a knowing grin that held a little amusement. “Isn’t that what I’ve been doing all along? Waiting for you to figure out that we had more than just sex.”

“I don’t know, is it?” Had she really been thinking that?

“Well, yeah.”

I let out a chuckle. “Well, I guess that’s good then, we’re both on the same page.”

A slight frown came over her face. “Maybe you should explain what you think ’being on the same page means.’”

Oh, God, how did I put it into words?
The ground was coming at me quicker again.

“How about I tell you what I think, what I want from a relationship, and we’ll see how bad you freak out, at least you can’t run.” She knew me better than I thought.

Sophia pulled the rip cord for me and, immediately, I started to slow my descent.

I might just be okay.

I watched her take a deep breath and launch right in. My girl was fearless. I only wished I had the same sort of certainty where we were concerned.

“For me, Seth, I guess it’s being comfortable with those next layers of intimacy. Your accident has really made it clear to me. It’s also made it obvious to me how much you try to reject anything more than superficial. How uncomfortable it makes you feel. You’ve felt really awkward about me doing anything to help you. You know, stuff you’d normally do for yourself. I get the fact that you’re embarrassed but I don’t want you to be.” Sophia was rambling, but I could understand why, plus she was doing it to ease my own fears. That only made me want her more.

“I want you to feel like you can do or tell me anything and not feel concerned or embarrassed about telling me or how I’ll act or view you. For me, it’s about being comfortable and feeling safe enough to share anything and know that you’ll still love me, regardless. That’s where I want to get to because that’s what I want to give you. I want to give you that sort of love.”

She was stripping me back and I felt like a bug under a microscope.

Sophia was going all in.

This was definitely the freefalling, big jump type of stuff she was talking about.

Nothing about working up to it in small steps. I shouldn’t be surprised; Sophia was fearless in so many ways.

I hadn’t even mentioned loving her. Not yet. I was so unsure of my feelings and here she was laying it all out for me, telling me what she wanted and needed. Could I do it? Could I be what she needed?

“I hate you seeing me as anything less than the man you know. There’s something really dehumanizing about having to get someone else to help you use the bathroom.”

“Yeah, there is, I imagine. But from my perspective, I don’t want to see you struggle or be in pain when I could help you if you need it. It’s not like I don’t know your body. I saw it with Eden to an extent. She was pretty much laid up for the first few months. Admittedly, it was mum or me helping her but I know it made her feel uncomfortable. It’s not just about that though. I want to know how you feel about stuff. Why you have those feelings or views.”

“Geez, Soph, I don’t think even I know half the time why I think or feel a particular way about something.” Fuck, I’d never spoken so much about emotions as I had the last couple of days.

“Do any of us? We don’t need all the answers today. It’s about finding out together. That’s what I want.” And she was asking me whether I could provide it, work with her on it.

“I guess I’m okay with having a go at that. Xander said he thought we should focus on giving a go to building a relationship that wasn’t built solely on sex. That’s what you’re asking for, right?”

“Right. What else did he say?” She eyed me curiously.

Oh no, I’d promised him I wasn’t going to divulge. “He suggested we should take the time that I’m essentially
out of action
to try and build what you were talking about. That was what I was wanting to talk to you about and see if you wanted to have a go at. I have to admit, though, it scares the hell out of me. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.”

She grinned, seeming unfazed by my concerns “The answer is yes. I’m so over feeling awkward around you. To you, we might have only been having sex before but at least it was never awkward between us. Since you’ve been hurt, it’s felt really awkward for me. I’ve wanted to touch you, be close to you but I’ve not known what’s right. What you’ll tolerate or let me do. I’ve hated feeling like that. And none of us know what we’re doing in relationships. That’s the journey, figuring out if we’re on the same road and enjoying the scenery together.”

Her words were killing me and giving me hope at the same time. She’d been hurting too, all because she was wanting to help and be there for me. I was shit at letting people help me.

There seemed to be only one thing to say. “I’m sorry.”

She took my hand and laced our fingers together. “It’s okay, we’re fixing it now. That’s what this is about, right?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

A smile that would warm the coldest night settled on her face and I knew then, the discomfort I’d felt was worth it.

“How about you kiss me again? If I recall, we were interrupted before and I was definitely enjoying myself.”

She had no idea how tempting that sounded, unfortunately there was something else on my mind. Something that had been torturing me for days.

“Soon.”

Might as well lead with the big guns right?

“What?”

“Well, you know that intimacy stuff you were just mentioning?”

“Yes,” she said warily.

“I need to tell you something, it’s kind of been part of the reason I’ve been so prickly and it affects you.” I took a deep breath; this was about as tough as it got for a guy.

“Just say it.” Concern etched her face.

“I haven’t been hard since the accident. Even before, when we were kissing—nothing. You know that would have normally had me ready to go, if I wasn’t already there before.” There, I’d said it and I felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders.

Concern etched her face. “Is it because of the surgery or because of the break?”

“Probably both. Nancy said it was my body’s way of protecting itself while I healed.”

“You spoke to Nancy about this?” Yeah, it was as surprising as hell for me too.

“Well, I can’t say I intended to, it just kind of happened.” I admitted a little coyly.

“What did she say?”

“Not to worry about it at the moment.” I winced.

“Well, there you go.”

“It’s just…”

“You’re freaking out because you’re always hard,” she finished for me and grinned, her eyes filling with mischief.

“Yeah.” The word hung between us for a second.

Then she got cheeky and lifted the blanket. I had on a pair of loose athletic shorts so there was nothing visible.

“What are you doing?” I asked warily.

“Wondering if you would like me to see if I can help.”

“We’re in a hospital,” I reminded her.

“And your point would be? Do I need to remind you about some of the places we’ve done it?” She teased me with the sex kitten face.

“No, you don’t need to remind me! I may not remember what happened after but I do remember taking you against your bedroom wall and it sure was hot. I also remember every other time. Besides, I thought we just agreed that we were going to work on building a relationship that wasn’t focused solely on sex.”

“We did. But this is obviously bothering you. If you want me to do something, I will.”

“I’ll let you know.”

“I’ll be ready whenever you are.” There was a big sparkle in her eyes. And that was one of the things that had me so attracted to Sophia. She was as adventurous and up for sex and anything else as much as I was—well, normally, that is.

“I don’t want you to feel pressured though. We’ll get back to it when you’re healed.”

I decided to go for broke. “Xan kind of suggested we should focus on being affectionate and that sort of stuff. Kind of like going back to high school.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I was sweet and innocent,” she said in a proper voice.

“Oh, right. I’m sure that was the case.”

She just raised her eyebrows playfully. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“I thought we were doing the whole disclosure thing?”

“You really want to know if I was
busy
in high school?”

“Sure. Why not? Who popped your cherry, babe? It wasn’t me.”

“You really want to know that?”

“Well, not really, but if you want to tell me…I’m good with it.”

“It was this guy called Troy and it was terrible.” The look on her face had me laughing. “A total let down. Took me another year before I could even think about going there again. Next time, I was smarter. I picked an older man! One that knew what the different parts of the female anatomy actually did.”

By this stage, we were both laughing. It felt great. The only bad part was, I still felt a level of pain in my pelvis. Although, the incision points didn’t feel so bad anymore.

“I’m sorry, it’s uncomfortable for you to laugh?”

“Yeah, but it feels good to as well. You know what I mean?”

“Yeah, plus you’re up and around. Small steps, Seth. You’re not ready for the cage yet but getting out of bed and walking is a biggy, isn’t it.”

“Yeah, I guess it is.” As hard as it was to accept, she was right.

“Then, go with that. You get to do it again tomorrow.”

She looked so excited and animated. I wanted to scoop her up in my arms and hug her to me. Though, that wasn’t really possible at the moment. We seemed to do just fine on the kiss before.