Champion Horse (15 page)

She seemed to be talking to me. I said, ‘I don’t know.’

It looked like Sophia had some crackers and a carton of milk and some grapes, and she did start to eat them. Leslie said, so only I could hear her, ‘She needs a cupcake.’ Then she grinned at me. Leslie never ate cupcakes at all any more, or candy or soda or ice cream. Stella, Gloria, and Luisa were talking about Joan Baez, and whether she was the most beautiful woman in the world. ‘Well,’ said Stella, ‘she’s got the best hair. I saw her.’

Luisa said, ‘People see her all the time.’

Leslie moved her chair back and pulled another one over from the next table, then she waved to Sophia to come over. Sophia looked around, and, something I did not expect, she came over. She sat down on the other side of Leslie and said to me, ‘My dad talked to your dad. Your dad said yes.’

Leslie said, ‘You’re Sophia, right?’ Sophia reached into her bag and took out a cracker. They were Ritz crackers, round and sort of gold-coloured. She said, ‘Right.’

‘I’m Leslie. You know Abby, and this is Stella, Gloria, Luisa, and Mary.’ And Leslie held out her hand. Sophia stared at it for a moment, then wiped her fingers on her skirt and shook it. Leslie said, ‘Pleased to meet you. I love your plaits. We were just talking about Joan Baez. You should wear your hair down, like she does. I bet it would be longer than hers. You don’t often see blonde hair that long. My mom says that you are either lucky or not. Your hair grows to a certain length, and just stops growing, that’s that.’

Luisa said, ‘I’m sure mine’s stopped. I measure it every month, and nothing. You’re lucky, Sophia.’

Sophia said, ‘You can call me Sophy.’

She and I exchanged a glance.

Stella said, ‘You are very mysterious.’

‘Am I?’

Stella said, ‘Oh, yes. It’s a good thing. I would love to be mysterious.’

And then Leslie said, ‘Well, that’s news to us,’ and we all laughed. Even Sophia smiled.

Then Stella went on, ‘You have some real advantages. I mean, your clothes are basically nice quality, and you have great eyes –’ Gloria kicked her under the table, but that never stopped Stella – ‘but a padded bra would really help.’

Leslie said, ‘Oh, God,’ and Mary and Luisa rolled their eyes, but the amazing thing was that Sophia actually laughed. I had never heard her laugh, ever.

Gloria said, ‘Aren’t you in my geometry class?’

Sophia nodded.

Gloria said, ‘How did you do on that test we got back?’

‘I got an A minus. I missed one.’

‘Well, I got a C. I think you should sit with us. Stella got a D.’

‘Well, it wasn’t an F,’ said Stella. ‘It was an improvement.’

‘So,’ said Leslie, ‘Stella’s brain is basically nice quality, but she might have to take geometry again in the summer, which will be very bad for her swimming pool time.’

‘Summer is a long way away,’ said Stella. Then she said to Sophia, ‘That’s a nice skirt. Two and a half inches shorter, and it would be perfect.’

Sophia ate all her crackers and all her grapes. The bell rang, and she went out with Gloria and Stella to go to geometry. The next day she sat with us again, and this time Leslie did offer her something – not a cupcake, but a chocolate chip cookie. She didn’t eat any of it herself, and Stella and I each ate a little piece. After lunch, I caught up with Leslie before she disappeared into the girls’ bathroom, and I said, ‘You are being really nice to Sophia.’

‘Maybe.’

‘Well, you are.’

‘I mean, “nice” makes it sound like I don’t want to. I do want to.’

‘Why?’

‘Why not? Stella is right. She’s mysterious.’

She went into the bathroom. Stella, Gloria, and I had never gossiped about the new Leslie. I mean, you would think that if a chubby girl whom everyone thought they knew perfectly well, and who always looks half sad sitting off to the side, goes away for the summer and comes back tall, smart, and good-looking enough that the junior boys watch her walk down the hall, that you would discuss it somehow, but maybe it was like Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty – some sort of magic happened, but you don’t know what it is, so why not just accept it? I had known her since kindergarten, and I didn’t even know she had a sense of humour. So it wasn’t just Sophia who was mysterious.

It was that night that I found out what Mom had been worried about. I found out in the usual way, by eavesdropping, and I was pretty sorry. It was about Danny. I had been out feeding the horses, and I was on the back porch with Rusty, taking off my boots. The weather was still warm, so one of the windows was open, and I heard Mom say, ‘It’s making me crazy.’ Whenever you hear your mom say something like that, then you get really quiet and don’t move, partly so that she won’t know you’re out there, and partly so that you can hear whatever she has to say.

Mom then said, ‘Shouldn’t he know? He never even seems to think about it. He just takes things as they come and doesn’t question them.’

‘What is he going to do about it?’ said Dad. ‘Is he going to go down there and tell them to stop? They’re doing him a favour.’

‘But someone has to take his place. Someone has to go.’

I leaned forward and turned my head so my ear was close to the window screen. ‘I think you’re being over scrupulous. I think it’s just a gift from the Lord, and we should accept it.’

‘How is it a gift from the Lord?’

‘Well, all gifts are gifts from the Lord, but in this case, Mrs Larkin is our sister in faith, and her cousin feels this love, and has the chance to act on it. You should be grateful. I am.’

‘I am grateful, but I also, oh, I don’t know. I feel like this is something he, and we, will pay for in the end. It’s unfair. Justice will be served. I feel like this is a sin and we are colluding in it.’

Now Dad was silent, because Mom had said the most important word.

I said, ‘What are you talking about?’

Dad said, ‘Abby, are you eavesdropping?’

Mom said, ‘She should know. Honey, come inside, please.’

I set my boots next to one another and opened the door. Mom and Dad were sitting at the table, a big bowl of shelled peas between them. Dad had the Bible in his hand, but it was closed. I sat in my chair.

Dad said, ‘What did you hear?’

Mom said, ‘You know that when Danny turned eighteen last May, he had to register for the draft, don’t you?’

I nodded.

‘Do you talk much at school about the war?’

I shook my head.

‘Well, I guess we don’t think much about it because we don’t have a television and we focus more on the things of the Lord rather than the things of the world.’

Dad said, ‘War is inevitable when the world is fallen. If you stop one, another will start. Redemption is the only path away from war.’

Mom said, ‘But a few weeks ago, Mrs Larkin told me something. It is that her cousin serves on the draft board, and a couple of times when Danny’s name has come up, she has “put him at the bottom of the pile”. I don’t know what that means, exactly, but—’

I said, ‘But it’s not fair to the others.’

Mom nodded.

Dad said, ‘We don’t know what motivates the cousin to do this. We don’t know what the Lord has planned. Your mom hasn’t talked to the cousin, and only one time to Mrs Larkin.’

‘I have not been brave,’ said Mom.

I said, ‘What would happen to him?’

Mom said, ‘Well, he would be called up, and go to basic training, and then, depending on a lot of things, he could end up fighting in Vietnam. The thing is, since he didn’t finish high school, I just think they would make cannon fodder out of him.’

Dad said, ‘Maybe he should fight for his country.’

‘Maybe he should, but you and I both know that one reason we never talk about the war in church is that it’s a very sore subject, and if you listen to Brother Abner, or the Hollingsworths, or any three people, for that matter, you will find out that the Lord has very strong opinions about the war, and that he does not agree with himself.’

I almost laughed.

Mom said, ‘If he had stayed in school and then gone to college, he wouldn’t even have to worry about it. He’d have a student deferment and—’

I said, ‘But he would be doing something that he hates.’

‘That he hated,’ said Mom. ‘I think maybe Leah Marx changed his mind a little. But because he was so stubborn, he doesn’t get a chance to know, does he?’

I said, ‘He’s not going to learn anything about horses in the army.’

‘Those days are gone,’ said Dad.

We all sighed at the same time.

Dad opened the Bible, and the first words his eyes fell upon were ‘“Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser.”’

Mom said, ‘I guess that means I should tell him.’

Dad said, ‘Is Danny a wise man?’

I said, ‘I think so.’

Mom leaned towards me, put her arm around my shoulders, and gave me a kiss. But there were tears in her eyes.

Two days later, Danny came by himself to shoe Oh My and Lady. I had already finished riding, so I held the horses while he did the job. It wasn’t twilight yet, but the mountains to the west were shading the sun, so that the sky above them was almost white it was so bright. Maybe because it was near the equinox, the light was rich and the shadows of the trees so intertwined that they looked like lace. The arena was pale, and the shadow of the railing curved along it, a dark graceful line. Danny didn’t say much while he was working, but then, he was leaning over the horses, hammering and shaping. Both of the mares behaved themselves very nicely, so I was proud of them. I put Lady out, and Danny put his tools away; then, while he was sweeping up hoof parings and bits of nails, I asked him about the Carmichaels. I have to admit that I was terribly curious about the Carmichaels. They were like other horse people I knew – they wore jeans and boots and had a certain way of talking that I had been around all my life, but there was also something about them that was free and easy. I said, ‘Where do they live?’

‘Here for now.’

‘They’re just staying here? For how long?’

‘There’s a cottage that’s empty up by the house, so I guess Daphne sleeps in the bedroom and Ralph and Andy sleep in the living room.’

‘What about school?’ Now I sounded like Mom.

‘Daphne’s in the junior high down the road. I think she’s in sixth or seventh grade.’

‘What about Andy?’

‘He’s older than he looks. He just works with
Ralph
. They go around to other farms and train horses or work cattle. I guess they have a place, but it’s too far away from anywhere.’

‘Where’s their mom?’

‘She’s in Reno or somewhere like that. But she’s remarried. She’s got a couple of little kids. They don’t see her much.’

‘They don’t see their own mom?’

Danny turned and looked right at me, then said, ‘No, they don’t. They’ve lived with Ralph since Daphne was six and Andy was thirteen.’

‘Are they divorced?’ This was a big word.

‘What do you think? Of course they are. But I guess they all get along. That’s what they say. The stepdad was their vet.’

I said, ‘Don’t tell Dad.’

Danny said, ‘Well, he’s got to learn sometime that there are all kinds of families, and all kinds of them are actually happy families. Andy says they all spend Christmas with their mom and the stepdad and the little ones every year.’

I just shook my head.

In the house, I saw that we were having steak. Real steak – strip steaks that Mr Jordan had given us after the last roundup, and mom had kept in the freezer for a special occasion. We were also having mashed potatoes and spinach, and was that a pie on top of the refrigerator? We didn’t talk about much over dinner – actually the food was too good. It was like Dad said it was when he was a kid – Grandma chatted while she was cooking, everyone said how their day was while they were setting the table, but once they sat down, all they did was eat.

Finally, as she cut the apple pie she had made, Mom said, ‘Danny, sweetheart, I think we need to talk about something.’ She set his piece in front of him and he picked up his fork. Dad looked out the window. I looked out the window. Rusty was looking in the window. As she sat down, Mom said, ‘What’s the last thing you heard from your draft board?’

Danny shrugged. ‘Nothing. I mean, I registered and all of that, but I don’t know. I don’t think much about it.’

Mom said, ‘It’s been almost five months.’

‘Well, it’s not like there aren’t a lot of guys around here. I figure that they just haven’t got to me.’

Mom said, ‘What are you going to do when they do get to you?’

‘Go, I guess.’ He shrugged again.

And here was the surprising thing. Mom said, ‘You never thought about resisting?’

Dad’s head swivelled around, and I felt mine do the same thing. But Danny wasn’t surprised. He said, ‘I’ve thought of it. But—’

‘But what?’ said Dad.

‘But first of all, I don’t know if I would pass the physical or not. Andy Carmichael got called up. I guess when he was twelve, a horse fell on top of him and broke his pelvis and his shoulder, and they thought he couldn’t carry equipment to march or something, anyway, he’s 1-Y, and I guess if they run out of guys, they will take him.’

‘You’ve never had any accidents like that,’ said Dad.

‘Anyway,’ said Danny, ‘I don’t mind.’

‘You don’t mind?’ said Mom.

‘I’ve thought maybe I’d like to see for myself.’

Mom and Dad looked at each other, and Danny went on eating his pie. I knew there was going to be a lot of praying, and maybe even some by me, but I thought about that Bible verse Dad had found when we were talking about this, and I wondered if maybe Danny hadn’t been kind of wise after all, not to say yes or no, but to want to find out about the things he didn’t understand.

Mom said, ‘I wish you had stayed in school.’

Danny said, ‘Even if I had, I still would not have gone to college.’

We all knew this was true.

After Danny left, we sat around the living room thinking all kinds of what-if sorts of thoughts. It got so bad that about nine o’clock, I said I would go out and check the horses, even though this was normally Dad’s job. I knew that when I went out, Mom and Dad would talk about things that they had not wanted to talk about in front of me. But really, Danny was eighteen; it was his business. Outside, it was cold. Maybe the first night we’d had where you had to walk fast so as not to shiver, but the light was beautiful along the hills, which were pale. Both pastures had trees in them, and the mares, at least, were lost in that darkness. I could only see a bit of Oh My’s white parts flashing as she moved from place to place. Blue was standing by his gate, rummaging in the dirt for last bits of hay, so when he saw me, he knew that I was maybe going to give him a little more. He whinnied and nickered, and I petted him a while. I even got up onto the fence and when he pushed towards me a little bit, I scratched him at the base of the neck. Morning Glory could almost scratch herself there, like a dog – she could use her back foot and scratch herself behind the ears, which I had never seen another horse do – but the base of the neck, a horse has to get someone else to do that for him.