Change of Heart 05 - Forging the Future (10 page)

He was made for me, born to be mine, and I would find my way back to him, of that I finally had no doubt.

E
XHAUSTED
AND
sated, more content than I ever remembered being, I slept in the circle of Logan Church’s arms and breathed in his scent. When I finally opened my eyes, having rested soundly for the first time I could recall, I licked his salty skin and then sucked his cock until he woke hungry for me again.

He rolled me to my side and took me from behind, his big hand wrapped around my shaft, wringing my orgasm from me. When I came, coating his fingers, he licked his fingers clean and kissed me so I could taste myself on his tongue.

I lost myself in his mouth and his hands, in his hair and his skin. I had questions to ask and stories to hear, but I needed the connection with my mate before anything else. Everything he did, every touch, every kiss, when he sat in a chair and had me ride him, when he held me pinned to the wall and drove up inside of me, and when he shifted into a werepanther and took me over the couch, claws and fangs buried in my flesh as deep as his cock… all those acts informed me about our bond—but nothing else.

Food came in the early hours of the morning. I knew it was Crane and Yusuke caring for us, and I would have thanked them if Logan had let me out of the house.

We ate and drank, and he mourned my hair, and as we sat side by side at the small table in the breakfast nook, I told him it would grow back out.

“I like it on my skin when you’re riding me,” he confessed, and I vowed I’d grow it long again just so I could see his face when it touched him.

“You’re so beautiful,” I uttered gruffly, my voice still ragged from yelling his name, leaning close, my fingers tracing over a hard nipple before slipping down to his chiseled abdomen from his chest. “I can only imagine how many men and women have wanted to be in your bed.”

He snorted out a laugh. “Are you kidding?”

I squinted at him. “No, Logan, just looking at you, I promise that anyone in their right mind would want to be where I am now.”

His grin fired his gorgeous amber eyes, and I wondered if I’d ever get used to him. “No one would dare come near me.”

“You’re that scary?” I teased.

“Me?” he scoffed. “No, love, not me. You.”

I was surprised. “Me?”

He nodded. “Oh yes. You’re the scariest creature in the werepanther world. It’s not the semel-netjer who inspires fear, but the nekhene cat.”

“Are you serious?”

He chuckled as he pulled me sideways into his lap. “There are only three people on the planet that know you, know what you’re capable of, and don’t fear you.”

I waited.

“Me, Crane, and your son,” he apprised me. “Everyone else—some a little, some a lot—is frightened of you.”

“Why?”

“You’re very powerful,” he explained but didn’t elaborate; instead he lifted me off of him, wrapped the blanket around his waist again as it had fallen open, and then crossed the room to the window seat. It was raining outside, and as he sat, he moved the curtain so he could watch.

In my wildest dreams I’d never imagined that such a beautiful, strong, virile man would be mine. He was everything I’d dreamed of, gentle and sexy, a gifted and demonstrative lover with a kind heart. So it pained me to realize he was so obviously sad.

“You’re killing me,” I whispered.

He turned his head. “Why?”

“You seem so hurt.”

Valiantly he tried to give me a smile, but it simply wouldn’t come. When he went back to staring out at the rain, I got up to go to him, wrapping the sheet around me as I moved.

“You used to doubt me,” he said slowly, his voice thick with emotion. “You’d say, ‘You love me only because we’re mates. You weren’t even gay before me, so how can this be real?’”

I sat back down near him, listening.

“And I would tell you that the why didn’t matter, only the now mattered. You’re my mate, born to be mine, fated, destined, all that. I’m a semel, you’re a reah, and the chances of us ever finding each other were astronomical, a million to one.” He exhaled, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead on the window glass. “In private, just between us, no one else, you were always so worried, and I told you it didn’t matter.”

“But it does, doesn’t it.”

His gaze returned to me. “I just thought that you’d see me and… I’d have you back.”

I understood. He wanted me, but he wanted my memories of him too.

“I enjoy this, us,” he husked. “And we move like I remember, but I’ve never been able to separate the two parts before. I met you, and that fast, I loved you. You were always able to say, ‘We react like this because I’m your reah and you’re my semel,’ and I never believed you because it wasn’t that way for me.”

“The bond clouded everything else.”

“Yes,” he agreed, twisting on the window seat cushion to face me. “And it must, when you’re a semel. You claim what’s yours because that’s your nature, and when you were suddenly there, in my house, I was overwhelmed.”

“We both were, I’m sure.”

“Yeah, but from then on, I never questioned. I was all in from that moment.”

“That’s what a semel does, right? Believes in his decisions completely, never second-guesses himself.”

He grunted.

“Isn’t that how you’re made?”

“Yes, and a reah is not. You always said that I could change my mind and throw you out and you’d be alone again, and obviously, that could never happen because you’re my true-mate. It’s not some spell. It’s a function of our DNA. You’re chemically, biologically, tied to me just as I am to you. It’s in our blood.”

“Yes.”

“I could never be without you.”

I knew that already, from being around him just this short time. I felt better, lighter, like I fit in my skin, and the feeling of peace, even though we were still hammering out our lives, was a tangible thing. I couldn’t even imagine giving him up or walking away now that I knew what this felt like. And yet, I understood what he was trying to say. He was still missing me. “But it’s different now,” I offered.

He studied my face, searching, I thought, for some flicker of recognition.

“You want my memory back,” I continued.

“I didn’t actually think it would matter.”

I scoffed. “You didn’t think me knowing you would matter?”

“No, that’s not what—I mean, I thought it would still be us, but right now the physical piece that I’ve always thought was just a part of us, as loving you—is all there is.”

I nodded quickly.

“I’m your semel and you’re my reah, and we’re made to come together like two halves of one thing.”

“Yes.”

“So the sex will always be great.”

“And you thought the sex was great because we were in love.”

“I did.”

I took a breath. “I’m sorry, but I can’t imagine that me having all my memories would have made what we did all night any better.”

“No,” he replied. “Not physically. But I feel the bond differently than you do now. Normally when we’re in bed, I think, ‘I know Jin loves me more than anything,’ which is how I was able to let you have me.”

I was startled. A semel succumbing to his reah? After what he’d told me about being a semel, I couldn’t even imagine such a thing. “You allowed me to—I can’t, I mean, every part of me wants to submit to you. I simply want to be taken and used.”

“And that’s all I want, because the man who loves me is missing.”

My eyes filled fast, the emotion surging, and for the first time, he didn’t reach for me. He couldn’t comfort me at the moment; he had no words to give.

“When you fell in love with me, when I truly became your mate, when you believed in me and the bond became a vow, it felt different. The animal piece is important and we’re not us without it, but first we’re men, and I miss my husband.”

“How can you stand to look at me?”

“You’re still my mate,” he insisted, opening his arms. “And your eyes still soften when you see me, even if you don’t know why.”

I wanted to talk to him more, to try to bridge the gap between us, get to know each other, but the primal call, his pheromones, sent a pulse of consuming thirst through me. I got up, closed the distance between us, and lunged at him.

He caught me easily in midleap, carried me the several steps back to the bedroom, and hurled me, arms and legs splayed out, onto the bed, and then bent over and took me down the back of his throat, swallowing.

I roared his name as his hot, wet mouth engulfed my cock, my hands fisted in his hair, and when he sucked and laved, bringing me close to a blinding orgasm, I begged him to fuck me. He rose and flipped me to my stomach, held me still as he slicked himself and my puckered opening before he slid inside in one fluid motion.

“Logan!” I cried, and he pulled out a fraction only to ram home again.

It took only seconds for me to climax, and he fucked me through the whole ride of my bones melting away and my vision flashing a blinding white. I couldn’t imagine not loving a man who could set my blood on fire, make my heart feel as though it was going to explode out of my chest, and inspire an ache to wrap around him like a second skin. When I twisted for his kiss, he was there, sealing his mouth to mine, breathing me in. I had him in me, on me, his hands would leave bruises, his mouth marks, but still, it wasn’t enough. He wanted love born of time and shared secrets, not the kind that grew from desire and lust. I prayed for his patience, because the idea of him giving up on me, of him not wanting me, was the most horrific thing I could imagine. I would not lose my mate, even to the memory of myself.

Chapter 7

W
HEN
I
woke early, all I had was questions, but Logan said we had to thank the semel and offer restitution to any who had aided me. We went to Devotion, and I immediately took Logan to meet my ex-boss, who was there early, as always, checking in, prepping for the day.

“Jin told me you have new investors that you’re not altogether happy with,” he said, his voice sexy and low as he addressed Eliza. “If you’d like the money to buy them out—whatever it is you need, please don’t hesitate to call on me.”

He had a great face, and the beauty was in the angles. From the square, chiseled jaw to his sharp cheekbones to the long, straight nose, I could imagine that if I walked through any museum in the world that his visage would be there over and over, the very ideal of male beauty. Watching Eliza stare at him, seeing the reaction of every woman who saw him—as well as many of the men—I understood that no matter how scary he thought I was, people wanted to take my place in his bed. The thing was, without my memory, I was not fearsome in the least.

“You smell like your mate now,” Eliza informed me. “And may I say, smelling like him is in no way a bad thing.”

I scowled at her.

Her laugh was lilting. “Oh, Jin, your mate is absolutely mouthwatering.”

She was my friend, but still, I didn’t like her reaction to him.

As we walked the street afterward, people stopped to watch him walk by.

“What’s wrong with you?” Crane asked, leaning into me at breakfast at Alaine’s home. He was sitting on my left, and Logan was on my right, standing, greeting everyone who wanted to say hello.

Alaine was introducing what seemed like his entire small tribe to Logan, who was honor-bound to be gracious and receive them.

“Jin?”

I turned to him. “How do I normally deal with everyone wanting to be in Logan’s space all the time? What am I like when people flirt with him?”

His scowl was dark. “You never concern yourself with that kind of crap, not ever.”

I was surprised. “I don’t understand.”

His snort of laughter made me smile. “You live well in your skin. You are absolutely certain of Logan’s feelings for you.”

Or I was outwardly, where Crane and everyone else could see. In private, as Logan had said, I’d worried in the past.

“No one has time to fall under Logan’s spell, because you eat up every drop of his attention.”

“I do?”

“You and Ilia and the tribe,” he finished. “Yeah, you do.”

It was easier to sit and receive people after that. The moment the last person was greeted, I took hold of Logan’s hand, excused us, and walked him around the side of the guesthouse. When I rounded on him, the smile I got made his eyes glow a deep burnished gold.

“I want to go home and see my son,” I told him. “And I’d like to leave as soon as possible.”

He nodded. “I just wanted to give you some time to get used to me before we went.”

“I’m used to you,” I professed. “You’ve already given me back a small part of myself. I can touch people again, show affection without pain. That’s a gift.”

“Yes, it is,” he agreed, and I knew I’d done the same for him. We’d restored each other, and I was desperate to do more. I wanted to remember him more than anything.

“Please, take me home.”

He drew me forward, and when I was close enough, I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tight, my head notched under his chin.

“Okay, let’s go home,” he sighed, rubbing his cheek in my hair.