Champagne Toast (16 page)

“
How
’
s Ethan?
”
my mother asks
,
as she places her porcelain tea kettle on the stove. Doing my best not to roll my eyes, I correct her.

“
Evan,
”
I say as kindly as I can.

“
Oh, that
’
s right,
Evan
.
I apologize,
”
she says in her prim and proper voice. I want to climb the walls. How on earth was I raised by this robot?

“
He
’
s great
—
wonderful, actually.  We
’
re very happy
.” 
I smile.

“
That
’
s nice. Do you think you might marry him?
”

Of course, that
’
s all Angeline cares about, when I
’
ll marry and how much money his family will have.  Oh, and she
’
ll be all about planning the wedding.  Too bad she
’
d drive me into a mental institution.  It
’
s not that I haven
’
t thought of marrying Evan.  It
’
d be incredible.  But, when I think about it, Richard and Angeline Armour aren
’
t even in attendance.  It
’
s just Evan and me on a beach with a judge.  I
’
m wearing a flowing dress, and he
’
s wearing whatever the hell he
’
d want to wear.  He
’
d look perfect in anything.  No family, no friends, just us making promises to one another. Not at all what Angeline has in mind.  She just wants me to get my
“
MRS
”
degree like she did and marry a wealthy lawyer who will take care of me while I have his babies and clean his house.  No thanks.

“
I don
’
t know yet if we
’
ll get married.
”

“
Oh that
’
s right, you
’
re not exactly the marrying kind,
”
she says, a snide tone appearing in her words for the first time during this uncomfortable visit.

“
What does that mean?
”
I ask incredulously.

“
Well, you do have a track record, Kate.  You don
’
t share much with me, but I know you hop from boy to boy.  I
’
ve paid attention over the years.  You seem
. . .
what
’s the word? 
Restless.
”

“
Well, that
’
s part of my past.  Evan is my future.
”

“
If that
’
s true, I
’
m happy for you,
”
Angeline says, raising an eyebrow and pouring two cups of tea.  She sits across from me and stirs her cup with her dainty teaspoon.
“
What does Evan do for a living?
”

“
Right now, he works with me at the bar
—”

A look of disappointment covers Angeline
’
s face.  She doesn
’
t look a bit surprised, though.
  “
Kate, when are you going to learn that these are not the men you want to settle down with?  Do you want to be married to a bartender?
”
  If she weren
’
t my mother, I
’
d want to punch her in the face for being such a snob.  And for thinking that Evan is any
thing
less than wonderful.

“
Mother, with all due respect, you don
’
t know Evan.  He
’
s a student like me, and he
’
s studying marketing.  He
’
s even started interviewing with some big companies.
He
’
s very driven and motivated.  If we were to get married, he
’
d take very good care of me, of both of us
.” 
Why on earth am I defending Evan to her?  Why do I even care what Angeline thinks of me or my relationship with Evan? 
She doesn
’
t matter, Kate.
  But, she does.  And I know it.

“
Well, that
’
s nice, darling.
You know your father and I just want what
’
s best for you,
”
she replies.

“
And for me to be happy, right?
”

“
Pardon me?
”
she seems confused.

“
And you want me to be happy, don
’
t you?
”

“
Well, of course.  What a silly thing to say.
”

“
Actually, it
’
s not silly,
”
I say, taking a deep breath before continuing.
“
Here
’
s the thing, Mother.  Evan makes me happy, but so does photography.  I
’ve been using my dark
room a lot lately, and taking all sorts of photos.
Evan gave me this amazing camera.  I
’
m thinking I
’
d like to do this, you know, professionally
.” 

My heart is racing and anxiety is sweeping through me.  I
’
m so afraid of where this conversation might lead.
But, I have to persist.  They are the only chance I have.  Even though my parents don
’
t have a lot of money, I
’
m hoping they
’
ll have something to give me since I
’
ve paid for my own college education.

“
Oh, yes, I remember you used to love taking pictures on that camera your uncle gave you.  And your father bought you that machine last year.  You
’
ve always been so artsy, it
’
s hard to keep up with your hobbies, Kate.
One year it
’
s painting, the next photography.  I figured you
’
d moved on to something else by now
.” 
God, how her words sting.
She doesn
’
t take me seriously, not at all.

“
It
’
s not a hobby.  It
’
s my passion and it has been for three years now.  I
’
d like to make it my career.  But, I need your help
.” 
I
’
m barely able to get the words out, but I do my best to remain strong against her judgmental face.

“
Whatever do you mean, darling?  What do you need from
me
?
”
She looks defensive already;
she knows I
’
m about to ask for money.

“
Well, starting a business can be costly, and I
’
m basically spending all of what I make at the bar on living expenses.  I was hoping you and Dad would agree to give me a loan.
”

“
I don
’
t know,
”
she begins,
“
this is really something for your father to decide, not me.
”

“
Why
not
you, Mother?  It
’
s your money, too,
”
I say, wishing I had bit
ten
my tongue. This conversation is going nowhere quickly.

“
You and I both know your father makes all of the money decisions in this household, and I wouldn
’
t have it any other way.  If you
’
d like me to talk with him about it, I will.  But, I have to be honest,
Katherine
, I don
’
t see him offering you anything.
”

“
Why?
”
I hate the way she says my full name.  It makes the hair on my arms stand up.  She only uses it when she
’
s being condescending.

“
You
’
re not exactly a good investment,
”
she deadpans.

Did my mother actually say those words to me? 
I
’
m not a good investment?
  Is she fucking kidding me?  Who says that to their daughter?

“
I
’
m not asking you to invest in me, Mother, I
’
m asking you to lend me money so that I can make something of myself doing the one thing I love to do.
”

“
The one thing?  Hardly.  Kate, you have been a pianist, a sculptor, a painter and a songwriter.  You were bound to be a photographer at some point, but it
’
s highly unlikely that you
’
ll stick with it.  It
’
s not how you operate, my darling
.” 
Her words are like venom.  My heart is shattering within my chest.

My eyes are quickly filling with tears as I come to the horrid realization that my mother has no faith in me.  She thinks I
’
m a flake, someone who never follows through.  Does she not know me at all?  Or am I living in denial?  Maybe she knows me better than I know myself
. . .
maybe Evan is the one who doesn
’
t know me at all.  He
’
s been pushing me to pursue this, telling me how talented I am, encouraging me to pursue my passion.  What if he
’
s
lying
to me? 

What if Angeline Armour is the only one willing to tell me the truth?

“
I have to go,
”
I say, quickly wiping the tears from the corners of my eyes before my mother can see them.

“
Kate, darling, please don
’
t go.  I wasn
’
t trying to hurt you.  I was just being honest.
”

“
I know, Mother, it
’
s fine.  I
’
ll be in touch soon,
”

As I
’
m walking to my car, Evan sends a text: 
W
here are you babe? I’m about to head to your place

Flustered from my horrendous conversation with Angeline, I quickly form a lie:
Shopping with Bree
,
be there in 30

He doesn
’
t respond, but I
’
m so preoccupied over my disheartening conversation with my mother, I don
’
t think about him during my drive.  I just hope he
’
ll be at my place when I get there.  I need to feel reassured, to know that I
’
m not kidding myself.
That Angeline is wrong about her daughter.  But, by the time I reach my apartment, after stewing for thirty minutes, I
’
m convinced that she
’
s absolutely right about me.  I
’
m kidding myself if I think I can ever pursue a career in photography.  Evan
’
s in love with me, and therefore, being sweet and supportive.  He
’
s being a good boyfriend.  My mother knows me better.  And so anger begins to rise in my chest.  I need to get it out.

Walking into my apartment, I hear music playing and smell something cooking in the oven.

“
Hey,
”
Evan says.  Something in his eyes looks off.  His brow looks knitted and the corners of his mouth are turned down.  If I didn
’
t know better, I
’
d think he was mad at me.  Great, just what I need.

“
Hey,
”
I reply, unsure of what else to say.  I
’
m too pissed to look him in the eye, so I take off my coat and walk to the kitchen to see what he
’
s cooking for dinner.