Changed by His Son's Smile (12 page)

He grasped her arm and stopped her progress, turning her to him. His gaze no longer passionate or angry, he looked beyond serious. “Reasonable is marrying the man who cares about you and our son. Reasonable is planning our future together. I don’t get what’s not obvious about that.”

“Because I don’t want to be married to someone who doesn’t live with me. I don’t want Drew to wonder why his father’s work is more important to him than he is.”
I don’t want to be hurt again.
“Why don’t you understand that?”

“Dani.” He cupped her face in his hands, and the tender and sincere expression on his face gripped her heart. “I promise I’ll be with you as much as I can. I’ve already talked with the GPC and asked about eight-month assignments. I admit it’ll be hard for me to adjust to working in the States some, but I’m willing to do it. For Drew and for you. What more can I say and do to convince you it will work out?”

Maybe the words
I love you
? She wanted to say it aloud—nearly did—but bit the inside of her cheek just in time. She’d refused to even think about that being part of the equation. Until last night. Until they’d practically set the bed on fire and her along with it. Their time together brought back every single memory of the intense physical and emotional intimacy they’d shared in Honduras.

True, he had told her he loved her back in Honduras. Once or twice had uttered those three little, wonderful-to-hear words.

Then he’d turned her down flat when she’d asked him to marry her, saying he just wasn’t the marrying kind. Knowing that he only wanted to marry her now because of Drew still pained her more than she wanted to admit.

Was she able to be in the kind of marriage he was offering? Would it be okay for Drew? Could she convince Chase how important it was to her to spend at least some time doing mission work? After a few years, would Chase feel a need to work full time outside the U.S. again, leaving them alone almost all year?

She didn’t know. And all the uncertainty weighed heavily in her chest. All the questions spun in circles in her mind.

“Like I said last night, I need time to think.” She tried hard to ignore the delicious feel of his thumb gently sliding across her cheekbone, his breath touching her skin. “I’ve asked you before, and I’m asking again. Please stop pushing for an answer. Let’s let...things unfold....as they will. Without you confusing me with your hot kisses.”

“Since you think my kisses are hot,” he said, a smile finally touching his lips, “and you asked nicely, I’ll be good. For how long I can’t say, but I’ll try.”

He touched his mouth to hers, light and quick, and the, oh, so brief touch still made her feel weak. His five o’clock shadow gently abraded her cheek as he whispered in her ear, “If you change your mind tonight, though, you know where my bed is.”

CHAPTER TWELVE

“E
AT
UP
YOUR
breakfast so we can get going,” Dani told Drew as he fidgeted on the kitchen stool, just poking at his oatmeal. “I’ve already got your swimsuit and everything packed. We’re waiting for you.”

“I ready to go.”

“Not until you eat.” Her cellphone rang and she pulled it from her pocket, wondering who could be calling.

“Dr. Sheridan here.” She touched Drew’s hand, mimed him eating, then jabbed her finger at his bowl.

“Hello, Dr. Sheridan, this is Colleen Mason from GPC. How are you?”

“Fine. How can I help you?” She picked up Drew’s spoon and poked oatmeal in his mouth, to his frowning annoyance.

“I’m Director Mike Hardy’s assistant. I wanted to let you know that your request for a transfer to Panama has been granted, and we have arranged for a replacement for you in Benin. You’ll start four weeks from today. Would you like for me to make all your travel arrangements?”

“I’m sorry, there must be some mistake. I didn’t ask for a transfer to Panama.”

“This is Dr. Danielle Sheridan? Currently in Benin?”

“Yes.” What a weird error. “But I’m scheduled to stay here for eight months, and I only arrived a week ago.”

“Well, I’m confused now. I’ll have to check with Mike, but it was my understanding that you’re scheduled to relocate with Dr. Bowen at the same time he goes to work in Panama.”

Her breath backed up in her lungs and she nearly dropped her phone. “Dr. Chase Bowen? Is he moving to Panama?”

“Yes. The same date I have you scheduled to go.”

Shock and anger welled up in her chest and threatened to choke her. It didn’t take a genius to realize this was no mistake. That this was the work of a certain master manipulator determined to have everything his way and make decisions for her, and to heck with talking to her about it beforehand.

She could barely catch her breath to speak. “Well, I’m afraid this is a mistake. I have no intention of moving to Panama. Let me speak with Dr. Bowen and I’ll call you back.”

“All right. And I’ll speak with Mike, too, to see what the mix-up is. Thanks.”

Normally, Dani was pretty easygoing and couldn’t remember ever feeling quite like this. Her whole body shook and her head tingled with fury. “Eat your food, Drew. I’ll be right back.”

She stalked towards the door but before she could push it open to go find the controlling man and let him have it, the jerk in question walked in.

“The car’s packed up. Are you—?”

She flattened both hands against his chest and gave him a shove. “Who do you think you are?”

His eyes widened and his brows rose practically to his hairline. “What?”

Her jaw clenched, she glanced back at Drew to see him finally eating, and grabbed Chase’s arm. She pulled him into the hall and had to rein in her desire to pummel him with her fists just to release the wild anger welling within her.

“You’re moving to Panama.” She dragged in a breath so she could speak past the pounding of her heart. “You didn’t even tell me. And you didn’t even ask what I thought about moving there and working there with you. You just decided Drew and I should go and that’s that?”

The surprise on his face settled into grim seriousness. “Okay. I get it that you’re upset. Let me explain.”

“There’s no explanation necessary. It’s pretty obvious what you think.”

Her anger morphed into a different emotion, and she found herself swallowing a huge lump in her throat and the tears that threatened to accompany it.

Now she knew. Knew how she’d feel when he moved away. And it was so much worse, so much more painful than she’d expected. As she stared at his face, she knew without a doubt she’d miss him horribly. Even more than when she’d left Honduras, though she would never have dreamed that was possible.

And Drew. Drew would miss the daddy he’d so easily embraced and now loved to be with. What she’d feared and dreaded all along.

But moving with him? What would that solve?

Nothing. It would just delay the inevitable. She and Drew would move back to the States when her contract was up, but Chase wouldn’t. It was as simple and wretched as that.

“I’m not moving to Panama with you. I’m not moving anywhere with you.”

He grasped her arms and narrowed his eyes, his voice tight. “Listen. Panama is safer for Drew than Africa. And it would give us almost eight more months together, for you to think about us. For you to see we belong together. I’m not leaving here without this resolved between us.”

“Then don’t leave.” She tipped her chin and stared at him. The man she knew never backed down from a challenge. “Stay here. Tell the GPC you’re taking a leave of absence.”

“I can’t do that.” Now he too was angry, his brows deeply furrowed over fierce brown eyes. “I have a contract with them. I have work to do.”

“Well, so do I.” She tried to shake free of his grip, but he held her tight. “This is why—”

“Is our baby ready to go?”

Evelyn’s cheerful voice came down the hall with her and Phil, but both of them stopped short near the kitchen door.

“I’m sorry.” Chase’s parents looked at them with obvious uneasiness. “Are we...still on for today? Would you like us to take Drew by ourselves?”

“No. We’re coming.” Chase released Dani’s arms and his chest rose and fell as his expression cooled into stone. “Where’s Drew?”

“Eating. I’m sure he’s done.”

Without another word she stepped into the kitchen to gather up her son and his gear. Drew deserved a nice day with his grandparents, who were leaving tomorrow, and his daddy, who was leaving very soon. Before they went back to life as it had been. Back to just the two of them.

* * *

So much for worrying about Drew maybe being intimidated by the swimming pool. Dani sat with Evelyn at an ornate wrought iron table and watched her son splash with delight in the warm, crystal-clear water.

Drew’s silliness and his grandparents’ laughter at everything he did and said had made the drive to the hotel bearable. Had given Dani time to cool off, toughen up, and accept that Chase was leaving. To swallow that pain. To even forgive his audacity at trying to get them moved with him, because he thought, in his twisted sort of way, that it would have given them more time together. How could she really be angry about that?

No, her anger had proved to be as fleeting as their relationship had been. And she was left with only bleak resignation weighing heavily on the depths of her soul.

Chase stood in the shallow end of the pool, holding their son’s little body with both hands around his ribs while Phil tossed him a plastic ball, and she had to admit the child looked practically ready to do breaststroke.

Breaststroke. An unfortunate name for a swimming position that made her think, with an ache in her heart, about their time together last night. Since he was leaving, she figured she deserved to stare at Chase’s half-naked body. To imprint it one last time upon her memory.

She’d had her turn in the pool with Drew before they’d taken a break for lunch. Twists of both pain and pleasure had knotted her stomach as Chase had watched her swim with Drew. With his eyelids low, his gaze had been filled with the same emotions swirling through her now. A heightened sensual awareness tempered by frustration and dejection.

After having chlorine repeatedly stinging her eyes, she’d been more than happy to hand Drew over to Chase, quickly moving across the tiled floor because having her damp body brushing against his skin was torture. Thankfully, the hotel gift shop had a white terrycloth swimsuit cover-up she could buy, as she wasn’t about to sit there in a bikini in front of Chase. Or while sitting next to his mother.

At first she’d tried hard not to eye Chase in the pool the way he’d eyed her, but failed miserably. The wetness of his bronzed skin seemed to emphasize every inch of his muscled strength. As he dunked Drew partway into the water then back up, to the child’s laughing delight, his biceps bulged and his six-pack rippled, and the dark, wet hair in the center of his chest ran in a damp arrow to disappear beneath his black swim trunks. Why couldn’t the man be growing a paunch and losing his hair?

“Our Andrew is a fish, just like his father,” Evelyn said.

Dani yanked her attention back to Chase’s mother, thankful Evelyn was watching the action in the pool instead of noticing the way she was staring at the woman’s son. Evelyn wore what seemed like a permanent expression of happy pride, and Dani felt gratified and blessed that Chase’s parents already adored their grandchild.

“Is Chase a fish?” She tried to remember if she’d ever seen him actually swim, but could only come up with the times the two of them had splashed in waterfalls with shallow pools. Not that she’d be surprised, since he seemed to be good at everything physical. Which started her thoughts down that painful path again, and that had to stop. Chase wouldn’t be around to show her his various physical skills, and she again pulled her attention back to Evelyn.

“Oh, yes. Many of the places we lived had lakes. When he was older, he started doing triathlons and trained in the ocean when we lived somewhere near a coast.” She smiled, obviously enjoying the memories. “When we worked at big hospitals, he was on a few swim teams and won a number of trophies. He and Brady would swim laps for ever, it seemed, though, of course, Chase lasted longest as he was older.”

Brady. Obviously, Chase’s brother. “I hope you don’t mind if I ask you about Brady,” she said quietly. “Chase has never talked about him.”

“No, he wouldn’t.” She sighed, her eyes shadowed as she stared at the pool. “It was a terrible thing for all of us when Brady died.”

Dani sat without speaking, hoping she’d continue. Eventually, though, she had to ask her to elaborate. “What happened?” she asked gently.

“We were living in the Congo. Working at a small hospital there. Chase was sixteen, Brady fourteen.” Evelyn turned her now serious gaze to Dani. “We knew it must be malaria, though, of course, we’d taken the usual precautions. Took one chloroquine once a week. Had mosquito netting over the beds and used repellent.”

Her expression grew grimmer as she turned her gaze to the pool again. “But Brady presented with high fever. Was lethargic. We immediately gave him more chloroquine and kept an eye on him, giving him fluids.” She closed her eyes for a moment. “But he got sicker. We tried quinine with the chloroquine but after another couple days, he couldn’t eat or drink. We put a tube down his nose to rehydrate him, but knew we had to get him home to a U.S. hospital.”

“Did Chase go with you?” Dani could only imagine how scared a sixteen-year-old boy would be when his beloved brother was so sick. Or maybe, as a teenager, he hadn’t fully understood how serious it was.

Evelyn shook her head. “No. And that was a mistake. He was in the middle of mid-term exams, had his friends there, and we were blindly sure that, once in the States, Brady would get better.” She turned her brown gaze on Dani, and tears filled her eyes. “But he didn’t. Turned out he had a strain of malaria resistant to chloroquine. The malaria went into his brain and it was over.”

“I’m so sorry.” Dani’s throat closed, and she rested her hand on the older woman’s arm, knowing the touch was little comfort. What else was there to say? An unimaginable loss for any parent.

Evelyn nodded and wiped away her tears. “It was a terrible time for all of us. But in some ways it was worst for Chase. He never got to say goodbye to Brady. Wasn’t there at the end, holding his hand, like we were. It wasn’t his fault, but I know he felt guilty and selfish that he’d stayed in Africa to take a test and hang with his friends instead of being there for his brother.”

Finally, Dani saw everything very clearly, as though she’d been looking through binoculars and had suddenly found how to focus them.

She saw why Chase was so insistent that Drew not live in Africa. Or any developing country. He’d experienced first hand the worst that could happen.

Obviously, it was also why he hadn’t wanted children, ever. Doctoring the neediest of humankind, as he’d so often said, was what he did. Who he was. And he couldn’t do that, and be that, with a family he wanted to keep safe.

His rejection of her marriage proposal hadn’t been all about him, as she’d long assumed. About having a woman in every port, so to speak, which she’d bitterly wondered after she’d left. It was about his deep caring for others, and she should have known that all along.

“Thank you for telling me, Evelyn,” Dani said. “I would guess you’re in agreement with Chase that I shouldn’t have Drew here in Africa.”

Evelyn gave her a sad smile. “There are risks no matter where you live. I’m not sure what the right answers are. I do know Chase didn’t particularly like living in the States.”

But he wanted her and Drew there. “Do you know why not?”

“We sent him to a boarding school for a year after Brady died, and he hated it. He was too used to living in unusual places around the world with all different kinds of people and couldn’t tolerate what he saw as the superficial things important to American kids of his own age.” A genuine smile lit her face, banishing the shadows. “I told him he’s a reverse snob. That it’s okay to want to have nice things and live in a nice house. It’s all a matter of balance.”

Wasn’t that true about life in general? Balance. It was what she needed to find with Chase in their decisions about Drew. Marriage or no marriage.

“Don’t look so stressed, dear.” It was Evelyn’s turn to press a reassuring hand to Dani’s forearm. “I know my son can be a bit on the domineering side when he makes up his mind, but things will work out the way they’re meant to. I don’t know why you kept Andrew a secret from Chase, but after meeting you I would guess you had your reasons. Now that we have Andrew in our lives, you already know we’re here to stay.”

“Yes.” Dani looked at the steadiness in Evelyn’s eyes, the warmth, and knew Chase had been blessed with special parents as he’d grown up. Part of what had shaped him to be the special man he was today. “I do know.”