Change of Heart (2 page)

The cabbie pulls up in front of my destination. I hand him my last twenty dollar bill.

“Keep the change,” I say without thinking. Then, I cringe at how much of a scrooge I must look. The final fare shows $19.34. My measly tip probably offends him more than anything.

He grunts as he takes my money. I’m tempted to throw a few extra ones in there, but decide against it. I’m strapped for cash. With the twenty gone, all I have in my wallet is a single five, those few ones, and a credit card maxed to its pathetic five-hundred-dollar limit.

The entirety of my last paycheck went to my roommate to cover rent.

I climb out and look at the building in front of me.
Barren,
the only night-time venue open on campus on a Wednesday, is looking anything but. The doors are gated off by a red velvet rope, and a long line of people stretches out along the sidewalk, waiting to get in. Lively sounds filter out from the entrance. I can hear people’s laughter over the music playing inside.

I take a deep breath before I pull out my phone. This is
not
where I want to be right now. Not after completing eight grueling hours of class, split only by two hours of lunchtime waitressing at a small diner across town. But, my roommate Abby texted me to meet her here tonight, telling me that it was
important
.

I find her number in my contacts and send her a text, letting her know that I’m outside. She replies half a minute later.

B riiiight theeerrrre!

I hope to God she’s sober, but I’m not holding my breath. Abby only elongates her texts like that when she’s blackout drunk.

I see her pop out from the front doors, holding onto the shoulders of some guy I don’t know. She stumbles a little as she looks around, searching for me.
Oh yeah, she’s plastered already.

I give a wave as I come over, forcing myself to smile despite my complete lack of enthusiasm for being here tonight. “Abby!”

“Oh my God, there you aaaarrrreee!” Abby tries to take a step forward, but her heel catches something on the ground. She almost falls before the guy she’s with catches her and holds her up. She collapses into a fit of giggles against him, sweeping her long blonde hair away from her face.

“Yeah. Here I am,” I say. I feel distinctly underdressed in my schoolmarm sweater and old, tattered jeans. But that was the only clothing I had left this morning after putting off laundry for two weeks.

Still, it’s not like I came here to impress anybody. My plan is to talk to my roommate, get back home, and collapse into bed for a glorious, uninterrupted six hours of sleep.

Abby grabs my hand and pulls me forward. I duck under the velvet rope. The bouncer gives us a hard look, but when Abby screams “She’s my friend!” he backs off and lets us in.

“So, what’s so important you needed to talk to me tonight?” I ask once we’re seated at a table. “And don’t you have class tomorrow? How much have you had to drink?”

Abby explodes into uncontrollable laughter. “Come on! As if I need to worry about class! Look at me! I’m
hot
!” She bats her eyes and flips her hair, then adjusts her skimpy halter top to expose even more of her cleavage. If this were any other night, I might even feel a little bit jealous. Abby is definitely more gifted than I am in the boob department.

The guy she’s with is still hovering near us. He hasn’t said a word, and Abby hasn’t introduced me, either.

“Abby,” I start, “you know I’m exhausted. Couldn’t this have waited until tomorrow?”

“Oh, no, no, no…” Abby protests. She looks around, and seems startled to find her guy still there. She reaches over and pulls him in. “Leave us alone, will you?” she screeches into his ear. “I need to talk to my
roommate
!”

The guy shrugs, puts his hands in his pockets, and walks away. I start to get a bad feeling about what Abby has to say. I sigh. “Just tell me whatever you want and let me go back to our apartment so I can pass out,” I say stoically.

“Well, Penn, that’s the
thing
.” Abby puts her elbows on the table, and leans toward me in a way that she must think makes her look more serious. Great. A serious drunk. That’s just what I need right now. “We… kind of have a problem with our apartment.”

“A problem? What do you mean?”

“Remember last week when you gave me cash for rent?”

“Of course. But what does that have to do with—oh, no. Abby, tell me you didn’t…”

The guilt that flashes on my roommate’s face seems so genuine that I almost believe it… until I remember all the times this same thing has happened before. “You did, didn’t you? You spent our rent on something else.”

“
Oops
,” she says meekly.

“Abby, we were two months behind already! The landlord is going to
evict
us if he doesn’t get that payment!”

She shrugs, seeming completely oblivious to the implication. “Money’s just money. Rent is rent. This…” she gestures around the crowded bar, “
this
is fun.”

“You’re drunk,” I spit, getting up. My disgust with her grows stronger by the second. I can’t believe she threw away our rent money.
Again
! I need to get away from this crowded place, somewhere to clear my head. “Talk to me when you’re sober. I’m not going to waste my breath when you won’t remember a thing I said in the morning.”

“Oh.” Abby’s voice becomes small again. “You’re mad, aren’t you?”

“No shit, I’m mad!” I push off from the table and spin away. Abby catches my arm.

“Wait, wait, Penn! I’m sorry. Really, I am. We can figure this out,” she pleads.

“How?” I ask, defeated. I let her pull me back down. “At least tell me you didn’t spend the money on something stupid like booze.”

She frowns at me like I’m a little girl. “No. I’m not sixteen anymore. I got something
better
.” She reaches into her purse and pulls out a little Ziploc bag. It’s full of colorful pills. She slides it across the table to me.

I catch it with a grimace and count the pills inside. There are eleven of them. “Drugs,” I say flatly. “You spent our rent money—
my
rent money—on drugs.”

“Not just any drugs,” Abby says. “That’s
MDMA
.”

I can almost cry. “Why, Abby?”

“
Why
? Why do you always have to be such a sourpuss, Penn? Don’t you ever want to
party
?”

I ignore the jab. “How many of these did you have tonight, Abby?”

“Oh, maybe two or three.”

“Two or
three
,” I repeat. My disbelief grows stronger by the second. “Mixed with how much alcohol?”

“I’ve only had five shots tonight,” Abby defends. “Thank you,
mother
.”

Five shots and it’s not even a quarter to ten. I shake my head at the absurdity of the situation.

“Here.” I fling the bag back at her. “I hope it was worth it. Because if we get evicted over this—”

“Oh, did I mention?” Abby giggles. “When I tried to go home before coming here, the funniest thing happened.”

A sinking feeling forms in my stomach. “What?”

“The key didn’t work.”

My mouth drops open.
“What
?”

“I don’t know, Penn! I used it like a regular key. I went to our door. And it just… didn’t work.”

“Oh my God.” I sink down against the back of my chair. “You don’t get it, do you? That’s it. We’ve been evicted. They’ve changed the locks.” Now, I definitely feel like crying. “Abby, what the hell were you thinking?”

“Come on Penn, it’s not that bad.”

“Not that
bad
?” I spit at her. “I have nowhere to go! Where am I going to sleep tonight?”

She shrugs. “Don’t worry about it. You’re smart. You can figure it out.” Without warning she grins. “You seem tense. You know what can help loosen you up? Really take the edge off?” She starts to reach for the plastic bag that she’d stuffed into her purse. I cut her off.

“Don’t you
dare
,” I warn her.

Abby makes a face at me. “Come on, have some
fun
. We’re in college, for crying out loud!”

“No,
I’m
in college,” I say, “or, at least, I’m trying to be. You’re just floating around, hopping in and out of whatever night class piques your interest. We were supposed to get away from shit like this when we moved from California!”

“That’s not very fair,” she pouts.

“Fair?” I repeat, exasperated. “You want to talk to me about fair? How is it
fair
that the roommate I trusted with my rent money ends up spending it on MDMA and booze? How is it
fair
that I have nowhere to sleep tonight because of your stupidity?”

Abby exhales. “Penn, you can be such a downer sometimes.”

“No, it’s called facing
reality
, Abby! It’s called living in the
real world
, with
real consequences
. You think this problem will just go away with a few pills and a drink?” I snort at her in contempt. “And what happens tomorrow, pray tell? What happens when you wake up hung over next to some guy you don’t even know, and he tells you to get the hell out of his apartment? Huh? Tell me that, Abby. Tell me where you’re going to go.” I’m livid now, but I can’t help it. “Look me in the eye and tell me that you truly believe that guy you had buzzing around you earlier looks like the type who’ll take care of you in the morning. Because I seriously doubt it.”

Abby’s face breaks during my tirade. Her eyes glisten with tears. “You don’t have to be so mean,” she whimpers.

I shake my head in disgust. I don’t care if I’m being harsh. She needs to hear the truth. “I’m leaving, Abby. I hope to God you figure something out, because there’s no one left to bail you out of this mess.”
Or
me
, I think sourly.

“Wait, wait! Hold on! I have an idea!” Abby says, latching onto my wrist as I get up to leave. “You know our landlord, right? He’s cute, isn’t he? I’ve always thought he had a thing for you.”

I rip my arm out of her grip. “You’d have me resort to
prostitution
?”

“A… mutually beneficial agreement!” she defends.

“He’s at least fifty!” I sputter.

“Older men are more experienced.”

I shake my head at her. “Screw you, Abby. Seriously, screw you.”

Chapter Two

The bad feelings are quickly flowing away as I take a sip of my Manhattan. I laugh at another one of Richard’s jokes.

“You’re cute when you do that.”

“Do what?” I ask.

“The way you wrinkle your nose when you laugh. It makes you look kind of adorable.”

“
Adorable
?” I repeat, my amusement growing.

“Sure. It’s an endearing look.”

I’m leaning back against the wall. Richards’s arms are on either side of me. We’ve moved away from the crowded bar to a quieter spot. I can feel the heat of his body near mine. I’ve taken off the stifling sweater and am just wearing the black tank top I had underneath. My shoulders are bare.

“So, anonymous girl, are you really from Jersey?” Richard asks.

I cock my head to the side and grin. “What do you think?”

“I think not. But I also think you’re trying to be too obtuse for your own good. As it stands, I still don’t know your name, and we’ve been flirting for at least fifteen minutes.”

“Flirting? Is that what you call this?”

“Of course. Don’t you agree?”

“Maybe.” I bring the glass to my lips to hide my smile. “But you caught me in a pretty bad mood at first.”

“Rough night?”

I shake my head. “Don’t even get me started.”

“Let me guess. Best friend issues?”

“Close,” I reply, surprised. “Roommate issues.”

“Ah. Those are the worst. You live together, so it’s not like you can just get away.”

“I don’t even know about that anymore,” I mutter.

“Well, there is one way to make things better.”

“Oh?” I glance up at him, and realize he’s looking deep into my eyes again. “And what’s that?”

“Well… maybe you can find somewhere else to go.” His voice becomes husky, suggestive. “Somewhere… where you’ll be far away from all your problems.” His fingers start making small circles along my shoulder, down my arm. It feels
good
. I shudder, closing my eyes as he leans in to whisper in my ear. “Somewhere where nobody knows where you are. Somewhere where it’s just you, and
me
.”